Unbury My Spirit
by Mercy2908
Summary: This is a sequel to Unchain My Soul. Kid, Lou, and their children are on their way to Rock Creek. Will life be better once they reach the city?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The journey to Rock Creek was as rough and hard as they had imagined it would be. The weather sometimes made it impossible to advance as much as they'd like. They had to be stationary for hours or even days, waiting for the bad weather to settle. As a result of the climate, the roads were sometimes bumpy, rough and difficult for circulation. On one occasion, one of the wagon wheels had rolled into a pothole and its axle had fallen apart as a consequence. Paul had to ride to the nearest town for a replacement, which had been another cause for further delay.

Travelling with children wasn't easy either. They had to stop continually, whenever Joseph felt he had 'to go'. As a child, it was naturally he couldn't hold back or whenever Alice was in a special fussy mood, they had to stop too. On those latter occasions, Lou had to get off the covered wagon and let the girl breathe some fresh air, and it seemed that did the trick. Most times Alice calmed down and they could go on. Yet, there were times that nothing seemed to appease her. The problem was that

Alice was starting to teethe and the poor girl was naturally complaining.

Despite all the discomforts, Kid was enjoying the journey. Travelling had always been second nature to him. Since very young he had drifted from one place to another, and sometimes he missed the freedom and sensations he had experienced in those olden days. During this trip he was re-encountering an almost forgotten part of himself, and somehow all this travelling was making him reminisce about when he had been a young Pony Express rider. That had been a special time for him and he had loved riding against the wind and witnessing the change of seasons or sleeping under the stars.

Likewise, this journey was also significant and enjoyable. It was a pleasure to his eyes to watch the change of landscapes as they travelled from state to state. Today they had crossed the Nebraska border and they would reach Rock Creek in just a couple of days. Kid couldn't wait to get there and rest. The only thing that kept worrying him was Lou. She still hadn't said anything about his marriage proposal, not a single word, nothing at all. Of course he had really meant what he had told her. He was ready to wait for her for as long as it took, but deep down he had hoped that she would say yes right away. If only he knew what she thought about it. It would make him feel more reassured if he had the least idea what her feelings were. Lou was as affectionate as always, but she wouldn't speak up. Kid often felt the urge to ask her, but always ended up chickening out. He was afraid to scare her away or make her think he was an annoying pest.

His eyes were fixed on the fire in front of him. Paul lay asleep a few feet from him and Lou and the children were also resting in the covered wagon. The night was cold but peaceful. The stars shone above his head and the moon was just a thin slice in the dark sky. The only light came from the bonfire in the middle of the camp, the combination of shadows reflecting on his face.

With just his thoughts and the silence keeping him company, Kid gave a start as a couple of hands clasped his torso from behind. His mouth split into a big smile, on noticing Lou's lips planting a kiss on his rough cheek. "Hmm, you need a good shave," Lou said as she sat next to him and Kid automatically wrapped her in his blanket, bringing her closer.

"What are you doing up?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

"And you?" Louise asked instead of answering his question.

"Just thinking."

"Thinking about what?" she asked again.

"About you… like always," Kid replied, brushing his cheek against hers. "You are all I think about."

They stared into each other's eyes for a few minutes and very slowly Kid lowered his face and met her enticing lips. They started softly but the passion gradually mounted, and they let themselves get carried away. It was weeks since they had been able to share some intimate moments together and their reactions and feelings were just a natural response to that absence. Despite the cold temperature, Lou's body was on fire, every inch of her skin longed for him. She let him know about her intentions very clearly when she shifted and straddled him without neglecting his mouth or the caresses she was generously bestowing upon him.

As Lou rubbed against him, Kid felt his body react instantly and tried to stop. "Lou, no…"

Louise was panting as she looked into his eyes with a confused expression. "Why not, Kid? I've been very patient during all these months and I think it's time we gave each other a little treat. I need you."

"Lou, we can't. Paul's sleeping right there."

"Oh he won't awake. You know he sleeps like a log. And if he does wake up, maybe he'll like watching us," Lou replied with a mischievous smile.

Kid chuckled, amused. "But _'I'_ don't like being watched."

"Then let's get lost for a while. We can have a quick…uh…ride. We'll be back before anybody misses us."

Without a word Kid moved her from his lap onto the trunk beside him. "Lou, believe me, saying no now is killing me and you know how I feel. I don't want our first time to be like this, in the middle of nowhere, jumping on each other as if we were a couple of…"

"Beasts?" Lou cut in roughly, annoyed not only by his refusal but also by his comment. "That's what I am, Kid! A filthy animal! Remember where I was for the last years… in the wild and you know what animals do, what I did there."

Kid sighed tiredly. "Why do you keep bringing all that up? Why do you keep torturing yourself… torturing us with that?"

"Not talking about it won't make it disappear. I'm not a perfect, pure, untouched damsel. I can't really understand why you treat me like one when you know all my dirty secrets."

Kid stared at her with a flabbergasted expression. "Lou, we won't be able to start a new life if you can't forgive yourself. You can't keep doing this to yourself. Nobody is judging you… except you."

Louise softened at his words. She wasn't sure why she had reacted so harshly. Lately she was a nervous wreck and the closer they got to Rock Creek, the worse her nerves were. Tonight she had wanted a little release, that's all. "I'm… I'm sorry," she muttered in a low voice.

"Lou, I love you… just the way you are… with your past, your present and especially your future. I know who you are and you're not what people in Richmond said about you."

"I… I love you too," she managed to say. He was right, but she still felt something very strange in her heart, in her whole self. She couldn't really see herself in that neat light he talked about. She still saw darkness and shadows before her eyes.

"I want to be with you too more than anything in this world… Maybe when we get to Rock Creek?"

Louise smiled and snuggled closer to him. "Can I at least sleep with you tonight?"

Kid didn't reply and simply spread another bedroll next to his. They lay down, their arms quickly searching for each other and Kid covered both their bodies with a couple of blankets. They remained quiet in a close embrace, hearing the creaking of the kindling as it burned in the campfire, the sounds of the animals and birds, and Paul's deep breathing.

"Do you remember when we used to spend nights like this in our Pony Express days?" Kid asked after a lengthy pause.

"Yes," Lou answered in a nostalgic tone. "We used to sleep like this even before we were a couple." She especially remembered that soon after Jed was killed, Teaspoon had sent them on a ride and on those nights under the stars she had crept next to him and held him tightly, letting him know she was there for him. In the morning they never mentioned it. It had been just something that Kid needed at that point and there was no reason to say a word about it. "We were so young and innocent," she let out in a sigh.

Silence responded to her comment and when she stole a glance in his direction, she realized that he had fallen asleep. Louise smiled and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, snuggling even closer. As she lay awake next to him in the dark, she kept smiling. It was strange that after all the years and the events in her life, she had ended up returning to the first and only man she had ever really loved. They might fight, she might get into one of her weird moods, but at the end of the day Kid was always there for her. He sometimes understood her better than she did, or at least he always found the way to appease her. He was really the man she needed in her life, the man that made her happy. She didn't want to lose him ever again. She wanted him forever and longed to fall in his arms every night like today. Maybe it was time for her to do something, to settle matters for once and all.

* * *

When Kid woke up the following morning, he instantly realized that Lou was gone. The sunrays fell on his eyes and he lifted a hand to block them. "Morning, sleepyhead," a male voice greeted him.

Kid sat up, brushing his hand over his unruly hair. "Morning, Paul," he answered and looking around the camp, he asked, "Where are Lou and the children?"

"She went to the creek with the children to collect some water," Paul replied, pouring a cup of steaming coffee, which Kid accepted gladly. "You seem to have had a delightful night."

Kid sent him a confused look, wondering whether Paul might have heard something of what he and Lou had been talking about the night before. "What do you mean?"

"You and Louise looked so sweet, so lovely, so peaceful this morning, glued to each other under the blankets," Paul remarked teasingly.

"We just slept together… that's all," Kid defended himself, chuckling at the same time.

"I'm not saying anything," Paul replied, lifting his hands over his head in mock surrender. "I just imagine that it must feel much better to sleep next to a beautiful woman on the hard ground than all alone."

"Much better," Kid admitted, mentally wishing he could do just that every single night. If they were married… That was what they should do. Kid intended to ask her again today. When their children had their nap and she came to sit on the wagon seat next to him like usual, he would bring up the issue again.

Joseph's loud cries snapped him out of his thoughts. The boy lunged against him at the cry of 'Morning, pa!' Kid hugged his son and shared a warm look with Lou as she came closer.

The group had a relaxing breakfast as for once the children seemed to be in a good, laid-back mood. Paul and Kid kept saying the same sentences of every morning… how much they longed to finally reach Rock Creek once and for all and Lou listened to them and she had to admit she shared their same feelings. It was a very long way and she really wanted all this travelling to finish.

After breakfast, they set up to collect everything before setting off. Paul took the horses to the creek and Joseph insisted on going with him.

"When do you reckon we will get to Rock Creek?" Lou asked as she placed Alice in her basket and covered her against the crisp morning.

"Probably tomorrow afternoon," Kid replied.

Louise nodded and kept watching him. He was sitting on a fallen log and looking ahead, obviously waiting for Paul and Joseph to come back from watering the horses. "Kid?" she called in a soft voice.

"Yes?" he replied without averting his eyes.

"I will."

This time Kid directed confused gaze towards her and asked, "What?"

"I will… I will marry you."

No sooner had the words left her mouth than he ran to her, knelt and kissed her full on her lips. "Are… are you sure? Do you really mean that?" he kept asking as his hands squeezed her shoulder.

"Yes, yes," Lou replied among giggles.

Kid straightened up, bringing Lou back to her feet as he held her hand. "There's a small town twenty minutes or so from here. We could go there and…"

"Kid, what are you talking about?"

"I'm going to marry you today," Kid replied.

"Today?" Lou echoed. "Don't you trust me?"

"You said yes, Lou… you said yes, and I'm not taking chances … this time. You still sure you want to do this?"

Louise smiled as she looked into his eyes. The nagging voice hadn't kept quiet since he had proposed to her weeks ago, and she was making a supernatural effort to ignore it. This was it; she was really going to go through with it. She was going to marry Kid and she was sure she wanted this, and despite the confusing sensations in her heart she said, "Yes, Kid, let's get married."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

After asking around in town they finally located the Justice of the Peace that would perform the ceremony. Lou kept looking at her three male companions who were beaming happily. Kid was clearly overjoyed, his blue eyes shining more than ever, and since they had told Joseph, the boy was overly excited. Lou had never seen her son look so bubbly, so cheerful before. Even Paul was smiling from ear to ear, obviously pleased as he stood next to Kid.

The magistrate had excused himself and gone to fetch the registry book and let them wait in his office. The place was small and crammed with books and furniture. It was a dark, old room. Obviously, this wasn't the kind of venue she had imagined for her wedding. The circumstances were so different from the wedding she and Kid had planned years ago. They would have gotten married in Rock Creek's chapel, surrounded by their friends and acquaintances. The church would have been decorated with flowers and candles, and the wedding march would have been played as she appeared in her white wedding dress. And after the ceremony they would have enjoyed a little reception, celebrating the event.

Louise still remembered the day she had bought her wedding dress. It was then that the doubts had started to assault her. She had accompanied Jimmy and they had gotten involved in a town's fight, in which Lou had been on the verge of being killed. Louise had been in very low spirits during that ride and Jimmy had naturally noticed her mood, misinterpreting her sullen face and silence as wedding jitters. His advice and hopeful words hadn't reassured her at all. She had been so scared of what she would have to face once she became a wife. Back then Louise had eventually bought a dreamy wedding dress, but she had never gotten to wear it. Lou wondered what had happened with it.

Today was so different from that beautiful vision. There wouldn't be guests, or music or presents or a nice dress to wear, and in truth, Lou didn't care. She didn't need any frills and right now all that mattered to her was the man by her side. Lou was not totally free from her fears and black thoughts, but she tried to shush them away with all her might. This was her and Kid's day and she planned to do her best to make him happy from now on. They were already a family and legalizing their situation wasn't such a big deal. There was nothing to be afraid of. As Kid had said, they were meant to be together forever, and if he had chosen her for his wife, she had nothing to say against it.

The Justice of the Peace reappeared shortly afterwards and he started the ceremony in a solemn voice, accompanied by Alice's gurgling sounds. The moment of the truth came when the magistrate asked them the key question. Kid responded straightaway and even though with a slight hesitation, Louise followed suit.

"And now comes the moment to exchange the rings," the man announced as he looked at the couple over his spectacles.

Knowing they hadn't given a thought to the wedding bands, Lou shot Kid a nervous glance, but to her surprise he nodded to the Justice of Peace and produced a couple of golden rings out of the packet of his jacket. He looked at her sideways and said, "I bought them for us years ago… well, you know when."

"And you kept them all this time?" Lou asked in astonishment.

Kid answered with a simple yes, and a wide, shy grin. The Justice of Peace cleared his throat to draw attention to himself, and continued with the ceremony. The rings soon shone on their left hands, and the magistrate finally pronounced the words that Kid had been longing to hear for nine years. "By virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of Nebraska, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." As soon as the magistrate granted him the permission, Kid leaned over and his lips searched his wife's avidly.

Behind them Paul and Joseph clapped their hands enthusiastically and came to congratulate the newlyweds. It was with great glee that they left the office after receiving their marriage certificate from the Justice of Peace. Kid and Lou walked arm in arm along the main street, while Alice rested on Kid's free one. They decided to head for the local restaurant for a little celebration and as the couple ambled along, Lou breathed in the air that somehow felt different now. Everything seemed to have changed as a myriad of sensations coursed all over her.

The group reached the restaurant and settled to enjoy their lunch. It was a delight to taste some quality food after weeks of eating plain meals. As they ate, Kid sneaked his hand under the table and held Lou's. She couldn't help but smile and her cheeks suddenly flamed. It was so strange that she could blush this easily with his simple gestures… more than strange, it was ridiculous. He was just holding her hand and in their past history they had done much more than that. They even had a child together! However, there was something in him that made her act like a shy, inexperienced teenager. Kid was definitely special and she had always felt very strongly for him. Even though she had denied her feelings many times, it had been impossible to keep up her charade and Kid had come overwhelmingly, dropping all her defenses.

"Ma, what's going to happen now?" Joseph asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Happen? What do you mean, sweetheart?"

"You and Pa got married," the boy explained in an impatient tone.

Lou and Kid shared a smile before she said, "Honey, getting married means we become a family." Lou replied in a soft tone.

"Weren't we a family before?" the boy asked again, more confused by his mother's explanation.

"Yes, but …," Lou started, but stopped as she found herself lost for words. After a pause she tried again, "Honey, we promised before God to always be together. And that gentleman, the Justice of the Peace, has written our names in his big book, so now everybody knows we're all together."

"What for, ma?"

Lou searched Kid's eyes for help and even though Joseph's questions threw him most of the time and didn't know how to answer, he tried his bit now. "That is what folks do, buddy. The Lord says so in the Bible." Joseph nodded and Kid added, "And now Ma, Alice, you and I will have the same last name, Carmichael, and we will all be living together."

"But we were living together at home, Pa," Joseph replied.

"Yes, but now we will live in the same house," Kid continued.

Joseph looked at his father with a strange expression, but didn't try to speak up. They had already been living under the same roof at Aunt Christine's place. Joseph didn't understand what all the fuss about marriage was. He understood that it must be important if God said so, and he liked to know that all his family will be together forever now. What he didn't quite get was why some of the older children at school had kept pestering him about his parents not being married.

"And now Pa and Ma will sleep together and probably give you a couple more siblings," Paul added teasingly.

"Paul…" Kid admonished.

"Which reminds me," the man continued, "that I'd better book a couple of rooms in the local hotel… because I imagine we're staying here overnight, aren't we?"

"Uh… I think so," Kid replied awkwardly. "What… what do you think, Lou?"

Louise blushed to the roots of her hair at the implications behind Paul's question. She shouldn't get so easily embarrassed, considering her history, but despite everything, she did. "Uh… yeah, let… let's stay here."

"I thought so," Paul said with a lopsided grin as he rose to his feet. "I'll get the rooms, lovebirds."

Louise lowered her eyes to the pudding she was eating. The spoon in her hand shivered as her mind played with the prospect of being with Kid… finally. It was her wedding night, the moment she would give herself to him, to her husband, and she was more than ready for their re-encounter after all this time. She wanted him so badly that she wished they could get themselves into that hotel room right now and move their wedding night forward. She needed to tease her patience a little more, just a few hours, and then tonight they would finally become one.

* * *

Louise stooped over the bassinet where Alice slept peacefully and smiled. She loved to see her daughter so quiet and serene. For a seventh-month-old Alice was a handful, a bundle of endless energy. She was always grabbing everything within her reach, tossing that onto the floor and she never stopped babbling in a sweet monologue that she only understood. Lou suspected she was going to be terrible when she started walking. Joseph had been very different at the same age. He had always been a very laid-back child, who rarely cried and spent hours and hours playing with his few toys without a problem. However, he had inherited Lou's stubbornness and when he was in one of his weird days, he could be as difficult as she was herself.

Louise smiled as her waist was wrapped in a tight embrace and she felt his body against her back. She turned around to meet his eyes and placed a finger on his lips. "She finally fell asleep," she whispered as Kid kissed her hand over his mouth.

"Thank God," Kid replied with a smile and hooked her hands behind her neck. Joseph had reluctantly gone with Paul and would spend the night with him. Naturally, Alice would stay with them and at a point Kid had thought she wouldn't fall asleep as she kept looking at them with eyes as big as saucers. He couldn't wait to be with his bride and his patience was a bit short tonight. Lou patiently had sung the baby a lullaby and her soft tone had finally made Alice to succumb to sleep. "Let's try not to wake her then."

Louise smiled and pushing herself on her tiptoes, she pressed her mouth against his. Kid wrapped her petite frame in his strong arms tightly as his lips followed her lead. His mouth traced hers softly, feeling every inch of hers. They paused momentarily to catch their breaths and Kid asked, "Are you happy, Mrs. Carmichael?"

"I am now," Lou replied with a smile as a strange sensation suddenly permeated throughout all her self on hearing his question.

Kid gave her a quick peck and unexpectedly he lifted her body off the floor. Her legs automatically clasped around his waist as he started walking towards the bed. They kept staring into each other's hungry eyes as he advanced with slow steps. Louise felt as if they had travelled back in time and they were a couple of teenagers again, playing at love for the first time. She had been so nervous then, almost as knotted as she was feeling now.

Kid lowered her onto the bed and they kept gazing at each other intensely, making love with just their eyes. Lou was the first to break eye contact and her clumsy fingers started to undo the knot of her robe belt. Kid helped her to get out of the garment and carelessly threw it on the floor. "You are beautiful," he whispered as his blue eyes swept over her petite frame, clad in a simple strap nightgown she had bought that afternoon for the occasion. Without wasting more time, his mouth joined her as he placed his body over hers. As they kissed, she started unbuttoning his shirt, a task that was increasingly difficult because of the effect of his kisses on her. Louise let out a deep moan as his mouth travelled from her mouth to her neck. His hands slipped under the straps of her nightgown and as he slid them down her arms, his lips followed the same southbound route. Her breasts appeared to his eyes like a dreamy vision and he didn't hesitate to pay them the attention they deserved. "Oh Kid!" she moaned, arching her back as she felt his tongue on her skin.

Suddenly, a knock on the door resounded in the stillness of the room. Kid stopped and looked at her in confusion. "Just ignore it," he panted. "We aren't expecting visitors."

Unable to talk, Louise simply nodded and Kid resumed his attentions. The knocking persisted, this time accompanied by a tiny voice, "Mama." That simple word was enough to make them act in unison. Kid jumped to his feet and Lou put both her nightgown and robe back on and rushed to the door. As she opened it, she found her son under the threshold.

"Joseph!" a male voice called and as Lou looked down the corridor, she saw a flushed Paul, clad in his longjohns, rushing towards them.

"Honey, what are you doing here?" Lou asked, turning her attention to her son.

Before the boy could answer, Paul reached them and spoke up, "Young man, I told you to stay in the room and go to sleep like a good boy." Joseph lowered his eyes and Paul addressed his friend. "He scurried away when I was falling asleep. Thankfully, I noticed."

"Paul, I thought you were a better nanny than this," Kid replied teasingly.

"Very funny, Kid."

Louise ignored the banter between the two men and directed her attention to her child. "Honey, you know you mustn't wander off alone. What's wrong?"

"I was scared," the boy muttered.

"Scared?" Lou echoed. "Honey, you were with Mr. Vaughn and there's nothing to be afraid of."

"But I want to be with you and Pa… like Alice," Joseph exclaimed. "Why can't I be with you too?"

Louise and Kid shared a knowing look. They knew Joseph was too sensitive about anything related to his little sister. Lou was aware that was the reason he continuously gave her kisses and hugs or told her how much he loved her, and it was the same with Kid. Louise wouldn't complain about her son's display of affection, but it itched to think of the cause behind it. In any case, this was just a stage all children had to go through and soon all this would be just a memory.

"Honey, you will be more comfortable sleeping with Mr. Vaughn. We're kind of crowded here," Lou replied.

"Please, Ma," the boy insisted with begging eyes.

Lou gazed at Kid with a questioning look and he said, "Come on, buddy. Get inside before you catch a cold."

"Thanks, Pa!" Joseph exclaimed as he dashed into the room. Lou smiled at her husband and squeezed his arm, before following her son inside.

Kid turned to look at Paul, who remained at the door with a mocking smirk on his face. "And what about you, Paul?" Kid asked ironically. "We can make room for you too if you want to."

Paul chuckled at the comment. "Thanks, but no. I appreciate the company, but I don't want Louise to get jealous," he said teasingly before turning around and walking down the corridor back to his lonely room.

Grinning, Kid slid back into the room and closed the door. Joseph was lying in the middle of the bed, his closed eyes and deep intakes of air showing that he was fast asleep while Lou rested on her side, brushing her hand over the boy's hair softly. As she heard the door shut, she directed her eyes to Kid. "He fell asleep as soon as he lay down," Louise whispered. "Poor baby was exhausted. Today's excitement has worn him down."

Kid sat down on the bed and leaning over, he kissed her lips. "We'll have to put off our wedding night then," Louise remarked after their kiss as she held her husband's hand tightly.

"Well, Lou, this is a different kind of wedding night. I have all my family with me and I couldn't wish for something more beautiful," Kid replied. "Thank you for making me so happy, Mrs. Carmichael."

Louise smiled. A sigh escaped her lips as emotion overwhelmed her. Joy and a strange of sadness mixed together came over her and in a sudden impulse she threw her arms around him, holding to him avidly as fearing she might fall into the darkest, deepest abyss if she let go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The windmill stood against the blue sky, its blades spinning gently in the afternoon breeze, showing a familiar picture to some eyes staring at a close distance. "It… it hasn't changed too much," muttered Louise, sitting on the wagon seat next to Kid, as her gaze took in everything in front of them. It was true. Even though there were some changes, like the two-story building where the bunkhouse had been, the rest of the property was pretty much the same. Rachel's house looked as white and prim as always; there was a group of horses in the corral and a little further the stables and the barn stood like years ago. For a second Louise expected to see one of the boys getting ready for the exchange of mochilas with the arriving rider, the routine she had been so used to back then.

"Seems like old times, doesn't it?" Kid spoke, voicing her exact thoughts.

Lou nodded and behind her inside the covered wagon Joseph stood up and wrapped his arms around her mother's neck affectionately. "Is this it, ma?"

Louise smiled and turning her head she answered while her eyes shifted to check on a sleeping Alice inside the wagon. "Do you like it, honey?"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "I guess."

"Shall we finish this journey or are you planning to stay here all day long?" Paul cut in from his horse next to the wagon.

"Yes, come on, let's go," Kid agreed and urged the horses to cover the last few yards to their destination.

There was nobody in the ample yard when they finally reached it. Kid and Paul stopped next to the corral. Kid jumped from the carriage and helped his wife off while Paul tethered the horse to one nearby post. Joseph leapt off the wagon without waiting for Kid to help him, falling onto his knees. He scrambled back to his feet as he wiped his hands on the back of his trousers.

"Joseph!" Lou scolded him lightly as she walked to the back of the wagon to check on her daughter. "Couldn't you wait for your father? Look at your pants, all dusty!"

"Let him be, Lou," Kid piped up, "at least, today. It's been a long journey and I can't blame him for getting out of the wagon as quickly as possible."

Louise didn't reply as she picked up Alice from the basket. The baby had woken up with the voices of her parents and her brother and her wordless gurgles demanded attention.

Kid and Paul started towards the house and the boy was about to follow them when his mother called him. "Joseph, you stay here with me while Pa and Paul go."

Kid had stopped at her words and came closer to her. "Lou, what are you saying?"

"I… you go first and tell Rachel we're also here. I don't think it's polite to drop in without a warning," Lou explained.

"You were the one that didn't want me to tell her about you and the children," Kid reminded her.

"Yes, I know. You can tell her the news now, and well, she is entitled not to want to receive me in her home."

Kid shook his head. "Lou, you're being silly," he remarked. "But you know what? I love you just the same." He gave her a quick kiss on the lips, which made Louise smile sheepishly. "I'll do as my lady orders," Kid added as he set off towards where Paul was waiting and they continued to the house together.

When Kid was before the same door as years ago, he knocked on the embedded glass on its latticed half. They didn't have to wait long for the door to open. Rachel appeared before them seconds after and as soon as the woman set eyes on her old friend, she exclaimed in a cheerful way, "Oh Kid!" She gave him a warm embrace and then she called, "Teaspoon! Buck! Look who's finally arrived!"

The two men mentioned by Rachel appeared from inside the house and both of them welcomed their friend with a warm embrace. "We were wonderin' when you'd get here. Rachel had every intention to send the army after you when you didn't show up," Teaspoon remarked with a grin.

Kid chuckled and Paul said, "It wasn't an easy journey. We had terrible weather and the roads were sometimes impassable."

"Do you remember my friend, Paul Vaughn?" Kid asked.

"Of course," Teaspoon replied, shaking hands with the man, and Buck followed suit. Rachel simply tilted her head in acknowledgement as she eyed Paul with curiosity. She had met Paul a few years ago when she and Teaspoon had gone to Richmond to visit Kid. Rachel hadn't seen much of him then, but she had a good reason to be curious now. Christine had always talked very highly of the man when she wrote to her, and Rachel knew that her friend had a romance with Paul Vaughn, a romance that had died when Christine had fallen in love with her current husband. It was clear to Rachel that her friend had good taste in men. Rachel hadn't met Jed, but Malcolm Blake was a very attractive gentleman, and the man before her now wasn't a bad piece either.

"Shall we get inside?" Rachel suggested after a beat and the men nodded in agreement. The woman led the way into the house. Kid lagged behind and before following his friends inside, he cast a look at the yard. Joseph was perched on the corral fence, looking at the grazing horses while Lou, holding Alice on her hip, was pointing at the animals, obviously explaining something to the boy. Kid smiled, thinking that it was the most beautiful image in the world. He was sure that they would have a good life in Rock Creek, a place that promised the happiness and freedom that they were eager to embrace.

On entering the living room, Kid smiled when he saw Buck's wife sitting on the sofa. "Hey, Jenny! How are you?"

"Too fat," she replied, caressing her expanded middle for demonstration. "I'm happy to see you, Kid."

"Me too," Kid said after greeting her with a kiss on her cheek. "I'm glad to be finally at home after all these years," he added as he sat down next to Paul.

"We were quite surprised when we got your telegram," Buck said. "I thought you were doing good in Richmond."

"Yes, it's true," Kid admitted. "But it has been a very difficult year. My house was burned down at the beginning of the summer, the drought caused me considerable losses and a month ago all my property was flooded. I lost pretty much everything then."

"I'm very sorry, son," Teaspoon said, voicing everybody's similar thoughts.

"That's the way things were. And I told myself I needed a change of atmosphere, and I couldn't think of a better place than Rock Creek. And here we are," Kid added. "After all, I always wanted to settle down here."

"You must miss Christine and your nephew," Rachel remarked as her eyes involuntarily dashed to Paul, who looked apparently indifferent to her comment.

"I do, but Christine has her own family… especially now she's expecting a baby."

"Christine is expecting!" Rachel exclaimed with an ample smile. "Oh that's great news! I'm so glad for her."

"Yeah, Kid is full of announcements," Paul chimed in, looking at his friend mischievously. "When are you going to tell them your big news?"

The two men and women in the room stared at Kid expectantly, waiting for him to share whatever Paul was referring to. Kid was glad for Paul's hint; he was dying to tell his friends about Lou but had been unsure how to break the news to them when they kept asking questions about everything else.

Kid cleared his throat nervously and said, "I… I got married."

His announcement was followed by a chaotic chorus of what's, when's and how's. Paul playfully lifted Kid's left hand to show the golden band adorning his finger. "Our friend got hitched yesterday," Paul replied with a grin.

Annoyed, Kid yanked his arm free and addressed his friend sarcastically, "Excuse me. Would you please hush up? It's my news and I think I have the right to tell it myself."

"Kid, is that true?" Rachel asked with a concerned expression.

"Yes, it's gospel truth."

"And why the hurry, son?" Teaspoon questioned this time.

"Did you get a girl in trouble or something?"

"Buck!" both Jenny and Rachel chorused in unison.

Kid grinned sheepishly. It was true that he had gotten a girl in trouble, but it had been a long time ago and he hadn't known about it at the time. And the reason why he had married her now had nothing to do with propriety. "There was no hurry. I love her and she accepted my proposal. So why wait? It's something I should've done long ago," Kid explained.

"We are just concerned, Kid," Buck replied. "Remember what happened with Irene? Your marriage to her was kind of rushed too."

"My story with Irene was totally different," Kid continued, surprised at the obvious opposition he was finding in his friends, which made him wonder whether Lou's apprehension wasn't totally ungrounded. "Irene is in my past and I want it to stay like that."

"So where's your new wife then?" Jenny asked with obvious curiosity.

"And more importantly, who is she?" Rachel added. Kid might say that he hadn't rushed into this new marriage, but he couldn't have known the woman he had married longer than eight months. When Christine had been in Rock Creek for her honeymoon, she had mentioned that Kid wasn't seeing anybody even though there were a few ladies that were interested in him.

At the women's questions Kid couldn't help but grin on thinking of his wife. "You know her," he said.

"We do?" Buck asked with a frown.

Kid nodded and simply said, "Louise."

"Louise?" Rachel echoed, mentally going through all the Louises she knew. "Louise who?"

"Louise McCloud… well, Louise Carmichael now."

"Lou? Our Lou?" Teaspoon asked in bewilderment.

Kid nodded with a big smile. "We kind of bumped into each other in Richmond and we've been together since then."

"Where is she?" Rachel asked urgently without letting him complete his explanation.

"Outside. She felt kind of shy and…"

Kid hadn't finished when Rachel jumped to her feet and dashed across the parlor towards the front door. The woman quickly stepped onto the porch and scanned the yard with her avid eyes. She soon located her old friend's figure next to the wagon. "Lou!" she called at the top of her voice.

On hearing the summons, Louise turned from the basket where she had placed Alice and saw Rachel running across the yard. Lou dared to walk a few steps forward, feeling her heart pound in her chest strongly with each step. Rachel's face didn't show any emotion and Lou wasn't sure what to expect. Yet, her fears were put to rest when Rachel threw her arms around her and hugged her. "Oh Lou! I'm so glad to see you, so glad!" Rachel exclaimed and when she pulled away, she placed her hands on Lou's shoulders and added, "And look at you! You are as lovely and pretty as years ago. No wonder Kid sounds so smitten."

Louise smiled sheepishly. "I'm happy to see you too, Rachel. It's been so long."

"Too long," Rachel corrected her. "But you're here again." And impulsively Rachel hugged her friend once again.

"Ain't there a little cuddle for this old dog too?"

Lou and Rachel let go of each other and saw the others approach. "Of course, Teaspoon," Lou replied, feeling overwhelmed and extremely sensitive all of a sudden. This was so wonderfully strange as if she was back home after disowning herself. Only she was responsible for breaking those ties but nobody held a grudge against her as she had believed, and like the parable about the prodigal son in the Bible, her family received her with open arms.

Louise hugged Teaspoon and on feeling so vulnerable and secured at the same time, she couldn't hold back and the tears came unleashed. Hearing her cry, Teaspoon gently pulled away and said, "Stop those, sweetheart. This is a happy reunion. We don't want your husband to hit this old marshal for makin' you cry."

Louise couldn't help but giggle through the tears. "I missed you all so much… so much."

"Us too, Lou," Buck piped up. Louise smiled as she wiped her tears and came to hug her old fellow rider and his wife. "Kid told me you were married," Lou said.

"Seven years next February," Jenny replied, smiling at her husband.

"And a baby on its way, I see," Louise added.

Jenny rubbed her swollen belly as she said, "The second one. We also have a little girl, Celeste. She's six."

"Congratulations then," Lou replied sincerely and before she had the chance to react and gather her thoughts, Kid talked behind her.

"We also have two children."

Louise turned and saw her husband holding Alice while a shy Joseph stood by her side, holding onto her arm. There was a brief uncomfortable silence when everybody looked at the children with obvious confusion. Kid didn't seem to mind any of this and continued breezily, "This is our boy, Joseph. And this little princess is our Alice."

"Oh Lou, he looks so much like Kid," Rachel exclaimed as she stared at the boy's handsome face.

"Yes, I know," Louise replied awkwardly.

"And this tiny tot is such a cute little thing," Teaspoon added, making faces at Alice, which was received with squeals of delight by the baby.

"Can I hold her?" Rachel asked and when Kid passed Alice to her, the woman smiled briefly as she looked at the baby. "Are you happy to be here, beautiful? Sure you are, aren't you? And Aunt Rachel is gonna spoil you rotten, yes, totally rotten." The baby let out a contented gurgling sound and Rachel added, "She likes me, Lou." The woman shared a smile with her friends and when she noticed Joseph's serious expression, she asked, "And what do you say, young man? Are you happy to have come to the west?"

"I don't know, Ma'am. I haven't seen anything yet."

"Good, sincere answer," Rachel replied. "And I'm Aunt Rachel to you, sweetheart… and your new teacher in the school."

Joseph nodded as she watched Rachel with curiosity. He thought that this lady that called herself Aunt Rachel seemed a much more interesting teacher than Mr. Andrews. His teacher in Richmond was always sullen-looking and always talked in a too threatening, solemn tone. Yet, Aunt Rachel looked so different. He liked her pretty smile and her voice was cheerful and soothing. It would be nice to have such a different teacher.

"Shall we move inside?" Buck offered. "It's kind of chilly."

Everybody agreed and proceeded towards the house after Buck's words. Kid and Lou followed last in the small group. He took her hand and hooked it around his arm, smiling proudly. Lou responded to the gesture, silently expressing how happy she was feeling. Kid was right; this was a real beginning. There was nothing dark or ugly in her sight right now. She had been silly to think that her family would turn her away. Nothing had changed and she felt loved and cared for despite everything. After wandering around for years, she had finally reached home. There was nothing to fear… not anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Even though Lou and Kid had intended to rent rooms in the local hotel or in the guest house their friends ran, Rachel had stopped their intentions, insisting that they stay in the house. The couple had finally agreed and spent part of the evening unloading the wagon and moving their luggage to the two extra bedrooms Rachel had. Paul would stay in the guest house that used to be the riders' lodgings years ago.

"Rachel, that smells great!" Kid exclaimed as the woman walked into the lounge from the kitchen." I can safely say it will taste as nice."

"Thank you, Kid."

"Rachel is one of the best cooks in this country," Kid continued, addressing Paul. "One of the pleasures of working for the Express was the food, thanks to this lady here. Since then, I haven't had anything as good."

"Why, Kid, thank you very much," Lou, sitting next to him, exclaimed sarcastically, faking annoyance.

"Honey, I'm not saying I don't like your cooking," Kid replied. "It's kind of nice, but you know Rachel's the real expert here."

"Kind of nice?" Lou continued with a frown. "What on earth does that mean?"

"Be careful, my friend," Paul cut in, amused, "or you run the risk of sleeping with the horses tonight."

Lou shook her head, but she couldn't help but smile. It was true that her kitchen skills were nothing to brag about. They were just decent. She tried to hide her smile from Kid, who looked as if he had been caught stealing. Somehow she liked to see him squirm uncomfortably. Turning from him, Louise picked up Alice and checked her diaper. "I'll go upstairs to change her," she said. "I'll let you men discuss my cooking on your own."

"Lou, let me go with you," Rachel offered and Lou nodded. "Teaspoon, keep an eye on the stew in the meantime. Otherwise, we'll have nothing but charcoal for dinner tonight."

"At your orders, Ma'am," the old marshal replied comically and the two ladies started climbing the stairs, surrounded by the men's laughter behind them.

As the women reached the bedroom, Lou placed the baby on the dresser's surface over a towel. "Let me do it, Louise."

Lou nodded and Rachel took over from her. The blonde woman unpinned the diaper and washed the baby with the water Lou poured on a washing bowl. Louise smiled sweetly as the girl looked at her with a pleased expression and kept babbling like usual. "She's a very good girl, isn't she?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, an angel."

"Lou…" Rachel asked hesitantly as she wrapped the baby's bottom with the clean diaper.

"Yes?"

Rachel pinned the edges of the material together, finishing the task. Louise picked Alice up and placed her in the bassinet while she placed the dirty laundry in a basket. When she turned back to Rachel, the woman remarked with a certain hesitation, "She's not Kid's, is she?" Lou stared at her in silence and Rachel continued, "Christine and I saw each other around the time this baby must have been born and she never mentioned you or your children."

"Kid is the only father Alice has or will have," Lou stated, folding her arms over her chest.

"Lou, are you running away from her real father?" Rachel insisted.

"No… no, there's no other father, nobody but Kid," Louise replied awkwardly, feeling her body being invaded by hot and cold flushes at the same time. As she talked, images of past times appeared before her eyes as clearly as if they were happening right now; images that she had tried to forget for a long time: faces without names, names without faces, rough hands, skin against skin, leering eyes. They passed in front of her in quick succession, combined by voices, lewd words, moans and cries. Everything was so intensely real that she suddenly felt nauseous.

"Then there's nothing to say," Rachel replied with a big smile. Since knowing about Lou and the children, she had been concerned that her friends might be in some trouble. "Sorry for being so nosy. You form such a lovely family. I can only imagine how pleased Kid must have been when you told him about Joseph."

Once again Lou's head filled with painful memories: her lies, her deceit, her low tricks. Her mind replayed the moments when she had met Kid after years. He had received her with open arms despite the way she had dumped him long ago. And then she had lied and lied and lied. She had plotted against him shamelessly, never thinking about his welfare or his feelings. And then Kid had forgiven her and forgotten all that, loving and helping her out.

At Lou's silence and sickly expression, Rachel grew concerned. She passed an arm over her younger friend's back and noticed she was trembling. "Lou, are you all right?"

"Uh… yeah," Louise muttered, gulping uncomfortably.

"Please forgive my curiosity," Rachel added. "Don't think I'm passing judgment on you. I'm really glad you and Kid are married… finally."

"Kid and I are married… Kid and I are married," Lou kept repeating, each time more and more slowly, as the meaning of the words crossed the barrier of her understanding. "Oh Rachel, what have I done?" she cried suddenly, the tears shining in her eyes as she squeezed her friend's hands tightly.

"Lou, what are you talking about?"

"Kid's tied to me… to me!" Lou continued in the same anguished tone. "This is so wrong. He doesn't deserve this. I'll make him miserable. I'll turn his life into hell!"

"Lou, please calm down!"

"I got carried away … I thought I was doing right, I thought we could be like other folks, but I'm not like the rest. I chose to ignore the truth! I've condemned him to misery. It's not fair, it's not fair!" Her voice faltered as the sobs took over her. Rachel stared at her uncomprehending as Louise paced round the room, wailing loudly until her legs couldn't support her and she sank down on the bed.

"Lou, please. Calm down," Rachel whispered as she sat down next to her and rubbed her back affectionately. "You are not making any sense."

Louise lifted her puffy, red eyes to her. "You don't understand, Rachel. I'm so horrible, so dirty. I've ruined Kid's life…" Once again she couldn't carry on as the sobs shook her. The pain was so immense that she let out an agonized cry, leaving her breathless and shattered.

Rachel kept trying to appease her friend but to no avail. She had never seen Lou like this before, and she didn't know what was wrong with her and why she kept putting herself down. Feeling powerless and totally inadequate, Rachel rose to her feet and ran to find the only person who could help Lou. "Kid!" she called urgently as she dashed down the stairs.

On hearing his name, the ex-rider came to stand at the foot of the staircase and when he noticed the expression on Rachel's face, his smile changed into a concerned frown. "What's the matter, Rachel?"

"It's Lou," the woman explained breathlessly. "We were just talking and she burst out crying out of the blue. She keeps saying she's not good and is going to make you miserable."

Kid didn't waste any time and rushed up the stairs. As he entered the bedroom, he found Lou lying on the bed and sobbing. She didn't notice his presence until he sat down and brushed his hand over her turned back. "Lou, honey, what's wrong?" he asked when she directed her bloodshot eyes to his husband. On seeing him, she felt the pain in her heart more acutely and the tears and sobs soared, making her impossible to speak up. "Lou, please, calm down and talk to me."

"I'm sorry, so sorry, so sorry," she cried.

"Sorry for what, honey?"

"For messing up with your life. I didn't know what I was doing. I never meant to hurt you. Everything went from bad to worse for you when I popped up in your life like a bad luck charm."

"Lou, please, that's not true. Don't start with that."

"Because of me, you had to fire Daniel. Because of me, your house was burned down. And then you didn't have enough to rebuild your place after the flood."

"We've talked about that already. Nothing of that is your fault."

"And I got in the middle when you were courting that nice lady, Helen," Lou continued among tears, turning a deaf ear to what he was trying to tell her. "She was a decent woman… pretty, intelligent, honest… a normal woman, not like me. I'm a murderer, a liar, a whore, a cheater… and I let you make the worst mistake of your life… marrying me."

"Lou, you didn't get in the middle of anything. You have always been the only one, nobody else. And you're not a mistake, you're my whole life. Please calm down, honey. Don't be like this, please."

Lou wasn't hearing him anymore. Her tears doubled, trebled as minutes went by. She couldn't stop crying. The realization of what she had done was too huge, too overwhelming. How could she allow this to happen? How could she be so careless, so selfish? She had only thought about herself and hadn't given any thought to Kid, the man she loved with all her heart. He didn't deserve this and no matter where she fled, she could never leave who she was behind. A new location wouldn't change her past or her actions. All this was so wrong, totally wrong, and only she was to blame.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

A glum-looking Kid made his way down the stairs and plonked down on the sofa. Feeling desperation creep within himself, he covered his face with his hands momentarily, letting out a grunt, and then he lifted his eyes to the only two other people in the parlor. "Are the children sleeping?" he asked in a soft tone.

Rachel nodded. "Joseph had his dinner and didn't protest when I told him to go to bed. He was asking after you and Lou. I told him that Louise was resting. And Alice fell asleep as soon as she had her bottle."

"Rachel, thank you for letting her sleep in your room tonight," Kid replied. "Lou needs some peace under the present circumstances."

"How is she, son?" Teaspoon dared to ask.

"She hasn't stopped crying for a single second all this time," Kid replied with a bitter expression. "Thank God, she's fallen asleep finally."

"Shall I heat up some dinner for you, Kid?" Rachel asked.

Kid shook his head ruefully. "I'm not really hungry."

"But you need to eat something," Rachel insisted. "You're not doing yourself any favors. You need to fill up your reserves. You had a long and hard journey."

"Lou hasn't eaten anything either," Kid reminded her.

"Have some coffee and cookies at least," Rachel said and without waiting for his acceptance, she poured him a cup of coffee and placed some cookies in a side dish for him. Kid reluctantly accepted and when he was munching one of the scrumptious pastries, he realized how hungry he actually was.

"I'm so worried about her!" Kid exclaimed after a lengthy pause.

"Son, she's just a bit overwhelmed by the excitement of your recent marriage and moving here," Teaspoon replied. "I remember that our Louise wasn't very fond of tyin' the knot, well, quite different from my case."

Despite everything, Kid smiled at the marshal's words. "No, Teaspoon. It's more than that. Lou's problems go back a long way… since we re-met or even before. Her life was complicated and all that is taking its toll. She isolated herself for a long time, keeping the world at arm's length. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to persuade her to let me court her. I know she loves me, but for some reason she feels she needs to be punished."

"Punished for what, Kid?" Teaspoon asked.

"For everything wrong she feels she has done."

"Kid, I can't help but feel guilty. I was asking her questions about the children when she crumbled down… maybe I overstepped the boundaries with my curiosity," Rachel added.

"Lou hasn't had it easy since she left us years ago. Maybe things could have been different if she had made other decisions, but that's how things are. She needs to learn to live with the past, but she seems unable to cope," Kid explained with a pained expression. "It's not your fault, Rachel. This is just the last straw but it has been bothering her for a while now."

"I asked her about Alice's real father," Rachel admitted shamefacedly.

Kid didn't answer and Teaspoon added, "We figured out as much. You don't need to be very sharp to add it up." Kid nodded and the marshal continued, "Son, is that her problem? Is that man the problem?"

"Partly," Kid said and stopped. It wasn't his place to tell about Lou's past, but he knew that Teaspoon and Rachel loved Lou, and could understand some circumstances that it had taken him months to accept. Maybe if they knew what was happening to his bride, they could help them, because right now he just didn't know what he could do. "Lou… Lou got pregnant in jail," Kid finally blurted out.

"In jail?" Rachel echoed in obvious surprise.

"She was sentenced after killing a man… her employer," Kid explained. "The bastard raped her."

"Oh God!" Rachel exclaimed in shock and Teaspoon remained in silence, but looking visibly dismayed by the information.

"You can well imagine she lived through hell in that prison," Kid added.

Teaspoon nodded ruefully. "I've heard what happens in women's prisons. Nothin' good."

"And it's true," Kid added. "Lou did what she could to survive for three years. Joseph was with a family she knew in Richmond. She was released just a couple of months before Alice was born. The family Joseph was with decided they wanted to keep him forever. It was then that she came looking for me."

"Why didn't she try to contact you before? She could have reached you through us. We've been in the same place for a decade," Rachel said pointedly.

Kid didn't answer straightaway. He didn't understand that yet either, and it still itched him to think of the lies Lou had come to him with after all those years. Yet, he had forgiven her and it made no sense to hold a grudge or linger on the past. His love was stronger and he knew that part of her past behavior was the fear she had felt. Louise could look and sound brave and cocky, but deep down she was a scared creature, ready to bite every single hand coming closer, even those ready to help her. "I guess she was afraid I would try to take the boy from her," Kid explained finally. "I can't say I understand all her decisions, but I was able to get over all that, and I wish she could accept things as they are or were. She can't live lingering on the past like this. It's not healthy. She will get lost if she keeps doing this to herself."

"Son, I think she's already lost," Teaspoon added in a sad way. All Kid was able to do was nod and after a sigh, he had a sip of his coffee. Silence fell over the living room and the three of them spent the rest of the evening just listening to the quiet of the night and their own thoughts.

* * *

Carrying a lamp, Kid made his way upstairs. His steps in the eerie silence of the house sounded thunderous to his own ears and he walked as quietly as possible. Teaspoon had left for his night duty in his old office an hour ago and Rachel had gone to bed shortly afterwards. Kid had decided to stay up on his own for a little longer. He didn't know why. His body complained of tiredness and demanded some rest, some proper rest after sleeping on the hard ground for almost a month now. And last night when they had decided to spend their wedding night in a hotel room, Kid had hardly been able to sleep. His mind was too excited, thinking about Lou and how she had finally become his wife. And when his eyes hadn't been able to resist sleep, Joseph's kicks had kept him awake. No wonder he felt totally exhausted, but even so, he had fought the urge to go to bed.

Before heading for his bedroom, Kid opened the door to check on his son. The boy was fast asleep, his mouth partially opened and his hands over his head. The bedding had fallen askew, leaving him unprotected against the November cold. Kid left the lamp on the dresser and repositioned the quilt over his son's small body, making sure he was well tucked in. The boy let out a grunt and rolled over to his left side. Kid placed a kiss on his forehead and before leaving, he kept staring at his child's sleeping figure.

After all these months, it still amazed Kid to see Joseph as a reflection of his own person. It was like seeing himself in a mirror. Joseph was very much like him when he was a child. And he was such a good boy. There was always a smile on his lips; his eyes shone with interest whenever he learnt something new and his witty words showed how intelligent he was, a feature he had surely inherited from Lou. Kid couldn't feel prouder and he regretted painfully the time he had missed in his life. And even though he had promised himself not to think about it, he couldn't help it.

Children grew up so quickly, Kid thought. Alice was the living evidence of that. Only yesterday she had been a tiny baby and day by day there was less and less of that baby and more and more of the cheerful, bubbling child she was growing into. Alice had become such a deep part of his life that Kid never gave a thought to the fact that she wasn't his real daughter. He couldn't love her any more if she had fathered her. For Kid she was as much his as Joseph was. It was only when Lou occasionally brought up the matter about Alice's unknown father that Kid sadly had to acknowledge that Alice wasn't his flesh and blood, leaving him wishing she really was.

Kid left Joseph's bedroom and walked to the end of the narrow corridor where his room was. On opening the door and stepping inside, he automatically turned his eyes to the bed and could make out Lou's outline in the dark. Her deep intakes of air told him she was thankfully fast asleep. Kid stripped down to his longjohns, put out the lamp and ambled to the bed. He slid under the covers, trying to be as careful as possible as not to wake Lou. The mattress under his weight creaked and he cringed, fearful when Louise let out a soft moan. In the weird mood Lou had been all evening in Kid wasn't sure how she'd react if she found him in bed. It wasn't the first time they'd slept together but he didn't know what to expect. This situation was beyond his understanding. He couldn't say he knew why she was so depressed and low. She had looked so happy and loving the day before and now she sounded as if she had committed a crime. Kid wanted to put all this down to tiredness. It had been too a long journey and the excitement of their marriage might have added up to Lou's sensitive mood, like Teaspoon had said.

Suddenly and to Kid's surprise, Louise rolled over in the bed and clasped her arms around his torso, pressing her face against his neck. "I love you," came her mumbling voice, followed by some incoherent words Kid didn't understand. As Kid looked down at her, he realized she was just talking in her sleep.

"I love you too, baby," he whispered as his eyes stared at her sleeping figure in the silence for a few moments. "Oh Lou, how can I help you?" he let out. He was so worried and however much he wanted to convince himself that Lou was just tired, he knew that wasn't it. Lou had been battling her demons for months and he had really believed she had overcome those problems. Kid had thought that their moving to Rock Creek, a place where they had many dear memories and would be free, would be the last step to leave the black past behind. Yet, Lou's apparent late well-being had been a disguise and today she had collapsed under the weight of her own crosses. Kid had never seen her so shattered before, but despite the darkness before his eyes, there was a hope. He really wanted to believe hat this was her last fall, that she would improve little by little from now on. They had friends, family by their side and they could all fight together to help Lou out of that hole. Kid believed he could be positive. And when Lou was finally free from her chains, they could then start working on their marriage and walk together the road in the right direction.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Even though the day had dawned bright and sunny, it was a cold morning. Kid made his way down the stairs and when he reached the parlor, he was surprised by Joseph's cheerful voice and energetic hug. "Morning, Pa!"

"Good morning, buddy," Kid replied, ruffling his hair, and the boy returned to his place at the table. "Having some breakfast, Joseph?"

The nine-year-old nodded. "Aunt Rachel made some for me," the boy explained and after a pause, he asked, "Where's ma?"

Kid paused hesitantly. Joseph had been asking about Lou last night too, and being the clever child he was, he might suspect something was going on. "She's sleeping," Kid finally said.

"Still asleep?" Joseph exclaimed with a confused frown. This was really strange. His mother was always the first to be up, and never overslept.

"She's tired, son," Kid explained as Rachel appeared through the kitchen door. She smiled her greetings while she poured a glass of milk for Joseph. "Lou still in bed?" she asked breezily.

Kid simply nodded. Lou had woken up around five o'clock this morning and clung to his neck, she had cried and wept bitterly while repeating regretful words over and over again. Like the day before Kid had been unable to soothe her and it was at the crack of dawn that Lou had fallen asleep again. Kid hadn't been able to get any more shuteye and had stayed in bed just watching her.

A knock was heard before the door opened and Buck and Paul appeared. The two men sat at the table where Kid had taken a seat. "How's Lou?" Buck asked straightaway.

At his question Joseph's attention perked up but Kid was quick to cover Buck's words. "She's still tired… you know, it was a long journey."

"Is Ma sick?" Joseph asked, looking at his father with evident concern.

"Of course not. She's resting… I told you so."

The boy nodded and focused his attention on the pancakes that his Aunt Rachel had prepared for him. "Shall I make some breakfast for you, gentlemen?"

"I'm fine, Rachel," Buck answered, "but I won't say no to a nice cup of coffee."

"Good. Coffee for Mr. Cross and breakfast for you two," Rachel said, casting a meaningful look in Kid's direction, showing him that she wouldn't accept no for an answer.

"Let me give you a hand," Paul offered, rising to his feet and following Rachel to the kitchen.

"You go and sit with the men. You're a guest, Mr. Vaughn," Rachel replied, turning to the man.

"Please let me help. It's no bother, believe me. And something else… call me Paul."

Rachel smiled. "Then beat some eggs," she said, handing him the basket with the eggs she had picked up that morning. The man started the task while Rachel cut some bread after putting the coffee pot on the stove. "And tell me, Mr. … uh, Paul, what brings you to the west?"

"Well, there's nothing that ties me down in Richmond. Kid's the closest to family I have and when he decided to come, I told myself why not?"

"And what are your plans?"

"To be totally honest, I have no idea. I guess I'll get myself a job, a place to live, and … who knows, maybe even a wife. If all women here are as lovely as you, Ma'am, I'm going to have some serious problems."

Rachel laughed. "And if you are such a sweetalker as you seem, it's us ladies who are in deep trouble," she remarked with a big smile.

They continued their small talk and a few minutes later they walked back into the dining room. Paul sat on the seat he had previously taken and started his breakfast. Joseph had gone outside to play after finishing his food and only Alice was in the dining room with the adults. Rachel came to sit on her rocking chair with the baby on her lap after Kid had finished feeding her.

"Would you two like to go for a ride? Paul, you must want to see a little of the territory," Buck suggested as the men were finishing their breakfast.

"Yes, that would be nice," Paul agreed.

"You men will have to go without me," Kid said.

"Why?" asked Buck.

"Lou might wake up and I want to be here when she does."

"Kid, she's not a baby and what if you aren't here when she wakes up?" Rachel added.

"I… I don't know."

"The fresh air will do you good," Paul insisted

.

"And I will keep an eye on the children and of course, your Lou," Rachel continued. "You don't have to worry."

"All right then," Kid finally accepted and rose to his feet to follow his friends outside. He came closer to Rachel and placed a kiss on Alice's head. "Be good, my princess," he whispered and after sharing a sad smile with Rachel, he walked out.

Once in the stables, Kid's feet automatically led him to the last stall in the long corridor. Despite everything happening the previous day, he couldn't help but smile brightly when he laid eyes on his old, faithful friend. "Hey, Katy!" he exclaimed as he came closer to the stall door. "Remember me, girl?"

The mare let out a contented neigh and her velvety mouth came to nuzzle Kid's hand. Kid chuckled and his other hand caressed the horse's mane. It felt like old times. Katy had lost the luster and freshness of her youth, but for Kid she was still his very special horse. "I'm surprised it took you this long to come see your other girl," Buck said behind him, snapping him out of his thoughtful mood. Turning to Paul, Buck added, "Did you know Kid had a secret love affair with his horse?"

"No, I can't say I did," Paul replied with a teasing smile.

"Lou used to be deeply jealous of her because our friend Kid preferred spending more time with his mare than with her," Buck continued.

"That's not true!" Kid protested.

"Ask Lou if you don't believe me," Buck insisted, grinning amusedly.

"When are you going to stop making fun of me about Katy?" Kid exclaimed, good-naturedly, stoically resigning himself to have been the aim of his friend's mockery for almost a decade now.

"Never, my friend," Buck replied, patting him on the back. "It's too much fun to pass on. And be thankful Cody or Jimmy are not here, or you wouldn't hear the end of it."

"Yes, I know," Kid said ruefully, and in an attempt to deviate the attention from himself, he added, "Come on, gentlemen. Let's get ready before it gets too late."

* * *

Louise massaged her forehead with her thin fingers as she made her way down the stairs. She had a horrible headache as if dozens of drumsticks were hammering her poor, weak head. As soon as she descended the last step in the staircase, she heard a loud, cheerful whoop. "Mama, you're awake!" Joseph exclaimed as he ran to give her a similar hug that he had given his father.

Lou smiled as she caressed her son's sandy hair. "Good morning, sweetheart. Have you been a good boy while I was sleeping?"

"As good as gold," Rachel replied instead, sitting on her sofa with Alice on her knees. Louise walked closer and the little girl squealed and raised her hands when she saw her mother. "Seems this cutie wants to be with her mama."

Lou silently took her daughter from Rachel and gave her a kiss. "Did you miss me, Alice?"

"I did, Ma!" Joseph exclaimed, looking up at Lou with eager eyes. Lou smiled and squeezed his shoulder affectionately.

"How are you feeling, Lou?" Rachel asked.

Louise made an apathetic gesture. "My head hurts unbearably as if it were going to burst," she whispered while she tried to rescue her hair from her baby's playful fingers.

"Mama, can we go and see the horses?"

"That's because you didn't eat or rest properly yesterday," Rachel remarked, purposely not mentioning the main reason in front of Joseph.

"Aunt Rachel told me that I had to wait for you."

"I guess you're right," Lou replied to Rachel, nodding at her son at the same time but without being aware of his words.

"Can we go now, Mama? Can we?"

"I'll make you some breakfast," Rachel said, rising to her feet. "You need to eat."

"Mama!" Joseph exclaimed loudly, pulling at Lou's arm when he realized that his mother wasn't paying attention. Louise looked at him and Joseph added, "I can't ask Pa because he's not here."

"Isn't he?" Lou asked with a surprised expression.

"He and Buck rode out to show Paul the surroundings this morning," Rachel explained, standing next to the kitchen door.

Lou nodded slowly and Joseph insisted once again, "Mama?"

"Yes, honey. You can see the horses. Let's go," Louise conceded as she started towards the door.

"Louise, your breakfast…" Rachel protested.

"I'll come back in a minute," Lou replied as she opened the door. "Don't bother yourself. I'll have a bite when I come back. Thanks for everything, Rachel."

The former station mistress couldn't protest any more when Lou stepped out of the house. Rachel stood there, shaking her head. Lou was still as stubborn as she remembered. At least she seemed in a better mood this morning and Rachel hoped that the problems that were nagging her younger friend wouldn't ruin what she had… because from where Rachel stood, she could see Lou had a treasure in her family, a treasure she could lose if she made a stupid mistake like years ago. She had a good man as a husband and nice, healthy children. That was more than many had and if Lou had some sense, she'd better start valuing that instead of lamenting the unfairness of the world.

* * *

After riding for an hour, Kid and his friends directed her horses back towards the place where the former station was and Buck and Rachel had their homes. As they trotted through the territory, Kid's mind felt alive with memories, bad and good, happy and sad, wonderful and horrible, but all of them special. The times and experiences he had in Rock Creek were so close to his heart that as long as he lived, he'd never forget them. Rock Creek also represented the end of a more innocent, naïve spirit that he had experienced and enjoyed in Sweetwater along with the rest of his Express family. It was in Rock Creek where tragedy had started, where Ike and Noah had died; it was here where he had lost Lou, where she had walked out; and this was also the place where his family had split at the beginning of the war.

After all these years, he returned to his family, to his home with the woman, the only woman he had really loved. Kid had so many hopes in their future; they would settle down here and be happy. The only blur in this spotless landscape was Lou's funny mood. Her mind was acting too strange and Kid wished he could make her understand what she seemed reluctant to. The past should be left behind and they should be ready and eager to embrace the opportunity life had granted them. They had many reasons to be thankful and enjoy a full existence. What they had now was all that mattered, nothing else did.

"Buck, wait," Paul called when he realized Kid was not following. The two men looked back and saw their friend had halted his horse on the edge of a hillock and was staring at a little house below. They led their horses where Kid was. "It looks empty," he remarked without averting his eyes from the house.

"It is," Buck confirmed. "Mr. Terry died four years ago and his son hadn't been able to sell it yet. Actually, nobody has lived there since the beginning of the war when Mr. Terry got sick and moved with his son."

Kid nodded. "Lou and I wanted to buy the property, to make it into our home. We even agreed on a price with Mr. Terry, and then… well, you know."

"You know, it's still for sale," Buck added. "Why don't you make Rick Terry an offer? I imagine you could get a bargain."

"He has a good point there, Kid," Paul agreed.

"I'll have to ask Lou first, and … anyway, I can't afford to buy anything now," Kid admitted. "I have some savings, but I don't think it would be enough. I'd rather wait, get a job, rent a place and try to save for a decent property."

"Not many jobs pay well in Rock Creek. You know, the Express shut down years ago," Buck remarked half-seriously.

"I know it won't be easy."

Buck kept thoughtful as an idea struck him. "Kid, why don't you come with me to Missouri?"

"Missouri? What's in Missouri?"

"They're building the railroad," Buck explained. "They pay real well and need workers. I'm leaving next week. With a new baby, I need to build an extension to my house and cover expenses. And working there for a few months will get me as much as I would earn in Rock Creek in a year."

"That would really help, but I can't leave Lou and the children. Not now, anyway."

"Kid, do you think I like leaving my daughter and my pregnant wife?" Buck replied. "It's a sacrifice I have to make for our welfare and future. And you know, they won't be alone."

"But Lou's not well, Buck. Things are different for us. And we just got married."

"Yes, I understand," Buck conceded. "You know, I feel more reassured knowing you'll be around when I go away. It's a relief for me to think my wife and my baby won't be alone. I can't help worrying for them."

Kid smiled at Buck's words. "Weren't you boys the ones who called me overprotective with Lou? You are the same at the end of the day."

"I guess I can't deny the truth," Buck admitted as the men resumed their riding. "Women have this effect on us poor men."

"You're absolutely right," Kid said with a smile. "We're trapped without remedy." He paused and eyeing his former foreman riding by his side, he said, "Consider yourself lucky to be so immune to this disease they call love. Saves you from a lot of headaches." Paul let out a strange smile and Kid added, "But to be totally honest, I'd rather be a trapped man. I wouldn't trade that for anything, not even for a life void of problems." The two men riding by his side smiled, both of them agreeing and seeing Kid's words as a truth that every man might have experienced sometime in their lives. They could moan, complain, and suffer because of women, but despite everything, that was where every single one wanted to stay, next to the woman they loved or the woman they might fall for.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

When Kid returned from his ride with Paul and Buck, Lou was in the living room but once their eyes met, the tears appeared in hers and she dashed upstairs, unable to keep calm while in the same room as he was. Kid didn't try to follow her. He guessed that she needed time to sort out whatever she was fighting right now. This didn't leave him indifferent; he was upset and the notion that she hadn't even crossed a word with him nagged him more than he was ready to admit.

Louise didn't show up for the rest of the day and Kid remained with the children. It was near dinner time when Kid decided that they needed to talk, whether she liked it or not. As he climbed the stairs to the bedroom, he kept musing over the strange situation they were immersed in. He didn't doubt his love for his wife. She meant everything to him, but her reaction yesterday was making him ask himself if he really knew who Lou was. All this strange behavior had been sparked just when they had got married, and Kid feared that their recent marriage was the reason behind her odd attitude.

Was she regretting becoming his wife? That was exactly what had happened years ago… she had regretted accepting his marriage proposal and she had abandoned him. As the thought struck him, Kid realized that his soul was darkened by the shadow of doubts. He actually feared that she might want to do the same again, leave him high and dry. Lou always said that she loved him, but what was it that made her so miserable? Was she really in love with him? They should be happy, enjoy their new life together, their honeymoon, but instead they were going through a most terrible time. A betraying devil whispered malicious words in his ear. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have deceived and lied to you so much. And who could swear she wouldn't do the same again?

Kid shook his head to clear his head from those wicked thoughts. He had reached the bedroom and after knocking, he stepped inside when her voice told him to. "Hi," he said, feeling strangely uncomfortable from the threshold.

"Hi," she muttered.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after a long, awkward silence.

"Better, I guess."

He kept quiet for a few minutes, staring at her intensely, and finally he asked, "Lou, what's happening to you? Please tell me because I don't understand."

Lou turned her head towards the wall opposite her to avoid his demanding eyes. "You already know," she replied in a sharp voice.

"No, I don't know! That's why I'm asking you," Kid asked a bit too loudly as he rounded the bed and made her face him. "What the hell is happening here? We were fine yesterday and now everything is turned inside out. What's wrong, Lou? Do I make you miserable or what? I want to know, I need to know!"

"Nobody makes me miserable but myself," Louise muttered, trying to choke back the tears that smarted her eyes.

"Then what is it, Lou? I want to help you… do anything to make you happy. Talk to me, please."

"I… I can't," she let out awkwardly. It wasn't that she couldn't talk… she simply didn't quite understand the ups and downs that her mind was going through. All she knew was that she felt totally miserable and out of control.

Her lack of response annoyed him. He was trying to be patient and understanding but it irritated him to think that Lou wouldn't try to make things easier. "Well, when you feel like talking, I guess I'll be around," he said curtly as he walked to the door, and stopped to look at her again. "Remember there are two small children counting on you. Forget about me, but Joseph and Alice do need you. Please get a grip on yourself for both their sakes. Start acting like an adult. You can't keep running away all your life."

His words hurt more than she could express. The tears filled her eyes finally and when she turned to look at him, he was gone. All of a sudden, she felt more lonely than she had felt in months. Kid was slipping from her grasp and she might lose him forever. Maybe it was the best for him, but then what would happen to her? What would she do without Kid in her life?


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Kid walked into the dining room where everybody had gathered for dinner, even Buck and his family. He cursed himself for flying off the handle with Louise. Kid told himself that she needed his patience and understanding, not his harshness. Maybe all this came from the changes they were experiencing lately. They had moved to start afresh thousands of miles away, they had married and they didn't even have a house to start their new life. Yet, Kid knew Lou couldn't crumble down for just this. They had two children, who were their main priority, and getting in that mood would really be negative for them.

The family greeted Kid when he appeared and sat at the dining table next to Joseph. Rachel served him a bowl of soup and said, "Ain't Lou in the mood for some dinner?"

Kid shook his head morosely as he spooned his broth. Joseph stared at him and asked, "Is Ma still tired?"

"Yes, but she's better," Kid said slowly. "She'll be as good as always tomorrow. You'll see."

"Can I go and see her?" the boy asked again.

"Tomorrow would be better, buddy. Ma was sleeping but I'm sure she'll be up tomorrow," Kid added. "She also misses you something terrible."

As dinner progressed, conversation wandered to other topics. Teaspoon monopolized the group, telling multiple tales and anecdotes of his long, eventful life. Buck and Kid shared amused looks and smiles as they listened to some of the stories they had heard dozens of times and knew almost by heart. Yet, Joseph listened to the old marshal in admiring rapture, staring at him agape and with big eyes, so lost in Teaspoon's accounts that his father had to urge him to finish his food on a few occasions.

The adults were left alone at the table when Joseph and Celeste went to play in their corner. The conversation then focused on Buck's departure in a couple of days, one of the most commented topics among the family lately. "Son, have you already packed?" Teaspoon asked.

"There's nothing much to pack, actually," Buck replied. "And to tell you the truth, I really don't feel like getting ready. It's not easy."

"Let me translate this for you," Jenny cut in. "He's just waiting for me to pack his things." Everybody laughed at her comment while Buck naturally protested.

"That's not it, and you know it. I just hate leaving you and our girl. That's why I'm leaving packing for the last moment."

"Yes, I know," Jenny replied in a low, soft voice as she caressed her husband's cheek. "I don't like you going either."

"We decided this was for the best," Buck added.

"Four months is nothing," Kid piped up. "Jenny, you'll have him back before you notice he's gone. And think of the things you'll do with that little fortune your husband is going to bring home. I wish I could go with him too."

"And why don't you? I heard they are employing heaps of people," Teaspoon asked from his position at the head of the table.

Kid stared at his old boss as if he had lost his head all of a sudden. "I can't leave Lou now. And besides, I promised Buck I'd help to run the stables and give a hand with the maintenance in the guest house while he's away."

"If that's what worries you," Paul cut in, "I can do the job instead. I'm not going anywhere. The journey from Richmond was enough travelling for me for a while."

"Paul, that's the least of my worries. I just can't leave Lou. We just got married," Kid insisted.

"So what are your plans now?" Rachel asked.

"I thought to get a job or two, and save my money in the meantime," Kid explain.

"It will take you over a year to save enough to get a place of your own and you'll have to work from dawn to dusk," Buck added. "It will mean you hardly get to see your wife and your children. I know what I'm saying. After the war when Jenny and I got married, we had to go through something similar."

"Buck is right," Teaspoon said. "Sometimes the sacrifice is worth it if the reward is generous."

Kid considered his friends' comments. "It's true that we really need a place of our own. We're married, but there's nothing I can offer her… not even a home. We really need a place to start being a real family. The sooner we get settled, the better."

"I think you're right," Buck agreed.

"But I don't know. How can I leave Lou now?"

"Kid, she won't be alone," Rachel replied. "She has us."

"She'll be fine, just missing you a little," Jenny added. "But you won't be going to the end of the world, just Missouri."

Kid didn't reply and remained in silence. There was something in what everybody was saying. He naturally didn't want to leave Lou; they had barely been married for a couple of days, but maybe It might seem insensitive and callous of him to leave her now, but he was actually considering this plan for her own good, for the good of their family. Making up his mind was too complicated. Buck was leaving in just two days, so he'd have to reach a decision soon, very soon. The road forked before him and he didn't know what way to go. Kid prayed that he could have some enlightenment and reach the right decision because it was fundamental for the sanity and health of them and their children.

* * *

The night was starry and clear, no clouds threatening the peaceful atmosphere. A full moon shone in the dark night, its faint light filtering though the closed window. A single lamp glowed in the bedroom, casting its light over Kid's figure as he undressed. Once he stripped down to his longjohns, he folded his shirt and trousers neatly, leaving them on the chair. He was very tired but before getting into bed, he approached the sleeping figure of Lou and stared at her for a moment. "What are you doing?" Lou asked as she opened her eyes.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I've slept way too much today," she said in a rough voice as she awkwardly sat up and leaned her back against the headboard. She simply kept staring at Kid, suddenly feeling awkward and very shy. She could read reproach and pain in his eyes. On his part, Kid stood on his feet, not sure how to behave before her. He wanted to get in bed with her and hug her against his chest, but at the same time he didn't dare, so he ended up sitting on the rocking chair opposite her. "Do you intend to spend the night there?" Louise asked.

"Uh… no, I guess not."

"I won't eat you alive if that's what you fear," she replied curtly, not sure why she was feeling annoyed at his attitude all of a sudden.

Kid didn't answer back and looked into her tired eyes intently for a few moments. "Lou, there's something I need to tell you," he blurted out. He had finally reached a decision, and the sooner she knew about it, the less awkward it would be.

"Kid, I know we need to talk, but can we leave it for tomorrow?" she said tiredly.

"I'm leaving," Kid blurted out and Lou's mouth opened in surprise and her eyes stared at him in horror. "Buck's going away in a couple of days. He got himself a job on the railroad… they pay real good and I think I could try to earn some money too."

"You… you're leaving me already?" Lou stuttered in a trembling voice.

"I'm not leaving you, Lou," Kid replied patiently. "This is a chance we shouldn't pass on. With that money and our savings we could get ourselves a nice place. Remember Mr. Terry's property, the one we intended to buy years ago? I learned it's still for sale and I'd like to settle down there. The children will love it."

Lou looked at him but couldn't register his words in her mind. She was panicking and all she could think of was that he was leaving her. "Is this some kind of revenge for what I did to you in the past? Did you just want to marry and then dump me?"

"Lou, you're not listening to me," Kid replied, getting exasperated. "You know we need to find a place to raise our family and the sooner we do it, the better."

Louise could see no reason. She was scared, terrified. She feared that once he left, Kid wouldn't come back to her. Why would he anyway? She was giving him nothing but problems and the only reason he hadn't abandoned her yet was the children. But things were going too far and Kid had surely reached his limit. "That's not the only reason you want to go, I know," Louise managed to say in a firmer voice than she had.

Kid sighed. "Lou, I love you, and we need a place to live. I want to give you and the children the best.

"You don't trust me," Lou stated, ignoring his comment, her voice tinged with evident bitterness. "You think I will do you foul again."

"Lou, that's not it," Kid replied, but without the conviction he needed to show her. He trusted Lou, but there was a latent apprehension in his soul, a little voice that made his faith in Lou stagger. Her past lies and behavior had sown that mistrust in him, and even though he told himself there should be no doubts in his heart, the fact remained unchanged. Maybe this time away would also help him to eradicate that vague feeling. He needed to learn to trust her again and feel that nothing, neither the distance nor the problems nor their peculiarities, could destroy their love and marriage.

Lou stared at him contemptuously, her insides burning with anger and after that brief lapse, she barked more loudly than her sore throat let her, "Do whatever you want. Go to hell itself and see if I care!" And after those words, she lay back on the bed, covering her head with the quilt because right now she simply couldn't stand the sight of him. The tears flooded from her eyes and silent sobs wracked her body. She knew he could see her trembling figure under the bedding, but she didn't care. And when she felt his hand on her back, she shook it off her brusquely. She didn't want anything from him, nothing at all. She simply wanted to cry, cry for all eternity and be left alone, because that's where her destiny was leading her to… to sheer, bitter loneliness.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The following couple of days were not a piece of cake for Kid as he got things ready to go with Buck. He didn't really want to leave, especially after the reaction he got from Lou. He felt more than tempted to give in on his intentions because that was what Lou obviously wanted. Yet, a more convincing voice told him that he should carry out his plan, that this was just a minor step that would bring about a positive outcome in the long run.

Louise continued in the same mood. Lou refused to talk or acknowledge his presence during the day and at night they lay next to each other as if they were two mummies. Kid had repeatedly tried to reason with her and explain himself once again, but it was useless. Lou wouldn't listen and there was nothing he could do to bend her will.

Today was the day. Kid and Buck were leaving for Missouri. So the night before, Kid had gone to the bedroom with the hope he could say goodbye to her properly, but on entering, he had found Lou sleeping or pretending to sleep. Kid had called her name repeatedly but she hadn't responded. It was clear she didn't want to see or talk to him, and Kid had given up, defeated. This morning he hadn't tried to wake her up. It was too painful to leave like this but he didn't want to make it harder for her and himself by having a cold scene with her just before leaving. So he decided to write a whole note telling her he loved her and would write to her as often as possible. When he entered the bedroom, he could tell she was really asleep this time. Kid left his note on the bedside table and stooped to give her a kiss on her forehead. Before he lost his nerve and felt unable to leave, he turned on his heel and walked out.

"Pa, do you really have to go?" Joseph pouted when his father hugged him goodbye. They were in the ample yard and all the family had gathered to see the two men off.

"I'm afraid so, buddy," Kid replied, squeezing his son's shoulder affectionately. "You know what I told you. I have to work and earn some money so that you, Ma, Alice and I can live in a nice house of our own."

"Can't we live here with Aunt Rachel?" the boy tried.

"Not forever, Joe. We're kind of crowded here and when Alice grows up some more, she will need to sleep in her own bedroom."

Joseph nodded. "I'm going to miss you, Daddy, … very much."

"Me too, Joseph. I'll be back in a few months, so you are now the man of the house. Be good and look after Ma and Alice for me, all right?"

"Yes, sir."

Kid hugged his son once again, and approached Rachel and Teaspoon. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Buck and Jenny saying their goodbyes, and he felt envious. Jenny seemed reasonably upset, but understood why her husband had to leave. Kid wished Lou could be by his side right now, telling him to take care and kissing him goodbye. That would make his departure a bit sweeter, less lonely. Kid couldn't understand why she could really believe that he was going to ditch her and no matter what he said, there was no way he could convince her otherwise. Actually, she simply wouldn't listen. Come rain or high water, he'd return to her in four months because nothing in this world, nothing at all, would make him stay away from her and the children.

"Take good care of yourself, son," Teaspoon said.

Kid nodded. "And please look after Lou and the children," he added.

"Kid, don't worry," Rachel cut him off. "We will"

Kid slowly bobbed his head up and down. His eyes lifted to the window behind which Lou was sleeping. He was already missing her and hated to think that this was just the beginning of many months without seeing her.

"Kid!" Buck called, snapping his friend out of his thoughtful moment. Kid turned his head. Buck and Paul were ready to get on the wagon. Paul would drive the two men to Saint Joseph where they would take a train to the closest town to their destination.

"I guess it's time to say goodbye," Kid announced. He hugged Rachel and Teaspoon, and kissed Joseph once again before walking to the buckboard morosely. Buck sat next to Paul on the wagon's seat while Kid took his place at the back. After exchanging a few more goodbyes, Paul slapped the reins on the horses' back and set the carriage in motion. Kid rested his back on the frame of the wagon, letting his arms rest on his flexed legs. Not wanting to suffer the pain of witnessing the place and people he loved disappear in the distance, he lowered his eyes to his hands while his lips mumbled a prayer for his family.

"Kid!"

The shout shot through the air and reached his attention. "Stop the wagon! Stop the wagon, Paul" Kid ordered urgently when he saw Lou running out of the house towards the carriage in desperation. Before Paul halted, Kid had jumped off and dashed to meet her. "Lou, are you out of your mind? Do you want to catch your death?" he scolded on noticing her bare feet and her frail body clad in just her nightgown, and naturally he didn't lose any time to remove his coat and wrap it into around her.

Gasping and breathless, Louise grabbed his shirt front in her fists as she said, "Please Kid. Don't go. Don't leave me. I need you, please." She was almost in tears, her liquid, begging eyes almost popping out in despair.

"Lou, I'm not leaving you," Kid said as his hand caressed her face. "I'm doing this for us, for our family. It will be just for four months and then we will have enough to buy that place we loved back in the old days, remember?" Louise was only able to nod as she cried quietly. "You used to love the wide porch of the house and the small creek running at the end of the property. Well, we're going to have that porch and that creek in just four months. I already talked to Mr. Terry and if you're okay with it, he's going to hold it for us."

"What am I supposed to do without you all that time?" Lou finally managed to ask.

"Look after the children, get reacquainted with Teaspoon, Rachel and Jenny… and think about me. I'll be thinking about you all the time."

"I… I haven't been good to you lately," Lou continued in the same anxious way.

"Lou…"

"We haven't even had our wedding night or a honeymoon."

Kid took her trembling hands in his and kissed them. "We'll have a lifetime to have many, many wedding nights and honeymoons. I love you so much, Louise Carmichael. Never doubt that… ever."

Lou threw her arms around his neck and started sobbing, totally heartbroken. "Lou, please calm down," Kid tried to soothe her while his hand caressed her back softly.

"Please stay with me tonight, just tonight, please, please, please," she begged among hiccoughs.

"Lou, I can't," Kid replied much to her chagrin. "Buck's waiting."

"Please, Kid, please," Louise insisted, her puffy eyes boring into his desperately.

Kid didn't have an opportunity to answer as Rachel approached, and gently disengaged Louise from her husband. "Kid, just go," Rachel said as she threw a long coat over Lou's body and handed Kid his back. "Don't make this harder."

Kid nodded without averting his eyes from Lou. "I love you," he whispered and kissed her quickly before turning around and walked back to the wagon.

Rachel slid an arm around Lou's shoulders and started to gently steer her towards the house. Louise simply let herself be led and fought the urge to turn her head and see him disappear. She couldn't resist it, and when she heard the wagon move behind them, the tears poured from her already wet eyes. Four months seemed like an eternity and right now she felt totally lost without him, like a child in a strange world without its mama. Even though she told herself that Kid would be better off without her, she also knew that she couldn't imagine her present day without him. Fear shook her as she thought of all the possibilities, of the frightful possibility that he might not come back to her. That was the scariest thing that could happen. Kid would surely return for the children, but he might decide he didn't want to be with her… or worse, find somebody else in these four months, who might bring him the joy she couldn't. That was what would be better for him, Lou told herself. But what about her? What would her life become if she lost him? She didn't want to think, she couldn't think and all she did was cry on and on.

"I miss Pa too," Joseph said when she got closer to him. Louise smiled among the tears and the boy added, "Ma, don't be sad. I'll be with you and Pa told me to look after you. You don't have to worry."

Louise felt moved by her son's words. She knelt before him and hugged him. She really needed to pull herself together for her children because right now they only had her. And Joseph was right. She'd definitely feel less lonely with her babies because they were really a piece of the man that had just left.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Louise winced painfully as she crossed the bedroom carrying Alice on her hip. After the stunt she had pulled that morning when Kid had left, the soles of her feet were very sore. When she had run to say goodbye to her husband, little rocks and pebbles had slashed the soft skin of her bare feet, making her bleed. Afterwards, Rachel had cleaned the blood and dirt that Lou had picked up on her soles and applied a home-made mixture. However, that hadn't made the uncomfortable pain disappear and with every step she took, Lou felt as if thousands of pins pricked her poor feet. That served her right, she thought. If she had acted like a normal person, she would have been able to say goodbye to Kid without so much fuss or trouble. But no, she had to act all stubborn and proud and if she hadn't woken up in time, she'd have missed Kid leaving.

Louise coughed as she sat down on the rocking chair. "Idiot!" she said aloud and Alice looked at her with a strange expression. Louise had to smile to see her daughter's face as she checked the temperature of the purée she had warmed in the kitchen, and seeing it was fine, she got ready to feed Alice. The girl kept looking at her with the same expression and Lou said, "Do you miss Daddy too, honey? I bet you do." The girl let out an ah sound and Lou kissed her on top of her head. She was sure that despite her young age, Alice could tell Kid wasn't around like every day. In fact, the girl was obviously very keen on Kid, crying and bouncing nervously whenever she saw him appear.

"I'm afraid Daddy ain't here tonight, my love," Lou said as the toddler eagerly swallowed the food her mother was feeding her. "You'll have to content yourself with your old, boring mama for a while."

"I don't think you're so old or boring."

Louise turned to look in the direction the voice had come from and saw Rachel standing under the threshold. The former station mistress approached and Lou said, "Thank you for helping me with the children tonight, Rachel."

"No problem. It's a pleasure to have them around. They're lovely."

"Joseph was acting a bit strange tonight," Lou continued. "I guess it's his way to express he misses his father. It's going to be the first time he's gonna be without Kid for so many months since they met."

"Louise, it's just four months," Rachel replied.

"Four months is a lot for a child. It's a lot for me too," Louise admitted in a soft voice.

Rachel didn't say anything and looked around. Her eyes fell on a pair of sheets that rested on the bed. She knew Kid had left a note for his wife and Louise had spent every spare minute reading it over and over again. "How many times have you read that letter?" Rachel asked in a teasing tone.

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "I… I don't know. It kind of makes me feel closer to him… like the children make me feel he's with me across the distance," Lou added, caressing Alice's soft, dark hair. And when Louise lifted her eyes, she found Rachel looking at her with a strange expression. Rachel sometimes made her feel awkward, as if she were assessing her all the time. Things were definitely different between the two of them, and Lou was curious to know what was on Rachel's mind. "You must think the worst of me," Lou finally blurted out.

Her statement caught Rachel unawares and she hurried to compose herself. "Why do you say that, Louise?"

"I know I've made a terrible impression on all of you," Louise elaborated. "You must think I don't love my husband and my children."

"We don't think any such thing."

"I swear that's not so," Louise continued, ignoring her friend's comment. "I love Kid and the children so much, Rachel, so much that it hurts real bad. I cannot even start explaining what is in my heart."

"I understand that."

"And it makes me absolutely livid to think somebody or something might hurt one of them. The mere notion makes me feel a terrible urge to cause endless damage to the person who might harm my family."

"Lou, who are you talking about?" Rachel asked with a confused frown.

"Myself." Rachel stared at her as if she had lost her mind and Lou continued, "I… I feel I'm that black cloud that hovers over them like a bad omen. I'm afraid of what I might do to them, and I really feel like shooting myself dead. That would certainly clear the dangers for them."

"Louise, don't talk like that. You scare me!"

"I'm not good, Rachel," Louise muttered as her trembling hand kept caressing her baby. "I've done nothing but causing them pain and shame. And sometimes the harm has come from sources I feel unable to control."

"I think you're exaggerating," Rachel added. "What terrible things have you done?"

"For starters, I lied and cheated… kept Kid in the dark about his son. He had a right to know and I decided to be the only parent for Joseph for eight years. And at the same time, I denied my son the right to have a father."

"That's true," Rachel admitted. "But you rectified that."

"Because I had no other option!" Lou exclaimed. "I felt trapped when Kid found out the truth through other means! That's why I had to tell him the truth. And that's not the worst. I've condemned my children to live in scorn and hatred because I, their mother, showed no respect or decency. I resorted to anything to get what I wanted without thinking of the consequences, without realizing what all that might mean for them."

"Lou, life is giving you a second chance to start afresh," Rachel replied. "You're married to Kid and are trying to create a real home for your children. You're fighting to do the best for them."

"I'm not sure if I'm fit to decide what's the best for Kid and my children," Louise muttered sadly. "I… can't live without them, Rachel. They're my whole life, but I also know they'd be much happier if I wasn't in theirs."

* * *

"My head is killing me!" Rachel exclaimed as she reached the last step of the staircase. She plonked down on her sofa next to Teaspoon and gave the old marshal a squeeze on his arm.

"Lou all right?" he asked.

Rachel shook her head morosely. "That silly girl is in a total mess and seems unable to see the light."

"It happens to some people," Teaspoon remarked thoughtfully. "And Rachel, remember she's not so much a girl as we knew her. Heck, she's a mother… twice!"

"But she sometimes behaves like a young girl!" Rachel exclaimed, and realizing the harshness of her comment, she added, "It really breaks my heart. Lou was always so full of energy, of life and now it's as if she's given up on life, as if she is defeated."

"People change over the years."

"Yes, I know. I can't help but worry for her and of course what her problems might mean for Kid and the children," Rachel muttered. "Some of the things she says are really scary." She paused and after a few seconds, she asked, "Aren't you worried about her, Teaspoon? You always had a soft spot for her."

"Sure I am," the marshal replied. "But I know that if somebody can overcome anything, that person is our Lou. She's not alone and she'll be fine. She's in good hands," he concluded, winking at the woman.

"I'm not so sure, Teaspoon. This is like a different Lou; she's so changed."

"Trust me, Rachel. Lou just needs to learn who she is and who those dear to her are. She's blind right now and we will have to be her eyes for a while and help her see the reality."

"And how do we do hat, Teaspoon?"

"We don't have to do anythin'. Her blindfold will fall eventually and she'll see for herself. Just wait and see."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Four long days… just four days had passed since Kid had gone and it seemed like a lifetime. How was she going to survive without him for four months? Lou thought that she'd likely go crazy or maybe she already was. They had received a telegram from the men when they had reached their destination and since then Lou eagerly waited for the letters Kid had promised, but she hadn't got anything yet. Louise knew that it would take days or even a couple of weeks for a letter to get to Rock Creek, but that knowledge didn't make her wait easier.

Lou was amazed at the changes she was experiencing. She had always been so independent, such a free spirit and now she had turned into a needy, pathetic woman. Of course, she was certain where all these changes came from. She was simply scared… fearful she might lose Kid in these four months. Being apart from her, Kid would then have time to muse and reflect on their relationship, and might realize the kind of woman he had married. Lou had heard that those working sites attracted the attention of women looking for a husband. Kid was already a married man, but he might meet somebody… a woman who wasn't so rotten, pathetic and corrupted as she was. And if that happened, how could she compete with a normal woman? How could she fight for Kid when she was so little, so unimportant? She couldn't and she wouldn't, and if Kid decided to love somebody else, Lou told herself she should be happy for him.

Louise turned to look at Jenny walking by her side. The blonde woman was smiling from ear to ear, and Lou wondered how she could feel so carefree. How could Jenny look so peaceful and cheerful when her husband was miles away and presumably surrounded by those vultures of women? But then their cases were so different. Jenny had nothing to be afraid of. Buck would return to her because she was a good wife and there was nothing strange in her: no shameful past, no dark secrets, no tainted reputation. Buck would never need anyone else, because he had everything at home. They formed a perfect match, completed with a lovely daughter and another child that was on its way.

Louise's thoughts stopped as she suddenly let out a grunt when she felt her hair being pulled. Once again naughty Alice had grabbed a fistful of her hair and playfully yanked at it. Louise rescued her tresses from her baby's hand while Jenny said, "Celeste used to do that when she was her age."

"Yes, it's her favorite game," Louise replied. "And wearing earrings is out of the question too. I almost lost my left ear the other day."

Jenny laughed at the comment. "I love little girls," she remarked. "I would like to give Buck a son, but some part in me would also like to have another girl."

"Boy or girl… as long as your baby is healthy, nothing else matters."

"Yes, you're right," Jenny admitted as she rubbed her expanded middle absent-mindedly.

They continued along Rock Creek's main street in silence. Celeste and Joseph led the way ahead of their mothers, playfully jumping along and trying to beat each other in the game. Jenny had to see Dr. Jones for her checkup and since Rachel was busy today, Jenny had asked Lou to come with her.

"Joseph, Celeste, we're here," Jenny called, pointing at the building that housed the doctor's office.

The children stopped and shot towards the place, making a raucous entrance while Jenny and Lou followed discreetly. As soon as they were inside, they sat down on a corner and took out their notebooks and pencils and started to draw. Lou and Jenny shared a knowing look. Drawing would keep the children entertained and out of the way. Louise was glad that Joseph had bonded with Celeste Cross so easily even though four years separated them in age. It was nice to see them together. Celeste followed Joseph everywhere and the boy had appointed himself the girl's protector and big friend. They were so endearing, thought Lou with a smile, and one day Joseph would probably act the same way with Alice. His period of brotherly jealousy was not totally gone, but he seemed to fuss over his little sister more, especially since Kid had gone. Apparently, the boy had taken his father's words seriously and tried to look after the girls in his family.

The doctor's waiting room was quite busy today. November's chilly and wet weather was causing people to come down with colds, the flu and other conditions. There were a couple of sturdy men on one side of the room, a lady and her young daughter and two elderly women, who were going into the doctor's office at that moment. The waiting room was small with just a few chairs, and Lou and Jenny came to sit on the two empty seats next to the lady and her daughter. The women voiced a soft greeting and Lou noticed the lady looking at them with a strange expression. The woman's eyes were studying them and Lou recognized that look at once. It was the same kind of look that she was so used to bearing when she had walked past those so-called decent people, a reflection of scorn and spite, and the lady's next stiff comment confirmed Lou's suspicions. "Lily, let's go. We'll come back later when the air here is fresher and less stale and polluted."

The woman and her daughter rose to her feet. With a proud expression, her chin tilted up in the air, the woman walked out, dragging the girl along, her steps brisk and hurried as if she couldn't escape the place quickly enough. Lou stared at them with a flabbergasted expression. How on earth was she getting the same treatment as in Richmond? She was a married woman, by all looks decent and respectable and besides, she didn't know anybody apart from her friends in Rock Creek. Why had that woman looked at her as if she had leprosy? Did people here already know about her past? And how did they? Only her friends knew. Could Rachel or Teaspoon be talking about her behind her back? Or maybe Paul had gone on the bottle again and had blabbed about things that weren't his concern. She knew Paul's tongue loosened up when he had had a few drinks, and from what she remembered, Rock Creek was full of gossips and narrow-minded hypocrites.

"It's because of me," Jenny said when the door slammed closed. Lou looked at her with a confused expression, and Jenny elaborated, "That woman… she's leaving because of me."

Louise didn't understand what her friend was saying. "Why?"

"This town hasn't forgiven me for marrying Buck, just a half-breed for them. Many folks think we are nothing but a bunch of savages."

"But that's outrageous!" Lou exclaimed with an expression of horror.

"I guess it is," Jenny agreed with cold indifference. "But that's the way things work in the civilized world. My own father wouldn't talk to me for a long time. When Celeste was born, some of the ice in his heart melted and he's now crazy about his granddaughter. We have a better relationship now, at least we are civil to each other, but I know he's still sore. He will never forgive me for eloping and marrying Buck in a Kiowa ceremony."

Louise nodded. She remembered how bigoted Tompkins had always been. He used to have a strong dislike and even hatred to Indians, a dislike that could be understood to some degree because of the way his wife and daughter had been abducted and kept captives by a tribe for years. The ironical thing was that a man like Tompkins had ended up having a granddaughter who had Indian blood, the same race he had been so against. "But that was your decision," Lou replied to Jenny's last comment.

"Yes, but for him and many others I'm just living in sin with Buck," Jenny explained. "I could make things easier if I agreed to have a wedding in church. Buck wouldn't mind. But that's not what we want and I won't have my husband go through a charade, just to keep up appearances for my father. I don't care what others think. I just care about us and our family."

"That is very brave of you."

Jenny shrugged her shoulders at the comment. "The only thing I feel sorry for is the way our decisions affect our daughter. It's not easy. You know what children are like and pick on Celeste. We've tried to talk to her. She seems a happy child, but I think she doesn't understand why some children call her a savage."

"Jenny, why don't you leave Rock Creek then?"

"And go where, Lou? Problems won't disappear. You can't flee from them. The best way to cope is to face problems and grow wiser with them. I don't want my children to grow up learning that the way to face life is to escape when difficulties arise."

Louise nodded, and kept quiet. It was strange. Jenny's story was very similar to hers, but the way her friend dealt with the external world was very different. Besides, it wasn't fair for Jenny and Buck to suffer people's spite. They lived their love in a different way, had different beliefs and it was not fair people ostracized them because they didn't fit in this town's specific set of moral rules. Lou thought that her story was different. She hadn't acted out of love, just out of selfishness, a notion that stung her conscience. At the time she had really believed that her acts were her only way to survive but from the safe distance of time she was seeing things in a different light. She had become a dirty jailbird, exchanging her body for an incomplete safety. Maybe it would have been better if someone had beaten her to death. Then her life wouldn't hurt so much now and she wouldn't have spoiled the life of her dear ones. She had really earned the contempt people had generously bestowed upon her, but not Jenny or Buck. They had been firm and brave in their beliefs. They didn't deserve all those kicks from life. It wasn't fair.

* * *

About half an hour later Lou and Jenny and the children were on their way back to the old station. The two women walked in silence after the visit to the doctor, both immersed in their own thoughts. "Are you gonna tell Buck?" Louise asked finally.

"Tell him what?"

Lou stared at her with an impatient expression. "Jen, don't play dumb. You were there and heard the doctor." After examining Jenny, Dr. Jones had told them that Jenny might have problems in labor due to the considerable size of her baby. Lou hadn't liked the way the physician had looked and she had grown really concerned.

"I don't see the need."

"I think your husband has the right to know," Lou replied.

"Lou, having a baby is always dangerous," Jenny continued. "Buck and I are aware of the dangers and responsibilities. I imagine you also thought of those dangers when you had your children."

"Yes, but…"

"Having children is women's responsibility," Jenny carried on, cutting Lou off. "That's the way the world has been arranged. If I was to die, that's a sacrifice I'm ready to make for my family."

"I don't think Buck would see it that way," Lou disagreed.

"Maybe not, but there's no way to know what's gonna happen. I'm not going to worry Buck for nothing," Jenny said and on seeing her friend's unconvinced expression, she smiled and added, "And besides, I'm not alone. You are all here for me."

Louise shook her head, not understanding her friend and feeling a sudden admiration for her. Jenny and she had hardly known each other in the old days. Actually, Lou had thought that Jennifer Tompkins was a selfish, irrational girl back then. Yet, Louise was now realizing that her opinion had been totally inaccurate, or maybe her friend had grown wiser. In any case, Louise had to admit Jenny was a mirror to see her own poor image in comparison.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Louise washed the plate, cup and cutlery she had just used for breakfast. Lately she didn't have much of an appetite as her thoughts kept nagging her about Kid and the poor life she would give him. Yet, Rachel always prepared a full meal for her and made her eat. Actually, the food this morning had felt really good and the headache that had been bothering her since she woke up wasn't so acute. Yet, she still felt quite rotten and she didn't know where she stood right now. The same black feelings kept nagging her and she was unable to think of anything else but her unsuitability.

Kid was away and the idea he might not come back was very real. She knew that marrying Kid was the right thing to do. She loved him with all her heart, he loved her, they were already a family and this is what the children really needed. But on the other hand, her chest hurt whenever she thought of the terrible pain she meant for him. And it wasn't because they had married, it was more than that. Kid had lost from the very first moment he had met and fallen in love with her. She had meant nothing but problems for him, and Lou feared that she might hurt him more in the future, even unconsciously. Maybe where he was, Kid was starting to realize that. He hadn't even written to her since he went and the idea that he had forgotten her became more and more a reality with each passing day.

That was her worst fear, but despite everything, she knew she couldn't keep acting like a pathetic crybaby. She needed to get a grip on herself and face the music. Whatever happened between her and Kid, she couldn't be a coward, and she had to do her utmost to stay calm even though she got closer to breakdown more often than not. And at night she did nothing but cry all the time and sleep less. The lack of proper rest and her own depressing mood were making her very weak, and her nerves were continuously on the verge of collapsing.

Drying her hands on a tea towel, Louise walked back into the dining room. Rachel was sitting on the sofa, sewing and lifted her gaze when Lou stepped in. "How is your head?"

"Better," Lou replied as she sat across from her friend. She noticed the pile of clothes waiting to be mended and said, "I don't think you were this busy when you looked after us back in the Pony Express days."

Rachel smiled and without stopping the task, she explained, "I mend the clothes for the customers in the guest house. It's an extra service and I don't mind doing it."

"Can I give you a hand?" Louise offered. "I'd welcome the distraction."

"Sure. Help yourself."

Louise opened the sewing basket, picked a needle from the pincushion, and threaded it with some white cotton. She tried a couple of thimbles from the basket and finally chose one that, although a bit loose, fit her thin middle finger better. From the pile she took a pinafore whose hem was undone and started the task. The two women sewed in silence while Joseph hovered over Alice's basket. The girl squealed delighted as her brother made faces and talked to her.

This peaceful atmosphere was broken when a knock resounded and the door opened. Paul walked in, and smiled at the ladies. "Hello, gentleman," Rachel greeted as she left her sewing and rose to her feet. "I saw you ride out this morning. Was it a nice ride?"

"Very. Rock Creek is a beautiful setting, much more beautiful than I had imagined. The more I see, the gladder I am to have come," Paul replied.

"That's great," Rachel exclaimed. "I imagine that you must be thirsty. Shall I get you something?"

"Now that you mention it, I'd be grateful for a glass of water," the man said.

"What about you, Lou?"

"I'm fine. Thanks, Rachel," Lou replied without raising her eyes from her sewing. He didn't notice Paul and Rachel disappear into the kitchen. Joseph kept playing with his sister and Louise smiled at the sound of her two babies.

A few moments later Paul and Rachel walked back into the living room and sat down. Louise rose to her feet and went to leave the pinafore in the pile of mended clothes. Over her shoulder she spotted Joseph rummaging in Rachel's sewing basket. "Honey, leave that or you'll prick your fingers with the needles," Lou said. "There's nothing in that basket for you."

The boy obeyed his mother and looked at her with a pout. "Ma, I'm bored… and hungry."

"Hungry already?" Lou exclaimed as she stopped before her son.

Lou nodded while Rachel remarked amusedly, "You know, men are always hungry. Remember Cody?"

Louise checked the time in Rachel's wall clock. There were still a couple of hours till lunch. "I'll make you a sandwich to keep you going till lunchtime, all right, honey?" Louise suggested.

"Thanks, Ma!"

Joseph started to follow his mother as she walked to the kitchen, but Lou stopped and turned to him, "Honey, stay here and play. I'll be back in a minute."

The boy nodded slowly. "Stay with us, Joseph," Rachel said. "And when you have your sandwich, we'll pay a visit to Aunt Jenny and you can play with Celeste. How about that?"

"Thank you!" the boy exclaimed happily. He liked his cousin Celeste very much. Right now she was his best friend and even though she was younger than him, he didn't care. Celeste was fun to play with and much nicer than Violet Patrick.

In the kitchen Louise prepared the sandwich for her son. From Rachel's cabinet she took some butter and meat. Joseph loved meat sandwiches. He was a boy with a very good appetite, but his tireless activity made him use up every ounce of his energy. The delicious smell of the meat filled her nostrils, and even though she had eaten her breakfast about half an hour ago, her stomach rumbled.

As she spread the butter on the bread, Lou's mind kept wandering to Kid. She wondered what he was doing at this very moment. What would he be thinking? Why didn't he write to her? Would he have met somebody… somebody special like she feared? The simple notion was enough to make her want to cry, but she choked back the tears. She told herself that maybe it was for he best. She always said that she wasn't the woman he deserved and all she wanted was Kid's happiness. She needed to keep calm and accept whatever came her way without making a fuss about it. Strangely enough, right now she was feeling all right, ready to face the world and her punishment, but she knew there was a shadow lurking in the darkest corners of her mind waiting to see her fall. That shadow was what turned her into a pathetic, hysterical, scared, creature, somebody she abhorred.

"Your sandwich, honey," Lou announced as she walked back into the dining room.

Joseph quickly took his food and sat down to eat it eagerly. Rachel and Paul had been quietly talking but the conversation stopped when Lou appeared. "Rachel, I'm going upstairs to change Alice. I'll drop by the post office and see if there's some mail for us today."

Rachel and Paul exchanged a concerned look. They knew Lou was upset because Kid hadn't written and even though everybody told her that there must be a reason why the letters didn't get to Rock Creek, she wouldn't listen. Buck hadn't written either, but Lou kept saying that Kid wasn't coming back and that was why he hadn't bothered to send her the letters he had promised her. "Hello, beautiful!" Louise exclaimed as she stooped to pick up the toddler. Her bright expression turned into a concerned frown when she saw her daughter. "What's that face for, honey?" It was then that she realized that something was wrong, very wrong. "Alice!" she screamed, alarming the other people in the room. "Oh God! She's choking!" Lou exclaimed hysterically as the tears filled her eyes. Alice's face was red and she was wheezing and gasping painfully.

Suddenly, time seemed to stand still and Louise felt petrified, watching her poor baby. She couldn't hear, move or understand. She could hardly react. All she knew was she was terrified. Her poor baby was fighting to breathe and she couldn't do anything. Her poor baby. Her poor baby. Suddenly, in the fog that her mind had become she noticed how Alice was taken from her arms and Paul's voice snapped her out of her frozen state. "Just allow me, Louise."

Lou stared in agonizing expectation as Paul pressed her baby's chest several times. Alice didn't react and her lovely eyes were closing, her face getting redder and redder with each passing second. And then suddenly a small object shot out of Alice's mouth and as the baby started to breathe and cough at the same time, Lou felt such a relief that she thought she was going to be sick. "Oh my girl! Oh my girl!" she kept repeating over and over again, and when she tried to spread her arms to her daughter, she realized for the first time that she was squeezing Teaspoon's arms strongly. When or how she had missed him, she didn't know. Her teary eyes met his and she cried, "Oh Teaspoon! I've been so scared!"

"Us too, sweetheart," he replied, his voice thick and husky.

"Come on, beautiful! Go with your mama," Paul cut in and passed Alice to Lou.

On feeling the soft body of her baby in her arms, Louise couldn't hold back and the tears came unleashed. Alice looked at her mother with her big eyes and her mouth split into a big smile, the corners of her mouth forming two lovely dimples. "Lou, calm down. Nothing's happened. You see? She's as happy a girl as usual."

"I know," Louise hiccupped. "I… I don't understand. How did… did this happen?"

"Seems this little thing was the culprit," Paul explained as he showed the small object he had picked up from the floor.

"It's one of my thimbles," Rachel said behind them.

Lou's eyes widened in horror and shame. "It's the thimble I was using," she cried. "How did it get there?" And then her mind started to reel as the tears turned into sobs. "Oh God! I don't even remember taking it off! I must have let it drop in the bassinet. How could I be so careless!"

"Lou, it was an accident, that's all," Paul said.

"Yes, sweetheart," Rachel added. "Paul is right. And nothing happened."

"But it could have!" Louise cried. "My baby could have died because of me! I'm such a horrible mother! I'm such a horrible mother!"

"Lou, don't say that," Teaspoon said. "You're not horrible. Please calm down!"

The words didn't manage to get into her foggy mind. Once again she was back to the darkest spot in her soul. Alice could have died because of her carelessness. Everything she touched got ruined and now it was affecting her children too. Why couldn't she be a normal woman… a reliable, sound mother? Her family would be better off without her; she was bad news… very bad news, and she told herself that this couldn't keep happening. She had to do anything before someone got really hurt.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Tears kept falling from her eyes as her hand caressed Alice's pretty face softly. Lying on her side on the bed, Louise couldn't stop sniffing and weeping in silence. Her mind kept replaying today's events and her whole body trembled as she thought of what could have happened to her sweet girl. She had been about to lose the brightest ray in her life, her beautiful, very special daughter, and the notion was so scary she couldn't stop the tears from falling from her eyes.

Alice smiled, showing her only two front teeth. She kept staring at her mother with big eyes, letting out incoherent sounds in a particular language of hers. Despite the tears, Lou smiled. She loved her little daughter so much that right now she couldn't imagine her life without her in the same way she couldn't think of living without Joseph or Kid.

She still remembered when she had first learned Alice was on her way. Her monthly had been missed for several weeks, but she had put it down to other reasons. Conditions in the prison were dreadful; food was in short supply and hygiene was simply out of reach. Lou knew that many women missed their periods due to the pitiful circumstances they had to endure, so in that moment she didn't pay special attention to what was happening to her body. But then the doctor had given her the shock of her life, notifying her that she was going to become a mother again, and she had panicked. Naturally, she had known all along what the risks of fooling around with the guards were, but naively she had thought that at least she could be spared that.

Louise had cried bitter tears for days and she had prayed she would lose the baby growing inside her womb. Time had passed and as her middle had grown bigger and bigger, she had realized that the baby would be born despite her wishes. Thinking about those days Lou felt a sting of pain and guilt. Back then she had wanted her baby to disappear and now… she wouldn't change the way things had turned out for anything.

Alice was such a good and lovely child. Lou loved her smile, a smile that was constant on her face, a smile that lit her days. But Alice was also a heck of a character, and when she got angry, she really showed very loudly that she was not happy. Lou's eyes swept through the baby's lovely face. She was beautiful. What everybody said was true. Alice looked like her. Yet, as the months went by and Alice grew up, Louise was starting to make out some features that weren't definitely hers or her family's like those beautiful dimples that showed on the corners of her mouth whenever Alice smiled. Lou had always told herself that she didn't know or want to know who had fathered her daughter. However, a naughty, curious part in her mind played with the possibilities, considering the bunch of candidates that were more likely to be the father. Lou scolded herself every day but she couldn't help herself. The worst was that Alice's smile and definitely her dimples reminded her of somebody very specific. This was what she had feared Addie would discover when she had come visiting. Maybe her baby had a father, but that didn't matter. Alice's pa was Kid, legally and emotionally, and there was nothing else to consider.

"Lou, please stop crying!" Rachel spoke as she sat on the chair by the window. "I told you over and over again. It was an accident. It wasn't your fault."

"A good mother wouldn't have been so careless. Didn't you see her? My poor baby was wheezing and choking!"

"All parents make mistakes," Rachel replied as she rose and started to tidy the bedroom. "When Jenny first had Celeste, Buck volunteered to bathe the baby and he almost scalded the poor dear because he hadn't checked the temperature of the water."

"But that wouldn't have killed her!" Lou cried, irritated.

"And it didn't kill Alice. You were there to spot something was wrong," Rachel reminded her but Lou let out a disagreeing grunt and turned her back.

"Lou, you're edgy and anxious," Rachel added. "Shall I make you some tea? That would soothe you nerves."

Louise didn't turn round and Rachel just saw her shrug her shoulders in indifference. Guessing that shrug meant yes, the former station mistress walked out. When she reached the room downstairs, she found Joseph sitting at the dinner table. His eyes were directed to the shining surface of the table, his shoulders sagged and his hands intertwined on his lap. "Joseph?" Rachel called with a concerned expression.

The boy lifted his sad eyes to Rachel. "Is Alice all right?" he asked.

"Yes, she is fine. You needn't worry," Rachel replied, sitting next to the boy and ruffling his hair. "We had a big scare, didn't we?"

"Ma was very sad."

"She was worried," Rachel explained. "But Alice is okay now."

Joseph nodded and after a short pause, he called, "Aunt Rachel?"

"Yes, Joe?"

"I… I did something terrible today," the boy muttered, his eyes shining with sheer anxiety. "It… it was me who dropped Ma's thimble in Alice's basket. I was playing with Ma's sewing things. I didn't mean to do it."

Rachel let out a tired sigh. "Joseph, you know you can't give Alice tiny objects. She's a baby and tends to put everything in her mouth. You saw what happened today."

"I didn't give it to her," the boy replied. "The thimble slid off my fingers into the basket. I tried to find it, but then… I forgot." When Lou had brought him his sandwich, he had stopped looking and rushed to have his food. "I'm so sorry, Aunt Rachel. I didn't mean to hurt Alice."

"I know, Joseph," Rachel said, brushing her hand over his head.

"Aunt Rachel, do … do you think I should tell Ma?"

The woman nodded. Lou was too upset, blaming herself for something that clearly hadn't been her fault. Knowing that it had been an accident would lighten her conscience. "Yes, honey. I think you should. Your Ma will like to know. I'll go with you and we'll tell her together, all right?"

Quickly, both of them climbed the stairs to the bedroom. Rachel knocked at the door, but didn't wait for an answer and they both walked in. "Lou, there's somebody here who wants to see you."

Louise turned to look and smiled tiredly when she saw her son. "Joseph…"

"He wants to tell you something."

Lou wiped her tear-stained face with a handkerchief and got up from the bed, coming to stand in front of the boy. "What is it, honey?" she asked.

Joseph kept his eyes focused on the toes of his shoes and wrung his hands nervously. "It was me, Mama."

"It was you what?" Lou asked, putting her index finger under his chin and lifting his eyes to her. "What is it, Joseph?"

"I dropped the thimble in Alice's basket. I was just playing… I didn't want to harm her," Joseph explained uncomfortably.

"You see, Lou? It wasn't your fault… it was nobody's fault. It was an accident," Rachel added.

Lou stared at Joseph with horrified eyes. A rush of heat colored her face and her heart was pounding in her chest so strongly that she thought it would rip her flesh. Anger started bubbling and before she knew what she was doing, she cried, "Don't you realize what could have happened, Joseph? Didn't you hear me? I told you to leave my things alone, didn't I? didn't I?"

"Yes, Ma," the boy muttered as the tears appeared in his eyes.

"Lou, please leave it," Rachel tried but Lou seemed deaf to her words.

"Alice could have died. Do you understand what that means?" Louise barked and Joseph nodded with a sullen expression. "Why don't you ever listen to what I tell you? Why? What's your problem, Joseph? Answer me, what's your problem?" Lou continued in the same tone while her hands grabbed his shoulders and started shaking the boy.

"Lou!" Rachel cried loudly, pulling her away from Joseph. "Stop it! He's just a child, for goodness' sake!"

Lou's blurry eyes turned to Rachel and then looking at a wailing Joseph, she realized in horror what she was doing. "Oh Joseph!" she exclaimed, falling on her knees. "Please baby, forgive me, please. I didn't mean to shout at you. I'm not angry, I just… I'm just stupid."

"I'm sorry, Ma. I'm so so sorry," the boy sobbed as Lou hugged him.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. I was just angry with myself. It's my responsibility to look after you and your sister. I'm so sorry, my love," Lou cried among tears, kissing her son repeatedly.

"I love you, Mama. And I love Alice and Pa."

"I know, baby. And I love you… so, so much," Lou said while her fingers wiped the boy's endless tears. "Don't cry, please. Everything's all right. Alice is fine. It was a silly accident, only that, my love, only that."

Hovering over them, Rachel watched mother and son. Something in this was not right, something that was definitely too scary. She didn't know what it was exactly, but she had a bad feeling about all this. The Lou that she was getting to know wasn't the same person she had met years ago. It was understandable to be upset and nervous after Alice's fright, but this was not like Lou at all. At least not in the Lou she had known and loved in the past. There was something strange and dark in her behavior, as if Lou wasn't Lou, but a strange person. All this made her wonder, simply wonder but she was still scared all the same.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Louise lay in bed fully awake, only darkness meeting her open eyes. Rain pelting against the ceiling and the window resounded in the silence of the night, the howling wind and thunder keeping it company.

Lou's arm wrapped around her son's shoulders while her other hand arranged the quilt over his body to keep him warm. Joseph had wanted to sleep with her tonight and she had gladly complied. She was happy to have her son with her and feel him next to her. She was totally ashamed of her own behavior last night and she could see that Rachel thought the same. Since her angry reaction to Joseph, the former station mistress had looked at her strangely as if accusing her. Louise couldn't blame her. She didn't have an excuse to act like this.

Rachel was now seeing her in her true colors and Lou guessed that she was now understanding why Kid had practically disappeared from her so soon after their marriage. Lou could bet that Rachel would want to write to Kid and tell him what kind of woman was looking after his children. He surely wouldn't like that and he might even want to take them away from her. She would probably deserve that. Actually, she was also starting to see new things in herself that she hadn't realized before. She was much more rotten than she had thought. Her soul was as black as hell and she felt she didn't even deserve the air she was breathing at this moment.

Lou had always boasted of loving her children and being a brave mother. Yet, she was starting to realize that she had been deluding herself and she wasn't good in any fields either as a mother, a wife, or a friend… in short, as a person. Her two beautiful, dear babies were suffering the consequences of having been born to a horrendous mother like she was. First, she had let her bad reputation get to them, a reputation she had created and nurtured despite Kid's warnings. The children at school had picked on Joseph and everybody in Richmond had looked down on her small, harmless baby. Neither of them was to blame for the mother they had been so unlucky to have and they shouldn't suffer because of her. It wasn't fair.

Lou had hoped that by coming out west, they would leave their problems behind, but that had been a mirage that had blinded her. Problems wouldn't disappear because _'she'_ was the problem. Louise was scared, so scared. She feared that something really wrong might happen to her family because of her. Today it had been a close call with Alice's accident and maybe it was a warning, a cry from heaven to make her react.

Unable to keep still, Louise got up from bed carefully so as not to wake up Joseph. The lightning reflected on her scared expression as she stared at the peaceful figures of her two children; Alice in her crib and Joseph in the bed. Lou was trembling from head to toe, feeling terrified as dark thoughts uncontrollably ran in her mind. Her hand came to cover her mouth and muffle the sob that threatened to escape. The idea that her family would be better off without her invaded her whole self. She had been so selfish, so self-centered. If she had really cared for her family, things would be very different now. Joseph would be living happily with the Culpeppers. They had really loved and given him everything when she had been locked up in prison. Yet, she had senselessly fought to take him back, not caring that she could hardly look after or support herself then. Or else, she could have been sincere with Kid from the beginning, and Joseph would have enjoyed the safety and security his father could offer years ago.

Alice would also be enjoying a luckier existence if she had accepted the proposition from the prison doctor. He had suggested she give her baby up for adoption. The doctor would have put her in contact with a wealthy, honest family who couldn't have children of their own. Louise had refused. She didn't know whether it had been for pride or some silly ideals, but she had said no even though back then she was unsure she could love the baby growing within her. And Kid… she had treated him so wrong from the beginning. She couldn't remember anything good, only lies and deceit. Lou couldn't understand how he could still say he loved her when she had been so horrible. She didn't deserve him and Kid would definitely be happier without her… with somebody else, anybody else but her.

A shiver coursed throughout her body and she wrapped her arms around herself as if believing that she could shelter herself from the feeling. Her chest hurt painfully and her mind kept echoing the same nagging words over and over again. Her tearful eyes shifted between her children and the door. The room seemed to suffocate her, her whole body ached and a soundless cry left her trembling lips at the same time as the sobs wracked her petite frame. She felt she was going to faint and her feet started to move. Only one look. She just had time to look just once at her babies before her body moved to the door out of the bedroom and away from this life.

* * *

Teaspoon turned and tossed in bed, unable to sleep as if feeling that tragedy was hanging in the air. Like usual when he didn't have night duty, the marshal had stayed in one of the rooms in the guest house. The storm outside growled and howled, making it difficult for sleep to come to him, so all night long Teaspoon seesawed between wakefulness and sleep. The fifth time he woke up in a row, he decided to stretch his legs and have a glass of water. As he poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher, he kept pondering about Louise. Rachel had told him about the way she had reacted to her son, and Teaspoon couldn't help but wonder if Louise was actually sick. In his long life, the marshal had known all kinds of people and he knew that a person's mind could be affected under special circumstances. From the little Kid had told them, Teaspoon knew that Lou had been under too much pressure over the years, and maybe all that was taking its toll now.

Teaspoon sighed and before getting back in his back, he casually looked through the window. Lightning struck, lighting the ample yard below. And it was then that he saw it. There was a horse and a rider. Teaspoon got alarmed when he recognized the rider. It was Lou, getting soaked to the bone in her simple nightgown. With a strong push, Teaspoon opened the window and shouted, "Lou!" But it was too late. Lou had spurred the horse and galloped into the dark night.

Quickly Teaspoon threw his clothes over him and rushed to the house. Taking two steps at a time, Teaspoon dashed up the stairs and knocked at Rachel's door. A sleepy voice responded to his summon and after a few seconds, the woman opened the door a crack. "Teaspoon? What are you doing here?" she asked in a husky voice.

"I just saw Lou riding away," Teaspoon explained urgently. "I'm going after her."

"What? Is that woman crazy?" Rachel exclaimed, her face showing apparent surprise.

"Who knows, Rachel? Pray God I can find her in time. I just came to tell you that you keep an eye on her children"

Rachel nodded and Teaspoon dashed off. The rain falling before his eyes looked like a thick curtain, but however hostile the weather was, he couldn't stay put. The marshal placed his hat on his head and pulled up the collar of his jacket before jumping off the porch towards the stables. That short distance had soaked him to the bone and he couldn't even want to imagine how Lou was doing wherever she was.

After saddling a horse, Teaspoon galloped away. He had no clue where Lou had lost herself and why she was doing this. Searching in the pouring rain was not an easy game. Water got in his eyes, preventing him from seeing clearly and the sky being totally overcast, the earth was covered in shadows, which made it harder to find anything or anybody.

After half an hour of intense search, Teaspoon finally located her. Clad only in her cotton nightgown, she was sitting on a fallen log in a clearing of the wood. Teaspoon stopped his horse and dismounted. He approached her slowly, not wanting to startle her. He called her name softly, "Lou…what are you doing here?"

Louise turned her face to him and if she was surprised to see him, she didn't let on. Her eyes just showed such raw bitterness and sadness that really scared him. Teaspoon removed his jacket and placed it over her shoulders. He sat down and brought his arm around her back and noticed her trembling. "Lou, sweetheart, what's this? What are you doin'? Let's go home."

"Teaspoon, I want to die. I really want to die. I don't belong to this life… I lost my place long ago," she muttered, coughing and her teeth chattering at the same time.

"I don't know about that, honey. And if that's so, then let life itself kick you out. Let's not help it… your family needs you… Alice, Joseph and your husband."

"Things would be better without me…I know."

Teaspoon knew he wouldn't convince her and the longer they stood here under the rain, the worse it would be. He couldn't waste any more time convincing her, and wanted to go home as soon as possible. So without more preambles Teaspoon wrapped his arm around her back and slid the other one under her legs, and then he carried her to the horse. Lou didn't protest, she simply remained there in silence, trembling and coughing. She had no energy, no will, nothing. Her lack of response worried Teaspoon, but right now his most urgent business was to take her home and to her warm bed. And as he started the horse with the girl in his arms, the marshal realized that his hunch tonight was right and they were facing a heck of a problem, much more complicated than everybody had thought. Lou needed help, urgent help or something really terrible might happen.

* * *

They sent for the doctor once Lou was finally settled in bed. Despite being dry and warm under the bedding, Louise didn't stop trembling and she also had a fever. The doctor told them that being in the cold and the rain for so long, Lou was suffering from a condition the physician called hypothermia as well as having a very strong cold. Dr. Jones advised them to keep her as warm as possible and left something for the fever. At least, the doctor had told them that there was no reason to worry as long as they kept Louise warm enough and he hoped she could get better in a few days.

Rachel and Jenny had covered Lou in as many blankets as possible, and spent most of the morning taking turns to keep her company and making sure the fire was kept alive and changing the hot water bottles. Lou had fallen asleep as soon as she had lain down and hadn't woken up since then.

As Rachel stayed in the room alone with her slept presence, she kept musing over the situation they were immersed in. Lou was in deep trouble. She had tried to kill herself and this demanded prompt action. Rachel couldn't understand. Lou had everything a woman could desire. She had two beautiful children and a wonderful husband, and it didn't make sense that she was so depressed and unbalanced. Teaspoon had mentioned that they should call for Kid and make him come from Missouri. Yet, Rachel had convinced him that they should wait for a few days. She wasn't sure Kid's presence would be beneficial. He was clearly part of the problem Lou had, and Rachel didn't know if Lou would get better if she saw Kid or just the opposite. They could wait. After all, the children were safe with her and Rachel didn't mind looking after them while Lou was in this condition.

After stoking up the fire, Rachel turned away from the fireplace and realized that Lou was finally awake. "Hi," the station mistress said with a smile.

Lou muttered something that Rachel couldn't understand.

Rachel remained in silence, making no attempt to talk to her friend. She just kept staring at her without a word. Feeling uncomfortable before Rachel's scrutinizing eyes, Louise said, "I'm feeling a bit cold and sore."

"That's due to the fever," Rachel explained. She kept quiet once again for a few minutes, staring at her friend intensely, and finally she asked, "Lou, why did you do that? That was beyond stupid."

"That's not your business!" Lou retorted contemptuously.

"It is when you're under my care and my roof! I can't remain impassive when your actions affect two innocent children!" Rachel asked a bit too loudly. "What the hell is happening here? Talking nonsense about your husband leaving, manhandling your sweet son and now this stunt of going away in the middle of the night without caring what might happen to your children! What the hell is in your head, Lou? Because as a woman, I can't understand you."

"I… I don't know what's happening to me," Louise muttered, tears glistening in her eyes.

"You need to start thinking seriously about how your acts affect other people. What would happen to your children if you died? Do you want them to grow up without a mother? You are an orphan, Louise, and you know how hard it is to be alone in the world."

At Rachel's words Lou stared crying and sobbing. Her response didn't soften Rachel but the opposite. The station mistress thought that Lou didn't need her compassion or comprehension, but learn that her behavior was not acceptable. "Stop crying like a baby, Lou. Those tears won't help your children. You need to act as a mother and become the support they need. You're the adult here and if I may be honest, I've seen Joseph act more like a grown-up than you. Please stop being so silly and selfish, and think about them."

Louise stared at her with an expression of horror. She knew Rachel was right and she deserved her rebuke and more. She might not be suitable for the role of mother, but she was one, and Alice and Joseph had a right to have a mother, good or bad. She was the only one they had, and for their love Lou had to do her utmost to be there for them. How could she have been so heartless and selfish? She needed to resist life for her children. Nothing else mattered and even though it hurt to live day by day, she'd have to be there for them. They had already suffered too much and they deserved to be happy children. No more nonsense, no more selfishness. She'd focus on her children. She might go to hell, but enough was enough.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Louise had to spend a week in bed to shake off the very strong cold she had foolishly brought upon herself when she had ventured out in the storm. The fever had been bothering her until a couple of days ago and even though she had tried to leave her confinement then, Rachel hadn't let her. Being cooped up in the bedroom after the fever and the shivers had gone had been a torture. Like Rachel had clearly said, this was her punishment for doing something so stupid. Actually, being condemned to bed wasn't the worst. What really sent her over the edge was her loneliness and not be able to see her children for all those days. She understood that they should be kept away since she might pass her cold on them, but the notion wouldn't diminish her frustration. Likewise, Jenny and Teaspoon hadn't come to see her either. Lou understood that in her condition Jenny couldn't risk falling ill, but she couldn't understand why Teaspoon hadn't bothered to come to see her. Lou suspected that all this was Rachel's doing. For some reason unknown to her, Rachel seemed adamant to make her life miserable and was keeping her isolated. So Lou just got the visits from the former station mistress, who wasn't Lou's favorite person right now.

Lou received Rachel's permission to leave her bed and the room with gladness. That morning she rose gaily, looking forward to seeing and kissing her babies. That was what occupied her heart right now. Kid hadn't written yet, and Lou was gradually coming to terms with the idea that he might walk out of her life forever. It hurt, it hurt devastatingly but she told herself that the sooner she accepted the situation, the more quickly she could mend her broken heart and move on.

Louise got dressed quickly and was about to leave the room when Rachel stepped in. "How are you feeling?" the former station mistress asked.

"Fine and ready to leave this place."

Lou tried to go past her, but Rachel didn't let her. "One moment, Lou."

"What do you want, Rachel?" Louise asked in obvious irritation.

"We need to talk about your children."

Her words alarmed Lou. "What? Has anything happened to them?"

"They're both fine," Rachel replied. "But you're not, Louise."

"What are you talking about? I'm fine. I still have a slight cough, but nothing else."

"I mean you ain't well here," Rachel said, tapping her index finger on Lou's forehead.

"I'm not crazy!" Lou exclaimed at the top of her lungs.

"I didn't say you're crazy, but you're not thinking straight. Lou, we want the best for you and also for your children."

"What… what do you mean?"

"For your own good and your babies', we've decided that you are not to be alone with them for a while. Jenny, Teaspoon or I will be around whenever you are with them."

"That… that's crazy!" Lou exclaimed. "I'm their mother! I would never do them harm… they're my life!"

"I don't doubt that, but your behavior in the last few days is worrying to say the least," Rachel stated calmly.

"You have no right! You're nothing to them!"

"Louise, we aren't doing anything against you, just making sure your kids are in good hands," Rachel replied, and paused briefly before adding, "Of course there's another possibility. We can always write to Kid and let him know what things have been happening while he is away."

Louise glared at her friend, showing how furious and upset she was. Kid wouldn't like to learn how careless and deficient she had been with their children lately. Lou was clueless what Kid might be thinking at these moments. He had left her with promises of love, but his silence in these weeks made her fear that he might already have had a change of heart. Yet however strong his love might still be for her, she knew that he wouldn't forgive her if she didn't' treat the children right.

Without a word Lou dashed past Rachel and headed downstairs. She could hear Rachel's steps, following her, but she didn't stop or turn. When Louise reached the ground floor, she saw Jenny and Teaspoon were there. Even though she knew she had given more than enough reasons to win their distrust, Lou felt hurt and betrayed to realize what her friends thought of her. Her heart told she would never harm her children on purpose, but could she be sure she wouldn't hurt them unwillingly? Apparently, everybody thought she would.

"Joseph!" she called, ignoring the other people in the room. "Joseph!" The boy appeared and ran to her. Louise drew him to her chest, hugging him as if there was no tomorrow. "Oh Joseph, my boy! My very handsome boy!" she exclaimed in a husky voice as the tears appeared in her eyes.

"Mama, are you well now?" Joseph asked as he pulled away and looked up into his mother's moist eyes. Louise nodded, unable to form any coherent words. "I missed you, Ma."

"Me too. I missed you and Alice so much… so much."

"Alice has fallen asleep," the boy said with a disappointed tone as she pulled his mother towards Alice's basket was. "She's still such a baby," the boy added amusedly.

Lou stared at her sleeping daughter in awe while her arm wrapped around her son's shoulders. The long days without them, the memory of her own acts, her mistakes, her ignorance about Kid's situation in Missouri and Rachel's revelation today suddenly took their toll and Lou burst out sobbing, burying her face in her free hand. "Mama, don't be sad."

Louise lifted her face and tried to control her bitterness and vulnerable state. "I'm not sad, my love. I'm just happy to be with you." Louise kissed her son once again. She sat down on the sofa and Joseph stood next to her, resting his arm around his mother's neck.

"Mama?"

"Yes, honey?"

Before forming the words, Joseph scrunched up his face, his eyebrows coming closer, a gesture identical to Kid's whenever he was worried and had something in his mind. "Aunt Rachel says I have to sleep over at Aunt Jenny's now."

Lou turned her serious eyes to her friends who stood at a few feet from her like three jailers watching her every movement. Louise guessed that they were sending Joseph away from her at night in case she might want to run away with the children.

Louise cleared her throat nervously as she turned her attention back to Joseph and a smile automatically appeared on her lips. "Honey, it's because Aunt Rachel is going to do up that bedroom and we thought you'd be good at Aunt Jenny's."

"Can't I sleep with you, Ma?"

"Oh my love, you're a big boy now and you'll be more comfortable sleeping alone. And it will be just for a while," Lou tried, doing her best to come up with an explanation for her son. She still didn't understand why Rachel and the others were imposing these rules on her, but she had nowhere to go, and it wouldn't do her any good to get on bad terms with her hostess.

Joseph smiled brightly as he remembered something. "And when Pa comes back, we will all be living together!" he exclaimed happily.

"Yes…" Louise whispered sadly.

"I hope time goes very, very, very quickly and Pa comes back soon," Joseph replied with a wide smile. "I miss him."

Louise caressed her son's head, praying his hopes were not met with disappointment. Lou was sure that Kid would return for the children, but what would happen with her was not so clear.

"Joseph, it's time," Rachel called, interrupting the moment between mother and son. This situation with Lou was actually very disagreeable for Rachel and it broke her heart to see her friend suffer. Rachel didn't doubt Lou loved her children and she hated to impose these controls upon her. Yet, they had all witnessed Lou's desperate acts, which had impelled her and the others to do something for the family's own good. Lou wasn't well and no matter how much they all loved her, they needed to make sure she didn't do anything she might regret. Besides, Kid had trusted Rachel with the safety of her family so she had to make sure she fulfilled that promise even though it meant going against Lou's wishes.

"Ma, I have to go to school now," Joseph said. Lou smiled when the boy gave her a kiss and then picked up his books, following Rachel and Jenny out of the house. Lou remained seated and her eyes shifted to Teaspoon, who stood in the same position he had been all this time, his arms folded over his bulging paunch and his eyes directed to her.

"Don't you have to go and sleep the day away in your office?" Louise asked unkindly.

Teaspoon knew that when upset, Lou's tongue could be as poisonous as a snake's, so he didn't heed the comment or take it to heart. "I'll keep you company today instead."

"Oh I see!" Lou exclaimed in a mocking tone. "That viper, your friend Rachel, has appointed you my watchdog this morning. You could lock me up in one of your cells as well. Maybe I kissed and hugged my son too much for your liking and I'm committing a crime by your standards."

Teaspoon walked up to Lou and sat down next to her. "Louise, do you think we are enjoying this? Do you really believe it's easy to see you like this? We're all worried about you. How do you think I felt when I found you in the rain, saying you wanted to die?"

Lou blushed, uncomfortable at the mention of the incident. "That… that was stupid of me," Lou mumbled.

"Lou, sweetheart," Teaspoon said, taking her hand in his. "You were always my very special girl in the old days… that is, after I found out you weren't a boy." Lou smiled shyly and the marshal continued. "Havin' you here after all these years is a gift, a wonderful gift, but learnin' about what you had to go through on your own hurts me, hurts us. We're family and please believe me when I say we want the best for you."

"And you have to believe me when I say I could never do harm to my children," Lou whispered. "I might not be the best mother, but I'd rather kill myself than go against my two babies." Louise paused to draw breath and continued afterwards, "Joseph was my whole life for years and when I was in prison, he was the only reason why I'm alive now. Without him I wouldn't have survived that hole."

"Was it that bad?"

"Worse," Louise replied. "I've made many mistakes, but I really want to be a good mother to my children."

"Lou, I know you have a good heart, but your judgment about yourself and others is polluted," Teaspoon added. "See all this as the chance to show yourself and others that you can fight against those strange elements that prevent us from enjoying the Lou we know and love."

Louise let out a sigh and to Teaspoon's surprise she wrapped her arms around his trunk and rested her head against his arm. "I'm so tired, Teaspoon," she muttered in a melancholic tone. "I don't know if I have the energy to fight."

"I'm sure that's not true," the marshal replied. "Think you have three important reasons to do it: two beautiful kids and a husband who adores you."

Louise lifted her eyes to her former boss. "Do… do you think he'll come back?"

Teaspoon lifted an eyebrow in surprise. "Of course. Why wouldn't he?"

"I have a bad feeling. He hasn't written and I… I don't know."

"Lou, he'll come back to you. Wanna bet?" Teaspoon replied and trying to raise her spirits he added, "If Kid returns, I win and you… you'll have to eat a whole raw onion. How about that?"

For the first time Louise chuckled. "I'd be ready to eat a whole sack if that's what it takes to have him back," she replied wistfully. Her arms tightened around Teaspoon's torso, and she felt a sense of safety that she had missed for years. She was still upset, but in a different way. Suddenly, she was coming to realize where she was. This was the only real home she had ever had, a home that was more than four walls; it was a heart, and love and understanding. And finally she came to re-encounter all that, wondering how she was so stupid to leave it years ago.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

A bright smile lit up her features as she walked out of the post office. Her golden ringlets shone in the mid-day sun and as she noticed the crisp air, she tightened her wrap around herself. Once done with the errands she had come to town for, Rachel walked down the main street towards home. As she passed before the saloon, the men lazing around outside hurled their usual lewd comments in her direction and even though she wasn't looking, she could sense their leering eyes boring into her skin. Rachel kept her eyes ahead and kept a dead serious expression but at the same time a sense of satisfaction warmed her insides. She wasn't so young anymore, coming close to her forties, but she still had her good looks which sparked men's passions and lust. Deep down she was a bit frivolous and enjoyed seeing she still counted to men. Her attractiveness wouldn't last forever and she always told herself she should enjoy her body as long as she could.

Through the corner of her eye Rachel got a glimpse of Percy Winslow and she stiffened. A few months ago Rachel had had a passionate romance with the man. He was handsome, attractive and a fine lover. Yet, when things had got too serious for her liking and Percy had wanted more than she was ready to give him, Rachel had let him go. Percy was actually any woman's dream and she was well aware that he was popular among the ladies, but Rachel hadn't been able to feel real love for him. She had liked him very much, but love was something else. Something deeper, something which Percy was unable to give her.

Even though her husband had been dead for over ten years, Rachel knew that his mark in her life was still very alive. Henry had been one-of-a-kind-man, the first man she had really fallen in love with and it would be impossible to find a replacement for him. Sometimes she told herself she shouldn't be so picky and be happy to have a life companion. The idea of sharing everything with somebody appealed to her since she sometimes felt quite lonely. She really wished she had somebody to wake up with every morning, to have long conversations with, to laugh with, in short, to walk this life with. Maybe she didn't need to love that person passionately and should content herself with somebody she could get on well with, a good reliable friend. After all, many married couples had less than that. However, she also knew that even a friendly relationship with a man would bring about problems and complications, and that was the main reason why she was still single. The years had made her fussy and lazy; she had a good life, had nobody to dictate to her and whenever she felt like it, she also enjoyed some romance without ties. She couldn't complain. Yet, there was still an annoying yearning in her heart that left her unsatisfied.

"Hello, Rachel," Percy greeted her as he stood in the main street, blocking her way.

Rachel froze her smile when she saw him. "How are you, Percy? I haven't seen you around in a while."

"I've been busy on the farm, is all," the man replied and after a pause, he added, "Rachel, I was wondering if you were free on Saturday. My mother would like to have you over dinner."

Rachel stared at him as if he was seeing a ghost. "Percy, we've been through for months!" she exclaimed. "You should have told your mother by now. Actually, you should never have told her about us. We were never a regular couple the way you thought." Irritation invaded her soul and colored her pale skin. Percy Winslow lived on a farm outside town with his widowed mother, and one of the things that had scared Rachel away was Mrs. Winslow's involvement in their matters. Whenever Rachel ran into the old woman, Mrs. Winslow always dropped hints about Rachel being her son's future wife. And even after Rachel had finished things off with Percy, the woman hadn't stopped bothering Rachel.

"I love you, Rachel," Percy said with puppy eyes

"I already told you. I don't feel the same. I'm sorry. Please accept it for once and all."

Rachel tried to walk past him, but Percy grabbed her by the arm. "Please Rachel, let's keep this going. We'll do everything by your rules. I don't want to lose you."

"Percy, please. We can't. All that will just hurt you."

"I'm tough, you know that," Percy insisted. "I miss you. Please, Rachel. Shall I go to our place tonight?"

"No! I have guests at home, and besides I told you, our story is over. Please understand that."

Rachel tried once again to go past him, but Percy steeled his hold on her arm. "Please Rachel."

"Let go of me!" the former station mistress ordered in a loud tone. She was running out of patience and this nagging was going too far.

"Is this man bothering you, Rachel?" a voice sounded by her side and then the woman realized it was Paul, who kept staring at Percy with a serious expression.

"Uh…no," Rachel replied slowly. "Percy was already leaving, weren't you, Percy?" The man caught the hint and after uttering an awkward apology, he scurried away.

When they were left alone, Rachel turned her smiling face to Paul. "Thank you. He can sometimes be a bit insistent."

"My pleasure," Paul replied, nodding his head courteously. "Shall I give you a lift home? I finished with the supplies at the store."

Rachel smiled her agreement and in a few minutes they were driving towards her place. It was a short drive, but after being on her feet all day long, she really welcomed the break. Silence settled for a few seconds and it was Paul who broke the ice when he asked, "So tell me, what's the story behind this fella… that Percy?"

Rachel sent him a sideways look. "Aren't we getting a bit too nosy here, Mr. Vaughn?"

Paul chuckled. "I was just trying to get you into conversation, and I couldn't think of anything else. Besides I'm new in this town and the best way to start feeling at home is to learn all the local gossip."

His comment might have annoyed her any other time, but the way Paul said everything made it hard for her to get upset. Instead, Rachel smiled and decided to be sincere. "Percy and I were together for a while but that's over now."

"And you broke the poor man's heart, huh?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe I did, but it wasn't my intention."

"Yeah, that's always women's excuse," Paul commented spitefully.

Rachel looked at him with a frown, wondering if he was joking, but she realized he was dead serious. "It's not an excuse. Things sometimes don't work. I still think I can find someone, but it's not easy. I've been a widow for a long time and no man has ever come close to what I had with Henry."

Rachel's words managed to soften Paul. "Yes, I know the feeling. When my wife died, I thought my heart was closed forever."

"But it wasn't," Rachel dared to say.

Paul glanced at her with a serious expression. He suspected Rachel knew about his story with Christine. Around the time he and Christine had bonded, Rachel and Teaspoon had been visiting Richmond, and he knew that his former lover had become close to the woman now sitting by his side. "Yeah… my heart was broken once again. It broke when my Celia was snatched from me and a second time when 'she' stepped on it. I think I've managed to reassemble the broken pieces. But there won't be a third time."

"Are you sure?" Rachel challenged.

Paul nodded. "I won't get attached to another woman again. I grant you there are many temptations out here and I'm just a man. I might fall but my heart won't."

"You might be right."

"I know I am," Paul sentenced and no more words were exchanged as they continued to the old station in silence. Paul dropped Rachel in front of her house and then he drove on towards the stables. As Rachel slowly sauntered into her white-washed house, she kept thinking about her conversation with Paul. Somehow she could see herself mirrored in the man. Maybe she was also protecting herself against heart-breaking and that was why she was unable to keep a steady relationship with a man. In her life she had had her share of disappointments and maybe unconsciously she ran away when men came too close for fear of being hurt. Rachel hadn't managed to stay with somebody for longer than two months, and her longest relationship with a man was with her old friend, Teaspoon. The ironic thing was that she wanted a friend who could be more than just a friend, somebody with whom she could have something of what Buck and Jenny had. And maybe there was somebody for her too.

Rachel hung her coat on the peg by the door. Teaspoon was in the parlor and she walked to him. "Where's Lou?" she asked.

"Upstairs. She went to change Alice," the marshal asked. Without a word, Rachel directed her steps towards the foot of the staircase. "Rachel!" The former station mistress stopped and looked at Teaspoon questioningly. "Shouldn't we leave her alone for a while? She's been fine for days and I don't believe accosting her will help her much."

Rachel simply looked at him but didn't reply, and turning around she made her way up the stairs. The door to Lou's bedroom was open and from the threshold Rachel watched her sitting morosely on the bed, intently looking at Kid's portrait in her hands while Alice played with a soft toy by her side. Rachel stood there without making her presence noticed yet, and kept her eyes on her friend.

Three weeks had gone since Kid had left, and Lou's mood hadn't changed much. She sounded cheerful and happy with the children, especially when Joseph was around, but then she relapsed to the same glumness. At least she hadn't pulled another crazy stunt and seemed to have accepted the provisions they had made for her own good. Rachel couldn't say she understood her or what was in her mind. Lou clearly missed her husband. This wasn't the first time Rachel had caught her staring at his framed portrait. Yet, Louise kept hurling the same comments over and over again, saying that he shouldn't be with her, that she was no good. Rachel had tried to be patient and reason with her, but it was a lost battle. And lately the former station mistress felt really annoyed with Lou whenever she was in her depressed mood, which was more often than not. She didn't understand what on earth Lou wanted, and even though Rachel could see where her reasoning came from, Lou should have got over her silliness by now. Kid was a good and honest man, who loved her and didn't care about her past. What else did Lou want? And why had she married him in the first place if she was so sure of her opinions?

Rachel finally knocked at the door, which attracted Lou's attention. "You look kind of sullen today," Rachel said as she walked into the room and sat next to Lou. Her comment was clearly an understatement since Lou usually appeared this glum at different times of the day. "You miss Kid, huh?" Louise nodded slowly as she repositioned the frame back in its place on top of the bedside table. "I think I have something that can cheer you up," Rachel continued and at Lou's questioning look, she added, "You have a letter from Kid. I just picked it up from the post office."

Louise snatched the envelope from Rachel's hand and eagerly ripped it open. Her heart was thumping powerfully and she almost cried when she recognized his handwriting. Her eyes fervently read the first lines in the letter. "He… he says they were sent to the middle of nowhere and haven't set foot in town till recently. That's why he couldn't write."

"You see, silly?"

Louise nodded and continued reading the paper in her hands.

_You can't even imagine what being away from you makes me feel. Every minute and every second seem like an eternity and the moment I walked away from you was the hardest thing I've ever done. It's strange. We spent many years apart, and now I don't know how I managed to do so. Every day I feel tempted to hop on the first train and go to you. The only thing that keeps me here is thinking that once I return we will be able to set up our home and we won't have to be apart ever again._

_I think of you continuously, which helps me keep going more easily, but at the same time I can't help but worry for you and the children. You know what I'm like, a worrywart, but not knowing how you are doing sometimes drives me crazy. The last days we spent together were so odd. We hardly talked and I often wonder if I could have done something to smooth things. I hope you're looking after yourself as you promised me, love. When I go back to you, I want to be welcomed by your beautiful smile, a smile I haven't seen for too long. You'll do that for me, won't you?_

_Lou, when I asked you to be my wife, I intended to make you happy, as happy as you deserve after all the hard years you had to go through. That is my first duty as your husband, but I have failed to do it so far. I wish I knew what I can do to give you what you need. That's my main concern and I'm ready to work myself to the bone to do my duty as your husband and your friend. Please Lou, say we can make it work because I know we have too much love to share and enjoy._

_How are our children? I'm so sorry I'm going to miss these months in their lives. When I go back, Alice will have grown up so much that I might not recognize her. I fear she might forget about me during this time._

_I pray to God that time speed. I miss you and I love you. Please take care of yourself and our children._

_Love you forever,_

_Your husband,_

_Kid_

A handful of banknotes fell from the envelope, the first pay from Kid's hard work on the railroad. Tears swelled in her eyes as she felt his undying love for her in his words and his gentle spirit oozing from the letter. She could also feel his misery, caused by her selfish behavior. Lou brought the letter to her lips and kissed the paper. "Is Kid all right, Lou?" Rachel asked by her side.

Louise dried her unshed tears and nodded. "He… he's fine," she said in a husky voice, but her bitterness kept bugging her despite everything. "I wonder if he's better now that he's without me."

"Sure he is," came Rachel's quick answer and at her answer Lou's head shot to her friend, her eyes staring at her in confusion. The former station mistress looked her back with a cold and annoyed expression as she added, "You know, Lou, hearing you talk day in and day out how unfit you are for Kid has convinced me. I agree with you. I really do believe he made the worst mistake in his life when he married you. You're absolutely right. You're not good enough for him… not even close to mediocre. Kid should dump you and get himself a more suitable woman. He doesn't have to look too hard or too far to find one. After all, compared with you, any woman could be a better choice."

Lou stared at Rachel flabbergasted, not understanding where her harangue came from. "What… what are you saying?"

"What you hear," the woman replied sharply. "I think Kid's an attractive, kind and good man. It's a shame he's wasting his time with you, especially when you clearly despise his love and the sacrifice he's making for you. To tell you the truth, Lou, I've always liked your husband and I'm sure he's not indifferent to me either… I still remember his reaction when I first came to live in Sweetwater, remember? You even got jealous of me," Rachel laughed and Lou stared at her with a strange expression as the blonde woman continued, "Now our difference in age is not so noticeable. It's high time he got in his thick head that you're unworthy. He should have leaned that by now… right from the moment you jilted him years ago. And Lou, be ready because I'm going to give you a run for your money," Rachel stated, her eyes bright with determination.

Lou couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was true that since her return to Rock Creek, she had noticed that Rachel acted coldly towards her. She actually had a better relationship with Jenny than her old friend, and she felt very awkward when Rachel was around. Lou had put it down to the years they'd been apart, but now hearing Rachel was attracted to Kid, she wondered if there was some other reason, but this really didn't make sense. "You kidding, aren't you?" Lou said in a trembling voice.

"I'm pretty serious, Lou," Rachel replied. "I haven't had a real relationship with a man in a long time… just distractions, you know. At my age one feels lonely at times and I really long to have a man in my life and my bed. So why not settle with an old friend I can trust? And right now I don't know a better man than Kid."

Lou didn't know how to react. This was a total shock and totally surreal. Louise felt her body tremble and her forehead cover in sweat. Thinking back in these last weeks, Lou realized that some things made sense now. Maybe Rachel's interest in Kid was the reason why she was so stiff to her and Lou knew that Rachel had been the first one who had convinced Kid to go away and leave her. Was there an ulterior motive in her acts? Maybe there was. And then when Lou and Kid were saying goodbye in the yard, Rachel had got in the middle, forcing him away. "But… but… Kid's my husband, and you… you are my friend."

"I grant you we used to be very good friends years ago. I still like you but some things are more important. After all, you keep saying you're not the woman Kid deserves. I imagine you'd want to grant him his freedom… give him a divorce."

"I… I don't know."

"Lou, please, make up your mind, for goodness sake!" Rachel exclaimed. "Eat your food or let the others eat. Stop acting like a dog in the manger."

Louise felt her eyes fill with tears and an image appeared in her mind. "My… my children…"

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that," Rachel said, cutting her off. "You can't believe Kid will abandon them even if you separate. After all, we know he's a better parent than you. I also love your children, and who knows what the future will hold for me."

The sadness Lou had felt was turning into sheer fury. Her children were untouchable. She had endured patiently the stupid rules Rachel had decided to impose upon her, but this was the limit. Nobody had a right to judge her. "You know nothing about parenting! You have no idea how hard it is. I try my best. I raised Joseph on my own when I had almost nothing. And I do what I can now. I love them with all my heart!"

"Maybe… but well, as you say yourself, it's a total disgrace for a good man like Kid to be joined to a woman of such easy virtue and for those children to have you as a mother."

Lou's irritation soared even more at Rachel's accusations. "You ain't a nun either, Rachel Dunne. You take and leave men as you please. How dare you judge me? Yes, I… I was with other men, but… but I didn't do it for pleasure… just for survival."

"To survive in jail, yes, I know your tale," Rachel remarked scornfully. "In jail for murdering a man. Gosh, Lou, how many more sins can you add to your list?"

"You killed a man too!" Louise barked angrily. "And we helped you when you first came to us. We helped you or you'd have been sent to the gallows. And we never judged you!"

To Lou's surprise Rachel smiled and squeezed her shoulder affectionately. "Yes, you helped me," Rachel whispered, fondly bringing back the memories to her mind. She paused briefly and added, "Can't you see it, Lou? You and I ain't so different. We both made mistakes, but that's life. Would you look down on me if I fell in love with an honest, decent man? Would I be committing such a sin if I wanted to join my life to that man… form a family with him? Shouldn't I be entitled to some happiness?"

Lou's anger blew away after Rachel's words, realizing that her friend had egged her on to prove a point. "Yeah, of course… but it's different."

"How different?"

"I sinned against my husband, and he didn't deserve it."

"So you think that you need to pay for that mistake all your life? Kid forgave you. Don't you think it's high time you forgave yourself, Lou? Or do you intend to refuse to live your life with him?"

"I… I… I…" Louise stuttered, unable to form a coherent thought.

"Lou, what is it? What do you really want? Forget about everything else and tell me what you want."

Louise kept quiet for a brief spell and directing her bright eyes to her friend, she said, "I want to be with him! I want to be with him, Rachel! I want to live with him, spend my life next to him, raise our children and give him a dozen more, and make him happy. That's all I want!"

"And what's preventing you from doing that?" Rachel asked. "You're married, love each other and have a lovely family. Nothing matters but you two. Let the world go to hell, Lou, and let yourself be loved by the man you love."

"It's not that easy, Rachel. I really try but there's something here that scares me," she added tapping her head with her index finger.

"Then let us help you," Rachel said. "You're not alone, honey. Let's forget the past together."

Louise nodded and in a sudden impulse she threw her arms around Rachel and hugged her. "Thank you, Rachel."

"You're welcome," the former station mistress replied with a smile when they pulled away. Rachel jumped to her feet and walked to the door. "I'll leave you now. I have to give Jenny the letter from Buck. And I imagine you'll want some peace and quiet to write to Kid about a few things, don't you?"

Louise smiled sheepishly in admission. "I'm going to tell him everything. I don't want there to be more lies or secrets between us."

Rachel smiled and added from the door, "And Lou, I hope you don't believe I'm interested in your husband."

"You really fooled me for a moment," Louise replied.

"I'm a good bluffer, you know," Rachel laughed. "And I'm glad to see the old Lou back, the fighter. Now we need to keep her with us. Do you think we can do that?"

"I'll try," Lou replied before Rachel finally left. A sigh heaved from her lips. Rachel had a point there, which was exactly the same as Kid had tried to tell her many times before. Maybe she was not so different from other women. Everybody had a past, everybody had their journeys to heaven and hell, and nobody was free from sin. Nobody could delete the mistakes, just look ahead and try to correct them in the future. Lou really felt ready to make the effort to forget and forgive herself. It wouldn't be simple and the challenge scared her, but right now she knew she couldn't give in. There were three very special people that deserved that she at least try… she needed to forget the tears and like Kid had told her in his letter, she had to start smiling again, and maybe life would also smile at her this time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"It's such a shame!" Lou exclaimed as she dried the cups and plates that Rachel had previously washed and rinsed. "She was so looking forward to having that child."

"Yes," Rachel agreed. "But she's still young and can have more children."

Louise nodded as she finished the last plate from breakfast and dried her hands on a tea towel. Today they had received a letter from Christine, explaining that she had lost the baby she was expecting. The tone of the letter was calm and even optimistic, but Lou could read among the lines that Christine's miscarriage had meant a blow for her and her husband. "It's a pity we live so far apart," Lou added.

"Yes, in these moments she really needs the support of her family," Rachel agreed as both women walked into the living room.

"At least, she has a good man by her side. Malcolm will help her out." Rachel nodded while putting on her coat to go to her daily responsibilities at school. Joseph appeared with his books when Lou called him.

"Honey, put your jacket on. It's very cold outside," Lou said.

"Yes, Ma," the boy replied and quickly obeyed his mother. December had come with its usual freezing weather and gloominess. There were a few weeks left for Christmas and Lou thought morosely that Kid wouldn't be here to enjoy their first Christmas together. At least, this year would be special even though her husband was away. She'd be with her children and the family she had left behind so many years before. So different from the Christmas she had spent just twelve months ago, locked up in jail, miserable and corrupted. Those Christmases in prison hadn't been anything special, just a date to remember painfully who wasn't with her.

"Isn't Teaspoon coming?" Lou asked.

Rachel shook. "Why? I don't think you need help with your baby, do you?" she asked with a wink.

Louise stared at her, her mouth splitting into a big smile. Rachel's words let her know that she wasn't under the test anymore. Since the day she had crazily gone to look for her death in the rain less than a month ago, she had carefully been watched when she was with the children. Lou had accepted the rules stoically, and now she was glad to have proved to herself and her family that she cold be trusted.

Rachel and Joseph were ready to go. Lou bid them goodbye like every morning and before they went, Lou added, "I'll go over to the guesthouse in a bit and start cleaning."

"Lou, you know you don't have to do that," Rachel replied.

"I don't mind. And you know you need somebody to clean since Glynnis is sick."

"Thank you, Louise. I really appreciate your help."

When Rachel and Joseph were gone, Lou walked over to where Alice was sitting on her high chair, picked her up, put a woolen hat on her head and a coat on her small body. When Louise started wrapping a thick blanket around her, the toddler started to fuss and protest and Lou said, "Honey, I'm afraid we have to go out. It will be just a short trip in the cold, just across the yard, because Mama has to help Auntie Rachel."

The baby kept fussing regardless. Lou placed her on her hip and without wasting any more time she headed to what used to be the old bunkhouse and was now a two-story building that took in drifters and travelers. When Lou crossed the door and felt the warmth from the fireplace, she removed the extra layers around Alice's body. The toddler had fallen asleep on the way to the place, so Lou lay her down on the davenport in the hall, placing a chair next to it for safety. Once she was sure her baby was warm and safe, she went to retrieve the things she needed for the job.

Being winter, there were not many guests in the place. In any case, she didn't need to do the rooms. Rachel had another cleaning lady who took care of that. Louise just had to sweep and wash the floors, dust the banisters and tidy the hall. Louise swept the floor with energetic motions. She was now feeling full of energy, and her lethargic spirit of lately had given way to this new rush of power and enthusiasm. After her conversation with Rachel, she was starting to see things in a different way. She had realized that her attitude was hurting those who loved her. Maybe she still believed that she didn't deserve that love, but the fact remained unchanged and she couldn't let her family down. She needed to work on forgetting about the past, her sins and focus on her present. It wasn't easy; her past wasn't so far away, but she knew that with the children and Kid she could succeed. They were her strength and she would finally forget the past.

Behind and unbeknown to her, one of the doors silently opened and a couple of curious eyes watched her. A smile appeared on his lips and a blush of pleasure lit up his smooth cheeks as he kept assessing the unaware woman. This was some coincidence, a very lucky coincidence. He had been passing through town yesterday when he had seen her. Then asking here and there he had learned where she lived. So it was then he had decided to take a room in the guest house in the hope to see her again. And here she was, as clear as the day light. She looked very different from the last time he had seen her. Her body was fuller, more voluptuous, her hair longer but from the brief glimpse he had got in town, her face was as lovely as he remembered. Maybe Rock Creek wasn't so bad after all. McCloud was here and no man lost when she was around. He closed the door before she discovered him. He leaned against its wooden surface, passing his fingers though his straight, dark hair and his mouth stretched into a smile so widely that it accentuated the dimples on its corners, giving an unmistakable luster to his young, smooth face.

* * *

"We're done, Alice. Now we'll go home and see Aunt Rachel and Joseph. I imagine they'll be back by now," Lou said to her baby perched on her hip as she made her way down the stairs in the guest house. It was half way the last flight that she noticed there was a man in the hall. Suddenly, her whole skin got covered in goose bumps and flashes of heat and cold merged in her body as she recognized the man_. "No, it can't be, it can't be,"_ she panicked mentally. She wanted to run and escape, but there was no way out. She had to face him because his pose clearly showed that he was waiting for her. Louise drew a deep breath, steeling herself for the dreaded meeting. Her steps slowed and she shifted Alice, trying to hide her face as best as she could.

"Hey, McCloud, nice surprise, isn't it?" he exclaimed with a wide smile.

Louise stopped at a safe distance. "I can't really say the same, Charlie."

The young man's frown made Lou's stomach churn. "Why not? We used to be friends, very close friends."

"I was never your friend or anybody's there!" Louise exclaimed indignantly.

"Maybe not, but you can't deny we were close, huh, McCloud?" Charlie remarked, wiggling his eyebrows meaningfully.

Lou didn't reply to the comment and asked instead, "What are you doing here?"

Charlie rested her elbow on the little counter in the hall as he bit his nails. "I moved west a couple of months ago. I was tired of my job in that prison… I couldn't stand the place, especially without your pleasing presence," Charlie explained with a grin and as Lou didn't say anything, he continued, "And luck struck me when my adorable Aunt Ursula died, leaving me a nice pile of greenbacks. I'm really having the time of my life, making good use of the money she didn't spend while she lived. It's now running out, I'm afraid."

Louise nodded seriously. While she was in prison, Charlie had probably been one of the few guards in that hole that didn't treat inmates like animals. Maybe it was because of his young age. He was still a foul-mouthed, pretentious clod but at least Lou had never seen him commit the horrifying acts the others seemed so fond of practicing. "Well, I have to go now," Lou said finally. She needed to leave and quick, before things got complicated and out of control.

Louise tried to go past but Charlie grabbed her by the arm. "Not so quick, McCloud," Charlie said and in the exchange Alice turned her head to the young man. "I see you had a girl."

"That's none of your business! Leave me alone!" Louise barked and her free hand pushed Charlie away, but he was still blocking her way.

"Such a shame you left before you laid your egg," Charlie continued, chuckling. "I'd have won a small fortune. The boys were placing bets on who put the bun in your oven, and it is clear I'm the winner."

Lou's face flamed in anxiety. "Stop talking crazy! She's not yours!"

"She's mine, as sure as Hell is hot," Charlie insisted and he dared to reach out for Alice's face and turned it to him.

"Don't touch her!" Lou cried, hitting his hand away.

Charlie chortled, amused. Alice kept looking at him and seeing her grin, he smiled triumphantly. "You can't deny that, McCloud! See her dimples? That's from my father's side, the same dimples on my face," he said, pointing at his own smiling face for demonstration.

Louise felt trapped and could hardly think. How could this be happening? She was paralyzed, seeing his smile so identical to Alice's, a smile that made his face turn into an expression similar to the one showing in her daughter's face. Lou had suspected the truth about her sweet baby's father for a while now, and even though knowing her girl wasn't the fruit of those other savages was a relief, right now that didn't matter. This was the worst nightmare come true. In none of all her far-fetched dreams had she contemplated she could come across Charlie again. "That's nonsense!" was all she managed to say.

"Come on, McCloud! You know she's mine!"

"My name's not McCloud. I'm Louise Carmichael now. I'm a happily married woman and my daughter belongs to my husband, nobody else!"

"A married woman?" Charlie echoed in surprise. "What a shame! But, well, you were never very faithful, were you?"

"Go to hell!" Lou barked as she pushed him with all her strength. This time Lou made Charlie stagger aside and she finally managed to reach the door. She dashed out of the place as if the devil was after her. As she ran across the yard her mind was reeling. This couldn't be happening. She was trying so hard to forget about the past and move on, and now all her efforts crashed when the personification of that past appeared out of the blue. It seemed bad luck couldn't leave her and would continue tormenting her until the end of the world. Charlie was here, here in Rock Creek and not only that, he also knew that Alice was his. What could she do now? Run away and hide? That man would surely make things complicated for her. And even though she always had a positive opinion of Charlie compared to the rest of his fellow guards, she was now sure she couldn't stay calm when that man was around.

"Rachel!" Louise called loudly as she reached the house.

At the summon Rachel appeared with a concerned expression, followed by Jenny. "Lou?" the former station mistress just let out when she noticed the pallor of her friend's face and distorted expression.

"Oh Rachel, something terrible's happened," Louise exclaimed pathetically as she rushed to the window that had a clear view of the ample yard and the guest house. From behind the lace curtains she had a look out and breathed out when she realized that Charlie hadn't followed her. She sank down on the sofa, sitting Alice on her knees, and looked at her friends with a scared expression.

Rachel and Jenny shared a confused look on witnessing Lou's strange behavior, and then took seats in the parlor as well. "Lou, what's wrong with you?" Rachel asked.

Louise let out a sigh while caressing Alice's soft hair absent-mindedly. She looked at Rachel and Jenny alternately and then said, "You both know how Alice was conceived." The women nodded and Lou added with a bitter expression, "And now out of the blue the man who got me pregnant shows up here in Rock Creek."

"You mean her real father?" Jenny asked in surprise.

Louise nodded unhappily and Rachel said, "But you don't know who her father is."

"Uh… I didn't know at first," Louise admitted. "And I didn't want to know, but let's say that Alice has an unmistakable feature that is too revealing. And he picked up on it too. He knows…. he knows!"

"So this man has chased you all the way from Virginia?" Rachel asked.

"I don't think so," Lou replied. "It's just bad luck! Damn bad luck! And he was in your guest house!"

"Really?" Rachel exclaimed. "Who is he, Louise?"

"Charlie… I don't know his last name."

Rachel didn't need it. She knew who Lou was talking about. "I see… Mr. Giles. Lou, if he raped you in prison, I don't want him in my guest house. I think you should tell Teaspoon and have him arrested."

Lou looked uncomfortable. "He didn't rape me," she admitted reluctantly, turning her face away.

Rachel lifted her eyebrows in surprise. "You… you went with him willingly? But isn't he a bit …too young? He can't be older than nineteen now, and that happened almost two years ago!"

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "I don't care about that, Rachel. What worries me is that he's here and knows Alice is his. What am I gonna do now?"

"Lou, he's probably just passing through town," Jenny said. "He's just a boy. He won't be interested in your daughter. I wouldn't worry."

"I don't know, Jenny," Lou replied in a shivery voice. "Charlie wasn't as bad as the others, but I can't trust anybody coming from that place and then… there's Kid."

"Lou, for all we know this Charlie could leave Rock Creek tomorrow. Let's not rush and worry Kid for nothing," Rachel said.

"I don't know, Rachel. I'm scared. I know he's trouble. What if he doesn't go and keeps bothering me?"

"We'll worry about that then," Rachel added. "But please, Lou, don't think about doing something stupid like leaving."

Louise blushed, as Rachel guessed her intentions. Her two friends noticed her flushed cheeks and Jenny said, "Lou, I told you once, going away won't sort out your problems and you can't run away all your life."

"And you're not alone," Rachel continued. "If that Charlie tries anything against you, he'll have to respond to Alice's aunts and grandfather, who is none other than the marshal."

Louise nodded and smiled her thanks. However, she didn't feel any more reassured. She knew that running away wouldn't sort out her complications, but maybe she could go for a while and come back when she was sure Charlie was gone. And if he didn't go, she could travel to find Kid and they could settle down somewhere else. That was very tempting, but neither of the alternatives satisfied her. She couldn't unroot Joseph once again when he was starting to have a life here in Rock Creek. He'd gone through too many changes in his short existence, and it wouldn't be fair. Likewise, Kid really wanted to settle down in Rock Creek where all their friends were. How could she deny him that dream when he was working so hard? No, she couldn't do that. She'd stay here and endure whatever came to her. Hopefully, Charlie would go soon and her problems with him. However, deep down Lou knew that her hopes were simply a mirage and once again trouble would meet and shake her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Much to Lou's chagrin, her worst fear became a reality. After her encounter with Charlie, he hadn't come bothering her again and she had really believed she had nothing to worry about when she saw him leave the guest house the following morning. Yet, that hadn't been the end of her headaches since she had later learned that Charlie had got himself a job at the blacksmith's and was living in town. His presence in Rock Creek was a total inconvenience, especially when Lou was fighting real hard to leave the past behind. But there he was, Charlie Giles, the unknown father of her daughter and the living evidence of her sins.

And that was not the worst Lou had to fear. It seemed that Charlie was a frequent visitor of the saloon and, according to her sources, and more specifically, Teaspoon every night he spent his time and money on abundant booze and women. Lou feared that Charlie could reveal something compromising about her because she remembered he was a bit loose-lipped when he had a couple of drinks. A couple of years ago Lou had suffered the effects of just that indiscretion. The warden of the prison had invited some of the guards to have a drink on his birthday. Apparently, Charlie had a few too many and alcohol had affected him to excess. He had babbled about one of his nightly trysts with Lou in front of the warden and his family. Of course, that had earned him a punishment. He had been sent to the men's quarters from that moment on, and wasn't allowed back to the women's area ever again. That penalty was not as hard as the one Lou had to endure because of his blabbering mouth. Apart from the physical punishment she had received, Lou was sent to solitary confinement for a couple of weeks, but that hadn't really minded her all that talk. After all, even though they acted like hypocrites, everybody in that prison knew what she did. But now it was different. She had too much to lose. She couldn't have Charlie talking about her and Alice in town. That would tarnish her reputation in the same way it had been before she had left Richmond, and what worried her the most was how all this would affect the children and Kid.

Kid… there was not a single second she didn't think of him. Since the first letter, others had followed. He wrote to her every week without fail. His letters were full of love, promises and hopes for a future not so far away. He missed her and counted down the days till they could meet again. His letters didn't remain unanswered. Louise always replied. She had told him about all her bad moments after he left. She hadn't kept anything a secret and had explained how Alice had almost choked with a thimble, how she had reacted to Joseph's confession and how she had tried to seek her own death desperately. In that difficult letter Lou had chosen her words carefully. She knew that Kid would want to leave everything if he suspected she was unwell. Lou had assured him in many lines that she was feeling better and happier. And for demonstration she had sent him a photo of her and the children that she had taken at the local photographer's. In the picture she appeared smiling like Kid had mentioned in his first letter and on the back she had written_: 'Next time you see my smile, it will be for real.'_

Even though being sincere about certain matters wasn't easy, Lou told herself that there wouldn't be any more lies or secrets between her and Kid. However, she hadn't told him about Charlie yet. Rachel kept saying that Kid couldn't learn about something so delicate in a letter, and Lou should wait for his return to tell him. She might be right because whenever Lou had attempted to write about Charlie and his annoying landing in her life, she had to give up finally after dozens of balled-up papers lay around her. It wasn't easy and it wouldn't easy to tell him face to face either. Lou could actually visualize his enraged expression when she confessed the situation to him. Lou even had nightmares, imagining how he would walk out of her life forever. That was her most dreaded fear. If only Charlie would leave… she kept wishing every day, but so far nothing showed that her desires would come true.

There was still a week left before Christmas and even though Lou wasn't in a cheerful mood, she told herself she had to make an effort for the children. Today she had come to Tompkins' to pick up the last present she had ordered, a red railway engine for Joseph, which she knew he'd love. This Christmas she had bought a little something for everybody, even for Kid, which she'd give him when he returned. She wanted to show her family and friends how much they all meant to her and how she appreciated their help. A present wouldn't change anything, but she wanted to do something. Lou wished she could be more generous in her gifts, but her money was quite limited. Kid's letters always came with his pay, which Lou saved securely, except for the amount she and the children required for their every day needs. That money Kid was working so hard to get was untouchable, and she had managed to gather some coins for the presents from the pay Rachel gave her for the odd jobs she did at the guest house.

Once finished at Tompkins', Louise briskly walked down the main street towards the old way station. There weren't a lot of people around, oddly enough for the time of the day. As she came closer to the saloon, she made an unhappy face when she spotted Charlie, apparently drunk, lazing around with some of his drinking partners. Lou quickened her pace, trying to avoid being seen. She kept her eyes focused ahead as she walked, and to her disgust a loud drunken voice resounded behind her, which made her stiffen and stop her steps. "Hey McCloud! Don't act as if you don't know me! I've had you many, many times and we even made a kid together!"

Louise told herself not to mind him. Nobody would heed a silly drunkard like him. Yet, despite her better judgment, she turned around to face him. Charlie was leaning against a post on the covered walkway and chuckled when he saw her furious face. There were folks near him, but Lou doubted in their state they had really been able to process Charlie's words in their minds.

Lou walked resolutely to Charlie, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to an alley roughly. Pushing him against the wall, she barked, "Will you leave me alone!"

Charlie gave her a silly smile. "Leave you alone? It was you who came after me and dragged me here. I was quietly drinking with my friends."

Lou didn't find his comment amusing at all. "Charlie, I don't want you to talk to me… I don't want you to talk about me… I don't want to see your face, understood?"

"Why? This is America and the Constitution protects my rights to speak and walk around freely."

"But you're hurting me," Lou replied in a softer tone, foreseeing that she wouldn't accomplish anything if she went the hard way. "What you said about me could damage me seriously."

"I wasn't lying. It was the truth. And you know what they say, the truth will set you free."

Lou knew she was going nowhere and her efforts to reason with him were useless because he would probably forget this conversation the following morning when he slept it off. Yet, Lou continued anyway. "Charlie, why don't you leave Rock Creek and go somewhere else? The world is big and wide, and a small town like this one doesn't have much to offer for an adventurous lad like you."

"I have the same right to be in Rock Creek as you," he replied in a dragging tone. "And I have a reason to be here."

"What reason is that?"

"You and our girl," he replied with a silly smile and his hand flew to frame her face.

"Stop talking nonsense!" Lou exclaimed with irritation, swatting his hand away. "There is the possibility you might be her father but only by accident!"

"Oh McCloud, you're so soft, your skin is so soft," he replied, ignoring her words and before Lou had time to react, Charlie leaned over and his wet, alcohol-smelling mouth clumsily brushed against her cheek.

"Get off me, you idiot!" she cried, pushing him away.

"Don't be so harsh to me!" Charlie replied weakly. "I just want to sleep with you like we used to."

"You've lost your mind!" Lou simply muttered before turning around and walking away. The situation this moron was putting her in was going too far. She couldn't live under the constant fear of what this idiot could say. She was working very hard to have a normal life again and Charlie was ruining all her efforts. She didn't want to suffer the isolation she had lived in Richmond again. What she wanted was to have the freedom she had enjoyed when she had last been in Rock Creek. That wasn't asking for too much. Everybody had a right to enjoy a peaceful family life. Why not her? Lou was starting to believe this was really a punishment for her past acts, because otherwise, she couldn't understand this sheer bad luck.

Lou reached the house and as she stepped inside, she could hear the voices of Rachel and Jenny in the kitchen. Lou directed her steps to the place, but stopped when she heard her name being mentioned. "Do you think we should tell Lou?" Jenny was asking.

"I don't think so," Rachel replied. "It would be a nice surprise for her after what she's gone through."

"Yes, you're right," Jenny said. "I didn't count on them making it for Christmas."

"Yes, me neither. It is a very nice surprise." Rachel said and after a pause, she asked, "And when did you say they'd get here?"

"Tomorrow afternoon," Jenny replied. "It seems it won't be such a lonely Christmas as we thought. Oh my God! I'm so glad!"

The women didn't speak another word and in the living room Lou stood frozen, her heart pounding and a smile lighting her features. Kid and Buck were coming home for Christmas. It was really happening and it was the best news she had for a long time. In one of his letters Kid had mentioned something about trying to get some time off and coming over to be with her for Christmas, but he hadn't been able to. Apparently, he had fooled her to give her a surprise.

The anger she had been feeling about Charlie a few seconds ago had vanished and everything looked brighter now. With Kid here her problems would surely be sorted out. It wouldn't be easy for her to tell him about Charlie and who he was. But she was sure that Kid would do something to stop the boy from bothering her anymore. And maybe when he had to return, she and the children could go with him and stay in a town closer to the working site. Yeah, that could work. Suddenly, this Christmas presented itself so different now, so exciting. Yeah, it would be an occasion to treasure in her heart, a moment she will never forget.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Louise got up that morning with a bright smile and feeling on top of the world. Kid was coming today and she could hardly wait to see him. The last days they had been together had been so weird. After their hurried wedding, she had plunged into that strange mood she had been battling for a while and it was then that Kid had decided to go. They hadn't even had the chance to be together and enjoy the pleasures of married life. Louise was so ready to be with her husband in body and soul, and this Christmas would be the perfect occasion to confirm their love for each other and seal their marriage.

Louise walked to Alice's crib and the baby looked up at her with big eyes. "Morning, beautiful!" she exclaimed as she picked up her daughter. Sitting down on the bed, she held Alice and placed a kiss on top of her head. "Oh Alice! Daddy's coming to see us today!" The girl let out a guttural sound and smiled, pleased to hear her mama talking to her. "Yes, I've missed him too. And you know what? Maybe we'll go with him this time and that way we'll be closer to him." After her words, Alice started babbling an uncomprehending speech and Lou laughed happily, wondering what her daughter wanted to say.

"Let's get you changed and dressed, and then we'll wake Joseph, all right?" she said as she got Alice ready for the day. After spending his nights at Jenny's for a spell, Joseph was back in Rachel's place. Louise was happy to have him under the same roof with her. It had been painful to see her friends doubt her as a mother but at the same time she was glad to have been able to prove to them and herself that she could be a reliable mother. Self-doubt had bugged her but a new rush of confidence had livened her up. Louise had been working on her issues hard and even though they were far from being perfect, she knew she had started walking in the right direction.

Lou was really looking forward to telling Kid about her efforts and progress. It would make her feel proud and Kid would see for himself that she was fine because in all his letters he still sounded worried. The only stain that smudged her picture was the presence of Charlie. He was like a dangerous volcano, ready to erupt and bury her in its ashes and burning rocks. Lou didn't know how to stop the cataclysm she feared. Hopefully, she could explain the matter to Kid and he might come up with a solution because she hated to live so uncomfortably, knowing Charlie was just round the corner and ignorant of his intentions.

In an hour Louise had finished with the children. They then went down. Rachel was already making breakfast and Joseph took his usual place at the table. Louise first fed Alice her milk and puree before joining her son and friend. After breakfast, the ladies filed to the kitchen to do the washing up. "You look very cheerful today," Rachel commented after a short lapse. Lou smiled in acknowledgement. She knew she was smiling too much today, but she couldn't help it. "Any special reason?" Rachel asked.

Louise turned to look at her friend. She couldn't pretend and made an excuse, and she was done with lies or half-truths. "I know, Rachel."

"You know what?"

"I heard you and Jenny yesterday. I know about the special visit we're having for Christmas," Lou explained.

"Oh," Rachel let out in a disappointed tone. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

"It is a surprise," Louise replied. "And I promise I'll pretend to be surprised when they show up."

"I guess it doesn't matter after all," Rachel said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I'm really glad, Rachel," Lou exclaimed as she finished the last plate and untied her apron. "Thank you! And I need to go to town now. Can you keep an eye on my babies in the meantime?"

"Sure, but why are you going to town?"

"To do some shopping."

Rachel couldn't add anything else since Lou was already out of the kitchen. She was so glad and relieved that Lou seemed to be much better than in the last weeks. Rachel had feared that after Alice's father had appeared so suddenly, Lou would take a downturn. Louise had looked concerned these past days, but not like when she had first come. And today she really looked more cheerful than ever. Christmas sometimes had that effect on some people while it took others to the deepest corners of melancholy. Even though the family wouldn't be complete, it would be a great Christmas or at least, Rachel hoped so.

* * *

Louise clasped her string of pearls behind her neck and had a look at her figure wrapped in her new dress. She liked what she saw in the mirror. Nine months after giving birth, she had her shape back and had even gained some weight in the right places. Her hair now reached her shoulders and she had pinned two combs, matching her dress, on both sides.

Louise turned round from the mirror and placing her hands on her hips, she said, "What do you think, honey? Does your mama look pretty enough for daddy?" Alice gave out an indistinct sound and Lou smiled as she scooped her daughter up in her arms "You are the beautiful one here, my love. Daddy's going to be so impressed by how much you've grown up."

Louise rested Alice on her hip as she made her way downstairs. Joseph and Celeste were playing, or rather bickering like two siblings would. Celeste was trying to get Joseph to dress one of her dolls, but the boy refused to do so. Louise was smiling at their amusing exchange when a voice resounded by her side. "Lou, my, you've cleaned up quite nicely I have to say," Jenny said. "Is that dress new?"

"Uh… yes."

"And Alice's too."

"Well, I thought we could dress up for a change. After all, there's a special reason for it, don't you think?" Lou replied.

Jenny gave her a strange look and at that moment Rachel came running out of the kitchen as she cried excitedly, "They're here! They're here!"

Lou took a nervous breath and smiled as she stood opposite the door, waiting for Rachel to open it. Her heart was beating very fast and her whole body was trembling as she held Alice against her chest tightly.

"Merry Christmas, my fair ladies! Have you been able to endure this wretched life without the presence of this gentleman all these months?"

Louise's smile froze as she spotted the two men behind her friends. This was not what she had been expecting and looking forward to at all. Everything had been a dramatic misunderstanding. Neither of those men was her husband, the man she had been dreaming to see, kiss and enjoy Christmas with. Lou couldn't move and stood paralyzed as her two friends greeted the newcomers.

"Cody, you'll never change," Rachel exclaimed as she hugged the blonde man.

"And what's this, Jenny?" asked a smiling James Hickok when she noticed the woman's grown middle. "You and Buck have been entertained, haven't you?"

Jenny laughed, amused by the comment. Meanwhile, behind then, Louise didn't move a muscle and just stared with big eyes as if the air had been sucked off her lungs. She was totally crushed by this bitter disappointment and feeling the tears smart her eyes, she turned around to avoid being seen in this state. She was a fool, a total fool. She was where she was now for jumping to conclusions, and she wanted the earth to open up and swallow her.

"Lou?" she heard Rachel's voice call her and she couldn't avoid the people in the room any longer. She turned round, plastering a smile on her lips as her arms remained around Alice, fearing that she showed them how shivery she was. Rachel noticed her bright eyes and grew concerned. "Lou, is something wrong?"

Lou shook her head. "Nothing. It's just that seeing Jimmy and Cody made me think of those who aren't with us."

"It's nice to see you, Lou," Jimmy said in a soft voice.

"It's nice to see you too," Louise replied and stepped forward to give her old friend a kiss on his cheek.

They smiled at each other and then Cody came closer and asked, "And who's this sweet peanut you have here, Lou?"

"This is my daughter Alice… my and Kid's daughter," Lou said, emphasizing the part about Kid as if it sounded more real to her ears. "She's our second child."

"You and Kid, uh?" Jimmy added, lifting an eyebrow in surprise. He hadn't expected to find Lou here after so many years but the revelation that she and Kid had a family together was even more shocking. He and Kid had been in contact over the years and there had never been a mention of Lou in Kid's letters. The last time he had news from Kid was about a year ago and he hadn't said a word about Lou. Jimmy would have thought that Kid had told him, but maybe he had kept that information from him for another reason. All this was too strange. They had two children and looking at the boy at the corner, Jimmy could guess that he was about nine years-old, more or less the time Lou had been away from their lives.

"We're married," Lou elaborated.

"Heck, it was high time, I should say," Cody exclaimed. "You didn't make the job easy for the poor man."

"Your boy is a little young man," Jimmy remarked pointedly. "When did you say you and Kid got together?"

Rachel noticed Lou was feeling uncomfortable and feared her friend wouldn't want to answer the curiosity of her two friends. "Gents, let's get settled in the parlor and we'll then get the chance to catch up."

Louise didn't feel in very high spirits for the rest of the evening. The disappointment she had received tonight had wounded her so much that she felt unable to enjoy her friends' presence. She was naturally glad to see Jimmy and Cody, but there was a latent pain in her heart at the knowledge Kid was far away. And it wasn't only that she missed him. It was more than that. She had been so looking forward to being face to face with him and telling him all that was in her heart. She had imagined these days to be special and romantic with her husband, but there was nothing now, nothing at all.

Louise hardly talked that evening over dinner. Like usual, conversation was hogged by Teaspoon and a new leading voice, Cody's. Lou kept listening to the men and among all his exaggerated accounts, she could learn a few things. Apparently Cody was a married man and a father. His family had stayed home since they expected the visit of his in-laws, but Cody had fled from home as soon as he had learned about the arrival of his wife's folks. Lou wondered what kind of woman Cody's wife was. Cody had always had a very particular relationship with ladies; any woman attracted his attention and he used to fall in love with different women as quickly as he forgot about them. Therefore, Lou was intrigued to see the woman who had captured her friend's heart for keeps, a very special kind of lady indeed.

Jimmy continued much in the same way as always. He was still a bachelor and didn't seem to be in much of a hurry to escape from his marital status. He was working as a marshal in a town in Kansas, but apart from that, Hickok hadn't talked much about himself, a clear contrast with his friend Cody. Jimmy had always been discreet about his affairs, but Lou could tell he had changed from the hot-headed boy she had first met into a serene, mature man. There was something strange in Jimmy, though, not exactly in him, but about him. The way he kept studying her all night long made Lou feel extremely uncomfortable, and Lou wondered what he had in his mind.

After dinner, everybody moved to the parlor. As he had promised the children, Teaspoon got down to helping them decorate the Christmas tree. Cody had followed Jenny and Rachel to the kitchen when one of them had mentioned the magical word: cake. So Louise sat alone on the sofa, staring at the flames in the fireplace while thinking of nothing at all. As she turned her head, she found Jimmy staring down at her. "Do you find something you like around here or are you trying to figure out something?"

Jimmy chuckled as he eased down next to her on the sofa and slid his arm over the backrest. "I still can't believe you're here… and especially, learning about you and Kid married and with a family is some kind of shock."

Something in his voice told Louise that he wanted something more than to drop a casual comment. "Something wrong, Jimmy?"

"No, nothing. I'm just surprised that after all the fuss you made back then, you ended up doing what you should have done in the first place."

"Excuse me, Jimmy, but I think that's none of your business," Lou said curtly.

Hickok ignored her comment and continued regardless. "After everything we went through and lived together for over a year, you left us in a very unfair and disgraceful way, offending all of us, who just wanted to help you."

"Are you still sore at me for that?" Louise asked with a shocked expression. "That was so long ago."

"But I still haven't heard a word of apology from your lips," Jimmy insisted.

"I don't owe you an apology! You're nothing to nose in my matters!" Lou snapped.

"I used to be your friend, but your sense of friendship is very peculiar. I guess that's what our friendship meant to you… nothing. Do you think you can show up as if you believed yourself to be some kind of Messiah and we'll kiss the floor you step on? Well, I'm afraid I can't forget so easily as your husband."

Lou stared at him with a mixture of indignation and sadness. His words weren't fair. Lou admitted having made a terrible mistake all those years ago, which she regretted with all her heart, but it was untrue she believed herself something special. Quite the opposite. Her soul was going through too much pain and suffering, and Jimmy had no right to judge her when he didn't know the first thing about her.

Lou was too shocked to form a coherent reply to Jimmy's rebuke. The tense moment was thankfully interrupted when Rachel and Jenny came back from the kitchen, bringing in the coffee and cake Cody had gone to chase after. Louise welcomed the interruption as her cue to leave. She rose to her feet and said, "If you'll excuse me, I'm exhausted and I think I'll turn in." And turning to her son, she added, "Joseph, say your goodnights. Time to go to bed."

"But Ma, I want to finish the tree with Grandpa Teaspoon and Celeste," the boy protested, folding his arms over his chest.

"We'll finish it tomorrow, son," the marshal said, ruffling the boy's hair. "We still have a few days till Christmas Day."

The boy wasn't very happy but obeyed his mother. He hugged the adults in the room goodnight and followed Lou upstairs.

When Joseph was safely tucked in bed, Louise walked into her bedroom and had a look at the crib. Alice was peacefully sleeping, her thumb stuck in her mouth and her free arm resting above her head. Lou smiled and she started peeling off her new dress. Her eyes directed to the strap nightgown, resting on her bed, which she had bought along the dress. No wonder Tompkins had given her a strange look when she had paid for a nightgown too flimsy for the middle of December and her having no husband at home.

Lou furiously took the garment, balled it up and shoved it in a drawer. As she did so, her attention was drawn to one of Kid's shirts, neatly folded in the drawer. Lou picked it up and buried her nose in its fabric. It was a clean shirt that had the scent of the soap she used for all their clothes, but strangely it smelled differently on his, or maybe it was just her imagination acting up.

Without another thought, Lou slid the shirt over her head. She sighed as she got into bed and wrapped her arms around herself. Tonight she felt very lonely, more lonely than all the previous nights together. She had expected to spend a night of love and passion with her husband. And instead he was hundreds of miles away, probably sleeping in a lonely bunk while she was miserable in too big a bed, feeling scorned and isolated. The tears appeared irremediably and she finally unloaded all the tension and disappointment she had felt tonight as her hands gripped her husband's shirt in her tight fists, the only way to hold onto reality and not die trying.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

"That's it, that is a clever girl!" Lou cheered as she helped her daughter to practice her walking. Louise stooped, holding Alice's small hand in hers as the girl took her steps, her tiny feet almost getting between her mother's skirts. The girl had started taking her first steps a few weeks ago and Louise devoted some time every day to walk with her and made her legs stronger. Alice always fussed and complained, not liking her mother to hold her hands. She wanted to be left loose, but she still couldn't keep her balance and Lou feared she might fall and hurt herself.

A knock at the door interrupted her. Louise picked the girl up from the floor and sat her on her high chair, securing a belt that Teaspoon had attached to it. Naturally, Alice didn't find the interruption to her liking and started protesting loudly. "Alice, sh, we'll continue when I see who's at the door," Lou said as she walked there but Alice kept crying behind her. As she opened the door, she looked behind her at her daughter. "Alice, honey. Mama's here and will come back in a minute."

When Lou turned her eyes ahead, she stiffed and her face adopted a sour expression as she saw the person before her. "What do you want?" she asked curtly.

"I want to see the girl," Charlie replied.

"Why?"

"I… I'm curious," the young man said, and as Lou didn't seem to find his request acceptable, he added, "I don't want to do anything against you or her. I just want to see her, that's all."

Louise didn't answer straightaway, and even though her first reaction had been to refuse and send him packing, she finally found herself agreeing. She didn't know if it was because his begging eyes pulled at her heart or maybe because he had caught her in one of her vulnerable moments.

Lou stepped aside and Charlie walked into the house and straight to the young girl. The young man stood staring at the toddler without saying a word and Alice gazed at this stranger with curiosity. "She's pretty," Charlie finally said. "What's her name?"

"Alice," Lou replied stiffly.

"A pretty name too," he said and directing her eyes to Lou, he added, "I brought her a present." And then he took a small stuffed duck and placed it on the high chair tray. Alice looked at it with curiosity and when she finally dared to take the toy in her chubby hand, she smiled, pleased. "She's a happy little girl."

"Yeah, she is," Lou agreed.

"Can I hold her?" Charlie dared to ask.

Lou hesitated, but once again she succumbed and nodded her permission. She picked up Alice and passed her to the young man. Charlie held the baby awkwardly and Lou looked at him with apprehension, automatically coming closer to them in fear that he might drop Alice. Her daughter was a nervous little girl and might take Charlie unawares in one of her sudden movements Lou was so used in her. "She's so soft and smells so nice," the young man remarked.

"She's a baby, Charlie."

On hearing her mother's voice and realizing a stranger was holding her, Alice started fussing and throwing her arms towards Lou. "Come with mama, honey," Louise said, glad to take her daughter safely back, but even in her mother's arms, Alice was still groaning unhappily. And only when Lou gave her the soft duck did the girl seem content.

Charlie kept watching mother and daughter and chuckled as he said, "My mother would have an attack if she knew I have a bastard in the world."

Lou sent him a sharp look. "Let's have this clear, Charlie. My daughter belongs to my husband. She's Alice Carmichael and that's the way I want things to be. She's yours only as much as she could be any of your disgusting friends'. It was sheer chance, nothing else, understood?"

"But I'm her father," replied the young man.

"A father is something more than a roll in the hay," Lou said heatedly. "It implies responsibilities, making decisions, being tied to obligations, forgetting about yourself and your needs and putting your child first. Are you ready to give up on your gay way of life and stop your activities of entertainment?"

"Hell no!" Charlie exclaimed immediately, his face flushing uncomfortably on hearing Lou and imagining his life in the way she described it.

Louise nodded, grinning in satisfaction. She knew that a young man like Charlie would flee from responsibilities with as much horror as from the fire in hell. Lou, though, didn't know what on earth he wanted from her and why he had this sudden interest in Alice. Since this time he was sober and apparently reasonable enough, Lou tried to reason with him once again. "Charlie, why don't you leave us? Please go somewhere else."

"I like it here," the young man replied. "I have the same right as you to live wherever I want."

Louise sighed, obviously unhappy with his answer. "I thought you'd come to the west looking for adventure. You won't have much excitement in Rock Creek."

"I don't mind that," he said and after a pause he added, "Why are you so eager to get rid of me, McCloud? Is it because you fear your little husband might discover the truth? What kind of elaborate lies have you made up to make him buy that Alice is his?"

The comment didn't sit well with Lou. She was burning with fury. "Get out of here!" she barked at the top of her voice.

"But…"

"I said get out! And I don't want to see you around again. Understood? Never ever again!"

* * *

Jimmy rode his horse slowly to the way station. He hadn't been able to sleep very well the previous night, feeling guilty and ashamed for the way he had treated Lou. He shouldn't have talked to her so nastily, bringing up a matter that had happened too many years ago. Even though what he had said was basically true, he had no right to welcome her with that put-down when they hadn't seen each other for so long. Lou had always been a good, special friend. He should be able to close that uncomfortable chapter in their past friendship and start a new one like everybody else. What Lou had done in the past had hurt him real bad and seeing how it had hurt his best friend was something that still weighed in his soul.

He remembered how she had announced that she was leaving with that fella out of the blue. It had been a shock to everybody and when they had all tried to reason with her, she had bitten viciously. They didn't have time to talk to her and she had run away with that man without even a proper goodbye. He had been so wounded by her action and he knew that deep down there was another reason why he had been upset by Lou's flit. He had always felt attracted to her and back then he had thought that if for some reason things hadn't worked out for Kid and Lou, it would have been his chance. In a way, Lou had also dumped him for that fella and hurt his manly pride at the same time.

As he approached the property, he caught sight of the door opening and a man stepping out. He turned to say something to whoever was at the door and then hurried to mount his horse and ride away. Jimmy wondered who the man was, but he didn't think much about it. He just stopped and eased off his horse in front of Rachel's white-washed house.

As Jimmy stood before the door, he uncovered his head and spun his hat in his hands nervously. Apologizing was something he neither liked nor was used to doing. If it weren't Lou, he wouldn't bother, but Louise had always held a special place in his heart, and he felt he had to show her his repentance.

After a brief hesitation, Jimmy knocked at the door and Louise appeared shortly afterwards. "Hi," she greeted him stiffly.

"Hi, Lou."

"Rachel's not here," she continued in the same curt tone. "She and Jenny took the children to town."

"I came to see you," Jimmy explained. "May I come in?"

"Suit yourself," she replied as she turned round and walked back into the house. Jimmy followed her and once in the parlor, Louise whirled around to the man and stood there with folded arms. "Just spit out what you came to say, Jimmy. Personally, I had enough with your judgment last night, but if you still need to get something off your chest, go ahead. But please make it quick. I don't have all morning."

"Lou, I came to apologize," Jimmy said, which gained him a surprised look from the woman. "My behavior to you last night was simply unacceptable. I still don't understand why you did what you did years ago, but I'm ready to try to forget."

"I'm not proud of what I did years ago and I know I hurt too many people," Louise added. "I've paid the consequences very dearly just because I was stupid."

"I'm really glad to see you even though I didn't manage to express that clearly yesterday," Jimmy continued. "And I'm happy for you and Kid."

"Thank you," Lou replied with a smile and sending him a mischievous look, she spread her arms and asked, "Friends again, Mr. Hickok?"

Jimmy took one of her hands and yanking her to him, he wrapped his arms around her in a friendly hug. "Like I told you once years ago, Kid is a very lucky fella," he remarked in their close embrace, relishing her soft body against him and her scent.

Louise gently disengaged herself from his hold, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. Jimmy had always been an intriguing, fascinating character, and even though he had been her best friend after Kid, Jimmy's presence sometimes unsettled her. "Shall I get you something to drink, Jimmy?"

"No, thanks," the man said. "I won't disturb you anymore because I imagine you have things to do."

"Actually, I promised Rachel I'd make lunch and I haven't even started."

"The visits have kept you busy, uh?" Jimmy remarked causally.

At his comment Lou coughed nervously as she asked, "What do you mean?"

"I saw a fella leaving when I rode in."

Lou let out a nervous giggle as she flapped her hand in disregard. "Oh that. I'd forgotten. He was just… just… just…. just somebody staying at the guest house. He was asking after Rachel."

Jimmy nodded, but it didn't go unnoticed to him how nervously Lou had reacted all of a sudden. Her eyes were lowered in an attempt to avoid his, which was a gesture that Jimmy remembered Lou used to do when she lied. But Lou had no reason to lie now, so he wondered if she was worried about something else. The fact that Kid was away and she was alone with her two children must add up a lot of pressure to her daily life. Jimmy felt tempted to ask her what the matter was, but after their clash last night he didn't want to appear like a nosey meddler and irritate her again. He'll have more opportunities to talk to her and maybe they could go back to the open sincerity they had enjoyed in old times.

Jimmy took his leave and rode out of the old way station. He was in the mood for a leisurely ride and getting reacquainted with the settings he had known so well in the past. It was over a year since he had last been in Rock Creek. He knew he could come visiting more often, but he always came up with reasons not to. This town held many good memories, but it also brought back pain to his heart. It was here that the family he had come to be part of had started to disintegrate.

Ike had been the first one to say goodbye, dying in a totally unfair way. And when rumors of war started to spread, his family had also suffered the effects of that fragmentation. He and Kid had left their beliefs slip in the middle of their friendship for a while, falling out in such a way that he had even thought at some point that their past friendly relationship was dead for ever, but fortunately, they'd been able to patch up things eventually.

Just before the war, Lou had deserted them, Noah was killed and one by one everybody had gone different ways. Cody had joined the army, Kid had left for Virginia and the big family they had been once had been reduced to just Teaspoon, Rachel and Buck. Jimmy had joined Rosemary Burke in her abolitionist cause and had left Rock Creek with her. He had even been in love with the woman, but then things got complicated and they split up eventually.

All that was far in the past. People sometimes said that what really mattered was the present, and maybe they were right. Jimmy didn't think much of his present right now. It was true that he had a comfortable job and enjoyed life's pleasures as they came. Yet, he felt there was something missing in his day-to-day existence. And in fact, the past could be the key to his dissatisfaction, so when he came to Rock Creek, he felt his soul filled those gaps even though the memories still hurt.

After riding for a while, Jimmy felt the need for a shot of whisky and led his horse to a tavern on the outskirts. It was a run-down cabin where travelers dropped for a drink. As he approached the place, he was glad to see it looked almost deserted and only two horses were tethered in front of the tavern. When he stepped inside, he stopped and scanned around, which was a common routine in him. Life had taught him to expect danger anywhere and any time and he never did anything without checking everything first. There was an obese man with his head on a table, obviously after passing out drunk, and standing at the counter there was another younger man.

Jimmy walked to the bartender and made his order straightaway. "Whisky, Jerry."

"Right away, Hickok," the bartender replied and when Jimmy got his drink, he moved to one of the empty tables. As he was enjoying the bitter taste of his whisky, a shadow fell over his figure. He looked up to see the young man hovering over him.

"Are you Wild Bill Hickok?" he asked with a big smile. Jimmy looked at him with obvious indifference and the young man continued. "I admire you so much, Mr. Hickok. My name's Charles Giles, but everybody calls me Charlie."

Jimmy looked at Charlie with the same indifference, but something in the man seemed familiar to him. It was then that he remembered he was the man he had seen leave Rachel's house that very morning. "Would you like to join me for a drink?" Jimmy asked as he motioned for the bartender to bring them a bottle of whisky.

"Like? Drinking with Wild Bill Hickok? That's a dream!" Charlie exclaimed as he sat down, and as soon as Jimmy filled his glass, he downed it and silently asked for more.

"Are you from these parts, Mr. Giles?" Jimmy asked as he filled Charlie's glass once again.

"I'm from Virginia, but I decided to come west where all the action is," Charlie replied, his voice stuttering slightly under the effects of the alcohol he had already taken. "I must say everybody respects you so much in the west. The newspapers in the east are all full of your adventures, sir. Not that I can read, but a friend of mine used to read those articles for me. You've always been a reference in my life."

Jimmy chuckled. Charlie's words reminded him of the same reaction he had got from Ambrose Merriweather, another bitter memory in his past. Clearly, this man wasn't as educated as Ambrose, but he had the same naiveté. "You're still a bit too young to be so eager to get into trouble, ain't you?" Jimmy remarked. He knew what he was talking about. Jimmy had been almost the same age as Charlie when he had been eager to find some kind of excitement and not everything was so simple or wonderful, and if Jimmy hadn't had the right people by his side, he might have found his death at an early age.

"I'm almost nineteen," Charlie remarked proudly. "But don't let my age fool you. I have a life full of experiences. I even have a child."

"A child?" Jimmy echoed in indifference.

"I'm telling the truth," Charlie stated as he feared his drinking companion might not believe him. "A little girl. That's the reason I'm hanging around in this town. Actually, she's not the real reason, rather her mother."

"So you're married then?"

"Hell no!" Charlie exclaimed as he guffawed. "Gosh, I'm not that crazy! I just like to enjoy the pleasures of a real expert lover. Of course she's a tart and has had more men under and on top of her than all the towns in this state together."

"Then she can't be much worth it."

"Oh no, quiet the opposite," Charlie exclaimed after downing the fifth glass of whisky in a row. "Being with a woman like McCloud makes everything else worth it."

"McCloud?" Jimmy echoed as his face went pale with shock and disbelief.

"Yeah, that's her," Charlie replied, not noticing the surprise in Hickok's expression. His senses were blurred by the huge amount of alcohol in his body and he kept talking on and on happily. "She's so good… so, so good. She's done to me things you cannot even start to imagine. I enjoy the company of women quite often, you know, harlots," Charlie said with obvious pride, really believing that his promiscuity was a sign of real masculinity. "But McCloud is the best and most special and I simply can't wait to taste her once again."

"Oh," Jimmy simply said, unable to form a coherent thought in words. He didn't know if what this man was saying was true or not, but Lou had seemed uncomfortable when he had mentioned her mysterious visitor. This was too shocking, too big. He couldn't believe that Lou was what this man was saying and he wanted to kick and punch him hard. Yet, he didn't do anything. He couldn't do anything. So he did the only thing that could help him digest this humungous mess, water his senses with sweet, captivating, desired whisky.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Laughter filled the room that night as the family enjoyed Rachel's special food for that Christmas Eve. Louise made an effort to take part in the joy of the festivity even though the knowledge that her husband wasn't with her broke her soul. She tried to put the thought at the back of her mind and focus on the here and now. She told herself that she had many reasons to be thankful for. She was free after long years of physical and personal captivity; she had two lovely angels in her children and a husband who loved her; and her friends were a living testimony of her lucky existence. She wasn't alone anymore and that realization was the most special present she could have this year.

Louise looked around the table. Like usual, the children had eaten their food quickly and ran to play. Teaspoon was at the head of the table and for once he was quiet. It seemed he was enjoying the roast too much to interrupt the pleasure by talking. It was Cody who had the strange ability to eat as much as possible and eat at the same time. He was telling his usual exaggerated accounts while Jimmy kept teasing him. It was a real show to see those two when they were together and Lou found herself laughing hard for the first time in years.

Next to Teaspoon sat Rachel. She had let her hair down tonight and was wearing a beautiful embroidered blouse that accentuated her very evident curves and bosom. She had an especial shine and beauty today. No wonder Paul kept looking at her with obvious pleasure. Rachel had never left men indifferent, even those who wouldn't pursue a romantic relationship with her. Lou sometimes thought that Paul could be a nice match for her friend, but she knew that despite Paul's obvious keen looks, the man was not interested in romance, which was a real shame, according to Lou's opinion.

And the last person at the table was Jenny. The poor woman looked very uncomfortable in her advanced pregnancy and kept shifting and fidgeting in her seat. The baby was due in a couple of months. Lou imagined that it wouldn't be very pleasant for Jenny to think that her husband wouldn't be there when she gave birth. Jenny, though, didn't let out any of that, she never complained. Lou really admired her determination and her spirit. Jenny was taking Buck's absence much better than Lou was coping with Kid's. These months felt too long and Lou didn't know how she would endure the rest of the time without her husband.

After dinner, they moved to the living room. As usual, Teaspoon sat in the big armchair and read the Christmas story to Joseph and Celeste. He hadn't counted on Joseph's enthusiasm and curiosity, which was soon joined by Celeste's. Joseph wasn't satisfied with Teaspoon's first reading and kept asking the marshal to tell them more stories from the Bible. According to the boy, Teaspoon read better than anybody else and he liked the way the marshal used different voices for every character.

Lou smiled as Teaspoon cleared his throat before starting reading another passage. As the man droned on, Louise looked down and caressed her daughter's soft head. Alice had just had her milk and it seemed she also liked listening to Teaspoon's rough voice because she had fallen asleep in no time. Lou rose and lay Alice in her basinet, covering her with a soft blanket.

As Louise sank down back on the sofa, she took the letter from Kid she had received today, the best present this Christmas, at least the best she could aspire since having her husband with her was out of question. His letter had the same tone as usual, an expression of his love and longing for her.

Her eyes eagerly read the words she almost knew by heart already but stopped when a voice talked by her side. "When are you going to put that down? Aren't you tired?"

Lou looked up and found Jimmy sitting next to her and looking at her with a strange expression. "I'm fine, Jimmy," she replied, folding the letter and placing it in its envelope as if she wanted to protect her treasure from strange eyes. Lou sent Jimmy an uncomfortable look. She didn't know why, but there was something odd in her friend's attitude lately. He looked at her in a very weird way as if he were studying or assessing her all the time. Lou had thought that after sorting out their differences a few days ago, things between them would be like they had always been, but she had been wrong. There was a real sense of strangeness between them, and even though she had tried to act casual and breezy around him, he always made her feel self-conscious and awkward.

Jimmy shifted on the sofa closer to her and his eyes looked straight into hers. "I can't understand how Kid can be so stupid as to leave his beautiful wife for all these months," he said in a low voice.

"We have to go through this. We need the money," Lou explained.

"Money," Jimmy echoed as his finger casually traveled along the backrest behind Lou. "Such a shame! Money always interferes with love and romance. Doesn't that bother you?"

"I guess it does," Lou replied indifferently.

They remained in silence for a few moments. Jimmy scooted over and placed himself very close to her, both their thighs touching. "I'm glad we've spent Christmas together. It's been great."

"Yes..." Lou replied, feeling uncomfortable in the small space Jimmy left her on the sofa because of his closeness.

"We had so much fun in the old days, don't you think? Sometimes I wish we could travel back to those times," he remarked, his eyes looking into hers intensely.

"Yes, you're right."

"Lou, can I make a little confession?" he asked with a smile. Louise stared at him, wondering if he had drunk a bit too much tonight. He was acting very strangely, smiling that weird smile, saying all that about old times. James Hickok didn't talk like that and Lou felt kind of wary of him. After a brief pause, Lou nodded to his question and Jimmy continued, "Well, I guess you already know, but let me tell you I had a little crush on you back in the old days… well, not so little, it was a big crush." Louise blushed, somehow pleased by his not-so-new confession and Jimmy added, "Remember when we kissed?"

"Yes," Louise whispered, lowering her eyes.

"Lou, what would have happened if that sheriff hadn't appeared?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "Probably nothing."

"Are you sure?"

Louise met his eyes this time as she said, "Jimmy, I'm tired of thinking what if I had done this, what if I had done that. The past is in the past and it should be left alone."

"I guess you're right," Jimmy agreed. "But just let me ask you something, Lou. Didn't you feel something for me too in those days? I'm curious."

Louise sighed. She didn't feel comfortable with the conversation Jimmy seemed so intent to have. "Maybe I did," she muttered vaguely.

Jimmy smiled, satisfied. "I knew you did and I'm glad to hear that." He paused and almost automatically his body leaned closer to her, their faces almost inches apart. "Lou, you know something?" he whispered, his breath caressing the skin on her face. "Sometimes the present grants us new opportunities to sort out our unfinished businesses. It's not healthy to let those little frustrations fester inside us. We need to take them out in the air and stop that discomfort." Louise stared at him with big, open eyes, which widened when she felt his finger brush against her hand meaningfully. "Don't you get lonely in your big bed all night by yourself?"

Louise swallowed hard. "Sometimes," she managed to say in a strained voice. Jimmy smiled enticingly and she dared to have a look around. Teaspoon continued busy with the children but there wasn't anybody else. Lou didn't know where the rest had gone. Her eyes turned to Jimmy's again and she noticed the depth of them, desire and lust shining in them. "Jimmy?"

"Yes, Lou?" he whispered without stopping the enticing motions of his finger on Lou's hand.

"Come with me," Lou said. "Let's… let's take this somewhere more private."

Jimmy grinned, satisfied. "You've read my thoughts," he said and rose to his feet as he followed Lou out of the room.

* * *

The sounds of ragged breaths resounded in the darkness of the place. His arms spread over her stretched ones over her head, relishing the tenderness of her skin and its silky feeling. Their lips didn't rest a second as they explored and discovered the passion that had come to the surface tonight as an unexpected surprise. Her mouth opened, giving him better access. It felt too long since a man had paid real homage to her body as she wanted, and she now realized how much she needed it. Maybe this was crazy, maybe this shouldn't be happening, but she couldn't stop. She knew she was a sensual woman and needed attention. Abstinence wasn't for her at all and as she enjoyed herself in his arms, she realized how deep her needs really were.

A contented smile left her lips as she noticed his arms travelling down her body and fumbling with the buttons on her blouse. They stopped their kissing as she sat up and helped him to remove the garment. They smiled at each other and his eyes avidly stared at her chest in the white camisole. Without stopping his caresses, he whispered, "You know they'll be wondering where we are."

"Probably," she replied with a mischievous smile. "Do you really care?"

"Me? Not really," he replied but suddenly his ministrations stopped, and she looked up surprised.

"What's wrong?"

"Rachel, I don't want to continue if you aren't sure about this," Paul said, staring at her green eyes in the dark hayloft.

"I'm sure," she replied, kissing and licking his lips for demonstration.

"Rachel," Paul continued, "I like you, but you know what I feel about women. I can lust for you, long for you, but my heart is out of this equation. I'm not going to deceive you and tell you you're the woman of my dreams after this."

"My heart is out too," she assured him. "And I'm sure." Without another word, Rachel removed her camisole, freeing her breasts from their prison and displaying them to his lust-filled eyes. Her hands entangled with his and brought them to cover her breasts. "That really feels good," she whispered huskily in his ear and as his hands skillfully continued getting to know her passion filled body, Rachel engaged his mouth once again and lay down on the hay, bring him down with her. She foresaw a magical night ahead. The sky outside might be dark and gloomy, but Rachel knew that tonight she would definitely see the stars.

* * *

Louise walked into her bedroom, followed closely by Jimmy. As soon as he stepped inside, his hands rushed to rest on her slender shoulders. At his touch, Louise swirled around in a flash as she barked, "Get off me, stupid!"

Jimmy was surprised by her angry reaction, but kept a calm demeanor. "I know you like action, Lou. Don't act so prudish and pretend with me because I do know you," he said as his hand reached to touch her face.

Lou slapped his hand away. "Stop it! What the hell do you think you're doing? What the hell was all that nonsense downstairs?"

"I know all about your dirty games, your double face and how you are cheating on Kid!" Jimmy exclaimed. "Kid's a good man and doesn't deserve to be betrayed again by a cheap woman like you!"

Lou's cheeks flamed in anger and shame. She had never heard Jimmy talk about her in those terms and she wasn't going to allow him to demean her whatever the circumstances. "What are you saying?"

"I know everything about the fella I saw here the other day… that Charlie. He told me in full detail how well you know each other," Jimmy said in the same excited tone.

"There's nothing between me and Charlie. My heart belongs to one man only, my husband, and I don't fool around with other men," Lou explained, trying to keep calm even though it hurt to hear Jimmy's accusations.

Jimmy was still skeptical. "That's not what he said. He even mentioned your baby girl is his," Jimmy said and as Lou lowered her eyes in clear admission, he exclaimed, "I can't believe it! It's true he's Alice's father!"

Lou lifted her eyes to his stunned ones. "Look, Jimmy. I'm not gonna give you a full account of my life because we wouldn't have enough time. I… I've done things I'm not proud of. Naturally, Kid knows Alice ain't his. We weren't together when I got pregnant, but Kid's been like a father to Alice since she was born. He was there from the very first moment. Charlie is just… a mistake. I really have no relationship with him… at all, and when Kid returns, he'll know about Charlie. I don't want any more lies between me and my husband."

Jimmy listened to her carefully, but wasn't sure if he could believe her. "That man seemed very sure of what he was saying," he insisted.

Lou started to feel irritated. "Of course it's up to you who you want to believe: a blabbermouth you know next to nothing about or me. But I guess you've forgotten you know me."

Hickok let out a sigh, sounding defeated. "Yes, Lou, you're right."

"Jimmy, I love Kid, I swear," Louise said, putting her heart in every word she was uttering. "He's the only man I've ever loved, the one and only. There's nobody else and there will never be."

Jimmy noticed Lou's bright eyes and thick voice, and his doubts vanished. "I'm sorry, Lou."

At his apology Louise remembered what had started their conversation, the stunt Jimmy had tried to pull on her. "And what did you intend with that stupid seducing game now?"

Jimmy blushed, feeling embarrassed at his clumsy trick. "I… I wanted to unmask you and your deceit," Jimmy muttered, "… prove you were the same unreliable, betraying woman you left years ago and hurt Kid real bad. But you have to believe me, I wouldn't have gone all the way to the end."

Louise nodded sadly. "You wanted to humiliate me," she muttered wretchedly.

"Lou, that's not it!" Jimmy protested. "When you left, Kid was completely devastated. We'd never seen him so low and unhappy before. We were all worried sick. We even feared that he wanted to meet his death when he decided to leave for the war, but we couldn't convince him to stay."

"Are you trying to make me feel better?" Lou asked sarcastically.

"Lou, please forgive me," Jimmy said in a pitiful tone. "It wasn't fair of me to try to entrap you. That wasn't honest."

Louise shook her head. "There's nothing to forgive," she whispered, her eyes downcast. "I'm glad Kid has such a good friend in you. He's very lucky."

Hickok placed a finger under her chin and tilted her face to him. "I'm also your friend, Lou," he said with a smile. "And, well, think of this little misunderstanding as a confirmation to my firm belief that Kid's a very lucky fella. You've proved to me that you're a loyal wife to him and let me tell you that not many women would say no to Jimmy Hickok."

Louise smiled sadly and let herself be drawn to his embrace. She knew she shouldn't be surprised that everybody could think the worst of her, given her past history. She had to prove that she was a reliable mother and now she had to show Jimmy she really loved Kid. Lou was getting tired already. When would she be able to walk in life without having the interferences of her past? It seemed that she couldn't escape when Charlie's tongue was ready to loosen up whenever somebody wanted to hear him. Jimmy was her friend and he had first believed him over her. Then what should she expect from others? Lou was frightened, scared of the harm that simple nitwit could do to her and her family. She was working hard to overcome her past, face her demons and be strong for her family, but what could she do about something that escaped her control? This was totally frustrating. Why couldn't she be allowed some break, some relief? She was now trying to lead a good life, and even though she deserved this as a punishment, her children and Kid should be saved from it. And the worst was that she had brought this upon them. Only her. Lou felt tears falling down her cheeks at the realization. The strength she had built up for these last weeks was starting to crumble down and if she fell, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to get up once again. Her self wouldn't endure it, not again.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

The sun filtered through one the slats in the ceiling of the hayloft and fell on her closed eyelids. Rachel moaned and stretched her arms over her head before opening her eyes. She smiled brightly as she realized where she was and what had happened the night before. She hadn't enjoyed so much passion and pleasure in a long time and she realized she really needed some of this. Her head moved to the side and she found Paul fully awake, staring at the ceiling with a serious expression.

"Good morning," Rachel greeted him as she removed the blanket wrapping her naked body and started looking for her clothes scattered around the hayloft. It was a cold morning and Rachel could feel the bitter chill on her skin despite being much warmer inside the stables than in the open.

Paul watched as she moved around the loft. He knew Rachel had a beautiful body which he could now contemplate in all its glory. Last night in the dark his eyes hadn't been able to enjoy the show that Rachel was granting him now. Paul liked the way Rachel stood naked before him, without embarrassment or shame. Naturally, she had no reason to be ashamed because she had a nice figure to flaunt. Yet, he knew other women felt shy and embarrassed to show their nudity even when they were with the men they loved. In the little he had known from Rachel, Paul could say that she was different, a practical woman without silly pretense.

Much to his chagrin, Rachel finally covered the breathtaking view from his eyes. When she finished getting dressed, she turned to him and said, "I gotta go now. Cody and Jimmy are leaving today and it would be awkward to explain the reason I'm in the stables instead of preparing breakfast for the family." Paul nodded and noticing he was too serious this morning, Rachel asked, "Something wrong, Paul?"

"I… I think that maybe this shouldn't have happened," he replied awkwardly.

Rachel sat down on the hay next to him. "Why not? I had fun last night."

"I had fun too," Paul hurried to say, fearing she might think he hadn't enjoyed their rendezvous, which was the furthest from the truth. "It was wonderful, but you should share this with someone who loves you and you love."

"Then I wouldn't be doing it at all," Rachel laughed. "You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings because I'm aware of what you want."

"It's strange for a Southerner like me to hear a woman talking like that," Paul remarked.

Rachel chuckled at his expression. "Yes, I can imagine. I'm also from the South, and this life has taught me that if you don't jump at the chance of doing what you want, then you are liable to miss a lot."

"You're some kind of a woman, Rachel," Paul said admiringly. "But I think we shouldn't repeat this."

"All right, if that's what you want," Rachel replied indifferently. Her smile didn't vanish at his decision and she leaned over and engaged his mouth with hers. Paul didn't protest as her lips moved over his expertly and he followed her lead like he had done last night. As Rachel pulled away, he stared at her with a stunned expression. She smiled and said, "Forgive me. I couldn't help grasping a little goodbye kiss."

Before Paul could react or say anything, Rachel was making her way down the ladder. She found her coat on the stables corridor and put it on. She kept smiling without faltering a second as she walked towards the door. She lifted the latch and went out in the cold morning. The cold air slapped her hard and she wrapped her coat more tightly as she breathed in. She was feeling great. She had a beautiful night with Paul and there were no regrets in her heart. Why should she regret something that had made her enjoy herself? Maybe her way of thinking and behavior were frowned upon by many, but who cared? She and Paul were free and hadn't done anything that could hurt somebody. It was fine by her if he had enough with just one night, and…

"Rachel!"

Rachel stopped and turned round in the direction the voice had come from. She grinned when he saw Paul, clad only in his long john bottoms, at the stables door.

"Have I ever shown you the honor medal I won in the war?" he asked clumsily.

"No, I don't think you have," Rachel replied. Paul kept in silence and she knew that he needed a little push because he was clearly straining to tell her something. "Should it be okay if you show it to me tonight? I can go to your room when Lou and the children are in bed."

"I… I'd like that," Paul replied in the same shy, awkward way.

"Good!" Rachel exclaimed. "And you'd better get inside and put some clothes on before you catch pneumonia."

Paul fumbled an apology and slid back into the stables. Rachel stood there with a big smile on her lips. It seemed that Paul's' sense of righteousness wasn't as firm as he had stated just a couple of minutes before, which Rachel was glad for. Why couldn't they have a little fun when they felt like it? Winters were too long and too cold, but those hostile nights were better with a man that warmed her bed and provided her with some entertainment. Strangely enough, she always got tired of the man in question in spring when the warm weather started. That is, until the right man came along… or more rightly, if he came along, and then she wouldn't care about the weather, just enjoy love. Rachel believed Paul was a cute lover, shy and passionate at the same time, and she liked that they both had matters clear. They were two lonely hearts, who just looked for some company, even if they had to use some silly excuses, like Paul's medal. Rachel loved to feel she knew what both of them wanted, and Paul wouldn't surprise her with unexpected romantic nonsense like Percy Winslow. They both were clear about their intentions and Rachel suspected that her little story would last as long as they wanted. And when they decided they didn't want to share so much information with each other, Rachel would walk away without any regrets.

* * *

Around noon that day everyone stood at the yard to bid goodbye to Jimmy and Cody. It was time to go back to their respective responsibilities, hoping they could be gathered soon in the near future.

"I'm so sorry for what happened last night," Jimmy said to Lou when he approached her. "I was a fool."

"Jimmy, everything's forgotten," Louise assured him. "I'm glad we've cleared up a few matters and I hope we can go back to our old ways as friends."

"I'd really love that," Jimmy replied with a smile. "I plan to come visiting when Kid comes back and see your babies once again," he added, caressing Alice's head. The girl was fidgeting in her mother's hold because she wanted to be left on the ground and play.

"Think of what you're promising, Jimmy, because I'm going to make sure you stick to your word," Lou said with a smile as she did her best to control her agitated daughter in her arms.

Hickok remained silent for a few seconds, obviously troubled by something in his head. "Lou… are you going to tell Kid about our little…uh…incident?" Even though Kid's interests had been his aim when he had pulled his silly stunt, Jimmy now thought that Kid wouldn't like to know he had tried to seduce his wife.

Louise sighed tiredly as she remembered something. "I think he'll have enough in his plate when he learns about Charlie."

Jimmy nodded in understanding. "Lou, is that fella bothering you? You should tell Teaspoon if he harasses you."

Louise plastered a wide, fake smile on her lips as she said, "He's okay. Nothing I can't manage."

Jimmy gazed at her incredulously. He knew Lou well enough to tell when she was lying or pulling a strong face to prove herself and others that she could handle everything on her own. Lou hadn't changed and was still as stubborn as a mule. Despite his knowledge, Jimmy didn't insist. He just kissed her goodbye and walked away.

The two former Pony Express riders finished their session of goodbyes to their surrogate family, and mounted their horses. Both of them raised their hands as they used to do back in the Express days as they sent their horses into a light canter.

"Hickok, can I stay at your place for a couple of days?" Cody asked as they rode through Rock Creek. "My in-laws won't be leaving until then and I want to avoid them at any costs."

"Why are you so against seeing them?" Jimmy questioned curiously. "What are you so scared about?"

"Hey! I'm not scared, Hickok, but you don't know them!" Cody replied in his exaggerated fashion. "And believe it or not, I think they don't like me."

"Don't strain yourself, Cody. I believe you. I wouldn't like you either if you had married my daughter."

"Very funny, Jimmy," Cody retorted. "But tell me, can I stay at your place?" Hickok didn't reply as something seemed to have caught his attention across the street. "Jimmy!"

At Cody's loud call for attention, Hickok snapped out of his thoughtfulness and turned to his friend. "Yeah, yeah, you can stay wherever you want," he said dismissively and stopping his horse, he eased off it and added, "I'll be back in a minute."

"Where the hell are you going?"

Cody's question remained unanswered. Hickok crossed the street in big strides, leading towards where the brothel stood. Being Christmas day, the streets were practically deserted, and the saloon and the brothel were almost empty, but for a very few customers. Jimmy's eyes were directed to one of those customers: Charlie. He stood next to one of the ladies and as soon as he spotted Jimmy, his mouth stretched into a pleased smile. "Hey, Mr. Hickok!" he exclaimed in obvious glee and turning to the woman by his side, he added proudly, "Violet, this is my good friend Wild Bill Hickok."

The woman smiled flirtatiously at Jimmy and brushing her hand over his arm he said, "Wild Bill, if you're looking for some wild entertainment, I can introduce you to some very nice ladies."

Jimmy didn't even care to reply to the woman. He wordlessly grabbed Charlie by the lapels of his jacket and pinned him against the wall. Foreseeing trouble, Violet walked inside the place, leaving the two men alone. "What the hell are you doing?" Charlie exclaimed, fighting to break free. "Are you crazy?"

Jimmy steeled his hold and clasped the boy's neck strongly. "You lied to me and nobody lies to James Hickok."

"What are you talking about?"

"About Lou McCloud! You're nothing to her!"

"I didn't lie," Charlie retorted, trying to show he wasn't intimidated or scared. "We used to enjoy each other and her girl is my girl! That's the truth. And who knows what can still happen?"

"Nothing's gonna happen, you hear me?" Jimmy muttered in a low menacing tone.

"What's to you? If she threw you out of her bed, that's your business! You look after your matters and I'll look after mine, and leave me alone."

Jimmy had had enough. He then drew his gun and pushed it against Charlie's thin neck. "Lou's my friend and her husband is my friend too, and I won't have you causing them problems. I don't want you to bother her or tell lies about her. If I hear you trouble her or spread rumors that might harm her, I'll kill you. You hear me? I'll kill you. And believe me, I won't mind hanging for freeing the world from a weasel like you, understood?"

Charlie nodded, too scared to talk. Jimmy lowered his gun and releasing his hold, he started back to his horse. He knew that silly boy wouldn't create more headaches for Lou. He was clearly a yellow ninny, who didn't have the courage to go against him. Jimmy was glad that despite his mistakes in these past days, he had been able to do something for Lou. She and Kid deserved a good, happy life and nobody should spoil what they had, and much less, a brainless brat that would wet his pants at the first sight of danger.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Weeks went by too slowly for Lou's liking. It seemed that the closer Kid's return was, the longer days felt. She still needed to wait two months before she could see her husband and she didn't know how she was going to do it. Her nerves were on edge, especially since the weather had been horrible lately. It had been pouring rain almost non stop for weeks, which, added to the bitter cold, made it impossible to leave the house for something other than obligations. In this forced seclusion Joseph and Alice were sometimes too much to handle and they were trying Lou's patience more than ever.

Something, though, had improved considerably. Charlie hadn't come bothering her again and Lou had even thought that he had left town. But no, he was still around. She had seen him a few times in Rock Creek and when she had happened to pass by him, he had simply muttered an awkward hi. Louise imagined that the curiosity he had claimed to feel was over and thankfully he would leave them alone. And apart from that, there weren't any signs that showed that he might have been indiscreet about her or Alice. Jimmy had told her that Charlie had told him almost everything, but other than him, she had no reason to believe that anybody in Rock Creek knew anything that could jeopardize her reputation. Apparently, Charlie wasn't posing so much trouble as she had thought. Her fears had thankfully been unjustified, but she wasn't still totally sure that she was safe.

In these lonely days of rain and seclusion, Lou had time to reflect about her past story with Charlie and those dark years in prison. Back then she had seen everything under the same prism; nothing could be saved from that place and she had abhorred everything and everybody there. Yet, now with the wisdom and objectivity that time and distance gave her, she could see things with more serenity. Charlie had also been a victim of the circumstances, a bit like her. She still remembered the first time she had seen him. He was barely a kid, clumsy and lost in a world that was alien to him. The uniform on his skinny body had hung loose, making him look younger and more innocent than he was. All the women had mocked and laughed at him, calling him the baby for his lack of authority and personality. That was what had made her look him out and attract him to her pen. He was safe and she was able to pull the right strings to get what she wanted from him back then. Maybe she had got way more than she had bargained for, but she couldn't really regret it.

Lou shook her head to clear her thoughts. She didn't like to think about those times. It was as if she had been another woman, a bizarre image of the person she was. Fortunately, that was over and she was now starting to have control of her own life. She could look at herself in the mirror without cringing and little by little she was starting to recognize herself and be the woman she had always been. Charlie was actually the reminder of the woman she had been in that strange world and the person she would avoid becoming again at all costs.

"You wanna come for a ride with me and Aunt Jenny, sweet Alice?" Lou asked as she repositioned the woolen cap on her daughter's head, which the girl kept yanking off. Alice let out a little squeal and Louise smiled as she walked into the house. Joseph and Celeste had stayed at one of their school friends' overnight and she and Jenny would pick them up in a little while. Lou had tried to convince her friend to stay at home, but Jenny had insisted that she wanted to breathe some fresh air for a change. Today, although cold, the weather was nice. The sky was a spotless layer of blue and the sun shone timidly above the earth. Lou could understand that every single soul had been suffering from cabin fever after those weeks of continuous rain, and Jenny had a right to feel the same. Lou told herself that she should understand what Jenny felt. She had been heavily pregnant with Alice when she had embarked on the adventure of looking for Joseph, and nothing Kid had said had managed to convince her she should stay at home. So a little drive to the Nichols' wouldn't be such a big deal.

As Lou stepped into the house, laughter reached her ears. Rachel seemed to find something very funny and Lou wondered what made her friend so cheerful this morning. Louise walked decidedly to the kitchen and stopped dead in her tracks as she was welcomed by a sight she didn't expect at all. Rachel was leaning her back against the worktops and Paul stood very closely before, his body brushing against hers. Apparently, Rachel didn't find his closeness uncomfortable because she was laughing at something Paul was whispering in her ear.

"Lou…" Rachel exhaled, surprised when she spotted her friend over Paul's shoulder. The man quickly moved away and unable to meet Lou's eyes, he simply muttered an awkward apology before scurrying away. "I… I thought you and Jenny had already gone," Rachel said, folding her arms and smiling uncomfortably.

"I forgot to take a water bottle with me in case Alice got thirsty," she replied, looking at her friend intently. Rachel nodded and came to sit at the table. Lou couldn't keep her curiosity any longer and asked, "Rachel, what's going on?"

"Going on?" the former station mistress echoed, feigning ignorance.

"Oh come on, Rachel!" Lou exclaimed as she sat at the table across her friend. "Don't give me that! What's going on with Paul?"

Rachel remained quiet for a few seconds, trying to think of an excuse that justified the compromising way Lou had found then, but she had no bright ideas. "Well," she started, "something happened on Christmas Eve… something that has been happening since then."

Louise smiled. "Oh, Rachel, please tell me everything… I want to know everything, please!"

"Lou, no!"

"Rachel, my husband's away and the only chance to taste some romance is the silly novels I buy from Tompkins. I need a feel of reality… please?" Louise insisted with puppy eyes.

Rachel laughed, amused. "Well…"

"Well?"

"Well, uh… you know we keep extra supplies in the shed in the stables." Lou nodded and Rachel continued, "On Christmas Eve I realized I had run out of soap to do the washing-up. Paul volunteered to go and fetch some for me, but since I am the one who knows where exactly everything is, we went together. He said it was too dark outside and a lady shouldn't venture out alone."

"Yes, he's quite the gentleman."

"The stables were dark but for the lamp Paul carried to light our way inside. I unlocked the shed lock. You know the door sometimes gets stuck, so I pulled with all my strength. And to my embarrassment, that time it opened so smoothly that I ended up landing on my backside." Louise giggled at Rachel's comical expression. "Paul knelt down to help me and…"

"And what?"

"I kissed him," Rachel whispered. "I… I don't know why. I just felt a strange urge to do so. He seemed to like it because we didn't stop there."

"You mean you… you did it there… in front of the shed?" asked Lou.

"No, I followed your example," Rachel explained and at Lou's frown, the blonde woman added, "The hayloft. That's where you and Kid sneaked to in the old days, isn't it?"

"Uh… yeah," Lou replied, feeling her cheeks flush, a silly reaction since she had more reasons to be embarrassed than her past encounters with Kid. "So, you and Paul are a couple now then?"

"Not in the regular sense."

"What d'you mean?" Lou asked again.

"We like to be with each other, but we both know we don't want attachments," Rachel explained.

"And that arrangement satisfies you?" Lou said in a surprised tone.

"Well, I guess… it's nice to be with a friend you can share certain things."

Louise looked at Rachel with curiosity. She could understand her friend to some degree; she had no right to judge her because the reasons why she had been with men were worse and way more reproachable here in the real world. Lou had always thought that Rachel and Paul would make a nice couple and if they wanted, they could get to understand each other. But of course nobody could dictate who you loved or not. So it was up to Rachel and Paul alone how they wanted to live whatever it was they had, and it was fine if they didn't want any commitments. Lou, though, thought that game was kind of dangerous, very risky and she hoped with all her heart that neither ended up hurt in their special arrangement because she hated seeing them wounded.

* * *

"So, children, did you have a nice time?" Jenny asked as they started their way back home in the wagon.

"Yes!" both children exclaimed in unison and on hearing their loud voices, Alice started clapping her little hands in Jennifer's hold.

Lou and Jenny shared a smile. "Joseph, you sure you've been a good boy?" Louise asked playfully.

"Yes, Ma," he replied. "Mrs. Nichols said we've all been very good children and made pancakes for all of us as a reward."

"That's very kind of Mrs. Nichols, and I'm glad you've been such dears," Lou commented.

They continued the drive through the vast prairie at a relaxed pace. The Nicholses had a farm on the outskirts, about half an hour from Rock Creek. The children kept chattering animatedly while Alice didn't stop her continuous babbling for one second.

"Lou, could you stop the wagon a minute?" Jenny said in a moaning tone after a while.

"What's wrong?" Lou asked alarmed.

"Nothing. I feel kind of stiff. I just need to change my position in this darn seat," Jenny replied as she handed Alice to her mother. The blonde woman shifted in the narrow wagon seat but she felt unable to get comfortable. Suddenly, a throaty grunt escaped her lips as her hand grasped her middle.

"Are you having pains?" Lou asked in fear.

"It's nothing, it's…" Jenny's voice faltered as she felt wetness ran down her legs onto the wagon floor.

Lou's eyes widened in shock. "Oh my God! Jenny, your baby's coming!"

"Mama?" Celeste talked behind the two women in a whimpering voice, placing a hand on her mother's shoulder.

Jenny covered her little hand. "Don't worry, sweetheart. Ma's fine," Jenny assured her daughter weakly.

Lou helped Jenny to move to the back of the wagon with the children. She returned to her position on the wagon seat and placed Alice safely between her legs. "We're going home," she said, looking behind her. Jenny nodded as she held onto the wagon frame. "Children, sit down and keep still. We need to go home and quickly."

Louise flapped the reins on the horse's back, which sent him into a fast gallop. She maneuvered the carriage skillfully, speeding as if the whole world was in danger. Her heart was thumping wildly and never before did Rachel's house seem to be so far away. Suddenly, all the occupants on the wagon let out a loud shout as the horse stopped his rash galloping. Lou's hand automatically reached for her baby and thankfully she had managed to keep her balance on the seat, or otherwise, she and Alice would have been thrown off the carriage. The children found themselves onto the wagon floor but Jen managed to stay in the same position despite the unexpected, abrupt stop. "Is everybody all right?" Louise asked and Jenny and the children answered affirmatively.

Alice had started crying and Lou scooped her up in her arms as she slid off the wagon. "It's okay, sweet pie. Nothing's happened and Ma's here," she cooed as she kissed the toddler's head. Lou had a look at one of the wheels and realized what the problem was. "The left rear wheel has plunged into a hole," Lou informed Jenny, who looked weaker and in more pain by the minute. "I'll get us out of here in no time." Jenny nodded weakly and Lou continued, "Joseph, hold your sister while I sort out this mess."

"Yes, Ma."

The boy sat on the wagon floor and Lou placed the toddler on his lap. "Hold her still, honey. You know she's a bit fidgety."

Jenny let out a cry at that moment, closing her eyes and squeezing the wagon frame tightly while the pain hit her. "Right away, Jen!" Lou said as she ran to the horse, trying to keep calmer as she was really feeling. She took the reins and pulled at the animal. The horse strained to move forwards to get the wheel out of the hole, but it seemed impossible. The hole was deeper than she thought. "I need some branches or maybe a long tree trunk," Louise panted almost to herself.

Lou found some nearby and arranged them in front of the wheel in a way that they would make the wheel roll smoothly, or at least she thought the technique would work. Yet, it was useless. The wheel remained stuck in the hole. Lou was getting frustrated and clearly frightened. There was no way they could walk all the way home and she didn't know what else to do. "Damn it, Jenny! Why didn't you stay at home as I told you?" Lou exclaimed irritated and noticing her friend's and the children's expressions, she realized she had let her frustration do the talking. "I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I'm just very nervous."

"It's okay, Lou. We'll get out of here, I know," Jenny said in a weak voice.

At that moment Lou's senses perked as she made out the outline of a rider in the near distance. Louise ran from the wagon, swinging her arms to and fro and crying 'help' repeatedly. The rider saw him and when he approached, her face stiffened when she recognized him. It was Charlie, but right now it didn't matter. She would resort to the devil itself if that meant to take Jenny home safely.

"McCloud?" Charlie said, surprised.

"My wagon is stuck and my friend's gone into labor. Could you help us?" Lou said curtly.

"Oh, sure, sure."

Charlie dismounted the horse and pulled it towards the front of the wagon as Lou instructed to. He threw a wary look at Jenny, who was unaware of anything happening around her as she doubled in pain once again. "Come on, we don't have all day," Lou urged him unkindly.

Charlie silently tied his horse to the wagon and then both he and Lou yanked at the animals. Louise breathed out relieved when the wheel finally got free and the wagon moved. "Oh thank God!" she exclaimed as she ran to the back of the wagon. "Jenny, children, we're going home now for real," she exclaimed as she took Alice from Joseph.

"Please quick," the blonde woman moaned.

"Yes, sweetheart," Lou replied and as she turned round, she found Charlie standing in her way. "Uh, Charlie, thank you for your help," she muttered awkwardly. "But you see we're in a hurry, we need to get going."

"Can I help you in anything else? Shall I ride to the doctor's office and tell him to go to your place?"

Louise looked at him in surprise. "Would you do that for us?" Charlie nodded and Lou muttered in an awkward way. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," he replied and in a second he was riding like the wind towards Rock Creek, sensing that it was the first time in too long he could feel useful and feel proud of himself.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

The windmill appeared to her eyes like an oasis to a lost soul in the desert. The brief trip to the old way station had seemed endless as Lou had feared that they could suffer another unlucky incident before reaching home safely.

Louise pulled over before Rachel's house and jumped off. She helped the children out of the wagon. "Children, go to the house and stay in the living room, all right?"

"Is Mama gonna be all right, Auntie Lou?" Celeste asked in a whimpering voice.

"Of course, sweetheart!" Louise replied, caressing the girl's shining, dark, plaited hair. "The baby's coming and soon you'll meet your little brother or sister."

Celeste nodded, not really understanding why her mama was crying in pain because the baby was coming. Joseph took the little girl's hand and pulled her towards the house. "And Joseph," Lou called behind them, "tell Aunt Rachel to come help us!" Louise turned her attention to Jenny and added, "Jen, take my hand and try to come down."

Jennifer was trembling and her body already too weak from the pains as she carefully eased off the wagon. Louise then placed Alice on her hip and hooked Jenny's arm around her free one. "Do you think you can make it to the house?"

Jenny nodded and they walked to Rachel's house as quickly as they could. "Mama, Aunt Rachel isn't here," said Joseph when the two women stepped inside.

"Thanks, my love," Lou replied, and then she addressed her friend, "Let's get you settled. The doctor can't be too long."

When Jenny was in a fresh nightgown and in bed, Lou quickly came down to the kitchen. The doctor would need hot water and clean towels. On entering the kitchen, she saw a scrap of paper on the table. _"I've gone to Widow Stephen's. I'll be back in a few hours. Rachel."_ "Damn!" Lou exclaimed as she balled up the paper. She sighed tiredly. This was not the moment to curse; she would need to handle the matter without Rachel, she thought as she filled a pot with water and placed it on the stove.

There was a knock at the front door and Lou ran to open it. Dr. Jones walked in, followed by Charlie. "Is she upstairs?" the physician asked straightaway.

"First door," Lou said and the man hurried up the staircase. Louise exhaled tiredly and stooped to pick Alice from the floor as the girl tried to crawl out of the blanket where Lou had left her previously. As she turned around, she noticed Charlie was staring at her or rather at the girl in her arms.

Charlie smiled when he noticed she was looking in his direction. "I see she liked my little toy," he said pointing at Alice.

Louise looked down at her daughter's little hand, which held the stuffed duck Charlie had brought her some time ago. It was true that the toy was Alice's favorite and she refused to go to sleep if the duck wasn't in her crib with her. Naturally, Lou wasn't going to admit that in front of the young man and said vaguely, "Oh yeah… the duck." She sent a glance up the stairs, wondering how Jenny was doing. She turned her attention back to the young man and added, "Charlie you don't need to stay. Thanks for your help, we really appreciate it."

Charlie was about to reply when a voice came up the stairs. "Mrs. Carmichael?"

Louise turned to the doctor who approached her slowly. "Is Jennifer all right, Doctor?"

The physician cleared his throat before continuing. "Mrs. Carmichael, remember what I told Mrs. Cross a couple of months ago? You know, about the size of the baby?"

Lou nodded fearfully. "Is she going to be all right?"

"Let's hope she is," the doctor replied vaguely. "I'm going to need your help. It's going to be a difficult delivery. Are you ready to give me a hand, Ma'am?"

Louise hesitated as she looked around the room. She was on her own and she couldn't leave the children alone, especially Alice. Lou's mind reeled, thinking of how to help the doctor in the situation she was in. She could take Alice to the bedroom with her, safely out of the way in her high chair, but she knew that Alice would fuss and cry if she had to stay too long there, especially if she saw her mama and wanted some attention. Maybe she could try to find Teaspoon or Paul, but there was no time and…

Somebody whistling for her attention interrupted her mental ramblings and she then realized that Charlie was still there. "If you want, I can keep an eye on the children," he said, guessing what she was thinking. Louise looked at him with an expression of horror as if he had lost his mind. "You can trust me. They'll be safe with me, I swear."

Lou still hesitated, unsure if she could trust Charlie with her most precious possessions. Yet, the doctor's urging voice made her decide. "Mrs. Carmichael?"

"Uh… yes, I'll be with you in a minute."

Dr. Jones rushed back up the stairs. Lou sat her daughter on the high chair and as she secured her there, she said, "Charlie, you can stay with them but no leaving the house at any moment, understood?"

"Sure."

Lou gave Alice a kiss on top of her head and turned to her son. "Joseph, you tell Charlie where everything is and help him look after your sister."

"Yes, Ma."

Despite herself, Lou dashed up the stairs with the pot of boiling water, leaving Charlie with the children alone. In her opinion he wasn't very trustworthy as far as she could see. His customs talked for themselves, which was something that didn't surprise her. Charlie was now older than when she had first met him, but nothing much had changed. At least, he was sober and she doubted he would do anything to the children. All he had to do was to watch the kids and she was sure Joseph wouldn't allow Charlie to do anything strange. Joseph was a clever boy, and sometimes surprised her with his sense of responsibility. He was like Kid in that way, but he was just a child.

Lou told herself that she had no option and needed to trust Charlie. As Lou reached the bedroom, Jenny was crying at the top of her voice, her body contorting in pain as a contraction hit her. Lou left the water on the dresser and approached the bed. "Hey, Jenny, sweetie, it's me, Lou. Do you need something?" she asked, wiping the blonde woman's forehead with a wet rag.

"I want Buck to be here!" Jennifer bawled.

Lou smiled sadly. "I know," she said. "I wish I could bring him to you."

Another contraction overcame over her and Jenny grabbed Lou's hand as she yelled in pain. The doctor informed Louise that the baby was coming very quickly. Lou prayed that Jenny could be fine and they would end the day with a happy addition to their family as it should be. The minutes seemed like hours as Lou alternated between wiping Jenny's sweaty forehead, holding her hand and following the doctor's instructions.

It was two hours later that a loud wail pierced the silence of the room. Lou smiled and turned at an exhausted Jenny. The new mother was weak after the hard labor, but fine. It seemed the doctor's calculations had been wrong and the baby wasn't as big as he had thought.

After Dr. Jones had examined the baby, Lou wrapped the newborn in a soft blanket and walked to the bed. Jenny strained to sit up, pushing herself up with one arm. "Jenny, don't overdo yourself and lie down. I'm bringing your baby to you."

Jenny realized that she had no strength and dropped back on the bed. Louise placed the baby next to its mother and said, "It's a girl, Jenny."

"Another girl," Jennifer whispered as she caressed the baby's face with her index finger. "And she's so pretty."

"This one looks like you," Lou remarked. The baby's skin was pale and rosy, and a thin layer of blonde fuzz covered her tiny head. "Buck's gonna be a happy, proud father."

"Yes."

Doctor Jones had finished washing his hands and collecting his instruments. He came to the foot of the bed and said, "Ladies, I must leave you now. Mrs. Cross, congratulations on that pretty girl. And Mrs. Carmichael, thanks for your help."

"Thank you, Doctor," Jenny replied.

"Let me walk you to the door," Lou offered. "Jenny, you think it is okay if I leave you for a minute? I want to check on the children too."

"Sure."

Lou and the doctor directed their steps along the small corridor to the stairs. As they were half way in the staircase, Lou was surprised by an unexpected image in the living room. Charlie was sitting on the sofa with Alice perched on his knees while Celeste sat by his side and Joseph knelt in front of him, both children staring and listening intently to the story the young man was telling them. Curious, Lou stopped to watch them, forgetting about the doctor who continued his way down the stairs.

"And then the huntsman pulled the trigger, and bam bam! Almost as soon as the wolf fell onto the floor, Little Red Riding Hood and her Grandma jumped out of the big bad wolf's mouth. They thanked the huntsman for saving them from the wolf and never again did Little Red Riding Hood disobey her dear parents. And this is the end."

"And were Little Red Riding Hood and her Grandma all right after being eaten by the wolf?" Celeste asked with a confused expression.

"Yes, that's right," Charlie replied.

"I never understood that story, Charlie. If the wolf ate them, didn't he munch them to pieces?" Joseph asked this time.

"Uh… I don't know, I guess… I guess he just swallowed them," Charlie muttered. "That's what my ma used to tell me."

"And what happened to the wolf?" Celeste asked with a serious expression.

Before Charlie could reply, Joseph said, "He died. Didn't you hear? The huntsman killed him."

The answer didn't sit well with the girl, who pouted and seemed on the verge of tears. "Is that true, Charlie?"

"Uh…" the young man faltered as he racked his brains to find a suitable answer for the girl. "Actually, he wasn't killed. The hunter was a real good marksman. He just wanted to save Little Red Riding Hood and her grandma, so he wounded the wolf on his leg. Then the huntsman patched the wolf up and took him to a very nice farm where other wolves lived."

"And he met a lady wolf, got married, had many baby wolves and they all lived happily ever after, didn't they? Didn't they, Charlie?" Celeste asked excitedly with an ample smile.

"Uh… yeah, I guess so."

Lou stared at the scene with a strange sensation; she wanted to feel irritated and dislike Charlie, but right now she just couldn't. The sound of the doctor's heavy steps made the children and Charlie aware of their presence.

"Mama!"

"Auntie Lou!"

The two children ran to Louise as she reached the end of the staircase after the doctor. "Auntie Lou, Auntie Lou, how's my ma?"

"She's fine, honey, and… you have a pretty baby sister," Louise explained softly.

The girl's mouth transformed into a rounded shape of surprise. "A sister!" she exclaimed happily, clapping her hand at the same time. "A little girl like Cousin Alice?"

"Yes, that's right, but smaller," Lou said, stroking the girl's head. The doctor interrupted the moment between Louise and the children to say goodbye. Lou expressed her thanks again and walked to the door with him. As she stood watching Dr. Jones drive away in his buggy, she spotted three figures running to the house in a flash. Before they had even reached her, their voices mingled chaotically to ask after Jenny. Lou waited for them to arrive before saying anything.

"Lou, how's my daughter?" Tompkins asked breathlessly when he finally stood before the petite woman.

"Dr. Jones's wife told Teaspoon that her husband was assisting Jenny in labor," Rachel added.

"Yes, and she's fine," Lou replied as they walked into the living room.

"Grandpa Bill!" Celeste exclaimed when she saw Tompkins, jumping to the store owner's arms. "Have you come to see my ma and baby sister? I want to see them too? Can I? Can I?"

Tompkins looked at Lou questioningly and Lou smiled, "Yes, you have a new granddaughter, a beautiful girl."

"Can we go and see them now, Grandpa?" Celeste insisted.

"What do you think, Lou?" Teaspoon asked.

"She's tired, but I'm sure she'll be glad to see you all. Just make the visit brief," Lou added.

The three adults and the two children didn't waste any time and quickly marched up the stairs towards Lou's bedroom, where Jenny was. Louise remained in the parlor alone. Her eyes shifted to Charlie who remained seated in the same position as he had been since she had stepped in. Louise walked up to him. "Can I?" she asked, tilting her head to Alice, who was still on his knees.

"Oh, sure… sure," he replied, rising to his feet and passing the toddler to her mother.

Alice spread her arms to Lou and squealed in delight when she found herself in her mama's safe, familiar hold. Louise automatically sniffed, bringing her daughter near her nose, and Charlie said, "I changed her about half an hour ago." Louise frowned in surprise and he said, "Your boy showed me where her things were and what I had to do. He's really a clever boy."

Louise noticed that the diaper was a bit too loose and askew. Lou told herself she'd have to do the job again, but she decided not to mention any of this, so she simply said, "Thanks." They remained in silence for a few seconds and Lou knew that even though she was reluctant to do so, she had to express her gratitude. "Charlie, thank you for what you've done today. We were in serious trouble on the road and it was very kind of you to look after the children. I guess I owe you one."

"Are your friend and her baby all right?" he asked. Lou nodded and Charlie added, "I'm glad I could help. It kind of makes up for my absence when you had our girl."

"Charlie, for goodness' sake!" Lou exclaimed, irritated.

"What?" the young man asked with a clueless expression.

"When are you gonna get into your thick head that Alice is nothing of yours?" Lou exclaimed in obvious annoyance. "You told me yourself you weren't interested in being a father to her. You're too young, Charlie, and this girl already has a father!"

"But she's got my blood, that means something," he replied.

"Charlie, live your life and let us live ours."

"Why do you hate me, McCloud?" he asked in a very serious tone of voice.

"I… I don't hate you," Lou stammered, taken aback by the grave expression he gave her.

"I never did you harm. You were the one who chased me and I always treated you as best as I could under those circumstances."

"I know," Lou replied awkwardly. She hated this conversation and wasn't sure how she had been dragged into it.

"I know everybody thinks I'm a fool. I might not be very bright, but I'm a person and I have feelings!"

"Charlie…"

"I have to go," he said, cutting her off, and suddenly feeling embarrassed by his outburst and for baring his soul before Louise, he tried to joke, "After all this mess, my throat is kind of dry. I haven't had a drink for four hours, can you believe it? And I miss my friends and the ladies at the saloon. They don't ask you much; they just want your money and you know, sometimes they remind me of our prison. We also exchanged things there, didn't we?"

Lou kept a serious face, not missing the comparison Charlie had clearly stated. The young man sneered at her expression. "See you around, Ma'am," he said and he just walked past her, slamming the door shut as he left.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Soon the awkward and difficult moments they had suffered when Jenny had gone into labor were forgotten. The new addition was received with great joy by all the family and a telegram was sent to Missouri, informing the happy father that Sally Louise Cross had been born on a beautiful February afternoon. Buck had responded with obvious bliss and clear regret at not being at home for the birth of their second daughter.

The dark days of winter slowly approached to the spring. The bitter cold had softened and they were already enjoying warmer days. Lou was glad for the good weather as she had the chance to be in the open and go for walks with the children. Besides, she also welcomed the change of seasons because that meant that Kid's return was closer. However, thinking about him also made her quite nervous. She would have to explain to him everything about Charlie. How would he react? She could imagine that he wouldn't like the news she would surprise him with. They had never discussed Alice's real father before simply because there was nothing to discuss. She had simply assured him she didn't know who had fathered her baby. That had been true, but when she had gradually become aware that Charlie was Alice's unknown father, she had opted for shutting up. Never would she have imagined that Charlie would pop up in her life or that she wouldn't get rid of him so easily. Would Kid think she had lied to him on purpose? That hadn't been her intention at all but she was scared of Kid's reaction. Her past history proved that she was more than capable of lying, and she was afraid Kid might think she was the same cheating liar.

Until now, Alice's father had been a ghost to Kid, a man without a face or name, a shadow, an illusion, nothing real, but now everything had changed. Charlie Giles was very real and a threat to her stability with Kid. If she was fair, she had to acknowledge that Charlie hadn't bothered her lately. But he was there, in town, in front of her very nose, and his sight was all she needed to feel frustrated and confused.

It was Saturday. Louise loved Saturdays since she could enjoy the presence of her children all day long. Even though there were times that they could send her up the wall, she'd rather have that any day. As she drank a glass of water in the kitchen, she felt flushed. "My, it's too warm for the end of February!" she said to herself as she pushed the kitchen window open.

A smile lit up her features as she spotted Rachel and Paul walking out of the stables, pulling two horses by their reins. Paul gave Rachel a hand to get on her mount and once he had straddled his, they rode away. Lou wondered what exactly was going between those two. Rachel didn't talk much about her story with Paul and the little she said was that they just liked to be with each other and had fun together. Lou knew that her two friends were spending more and more time with each other and it was obvious that they got on well. In any case, they kept a discreet relationship, but since Lou already knew about their bonding, they didn't bother to pretend before her anymore. Louise wanted to think that there was something more in their association than they were ready to admit, and she hoped that one day they would stop this nonsense and enjoy a real romantic commitment because they deserved to have the real thing.

A knock at the door snapped Lou out of her reflections and she went to answer. Her face didn't bother to hide her discontent when she found Charlie before her.

"Morning, McCloud."

"What do you want?" Lou asked curtly.

Charlie chuckled. "I'm starting to think I should change my name to 'what do you want' because that's how you greet me all the time."

Louise sighed. "Charlie, I'm tired of this nonsense. Tell me what you want."

"Uh… I was thinking about what you told me the last time we talked… the day your friend had her baby," the young man explained. "You said you owed me one, and… and, well, I want my pay," he finally let out, smiling from ear to ear.

Lou gave an expression of disgust and automatically took a step backwards. "Wh…what?"

"I thought we could go for a picnic," he said, stretching his arm and flaunting a basket in front of her.

"I don't think so."

"Please, McCloud. I just want to spend some time with the baby…with our girl. I haven't bothered you for weeks," Charlie replied. "Please. It's a lovely day and I'm sure your boy will also love to spend some time in the open."

Louise felt it wasn't right for her to spend time with Charlie as if they were a happy little family. She didn't want to raise his expectations and make him believe that he could play a part in Alice's life, because the last thing she wanted was to have her children confused. Yet, she also knew that for once there was nothing wrong in letting him see Alice and maybe that would satisfy him. She had told him many times he had no part in Alice's life and he should have learned his lesson by now. Yet, it was true that he had left her alone when he could have kept pestering her. Maybe she should budge a little, so Lou eventually found herself agreeing to his suggestion.

While Lou drove the wagon, Charlie rode his horse. They stopped at a peaceful, solitary clearing in the woods. Louise helped Joseph off and picked up Alice in her arms. Charlie spread a checked blanket he had brought along and placed the basket with the goods on it.

"I hope you don't intend to drink in front of my children," Lou said as she spotted a bottle of whisky showing from the basket.

"Uh… no, of course not," the young man replied as he took the bottle and placed it inside his saddle bags.

Lou felt awkward like a fish out of the water. She didn't know why she had agreed to come and what was the purpose of all this. At least, Joseph seemed to be enjoying himself. He had engaged Charlie in games and they had spent most part of the morning playing pirates, hide-and-seek and fighting like two expert swordsmen. Charlie was definitely like a little boy and despite the display of his habits, he was still naïve in many ways. Lou didn't know much about Charlie's life, just that he had lost his father at a very young age and had been a drummer boy in the war when he was still a child. Lou imagined that hanging around unrefined soldiers and then those beastly prison guards wasn't the best upbringing for a young person, and what he had learned from them was no good. It wasn't surprising that the way he used his language was far from proper. Besides, boozing and womanizing was a common occurrence in the men he had always been hanging around, so Lou imagined that he didn't find his attitude strange at all. And in the last department Lou guiltily admitted to herself that she had also contributed in the deal, but she told herself that if it hadn't been her, any other woman would have shown him what she had. Louise knew that Charlie wasn't a bad person; he was just a silly young man who had grown up in the wrong place and with the wrong people.

After enjoying the lunch Charlie had brought along, Joseph ran to play with his miniature boat at the creek. Lou left Alice sitting on the blanket as she went to wash her hands in the shallow water. Charlie stayed with Alice; the young man held a blade of grass and teased the toddler by bringing the grass closer to her and pulling it away when Alice was about to catch it. The girl squealed and laughed in joy at the game and Charlie found himself chuckling alongside her. Yet, his laughter froze as he lifted his eyes and felt drawn to a different scene in front of him. He didn't even notice that the blade of grass had slipped from his fingers and Alice had finally grabbed it. He simply kept staring ahead, his mouth agape and his eyes wide as saucers.

At the creek Lou crouched to wash her hands and in the motion the material of her dress framed her hips. Charlie almost bit his lower lip as he regaled himself with the view of her beautiful outline against the afternoon sun. He remembered how her hips felt against his and how his hands had travelled over every inch of her body. The feeling now was so real that a shiver ran over his whole body. His eyes didn't shift or even blink when she stood up, turned around and started walking back to him. The way her hips moved as she walked and the subtle hint of her bosom wrapped in the material of her dress brought back many memories and made him live a very real fantasy while fully awake.

Charlie shifted his body awkwardly when he finally noticed that she was too close. Louise gave him an annoyed look as she bent over and took the blade of grass from her daughter's hands, which she was already about to get into her mouth. "What on earth were you gaping at?" she asked as she lowered down and sat against a tree, positioning herself where she could have a clear view of Joseph at the creek.

"I… I was thinking about our first time together," he said. "It was my very first time with a woman."

"I know," Lou replied awkwardly, not liking the direction the conversation was leading to.

"I loved it. I loved all our times."

"Charlie, please…"

"I used to nick the best goodies from the kitchen for you. Remember how much you loved it when I brought you something?" Charlie continued regardlessly with a smile. At his comment Lou cringed, ashamed and humiliated. The reasons why she had sold herself sounded so feeble and cheap today. Attaching herself to a guard assured her safety, but she very well remembered how she showed her gratefulness in a very obvious way when she had filled her stomach with whatever they brought her. So despicable and cheap. How much lower than that could anybody sink?

"Please don't feel bad," Charlie said, misinterpreting her bitter expression. "I did it because I liked you… very much."

As he talked, his hand crept up her leg to her thigh. "What are you doing, Charlie?" she said, removing his hand from her brusquely.

"McCloud… I… I know I have nothing," he replied, his brown eyes locking into hers intensely. "And you're married, but… but I really wouldn't mind sharing you with your husband and we could meet when it is convenient for you. I know he's out of town, and he doesn't need to know about us even when he comes back. I can also be discreet."

Lou sent him a glacial look in his direction as she scrambled back to her feet. "You're insulting me, Charlie."

"But I…"

"I'll pretend I haven't heard you for your own good," she continued and scooped Alice up in her arms. "Joseph! Come here! We're going home!"

Charlie also rose to his feet. "Please, don't go."

"I think my debt is paid," Lou replied coldly. "I have nothing else to talk to you about."

"Can I see you and our girl from time to time?" Charlie tried desperately as he followed her to the wagon.

Louise turned her head to him. "I don't think so," she stated firmly. After helping Joseph, she got on the wagon and casting a last look at Charlie, she added, "Goodbye." And before he could reply, she flapped the reins on the horse's back and was gone.

* * *

Louise grumbled and puffed as she drove the wagon back home and she replayed her confrontation with Charlie. She couldn't believe he could have the nerve to propose something so insulting and demeaning to her. Of course the woman he had known in the jail was able to perform every low act, including deceit. But that was over. She was a new woman, a woman in love and she didn't want anything from any man who wasn't her husband.

Next to her on the wagon seat Joseph gazed at her with curiosity. "Ma, did you get angry with Charlie?"

"Why do you say that, honey?" Lou asked, trying to add a smile to her unhappy face.

"We left so suddenly and… your eyebrows are kind of too close and you're frowning," the boy said, pointing at his own face what he was explaining to his mother. "That's what happens when you get angry."

Lou laughed at her son's explanation. "Well, maybe I got a bit angry."

"I like Charlie," the boy remarked.

"Do you?"

Joseph nodded energetically. "He's fun and I always wanted to have a big brother like him," the boy replied. "Is he going to visit us again?"

Louise felt awkward at her son's comment. "I don't think so, honey."

"Why not?" insisted Joseph, disappointed by his mother's answer.

"Joseph, he's got matters that keep him occupied, so he doesn't have much time," Lou tried to find an explanation why they weren't going to see Charlie again.

Joseph didn't like his mother's answer, and upset, he folded his arms and remained quiet for the rest of the drive. Louise stopped the wagon next to Rachel's picket fence and walked to the house with the children. She'd see to the horse and the carriage when she had left the children at home.

As she stepped into the house, she was welcomed by her very smiling friends. Joseph forgot the reason why he was upset as soon as she saw Celeste and both children ran to play.

"Hello, ladies," Lou greeted them as she threw a glimpse in the bassinet where Jenny's daughter was sleeping peacefully. "She's such a beautiful baby. I sometimes miss the time Alice was like Sally. My baby girl is growing up so quickly."

"Who knows, Lou? Maybe God will bless you with another baby before you think," Jenny said, winking at Rachel.

Lou stared at her friends with a suspicious expression. "What are you two up to?" she asked. "You seem very cheerful this afternoon."

Jenny and Rachel shared a knowing look. "We have news, Lou," the former station mistress said, her smile never faltering a bit.

"News?"

"Our men are coming back!" Jenny exclaimed excitedly.

"I know… in a month. They…"

"No, not in a month. In a week! Next Friday," Jenny added, cutting her friend off.

Lou's eyes widened in surprise. "But they were supposed to be away for four months."

"We got their wire today," Rachel explained as she handed Lou the telegram. The petite woman eagerly read the words, seeing for herself that what her friends were saying was true and weren't just pulling her leg. Her husband was coming back, and suddenly, the joy she felt started to turn into apprehension.

Jenny noticed Lou's solemn expression and grew concerned. "Aren't you happy, Lou?"

Louise lifted her eyes to her and forced a smile on her lips. "Yes…yes," she stumbled on her words. "It's just so unexpected."

"We know," Rachel agreed, passing her arm around her friend's back affectionately.

Louise smiled, a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Kid was coming and now she'd finally have to tell him everything and face his reaction. She was so scared and if she could, she'd flee to the end of the world and be spared this. But there was no way out. Kid was coming and their marriage would start for real. Would they be able to survive? Would they be strong enough to endure the trials? Or would they succumb to difficulties? Lou was scared, terrified. A week, only a week. And then what?


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Louise stared at the cup of steaming coffee before her as she stirred it over and over again, making no attempt to drink it. Her frayed nerves kept her on tenterhooks all day long and since she had learned Kid was coming, she hadn't had a minute of peace. Her moments of joy mingled with those of anguish and apprehension. At night she didn't find it easy to fall asleep as her worries kept bugging and torturing her. Just thinking about having to tell Kid about Charlie left her trembling from head to foot. Every day she mentally rehearsed what she could tell him, but then her own mind started hurling questions to herself, questions that she found too weak answers to, and she felt she was at the losing end in this battle.

"Something wrong, Lou?" she heard Rachel ask by her side. Louise lifted her eyes to her friend and tried to smile.

"No, of course not," Louise replied promptly and she took the teaspoon out of the cup, letting it rest on the saucer.

"You must be so looking forward to seeing Kid," Rachel added with a smile. "I can't believe he's coming in two days."

"Yes," Louise muttered. "but I'm very nervous… scared, actually."

"I can understand why you're nervous," a voice resounded behind them and they turned to find Paul leaning against the door frame. When he had the women's attention, he stepped inside and stood hovering over them. "Tell us, Louise, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid that Kid will find out you're not the person he thinks you are? Do you fear he can smell treason in your breath?"

"Paul please," Rachel tried to mediate.

Lou was taken aback by Paul's bitter and scornful tone, and his cold words. It surprised her since he had always treated her with respect and affability when others had despised her. "What are you talking about?"

"We saw you," he replied, pointing his finger at her. "Rachel and I were riding and we saw you in very good company there in the woods."

Lou glanced at Rachel, who looked very uncomfortable. The station mistress had tried to soothe Paul when he had caught a glimpse of Lou with Charlie a few days ago. Paul didn't know who Charlie was or had the chance to see the man's face, but the way Lou and Charlie had been sitting together had made him believe the worst. Rachel knew that there was a reason why Lou had been with Charlie, and in a way it was logical the young man wanted to see his daughter. Of course Paul didn't know any of this but she didn't think it was her place to tell him. Besides, she wasn't sure whether Paul knowing that the man he had seen Lou with was Alice's father was a good idea in the mood he was lately. What Rachel now regretted was not warning Lou beforehand before Paul lunged to her like a bull to a red rag.

"That… that isn't what you think," Lou replied to Paul's accusation awkwardly.

"Really? As far as I saw, you two looked very cozy together. And where I come from, married women don't go frolicking with other men when their husbands are away."

"I wasn't frolicking!" Lou retorted angrily. "You're making a mistake."

"I really thought I liked you, Louise," Paul continued his harangue. "I never minded all those tales people told about you, but they must be true after all. I don't appreciate anybody hurting Kid and I'm not gonna allow you to do so. Don't expect me to keep quiet about this and as soon as Kid gets back, I'll tell him what kind of pastimes his wife entertained herself with in his absence!"

"But Paul…" Lou couldn't finish the sentence since the man walked away, not giving her the chance to explain herself. As the kitchen door slammed closed, Louise turned her anguished eyes to Rachel.

"Sorry I didn't tell you. I thought I could appease him without worrying you," the blonde woman said. "He was fuming when he saw you and Charlie. I've tried my best with Paul and I thought I had made him forget about the matter, but apparently I didn't do a very good job."

"I haven't done anything wrong," Lou added urgently. "Charlie showed up and wanted to be with Alice… and I don't know why I agreed. I'm not interested in him at all… at all."

"I know, honey," Rachel replied, covering her hand with her own.

"It's going to be beyond difficult to tell Kid about Charlie, and I'm already afraid of his reaction," Lou confessed. "But if others start telling him tales about me and him, I might end up losing my husband."

"Lou, Kid won't believe anybody but you."

"Will he?" Louise asked with a skeptical expression. "I have a long history behind me. I showed my husband too many times that I am capable of resorting to lies to save my skin. Who do you think he's gonna believe? His loyal friend Paul or me?"

Rachel had to admit that Lou had a point in what she was saying, and there was only one thing she could do. "I'll talk to Paul again, all right?"

Louise nodded, but somehow she knew Rachel wouldn't have much luck with Paul. She had seen how Paul looked after Kid's interest in all senses. He was like a brother to her husband and Lou knew that whatever enticing words Rachel used, nothing would budge Paul. He was an honest gentleman, a man of word, and she had now lost his trust. She knew Paul was right. A married woman shouldn't be seen in other men's company regardless whether her intentions were wholesome. And now what was Kid going to say? And more importantly, what was he going to do when he learned Paul's version of the facts? Lou didn't even want to imagine; she didn't want to know; she didn't want to go through all this. She wasn't strong enough.

* * *

"And they lived happily ever after," Joseph read aloud in the quiet of his bedroom and then closed the book his Grandpa Teaspoon had given him a few days ago. He loved reading, and Aunt Rachel called him her little bookworm. She always praised him and said he was the best reader at school, even outdoing her older pupils.

Joseph rose to his feet and placed his book on a small shelf in his bedroom. He stood still in the middle of the bedroom for a few minutes. He was bored and missed his father. He always told him stories about the time he was a Pony Express rider or when he was a captain in the war. Thankfully, Pa was coming soon and they'd shared those special moments again. His stomach rumbled. He was feeling hungry and wished he could have his dinner already. Maybe Mama could let him have something before dinnertime, so he went in search of her. The door to his mother's bedroom was ajar and he pushed it open with his index finger. From the threshold the boy frowned when he saw his mother grabbing clothes from the opened drawers and the wardrobe, folding them and shoving them in a carpet bag. Joseph watched Louise for a few minutes and then he called, "Ma?"

Louise stopped her hectic packing, noticing her son for the first time. "Hey, Joseph," she said with a smile.

"Ma, what are you doing?" the boy asked.

Louise crossed the room and closed the door. Wordlessly, she took Joseph by the hand and steered him to the bed. They sat and Louise stroked her son's hand as she started, "Joseph, I need to tell you something… about me, pa… about us."

"Yes, Ma."

Louise breathed in deeply and looked at her son in the eyes intently. "Listen to me, honey. You're a big boy and I know you can understand a grown-up thing I'm going to tell you."

"Yes, Ma," the boy replied, proud at her mother's words, and kept quiet, listening carefully to whatever her Ma wanted to tell him.

* * *

The night had fallen and the big moon in the sky left the earth below in a succession of light and shadows. In her kitchen Jenny scrubbed the pots and pans in her sink that she had left soaking after both lunch and dinner. With the new baby and a restless six-year-old, she had no time to see to all her chores, and she sometimes ended up with a huge pile of clothes to wash and iron, and plates and pots to clean. Thankfully, Lou and Rachel gave her a hand in the house when they could, but they couldn't help her as much as they wanted since they also had obligations.

As she rubbed the scourer energetically on the skillet, Jenny casually cast a look through the window and outside a moving shadow caught her attention. She stopped her motions briefly and stared at the yard, trying to make out what she had seemed to catch sight of. Jennifer frowned in confusion as she saw one of the wagons in the middle of the yard, hitched and ready to go. "What on earth?" she exclaimed to herself as she noticed Lou on the wagon seat, dressed as if she was about to start a long trip.

Fearing that her friend was going to do something stupid, Jenny left the washing up and while drying her hands on her apron, she ran to the door. "Lou!" she called loudly in the silent yard, but Lou had already urged the horse and was driving away, a cloud of dust rising behind it. "Lou!" Jenny called after her, but it was useless.

Without thinking about it twice, Jenny ran across the yard to Rachel's house. "Rachel! Rachel! Open up!" Jenny called as she knocked at the door repeatedly. Seconds later she heard the lock being unbolted and Rachel appeared before her.

"Jenny, what's all this ruckus?"

"I just saw Lou… she's gone. She drove away on the wagon."

Rachel's face remained expressionless and in cold indifference. "Yes, I know."

"But… has she gone crazy? Kid and Buck are coming tomorrow or the following day at the latest. What are we gonna tell Kid?"

"Nothing. He's not a fool and knows what all this means."

Jenny stared at Rachel in confusion and when her friend's face lit up with a smile, she wondered whether everybody had lost their heads today, because she really didn't understand anything.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

He groaned when once again a sudden motion woke him up. He had tried to get some sleep on the train to Saint Joseph, but even though he was dead tired after sitting on the narrow, uncomfortable seat for hours, he seemed unable to rest for longer than five minutes.

"Stop moaning, Kid," said Buck sitting by his side on the train carriage. "I've had enough of your grunts."

"Sorry, but I'm sick and tired of this damn journey. It seems endless," Kid replied sullenly.

"We're just getting into St Joseph, see?" Buck explained as he pointed at the window beside his friend with his thumb. "Good news, end of our journey."

Kid turned his head and threw a glimpse through the window. It was true. They were arriving at the station and he could see the dozens of people there. He dropped back onto his seat as he said, "Yes, end of the train journey. We still have to ride to Rock Creek. I so long to get home. I wish I could do this," he continued, snapping his fingers, "and make Lou appear right here, right now."

Buck gave him a lopsided grin. "Kid, could you snap your fingers again and wish we had a million dollars?"

"Huh?" Kid mumbled confused by his friend's comment.

"Lou's there… on the platform," Buck elaborated, pointing outside the window and when Kid followed the direction of his friend's finger, his eyes widened in surprise. Louise stood there, obviously waiting for the train on which they were arriving. The engine hadn't come to a complete halt but Kid jumped to his feet and rushed to the exit. The conductor, though, came to stand before the door, blocking his way. "Sir, you need to wait for the train to stop completely."

Kid nodded reluctantly even though he couldn't wait to leave and run to Lou. It seemed like an eternity when the train finally halted and the conductor opened the door. Kid jumped onto the platform and his eyes eagerly started looking up and down, seeking her out. It was then when he finally spotted her. She was walking along the platform, searching the train windows with impatient eyes. At some point she came closer to the train and knocked at a window pane after spotting Buck behind it. Louise tried to make herself understand, talking loudly, but stopped when a shout called her to attention.

"Lou!"

Her mouth stretched into a big smile when she saw him and shot towards him at the same time as he lunged in her direction too. They madly threw to each other; her hands clasped around his neck as Kid spun around himself, his hands framing her tiny waist. She giggled happily as her eyes locked into his blue ones. Kid stopped his frantic spinning and put her down. "Lou…" he breathed as his hands cupped her face.

Everything and everybody surrounding them had vanished and they had the sensation they were all alone. Kid stared at her in awe, almost in disbelief that she was here in front of him. These months had felt so long, so lonely and after all these weeks, days, and hours in solitude he could finally set eyes on her, on his precious wife. But it wasn't enough, he needed to feel her and very slowly his hand led her to him and his lips. His mouth brushed over hers lightly, wanting to capture this moment for all the eternity and relish the sensations emanating inside him, but those first shy kisses soon turned more daring and he opened his mouth to kiss her fully. Likewise, Louise wanted to show her husband how much she had missed him all these months and brought him closer, pulling her against him with her hands round his neck.

Somebody clearing their throat by their side made them pull away and they blushed when they found Buck grinning at them. "Hi, Buck," Lou said. "I'm so glad to see you." She kissed her friend on his cheek, but her arm didn't let go of his husband's as if she feared he'd disappear before her very nose.

"But not so glad as seeing your husband, I imagine, uh?" Burk remarked. Lou grinned in silent admission and the Kiowa turned to his travelling companion. "You forgot this," he said, tossing the bag to his friend. "I wonder what you were thinking about."

Kid and Lou shared a sheepish smile and in an attempt to avoid further teasing from Buck, he asked his wife, "How are the children?"

"Oh they're fine. Joseph misses you terribly and Alice has grown up so much. Rachel agreed to look after them while I came here… I couldn't wait to see you anymore. And your girls, Buck, are fine too. Your baby is beautiful."

"I'm so looking forward to seeing them," Buck said as they ambled out of the station.

"I imagine so," Lou replied, hugging her husband's arm as they walked. "I brought an extra horse with the wagon in case you wanted to gallop to Rock Creek straightaway." She paused and looked up at Kid as she added in a soft voice, "I thought we could stay here and … have a free day to celebrate… you know, our wedding."

Kid stared and grinned at her sheepishly. Buck nudged him on the side teasingly and he couldn't help but show his bliss in a very bright smile. "Lou, I think you've thrown your husband here so much with your unexpected appearance today that he's lost the ability to speak," Louise smiled, sharing a look with Kid and Buck continued, "Just let me know where you have that extra horse and I'll be on my way. I'll leave you alone because I assume that's what you want."

After bidding Buck goodbye, Kid and Lou turned to each other. She brushed her hand over his shoulders down his arm. "You are thinner than when you left," she remarked, her eyes never leaving his.

"Work was hard and the food wasn't that great. Besides, I was unable to eat much, thinking of you and the children constantly."

Louise hooked her arm around his, smiling from ear to ear, as they started off. "Well, now you're here and it's my turn to look after you," Louise said. "Why don't we go to our hotel room and you can wash up and rest for a while?"

Kid nodded. "But first I need to do something," he said as he stopped their walking and at Lou's questioning look, he added, "I need to kiss you properly." Louise smiled, instinctively licking her lips, eager to taste her husband's kisses once again. His hands circled her petite frame as her body bushed against his. Lou tilted her head in anticipation and closed her eyes as soon as his lips touched hers. His mouth traced hers intensely as Lou's arms hooked around his neck and pressed him against her tightly. This was heaven and time seemed to have gone still as the dream he had every night for the last months finally materialized.

It was when they heard a protesting voice next to them that they let go of each other. They tittered shyly when they found an old lady, looking at them with obvious disgust and muttering angrily to herself. Kid uttered a soft apology and bowed his head to the lady politely, and then grabbing Lou's hand in his, he pulled her forward, leaving the old woman behind. They laughed happily as they sprinted hand in hand towards the hotel. They were still laughing when they unlocked the door to their room. Once inside, Kid kicked it closed and without wasting a single second, he covered the distance to his wife and engaged her mouth in a demanding, sultry kiss. Louise followed his lead, enjoying his touch and caresses, until she found herself lying on the bed under him. Very gently and despite herself, she pushed Kid off her, and kept looking into his deep eyes. "Kid, why don't you rest for a while? You must be tired and I thought we could enjoy a quiet dinner at the restaurant later before doing… before this."

"Please Lou, I need you. I've waited too long."

Louise chuckled. "That used to be my line, but I've learned to be patient."

"I don't want you to be patient now," he replied as he caressed her face. "I want to be with you now… no more waiting."

Louise smiled as her finger slowly brushed over his fine features. His lust-filled eyes warmed her insides and she felt desire and passion burning in her soul, passion for the man she loved. "I… I'm a bit nervous," she whispered huskily. "It's been so long since I've loved…" Her voice faltered and stopped before saying 'somebody'. That would be an understatement. She had never loved anybody but him, and that had been almost ten years ago. What she had with the other men who had shared her bed had nothing to do with this. That had been cheap, dirty, an animal act that she couldn't dare to call making love.

Kid nodded, understanding what she was trying to say, and he felt strangely proud because he knew he was the man who had managed to get into her soul and steal her heart. "So, Mrs. Carmichael, are you ready to love again?"

His question was promptly answered. She closed her eyes and as their lips joined again, they both knew that this time they would finally seal the love they had for each other and there wouldn't be interruptions or trouble. Not tonight.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Propped up against the headboard, Kid smiled pleasantly as he read the scrap of paper in his hands. When he finished, he lifted his eyes to his wife, sitting up next to him, and they shared a grin. "He's a very clever and sweet boy," Kid remarked.

Louise nodded. "He didn't let me go until he hadn't written this letter to you. He's missed you so much," Lou said as she pulled the quilt against her naked body to shelter herself from the cold.

"I also missed you three very much," he whispered and placed a soft kiss on her naked shoulder. "I don't know how I'd have survived for another few weeks without you." There had been some problems at the worksite because of the hostile weather that month. The company had ordered the men to stop work until the weather improved. Kid and Buck had decided that they couldn't wait so much. Buck was eager to meet his new daughter and both men wanted to go back to their families not longer than what they had foreseen. So since the wages of a few more weeks wouldn't make much of a difference, they had resigned and packed up to go home.

"I'm so happy you're here," she exclaimed, her hands toying with his and her mouth smiling in an enticing way.

Kid smiled back and kept quiet for a bit while his eyes studied her features. "Lou, how are you?" he asked after a couple of minutes. "Tell me how you really are."

Louise knew that the moment of truth had finally come and it was time they talked about the serious stuff. Looking back at the woman she was when he had gone to Missouri, Lou could see the long road she had walked and how much further she still had ahead. She felt she was a new woman and wanted to believe that problems wouldn't ruin what she and Kid had. "I'm fine, Kid. Honestly. I think I'm getting better… I'm following the right track now after letting my fears rule me so much. Everything's good now and will be better now that you're here with me."

Kid smiled, pressing her hand against his mouth. "When you wrote to me, I wanted so bad to come back to you and see you were really all right with my own eyes. Buck had to talk me out of it."

"We're all right now," Lou assured him. Kid nodded and Lou smiled wryly as she told herself that since she had started, she needed to tell him everything. She was getting nervous and her hands trembled while she threw the nightgown over her head and did up the buttons at the front.

"Something wrong, Lou?" Kid asked when he noticed that her hands were shivering.

Louise fixed her eyes in his and said, "Kid, there's something I need to tell you."

The seriousness in her voice took him by surprise. "Lou, what is it? You're scaring me."

"This … this ain't easy," she muttered uncomfortably. "It's about… about Alice."

Kid's forehead frowned in obvious concern. "Alice? What's happened to her?"

"Oh… nothing's happened. She's fine," Lou hurried to soothe his fears, cursing herself for her clumsiness and misleading him. She breathed in deeply and realizing that there was no way she could soften the matter, she blurted out, "It's about her father… her real father."

"Wh… what?"

"He kind of showed up in Rock Creek a couple of months ago," Lou explained mortified, her eyes downcast and her hands wringing the front of her nightgown.

Kid didn't understand what she was trying to say. Alice's father? His baby's father? "Lou, what are you saying? What father? You told me you didn't know who her father was."

"Yes," Lou replied in a little voice. "At least, I didn't know back then but I do know now."

Nervously, Kid passed his fingers through his hair several times and fidgeted restlessly, the bed creaking below them. "Are you really sure, Lou?"

"I'm afraid so," Lou muttered and this time she dared to meet his astonished, anguished eyes. "It's true that Alice looks like me, but she does look like him too… if you saw her and… him together, there's no doubt about the resemblance. I've had my suspicions for a while, and you know Alice came a month before I expected her, and that kind of narrows the… uh… candidates."

Kid couldn't believe what she was hearing and he could hardly think. This was something that definitely escaped his grasp, and he wasn't sure what all this meant for them. "Lou, are you saying that rapist is in Rock Creek?"

Lou sighed, hating to go through the same awkward conversation she had already had with Rachel when Charlie showed up. "He's not a rapist, Kid."

"But you told me you had to consent to… to laying with those men to avoid rape," Kid reminded her.

"Yes, but… do we really need to talk about that?" Lou exclaimed a bit too loudly.

"Yes, we do. I want to understand."

Lou sighed defeated. "Things there are… complicated and so… so corrupted, "Lou started, feeling more and more awkward by the moment. This was obviously something she didn't feel comfortable talking about to her husband. "Sometimes you had to resort to anything to survive… choose the lesser of two evils, accept the circumstances, those rules for your own good… look for your own welfare. And attaching yourself to one… one of them protected you from others… there was some kind of silent pact that a guard's … girl had to be respected by the others."

"So you… you had an affair with this fella?" Kid asked with obvious irritation.

"An affair? Gosh, Kid!" she exclaimed as if he had lost his head. "Yeah, sure. He courted me all proper-like, bringing me roses and chocolates to my cell and we held hands as we looked at the stars through the barred window," she added sarcastically.

"But you were exclusive to him, weren't you? That's what you're saying."

Lou sighed tiredly. "Just for a while… maybe a couple of months," she replied and at his expression of shock she added, "Kid, don't look at me like that. You already knew what kind of things I had to do there and you were the first to convince me I should forget about my mistakes and leave the past behind. He doesn't change any of what I did. I'm not better or worse. I'm the same woman."

"I didn't expect this."

"I know, and I didn't expect it either," Louise said. "I really wanted to write and tell you, but I didn't know how to do it without worrying you even more."

"And what's gonna happen now? What's gonna happen with Alice?" Kid asked the key question… the point that mattered him the most.

"Nothing," Lou replied as she boldly took his hand between hers. "You're Alice's father in all senses. She's a Carmichael. Alice's yours and we have the papers that say so."

"A paper is nothing, Lou," he exclaimed, the fears and the nerves talking through his mouth. "He's her real father. She looks like him, she might show gestures like his… she has his blood, and who am I? Just her Ma's husband."

"No, Kid. You're so much more," she tried, stroking his naked shoulder encouragingly. "You've been there for her from the first moment. And she loves you… I know she does."

"But what does this man mean for us, Lou?"

"I told you… nothing. He's not gonna bother us. He's been coming home a few times… I don't know why because in fact, he isn't interested in her. I think I was a fool because he kind of talked me into letting him be with Alice a morning. We went to the woods and then I talked to him, and I let him know he had no call in Alice's life. "

"Are you really sure about that?"

"No," Louise admitted. "But I don't think he'll dare to show his face now you're around." She paused and on seeing the way he was looking at her, she exclaimed. "Kid, this isn't easy for me… at all and you can't imagine the anguish I have been living in lately. He's there in Rock Creek, in front of my very nose, reminding me of all my sins, of all my demons, of the kind of woman I became and I hate!"

"Hey, hey, Lou!" Kid cut in, bringing her against him when she started to get upset. "It's all right, it's all right."

"He's nothing to me, he's nothing to us!" she exclaimed, sobbing against his chest. "And I don't want him in my life! I don't want him!"

Kid didn't try to reply and simply hugged her as she softly cried. He wasn't sure how he felt about all this matter, but if anything, he was scared. As he had told Lou, he hadn't expected this shock and he wondered what that man's real intentions were. Kid had the feeling that if that man was around was because he wanted something from them. And it hurt Kid to think of Alice, of his beautiful baby. He felt her so close that he sometimes even forgot that she wasn't his flesh and blood. The notion that there was a man who had fathered her had been absent from his mind for some time now and for him Alice was his daughter in the same way as Joseph was his son. And now this flabbergasting surprise came out like a ton of brick and he was terrified. What was going to happen now?


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

The road was bumpy and difficult because of the abundant rain of lately that had washed away part of the earth, thus uncovering rocks and roots under its surface, and leaving paths and roads unsteady and rugged. The noises of nature and the creaking and clacking of the wagon were the only sounds that broke the silence that had settled between the two occupants since they had left Saint Joseph.

Louise looked at her husband through the corner of her eye, noticing his set jaw and the lines of worry on his forehead. After the big revelation they had stayed in each other's arms all night long until they had fallen asleep. Lou had answered his curiosity as best as he could and had told him everything, Jimmy's visit and the incident she had with him, about her going on a picnic with Charlie and Paul's anger towards her. Kid had listened to her carefully but had expressed no opinion until there were no more questions and they had fallen asleep. This morning when they had woken up, strangely Kid had hardly talked. Lou knew he was mulling over the matter and she wished he could say something. This silence was killing her and she couldn't hold back any longer.

"Are you okay, Kid?"

He turned his eyes to her as if he were surprised to find her by his side. "Yes, I'm fine."

She hated it when he clammed up and let her out, so frustrated Lou exclaimed, "Please, Kid, talk to me! I want you to tell me how you feel!"

"I… I feel kind of strange," he finally muttered.

"I can understand that," Louise agreed. "This is very awkward for me too."

"I know."

"Kid, I'm aware things have been quite difficult since we re-met," Lou remarked and Kid remained quiet. She sighed and then added, "I wish I could make all my problems disappear, but I can't. I'm so, so sorry. You can't imagine how much."

"Lou…"

Louise didn't let him butt in and blurted out the question that had been nagging her all night long, "Kid are you regretting marrying me?"

"No, of course not! No, never," he exclaimed as he passed his arm over her shoulders, bringing her closer to him. He cursed himself for making her doubt herself and his love, but all this matter was too awkward and the happy re-encounter he had dreamt about all these months had become marred by this funny business. "How can you say that, Lou? Marrying you was what I've always wished for. I'm just scared… scared that this fella might bring about complications and spoil what we have… our family."

"Kid, I told you. He isn't interested in being a father to Alice."

"What if he changes his mind?" Kid insisted.

"I don't think he will. Alice is not a toy or a pet, and he can't decide he wants to be part of her life when it suits him. He won't bother us, I know. You don't even need to see him or learn who he is. He knows what the situation is and if he disturbs us, we'll report him."

"Report him?" Kid echoed in a tone that showed his evident disagreement. "We can't do that unless he breaks the law, Lou. We can't just report him because he wants to know about Alice. He's her father."

"He's nothing to the law, Kid! You're Alice's legal father and his name is nowhere. But we don't need to worry; he's not gonna bother us."

"You seem very sure about it," Kid remarked suspiciously. ""Is there something you're not telling me?"

The expression in his face and the tone of his voice clearly revealed his thoughts. Lou removed his arm from her shoulders gruffly and voiced her very obvious anger. "What the hell are you implying? What's wrong with you men? Not even you are different! You're nothing but a suspicious, dirty-minded character like Jimmy or your friend Paul. But let me tell you something, Alistair Carmichael, I'm not like you think I am. I know I did things I'm not proud of, but that was under very special circumstances! I don't throw myself to men's beds so cheaply!"

Kid painfully realized he had blundered and hurried to apologize. "Please Lou, forgive me. I'm a fool and I…"

"I don't sleep around!" Lou continued in the same rage. "I'm married to you and when I took my vows of respect, love and loyalty to you, I meant them with all my heart."

"I know, honey, I know."

"I just talked to him and told him to stop bothering us! That's all!"

Kid stopped the wagon and turned on the seat to her. "I'm sorry, Lou, really. You have the right to be angry with me," he said piteously taking her hands in his.

"I could never be unfaithful to you because I love you," she added in a softer tone.

"I love you too… so, so much," he replied and dared to lean over and kiss her lips lightly. "Please forgive me."

Louise knew she couldn't stay angry with him; after all, she couldn't boast of being the most decent woman and her past history made her present look dubious and incomplete. It was no wonder Kid assumed the worst. She still needed to prove that she had left all that behind and wouldn't do anything to damage their marriage. "Things haven't changed, Kid. It's us four and it will be like that forever unless one of us wants things to change."

Kid nodded. "I'm such a fool for distrusting, Lou. As long as you three are with me, nothing else matters," he said, squeezing her hands in his. "This is the beginning. We're gonna buy that place and build a home there. I don't want to think about anything else… nothing at all."

Louise smiled, her previous anger forgotten. She knew that Charlie could be a delicate matter in her marriage. His presence wasn't comfortable for her or her husband, but she hoped that Charlie would end up getting bored and leaving town. She had the feeling he wouldn't dare to bother them and even so, now that Kid was here, she felt more confident she had nothing to fear. It was true she had been scared, thinking of Kid's reaction to this news, but he had proved once again that he loved her and was ready to overlook certain things for her sake. He deserved a good life and Lou told herself that she was going to do her utmost to make him as happy as she could. This was the beginning of their life in common and nothing would ruin it, nothing, nothing at all.

* * *

They arrived in Rock Creek late in the afternoon. As soon as the wagon rolled onto the property, a whoop pierced the air and they saw Joseph dart towards them in a flash. The couple shared a smile when behind the boy they spotted Rachel running after him, calling his name and ordering him to stop. Joseph finally halted, and stood next to Rachel with an unhappy expression. He didn't stay still too long and just as his parents' wagon pulled over, he dashed to them. "Pa! Pa!" he called excitedly and when Kid eased off the carriage, the boy jumped to his neck.

"How's my man?" Kid exclaimed as he hugged his son.

"I'm fine, Pa!" Joseph replied when Kid put him back on the ground. "And I've done what you told me to. I've looked after Ma and Alice as you asked me."

Kid smiled and shared a look with Lou. "That's good, son."

"Did you have a nice trip home, Kid?" asked Rachel when she approached the family.

"Yes, thank you. I'm glad to see you," Kid replied, giving the woman a kiss on her cheek.

"I hope the children didn't give you too much trouble," Lou asked as they started towards the house.

"They've been as good as gold," Rachel said. The two women lagged behind while Kid and Joseph led the way, the boy asking his father all kinds of questions. Since Kid was out of earshot, Rachel dared to ask Lou what she was dying to know. "So how did things go between you and Kid?"

"Good… perfect," Lou replied with a pleased smile, remembering the sweet encounter with Kid.

"Did you tell him about Charlie?" Rachel asked again and Lou nodded. "How did he take it?"

"Better than I thought," Louise answered. "I guess we'll have to see how things go from now on."

They reached the house. Alice was sitting on a blanket on the floor, surrounded by her toys while Teaspoon sat on the rocking chair. When the Marshal saw his ex-rider, he got up and hugged him. They exchanged the usual greetings and right away Kid turned to the baby. He watched her in awe, moved by the image of the girl. She was so grown up since the last time he had seen her. His little girl, his very special little girl. The knowledge hat she wasn't so much his as he wanted to believe was too painful.

"Hey, Alice. Remember me?" Kid asked as he crouched before her. The girl looked at him with curiosity and started to babble in her particular language. Kid smiled and scooped her up in his arms as he stood up. "You are so, so pretty and so big. And I love you so, so much," Kid cooed and placed a kiss on her head.

"She's growing up so quickly," Lou remarked coming behind him. Kid shared a look and a smile with his wife when suddenly, the baby's voice surprised him.

"Da!"

Kid stared at the toddler in his arms with big eyes. Had she said what he thought she had said? No, it couldn't be, could it? And then once again Alice repeated the same in a more energetic way, her lips pouting. "Da!"

Kid glanced at his wife with a flabbergasted expression. "Lou, what is she saying?" he asked, his lips twitching in an obvious, proud grin.

Lou smiled wryly and as she was about to reply, Joseph approached them and cut in, "Alice, take this. Here's Duck!"

"Da!" the girl squealed in delight when she saw the toy in her little hands and then Kid's face fell in disappointment, realizing what the toddler had been repeating. Lou noticed his expression and added, "That was her first word. Not Ma, not Pa, just duck."

Feeling silly for being so disappointed about this matter, Kid chuckled. "I guess it's logical… children and toys," Kid remarked.

"Duck's her favorite, Pa. It was a present from Ch…"

"Joseph," Lou cut off nervously before the boy said anything. She wasn't sure why, but she didn't want Charlie's name to be brought up now. She had told Kid that Charlie didn't count and it didn't feel right that the first thing Kid learned from Alice was that her favorite toy came from her real father. "Honey, why don't you go and find the little welcome present we bought Pa? It's in my bedroom."

"Yes!" the boy exclaimed as he quickly dashed up the stairs.

"I'll go with him before he turns your bedroom inside out," Rachel excused herself and followed the boy so that the couple could have the privacy they apparently needed.

"Kid?" Lou called when he remained quiet and dead serious.

"It's a present from him… from that man?" he asked, looking at the baby in his arms, who was happily playing with the stuffy duck.

"He came one day and brought it," Lou explained awkwardly. "You ain't upset about it, are you?"

Kid plastered a forced smile on his lips. "No, I guess I'm just tired."

"It's just a toy, honey, a toy she'll get tired of and she'll have many more we'll buy for her."

"Sure, sure," he replied, trying to convince himself that it was silly to feel threatened because Alice liked a toy.

Lou took a few steps closer and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "We love you, Kid. Don't doubt that. There's nobody else for us. And now let's find your son. He chose your present himself. You can't even imagine how excited he was for your stuff."

Kid nodded and followed Lou up the stairs. He was smiling even though his insides were hurt and in a turmoil. He knew he had no reason to be upset about. Lou was right but somehow he felt as if that man's presence hovered over him like a shadow that threatened to rub him out. The fears wouldn't go and he wondered what other surprises would await him. He didn't feel like feeling like this as if he was competing with a stranger for Alice's affection. Until now, he had been the only one in her life and knowing that there was somebody else, her real father around filled him with sheer anxiety. Lou had said that the man was no part of their life, that he was nothing to them, but Kid knew that whatever that man was, he would always be Alice's father, something he could never fight against. This powerlessness brought about such bitterness in his heart that for the first time in a long time he felt like crying.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

"Thank you, Mr. Terry," Kid said, shaking hands with the man as his free hand squeezed the key the man had handed him. His expression clearly showed his pride and contentment. Two weeks had gone by since he had come back to Rock Creek after four weeks away, and shortly afterwards he had started his dealings with Mr. Terry. Even though he had managed to get a nice sum of money, it didn't cover the whole price of the house. So he had to get a mortgage from the bank, but the main thing was that the place was finally his and his family's. They'd soon be moving here and enjoying the life he had always dreamt about. Naturally they had been happy staying at Rachel's, but they needed their own home and their privacy as a family.

"My father would be happy knowing that a nice family like yours will be living in his house," Mr. Terry explained as both he and Kid walked to the horses. "This is where all my brothers and sisters grew up. We had a very happy childhood and I'm glad that the laughter of children will fill the house again."

"And we're proud to become the new owners of such a special place for you," Kid replied. "My wife always loved the house and the property."

The two men shook hands once again before mounting their horses and riding away in different directions. Kid couldn't help but smile happily. He could hardly wait to tell Lou that the house was finally theirs and now they could start to furnish and decorate the place. They wanted to move in as soon as possible, so they wouldn't wait to have everything, just enough to be able to live there. Rachel had suggested they could use some furniture that she had kept after refurbishing the guesthouse the previous year. Kid had also ordered a few things from Tompkins's and he was brushing up his carpentry skills too by working on a dresser for Lou. So now she complained that since he was back, she didn't get to see him much more than when he was away. Either he was working in the shed, helping Buck in his business or dealing with the bank or Mr. Terry. Days were really busy and tiring, but Kid always made it up to her every night in the privacy of their bedroom in Rachel's house.

Kid was really pleased by the way things were going in their marriage. It was true that Lou's frail nerves had improved in these last months, and she was behaving more and more like the person he had got to know ten years ago. Her courage and cheerfulness had come back and in their moments of intimacy she was as cheeky, sweet and romantic as ever. Despite the problems they had started their marriage with, the road seemed smooth and steady before them and in these two weeks they were practically living in a constant honeymoon, the honeymoon they deserved as newlyweds with the only difference they already had a couple of children.

Kid was admittedly feeling content with everything he was being granted. Life smiled at him. Yet, he felt there was something that didn't let him enjoy his blessings fully. The reason was clear: the mysterious man that had fathered Alice, that same man who had given her the soft toy that she hugged as she drifted to sleep every night. Lou had been right and he hadn't come bothering them. Yet, Kid couldn't help but feel very strange about the whole matter and he found it impossible to forget about it.

Since he didn't know who the man was, whenever he came to town, he looked at every man warily, suspecting every single one of them. Kid knew he was silly for feeling jealous of somebody who clearly had no part in his family, but he just couldn't push the matter out of his mind. Kid didn't even dare to bring up all this with Lou or share his silly insecurities. She surely wouldn't understand him and get upset because after all her reassurances, he was still having doubts about it. Naturally, he didn't doubt her, but he just couldn't get rid of the shadow of that man who threatened his stability.

As Kid rode towards Rachel's house, Kid noticed that his horse's gait felt strange, so he stopped and dismounted. On examining Katy's right hoof, he realized that one of her horseshoes had lost a nail and hung loose. They were near Rachel's place and he could see to the matter himself. Yet, a tempting voice in his head told him that this was the chance he had been waiting for. After overhearing a conversation between Lou and Rachel, he knew that Alice's father was working for the blacksmith. Whenever he went to town, his eyes tried to locate the man who tortured him in his mind, but he had only caught sight of Mr. Gordon, the owner. Kid imagined that the fella was working inside, so with the excuse of Katy he would have the chance to lay eyes on the man. Kid knew that he should let the matter rest and forget about the fella since he was obviously no trouble for them, but he was curious… too curious.

Kid rode to town and without the slightest hesitation, he steered his horse towards the blacksmith's. As soon as Kid explained the matter, the blacksmith called his employee to take care of it. Kid breathed in, waiting for the man and he stiffened when he finally appeared. As the man got down to fixing Katy's hoof, Kid watched him intensely. The man looked quite ordinary and Kid couldn't see any resemblance to Alice like Lou had claimed, but maybe he just didn't want to see it. As he stood there, watching the man, Kid was invaded by a myriad of feelings. Jealousy, anger, confusion, insecurity… Here was he in front of a man who had touched his wife, who had desecrated her soul, who was stealing his chance to be the only father for Alice. It was absurd. That man was there, and Kid felt he couldn't do anything, anything at all, because even if he beat this man to a pulp, nothing of that would change.

"Ready, sir," the man announced as he stood before Kid. "It's fifty cents for the repair."

Kid hadn't noticed that the blacksmith was gone and he now realized that he was alone with his assistant. "My name's Alistair Carmichael," Kid said pointedly.

"Very well, Mr. Carmichael."

"I'm Louise's husband."

The man stared at Kid with a confused expression. "Do I know you, Mr. Carmichael?!

Kid felt his irritation soar by the man's faked thickness. "Please don't play with me, and stand up like a man. You know who I am and who I am to Alice."

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir. I have no idea who you or the people you mention are. I arrived in Rock Creek with my family a few days ago and I just got myself this job."

Kid's angry expression changed to embarrassment, when he realized that he had made a mistake. "Uh… sorry. Forgive me. I thought you were somebody else."

"No problem, sir. If you were looking for the fella who had this job before me… I think Mr. Gordon fired him. Maybe you can ask him about his whereabouts, but I think he left town."

"No, it's fine. I…"

"Kid!" a loud shout came from across the street and he then saw Lou, with Alice in her arms, coming to him. "What are you doing here?" she asked when she reached him.

"One of Katy's shoes lost a nail," Kid explained quickly as he paid the money to the man.

"Couldn't you fix that at home and save the money?" she asked again as they walked out of the place.

"Yes, you're right, but since I was in town I simply asked Mr. Gordon to do the job for me and save me the work. You know I'm too busy," Kid replied, well aware his explanation sounded flawed and silly.

Louise stopped and turned to him with an expression that aroused no doubts about her mood. "Kid, do you really think you can fool me with that cheap excuse?" she exclaimed angrily. "You were there because you wanted to see him."

"Lou… I'm just curious," Kid admitted sheepishly.

"Kid, I thought we agreed to focus on us and forget about everything else! If you want to meet him, you don't need to go behind my back like a thief!"

"I didn't go behind your back!" Kid protested. "I don't know why I did it. I really don't care. And that fella said he's left town, anyway." Louise listened to him with a skeptical expression and Kid added, "Please, Lou, let's not fight, especially today." And then he produced the key that Mr. Terry had given him.

Lou's mouth stretched into a wide smile as her fingers came to caress the key in her husband's hand. "Oh Kid!"

"Yeah, the place is finally ours."

"Our home," Lou whispered in awe and disbelief as she kept staring at the key. This was going to be the first place she could call a true home. Over the years she had been roaming around and living in shaggy rooms or under somebody else's roof. But now she and Kid would own a place of their own, a home in which they could really be a family. It still didn't feel right that he had to pay for everything since she had almost nothing, but as Kid said, a home was built up with more than money and she was going to be a vital part to make those four walls a true home. "When do you think we could move?"

"A couple of weeks, I guess. There are some repairs to do and we still need to get the rest of the furniture," Kid explained.

Louise beamed happily. "What do you say, Alice?" she asked the girl in her arms. "Are you happy too? We're all going to live in a beautiful house and you're going to have your own room." The girl let out a little cry of contentment, which was her usual response when she knew somebody was addressing her. "You see, Kid? All your girls are delighted."

He smiled and closing the gap between him and his wife, he kissed her on the lips lightly. "And I'm more than delighted with my girls… I'm ecstatic."

Pleased by his words, Lou felt her insides warm in contentment. "Shall you walk me home?" she asked.

Kid shook his head. "I have a better idea," he said and at Lou's questioning look, he added, "What about going to Tompkins and choose what we'll need for our home?"

"Can we afford more expenses?"

"Don't worry about that, Lou," he replied as he grabbed her free hand and started to direct their steps towards the store. "God will provide and nothing's enough for you and the children."

* * *

"I'm gonna miss you so much," Rachel exclaimed unhappily, her rosy lips forming a pout.

"Rachel, we ain't going to the end of the world," Louise replied, without stopping folding the pile of clothes on the bed and then placing them neatly in a carpet bag. "We'll still see each other every day. You gave me a job here, remember?" After one of her cleaners had quit and left Rock Creek, Rachel had offered the job to Lou. She had accepted after consulting the matter with Kid. Three weeks had passed before they were able to move to the new house, one week later than Kid had thought. It would take them a while to get the ranch working and make a profit, so the money Lou would earn would come in handy. And since there was plenty of work on the farms in Rock Creek, Kid would also have been hired to support his family.

"I will miss having the children around, though," Rachel added, caressing Alice's head.

"Yeah, I imagine that it's going to be a change to enjoy some peace and quiet after so long," Lou remarked teasingly. "But I'm sure you'll find some good entertainment, won't you, Rachel?"

"Oh Lou."

"Tell me, how are things with Paul?"

"He's a good man and friend," Rachel simply said. Lou gazed at her, hoping that Rachel would take the hint that she wanted to learn more juicy details about her relationship with Paul, but the woman ignored her and kept quiet. For some reason Rachel was being very secretive about her romance, and her silence made Lou more curious. Of course Lou wouldn't stick her nose in the matter if Rachel didn't want to talk about. Louise was glad that her friend had somebody, and she was relieved that the disagreement she had with Paul a few weeks ago had been sorted out. Louise had talked to him and even though it was a matter she'd preferred to be discreet about, she had told him the truth about Charlie and how Kid knew all about it.

"Well, we're done here," Lou announced as she placed the last garment in the bag and clasped its straps.

"I'll carry Alice," Rachel offered and the two women left the room.

Kid had already loaded their wagon and when Lou appeared, he took the bag from her and put it next to all their other belongings. Rachel and Jenny would go with them today and help them arrange and put everything in order. Kid and Lou had been going to the ranch for the last week to tidy the place and just yesterday they had received the last pieces of furniture.

Kid and Paul drove the two wagons and in a few minutes they pulled up in the property. "Well, here we are," Lou said as she stood in the middle of the ample yard. "What do you think, honey?"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders in indifference. "I guess it's fine," he simply replied.

Louise smiled, ruffling her boy's sandy hair. She knew that Joseph was unhappy about moving out of the old way station because it meant that his friend Celeste wouldn't be so close by. "Well, let's go inside and I'll show you your big bedroom," Lou added and when she started to take her first steps towards the house, she let out a startled yelp as a couple of arms lifted her from behind and she found herself hovering in the air. Automatically her arms wrapped around her husband's neck as she exclaimed, "Kid, what are you doing? Put me down!"

"It's the tradition, honey. The man carries his bride over the threshold of their home," Kid said as he kept walking towards the house with Lou in his arms. Louise didn't protest anymore and let him comply with the tradition even though she felt ridiculous to be carried like a baby in front of all their friends. Once inside the house they kissed and as Kid left her back onto the floor, he added, "Welcome home, Mrs. Carmichael."

Everybody else had followed them inside and soon they got down to work, unloading the wagons, carrying the belongings inside and unpacking. It was around lunch time that the women set up a table in the yard and served the food they had brought along. All of them sat to eat and rest after all the work they'd been doing.

"Rider coming," Paul announced as he lifted his eyes to the horizon.

"It's Buck," Rachel added when she recognized the rider and the horse.

"Pa!" Celeste called excitedly and started running to her father, who had set the horse on a light canter as he entered on the property. Buck eased off the animal and took his daughter in his arms, walking to the table around which all his friends were enjoying their lunch. "I found our place deserted and Teaspoon told me you were all here," he explained as she put her daughter down.

"Have a seat," Lou offered as she vacated her own for his friend and walked into the house in search of another chair.

Buck kissed his wife and smiled as she saw his baby daughter sleeping in the shade of the porch. He sat between Kid and Jenny, and then Lou came out of the house, bringing another chair for herself.

"How did you get along in Cottonwood?" Kid asked. "Did you manage to sort out your business?"

Buck swallowed the bite of chicken in his mouth and then answered, "Yeah, I talked to the fella and we managed to reach an agreement."

"Thank goodness," Rachel replied, obviously relieved. A recent customer had threatened them with suing them for a bizarre incident, which had ended up with the man's horse killed. Buck had gone to Cottonwood to try to reason with the man and convince him that it wasn't their fault the animal had died. Of course, that business had meant transferring a bunch of dollars to the man's pocket.

"You know who I saw there?" Buck added, wanting to change the direction of the conversation to more pleasing matters. "Jeremiah."

"My… my brother?" Lou stammered in surprise. Nervously, she started biting her thumb nail, waiting for her friend's answer and knowing what he would tell them about Jeremiah.

Buck nodded. "We couldn't talk long. He was driving a carriage and stopped briefly to greet me, but he had to carry on because he was blocking the street, and a line of wagons were already behind him," he explained and turning to Kid, he added, "He told me he'd heard you had got married and were back in Rock Creek."

"Heard? My goodness, I wrote to him about it," Kid said.

"Did you?" Lou asked in surprise.

"I told him we had met in Virginia and got married. I told him about the children, our move here, you know, about almost everything."

"But you never said a word about it," Lou replied.

"He never replied to my letter and I wasn't sure how he had taken the news," Kid muttered.

"And you didn't want me to get upset," Louise added almost to herself.

Kid nodded, and turned to Buck again. "Did he say anything about Lou or about our marriage?"

"Nothing too specific," Buck replied. "He just said that it was high time you got yourself settled with a nice woman."

Lou stared at Buck with big eyes. "Did he call me a nice woman?"

"Yep, that's what he said… more or less."

Lou smiled, sharing a look with her husband, who also seemed pleased by Buck's words. Jeremiah had been very sore at Lou for disappearing from his and Theresa's life without a word and when Kid had written to him, he had feared Jeremiah might react with a hostile attitude, especially when he hadn't got a reply to that letter. It seemed that he had been wrong and Kid imagined that after all these years Jeremiah would be pleased to learn that his eldest sister was fine and alive, which was something that Kid hadn't even known about a year ago. Like Teaspoon said, family was family, and at the end of the day that was what mattered most: mistakes were forgiven and anger vanished when one re-met that dear person after such a long time.

"You know what, Lou?" Kid said after a pause. "There's a cattle fair in Cottonwood within a month. I'd thought to go, but maybe you and the children can come with me. We'll pay a visit to your brother and sister. They'll love to see you again and of course meet their nephew and niece."

Lou's eyes danced in joy. "Oh Kid. That will be great!" she exclaimed and leaning forward she planted a kiss on his cheek. Right now she was feeling on top of the world. After all these terrible years, everything seemed to fall into the right place. She had a wonderful family, a husband who loved her, friends who she could trust, a home, and now she would respark her relationship with her dear siblings. Life was never perfect, but right now hers was closer to perfection than she had ever known.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

"Oh my feet are killing me," Lou whined exaggeratedly as she stretched her legs in front of her and moved her booted feet to and fro as if the movement was enough to soothe their aching sensation.

"Hard day, Louise?" Rachel asked as she walked into her parlor, carrying the tea set on a tray, which she left on the small table before the sofa Lou was sitting on.

"And a hard night as well. I was up all night. Alice was crying."

"Are her teeth bothering her again?" Rachel asked again as she sat next to Lou.

Louise nodded. "Joseph was the same when he was teething. I can't wait for this time to go."

"Poor dear," Rachel exclaimed pityingly while pouring the tea into two of her dainty china cups. Lou took hers and relished in the comforting sensation the hot brew left in her body. She really welcomed the break in the day and for once nobody was bothering her. Alice was peacefully sleeping, Joseph was drawing in silence and Rachel didn't seem to be in a very talkative mood. Actually, she wasn't very chatty lately and Lou suspected that Rachel turned this quiet around her because she wanted to avoid being asked about Paul. Louise was sure that something worried her friend, something she wouldn't talk about, and even though Lou was curious to know, she wouldn't come bugging Rachel with her questions and curiosity. Rachel would surely share her concerns with her when she was ready and not before.

There was an insistent knock at the door and Rachel rose to her feet to answer. "I wonder who that'll be," she said as she sauntered towards the front door. As she opened it, her eyes squinted against the afternoon sunrays. As the shadow of the woman at the door became clearer and clearer and a face appeared, Rachel's eyes widened in bewilderment.

"Hi, Rachel."

"Christine?" Rachel called in a question, as if she were asking herself if she was seeing right.

"Oh Rachel!" Christine suddenly wailed as she burst into tears and threw herself to the former station mistress's arms.

From inside Lou heard the ruckus at the door and came to see what was happening. When she recognized the woman holding onto Rachel, her reaction was pretty much the same as her friend's. "Christine…" she breathed in a whisper, curious and worried by the condition Kid's sister-in-law was in.

The weeping woman looked up with a bitter expression and couldn't manage to utter a single word. "Let's get inside," Rachel suggested and they started towards the parlor. Lou followed her two friends and noticed Matt's glum presence for the first time.

"Hey, honey. How are you?" Lou said, ruffling the boy's sandy hair affectionately.

"I'm fine, Auntie Lou," Matt replied sullenly.

"Well, it's really good to see you, young man! Just wait when your Uncle Kid knows you're here, he's going to be delighted!" Lou exclaimed enthusiastically, trying to divert the boy's attention from his mother. Lou could guess that something must have happened to make Christine travel hundreds of miles, appear in Rock Creek out of the blue and burst into tears before she could even say a greeting word. "Joseph!" Lou called her son. "Look who's here, your cousin Matt. Isn't it great? Why don't you boys go and play outside? But remember, no wandering off."

"Yes, Ma!" Joseph replied, smiling brightly when he saw his cousin. Closing his drawing book, he jumped to his feet and came towards Matt. "Let me show you the horses, Matt," Joseph added as he grabbed his cousin by the arm and pulled him along. Joseph knew that this was his mother's way of letting him know that she was going to have an adult talk with his aunts and couldn't have the children around.

When the boys were gone, the ladies settled in the sofas in the parlor. Louise and Rachel stared at Christine expectantly, but when the woman didn't rush to speak up, Rachel asked, "What is it, honey? Is it Malcolm? Something happened to him?" She guessed from the man's absence that he was at the core of all this and Rachel expected to hear the worst had happened to him.

Christine bit her lip, trying to choke back her tears as she nodded at Rachel's question. "He's a bastard," she finally managed to say. Lou and Rachel shared a surprised look and Christine continued in a strained voice, "He cheated on me! He cheated on me! I caught him kissing that … that woman!"

"What woman?" Lou couldn't help asking.

"His secretary!" Christine exclaimed angrily, thumping her right fist against her extended palm. "They were kissing there in my study, under my own roof!"

"Christine, honey," Lou tried, unable to picture a serious-looking man like Malcolm playing with another woman behind his wife's back, "maybe it wasn't so much there as you thought. He might have been an unwilling participant in that."

Christine shook her head energetically. "Oh believe me, he was more than willing. No mistake about that," she said, the sadness and bitterness giving way to sheer irritation as she remembered the image meeting her when she had opened the door to the study after coming back from an errand earlier than she was expected. Sitting on his knees, the woman was kissing and touching Malcolm with the familiar touch only a wife was supposed to give and he wasn't idle either. "He confessed… he confessed he had been… seeing her secretly for a couple of months." She paused and breathed in deeply before continuing her account. "When I lost my baby… I know I became a difficult woman to deal with… harsh and sour… and it seems she was there to pick up what I wasn't looking after."

"That doesn't justify him," Rachel stated firmly, well aware what suffering a miscarriage meant for a woman. "You were going through a bad time and your husband should have been supporting you instead of turning to the first skirt that he came across."

"I was ready to forgive that… that slip," Christine admitted in a soft voice. "I told him so, but I wasn't going to consent to his having another woman on the side, and he needed to take his pick and… he hesitated." She ended the sentence in a wail as she remembered the scene as if it had been just five minutes ago. "He hesitated, Rachel, he hesitated!"

"I'm so sorry, honey," the former station mistress said, squeezing her hand comfortingly.

"I couldn't stay there any longer… I just couldn't," Christine continued. "It would have been too painful to witness how she took my place and endure everybody's pitiful looks at me. I needed to be with my family. I packed my things and took the first train out of Richmond."

"You did the right thing," Lou added, still astonished by Christine's account. The saying about wolves in sheep's clothing was accurate in this case. Malcolm seemed a man of high values and anybody could say that butter didn't melt in his mouth, but apparently, everybody was prone to fall and sin. Lou was at least glad that Malcolm was far away because Kid would surely want to kill him after learning what he had done to Christine.

"I already feel much better being here with you ladies," Christine remarked, and turning to Rachel, she added, "I… I thought Matt and I could stay with you for a while if that's not a problem. It would be unfair of me to impose my presence on Kid and Louise when they're practically newlyweds… you know."

Lou didn't try to deny her words. What Christine said was right and she and Kid were still learning to live as husband and wife. She might be selfish by letting Rachel carry that load herself, but after four months without her husband, Lou needed Kid for herself without having any others around. They were enjoying some peace as a family, which was a blessing because Lou had feared the worst would happen when Kid learned about Alice's real father.

Rachel smiled at Christine's request and said, "Of course you can stay with me." She was sincere in her words, but at the same time a slight tug of disappointment pulled at her heart as a single image outshone in her mind: Paul. Since Lou and Kid had moved to their ranch, Rachel had been free to receive her lover in her home every night without worries. Paul was more than a lover right now; he was a very special friend, and many times they simply lay down in Rachel's bed, just talking about anything until they fell asleep. Now with Christine and her son around, Rachel knew she'd have to be more discreet and she'd have to go back to her old outings to Paul's room when her visitors had turned in for the night.

As if on cue, there was a knock and when the door opened, Paul walked in. His face quickly showed great astonishment when he saw Christine sitting in Rachel's parlor. "Christine Blake, what a surprise," he stammered clumsily, forgetting the reason he had come to the house.

"Hi, Paul," the woman greeted him with obvious coldness. Appearing jilted before her former jilted lover was a wound to her pride and her defense against it was to show her indifference and even her claws to the man if need be.

"Aren't you a little far from your lovely nest?" Paul asked, unable to hide sarcasm from showing in his words.

Christine lifted her chin and kept a cold expression. "My husband and I fell out," she replied in a tone that strangely implied that she was proud rather than sorry for her marital failure. "He decided he wanted to be with another woman and I decided I wanted to be on my own."

"Oh," was all Paul could utter, suddenly feeling very clumsy and embarrassed after his blunder. He could clearly read the truth Christine wasn't saying and despite their past history, his heart went out for the woman who he had loved so passionately. She didn't deserve that deceit; no woman deserved that kind of treatment. He had experienced something similar when Christine had walked out of his life and he wouldn't wish the same for his worst enemy, much less for a special woman like her.

The silence of the room made him aware that he was staring at Christine in an improper way in the social sense. His eyes met Rachel's briefly before he excused himself to the ladies and left. Rachel kept thoughtful. It was silly, but there was something that made her uncomfortable. She knew that Paul and Christine had shared more than friendship, but that shouldn't worry her. That was finished and besides, there were no ties and commitments that joined Paul to her. He was as free as she was. So if Paul decided to pursue another woman, she shouldn't care even if that woman was Christine. In any case, that wasn't likely to happen; Christine had just left her husband and she wouldn't want to venture into romance so soon again, would she? Rachel told herself that wasn't her concern, but then… why did she feel something wasn't right? Why?

* * *

A smile shone on her face as she had a look through the window and got a glimpse of Paul standing next to the corral. Rachel knew he was waiting for her. When he was sure she had seen him, he would go back to his room in the guest house and Rachel would meet him there. That had been their private code when Lou had been living in the house. Christine and her son had already turned in, and Rachel couldn't wait to rush to Paul. She was feeling very sensual tonight and wanted to enjoy the passion her lover was ready to bless her with.

Rachel had another look at herself in the mirror with obvious satisfaction. She was sure Paul would like what he would soon be seeing and … experiencing. Rachel had let her golden hair down and donned a dress that she knew he liked, and as a little mischievous surprise, she had purposely worn no underwear. She liked so much to surprise and shock Paul with her little tricks, and she loved to hear him laugh. Paul's laughter was so sincere, so clear and fresh that she sometimes made a fool of herself just to hear it.

If Rachel was sincere with herself, she had to admit that Paul's presence in her life had added a very positive touch in her usual boring daily routine. There had been other men over the years, but Paul was so different and the best by far. If she tried, she could even turn their peculiar relationship into a real romance, but since they were both sure about what they wanted, there was nothing to change.

Dabbing a few drops of her cologne on her neck, Rachel was ready to go. She walked back to her window to sign Paul that he could wait for her in the guest house. As she stood there, she stiffened uncomfortably when she noticed that down in the yard Christine had left the house and was slowly walking towards where Paul stood. Rachel told herself that she should turn away and stop looking. It wasn't right to spy on them even though Paul must know that she might be at the window, seeing what was happening outside. Despite her better judgment, Rachel just couldn't move and stared at the pair a few feet from her window, wishing she could hear what they might be telling each other.

Paul realized that Christine was heading towards him and his forehead creased into a frown. Her presence in Rock Creek unsettled him; now that he was starting to learn to live without the constant memories of their time together, she came to haunt him once again. Since the moment he had seen her that afternoon, Paul hadn't stopped thinking about her for one single minute. He wasn't sure of the reason behind it, because he wanted to believe he was completely over her. Maybe it was just his conscience nagging at him or maybe his memories were already too fresh.

"Hi Paul," Christine greeted him sheepishly. She wasn't sure why she was here, but when she had seen him from her bedroom window, she hadn't been able to resist the temptation to come to him, maybe for old times' sake. Paul bobbed his head in acknowledgement and they remained in uncomfortable silence. Christine folded her arms and looked at him straight in the eyes. "Come on, Paul, just get down to it and say it."

"Say what?" he asked, clueless at the meaning behind her words.

"That what is happening to me serves me right."

"Do you really believe I'm so callous as to wish you ill?" Paul exclaimed, evidently hurt. "We might not have parted in the best terms, but I've never wanted you to be unhappy."

Christine hung her head in shame. "I'm sorry," she whispered and bitter tears poured from her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with me. This is so hard and I still am unsure of what my life is going to be like from now on and…" the rest of her words were incomprehensible as sobs overcame her.

"Hey, hey," Paul said and dared to come closer to her and wrap his arms around her. "It's understandable you feel upset and shaky. This isn't easy for anybody, but you needn't worry about anything else. Kid won't leave you and Matt in the lurch."

"He has his own family now and I can't become another burden," Christine replied in a pathetic tone of voice as her arms encircled his waist tightly, thus finding some solace to her pain in the physical contact Paul was offering her.

"You're his family too."

Christine lifted her eyes to him, and suddenly Paul realized how close they were and as his body involuntarily reacted to her, he felt very awkward and uncomfortable. Very gently he disengaged himself from her hold and gave her a wry smile. "I gotta go," he said. Christine uttered a soft goodnight and he quickly dashed back to the guesthouse.

Not far from there, above them, behind a window, Rachel's eyes had watched the scene with unblinking attention. The pallor of her skin and her stunned expression evidenced what her mind had gone through as she witnessed the exchange between Christine and Paul. A tear rolled down her cheek and Rachel gruffly rubbed it off. The promising night of passion was over and feeling betrayed and jealous, she yanked the curtains closed furiously as if the mere sight of the moon made her irritated. A curse left her lips… a curse without a clear aim, maybe at herself, or her friend or her lover, or maybe at the whole world. This was insane, but she didn't care. She was feeling very miserable an throwing herself onto her lonely bed she let the tears pour from her eyes freely, and she knew that for the first time in many years she was crying for a man that wasn't her husband.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Louise stretched in her bed as the light of a brand new day filled the room. She opened an eye and saw Kid standing in the middle of the bedroom and buttoning his shirt. "Good morning, sleepy head," he greeted her with a smile. "We overslept this morning, huh?"

Louise pouted exaggerated to follow his tease. "Only because somebody kept me awake last night, remember?"

Kid chuckled while he rummaged in a drawer for a pair of socks. "I thought you liked our late night… uh… dances."

Louise shook her head with a serious expression. "I love them," she added, sharing a conspiratorial smile with her husband. Resting her hands on the mattress, she finally pushed her body up, and shivered as she felt the cold air run down her naked back. She didn't feel like getting up but she needed to wake the children, dress them and start breakfast among other chores. So finally with a swift motion of her arm, she removed the bedding from her body and trembling with cold she hopped around the room, opening drawers and the wardrobe doors to pick up her clothes for today. Kid chuckled amused on seeing her appear like a little girl, and he felt the urge to make love to her right in the middle of the bedroom.

Lou was already in her underwear when he came behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. His lips nuzzled her neck as he asked, "What are your plans for today?"

Louise leaned her body against his chest and looked at him in the dressing mirror. "Nothing special. I have to go to Tompkins' before heading for the guesthouse. I have to buy some material to make Alice some dresses. She's outgrown almost all her clothes."

"She's growing up so quickly," Kid muttered in a melancholic tone. The week before they had celebrated Alice's first birthday and he couldn't believe that a whole year had gone by since the day he had helped Lou to bring Alice into this world. Kid now felt a bit awkward, unsure if he should still claim that he was her father even though Lou still called him her daddy. There was somebody else and Kid was afraid that one day that man would want to be part of his dear baby's life and where would he stand? He was trying to ignore those insecurities, and even though he had been told that the man had left Rock Creek, he was still scared.

Lou turned her head to him and continued, "After work, I think I might go and see Rachel. I think she's a bit low lately."

"Yes, I've noticed. Since Christine returned, she's been acting a bit strange, don't you think?" Kid added.

"I don't think Christine has anything to do with all this," Lou replied, hating to lie to her husband about Rachel, Christine and Paul but even though she had never sworn secrecy, she felt she'd be betraying her friends' trust by telling about this matter to her husband.

Kid chuckled. "Lou, do you think I'm that stupid?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"You don't believe I don't know what was going on between Christine and Paul some time ago, do you?"

"You knew?" Lou exclaimed with a flabbergasted expression.

"Lou, they were living in my property. One would have to be blind and deaf not to know. If they didn't want to be found out, that was fine with me. I'm quite good at pretending," Kid explained and Lou smiled. "And Paul told me about him and Rachel. So I imagine Christine's presence must be kind of unsettling."

"I guess. I'm not sure what's happening between the three of them, but I want to talk to Rachel." Kid nodded and Louise added, "So what are your plans? Are you going to stay here and work with the horses?"

Kid nodded. "Paul was supposed to give me a hand today but he's doing a job for the Schneiders."

Louise turned round in his arms and pushing herself up on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips against his. Kid didn't need much encouragement to kiss her fully and encircled her petite frame between his strong arms. Lou smiled as she pulled away slightly and looked into his blue eyes. "This is something I don't think I have ever said," she whispered. "I'm happy, Kid. Not just silly enthusiasm or uncontrolled emotion. The kind that when you're sitting in the parlor, doing nothing, and you just look around and say to yourself, gosh, I'm happy."

Kid smiled. "You also made me extremely happy. I don't know what I would do without you," he replied to her words, and they joined once again in a heart-felt kiss. Much to their chagrin, they had to finish the sweet moment to get ready for the day. When they left the bedroom, Kid went on his way to pick up today's eggs and milk the cow like every morning while Louise set to wake up the children. Joseph was a bit of a slacker when it was wake-up time and like usual it took Lou a few attempts to finally wake him. And as she was busy cleaning and dressing Alice, she had to call him several times from the other bedroom and urge him to get ready. From experience she knew Joseph would still be in his night clothes if she didn't keep pushing him. He got distracted quite easily, especially when he was still half asleep and unhappy about waking up.

After the family shared breakfast, Lou tidied up and cleaned the kitchen. "Joseph, we're going to school. Come on!" Louise called as she headed for the front door with Alice. The boy picked up his books and lunch pail from the kitchen table and followed his mother outside. Louise smiled gratefully when she saw that Kid had hitched up the wagon for her.

"Change of plans. I've thought I can go to town with you," Kid said, tying Katy at the back of the carriage. "I've realized we're running out of feed, so I'd better go to the livery."

"Good!" Joseph exclaimed as he ran to his father, who helped him onto the back of the wagon.

Kid then gave Lou a hand to get settled on the seat next to him and in a couple of minutes they were heading to town. They dropped Joseph at the school and while Lou did her shopping, Kid went to the livery. When he was done there and in the process of arranging the sacks of feed on the wagon, loud guffaws reached his ears. Kid lifted his eyes and shook his head when he saw the usual customers hanging around outside the saloon. Kid reflected that their obvious glee was so feeble that they might probably not remember what they found so funny in just a few minutes. Kid had always abhorred what alcohol meant and what it could do to people He had grown up with a drunkard as a father and he often wondered what kind of a man his father had really been under the intoxicating presence of spirits. Alcohol turned people into very strange creatures, and Kid didn't remember seeing his father sober even once in all his life. All that he remembered was the fetid smell of alcohol in his breath, the beatings, the verbal abuse, the violence and, despite everything, Kid wanted to believe that he had never got to know his real father. There must have been something good in him, which alcohol had clearly erased. His mother had married him for some reason and Kid refused to believe that his mother had consciously joined his life to an abuser's from the first.

Because of his family history, Kid had kept alcohol away from him. He wouldn't run the risk to follow his father's steps and end up hurting those who he loved. Of course, Kid wouldn't say no to a drink from time to time with friends or on special occasions, but he wouldn't let alcohol abuse rule him. This self-imposed rule was easier said than done since wherever he went, alcohol had always been around him, especially in those years during the war. Almost all the men under his orders indulged in booze to numb the pain and the horrid experiences that lived day by day. It was natural and Kid had been very close to following that path, but reason had overruled his own impulses. He had a responsibility to his men and from the first he had sworn that he would lead them to the end of the war in safety. His promise, though, hadn't been fulfilled when a year before that end he and many of his men had been made prisoners and incarcerated. But he couldn't feel any shame because while he had been their captain, nothing had blinded his senses.

As all these memories unraveled in his mind, Kid wondered how he had got to this point. He usually stopped himself from going back to those times since there were just very few memories he felt comfortable with and the rest usually put him down. Sometimes Joseph asked him to tell him some stories about the war and he usually made up most stories about his time as a confederate captain because the reality was not apt for young ears.

Realizing that he was still staring at the group of drunkards outside the saloon, Kid shook his head to refocus. It was then that a lone figure sitting on the steps leading to the covered walkway caught his attention. He looked familiar and drawn by curiosity, Kid took a couple of steps closer and as realization dawned on him, he exclaimed, "Little General, is it really you?"

The young man looked up and came face to face with one of the dearest people that had been in his life. His mouth automatically transformed into a cheerful smile. "Captain Carmichael!" he cried as he scrambled to his feet and rushed to hug him.

"Charlie Giles!" Kid said with a smile as he glanced at his old drummer boy with a flabbergasted expression. He had met Charlie when he was just nine and Kid had seen him grow out of his childhood over the long years of the war. Being a child in such a hostile environment, Charlie had been very special to Kid and he had kind of adopted the boy as a young brother and had become his protector. "The last time we saw each other you didn't reach my shoulder and now you're a few inches taller than me."

"I was just thirteen then. It's been almost six years since then. I'm almost nineteen now," Charlie replied.

"But you still don't have much meat under your skin, huh?" Kid remarked and the young man simply smiled his bright, dimpled smile. "So what are you doing here in Rock Creek, Little General?"

Charlie cleared his throat uncomfortable. "I had to sell the farm when my mother passed away last year," Charlie replied sincerely instead of repeating the tale about his invented Aunt Ursula and her inheritance that he had told everybody. Captain Carmichael was one of the few men he really respected and he couldn't lie to him.

"I'm sorry," Kid muttered, feeling closely connected to the young man before him. When he was around Charlie's age, he also had to move west when his mother died, and even though that turn on his road had brought him the blessings he had today, the difficulties and pain hadn't been missing from his life.

"She was sick for a long time. The land was ruined and I had to take on jobs I sometimes hated but which allowed me to get food and medicines for her. When she went, she took the reason I was still in Virginia, so I left everything there."

"You should pride yourself of having been such a good son to your mother, Charlie."

"I tried, Captain."

Kid smiled and noticing a few scratches on his chin and cheeks, he asked, "What happened to your face?"

Charlie rubbed his still sore chin, evidence of the beating a couple of cowboys had given him. "I… I decided to try my luck in Fort Laramie. I left the job I got here, but I didn't find much luck there. I had a disagreement with a few folks and well… we got a bit carried away," Charlie explained vaguely. Not wanting to appear in a bad light before his admired captain, he softened the event and didn't mention how he had been drunk as a skunk and had angered those men when he had kept bothering a lady, who turned out to be one of those men's fiancée. Charlie had ended up with a couple of broken ribs, bruises and wounds all over his body, which had confined him to bed for a few days. "After that, I decided I didn't like it there and returned to Rock Creek."

Kid didn't know why, but he found Charlie's story fishy and odd. Noticing the flask showing from the pocket of his jacket, Kid added, "Charlie, are you in some kind of trouble?"

The young man realized where Kid's eyes were and taking the flask in his hand self-consciously, he replied, "This isn't what you think, sir. I like to have a swig from time to time, but I'm not in trouble." He knew that Captain Carmichael had a very strict attitude to those who boozed. Charlie still remembered the very first time he had tasted whisky. The soldiers at the camp had been drinking like every night and as he had hung around a group of them, curiosity had got the best of him and he hadn't thought about it twice, when the soldiers had let him have a few goes at the bottle. He had thought it tasted like hell but since that was what gown-up men did, he couldn't back down. Charlie would never forget how sick he had been the following day and how his head seemed to be about to explode from the pain. When Captain Carmichael had got wind of the incident, he hadn't imposed a severe punishment to the men who had allowed him to drink. So Charlie was sure that Captain Carmichael wouldn't appreciate to learn that he sometimes drank like a fish and often got into trouble because of that.

"Charlie, you know that can do more harm than good," Kid remarked seriously.

"Yes, sir, I know. But I'm fine, really. Things are going good for me. I like it here and there's even a girl I like. She's been giving me the cold shoulder lately, but we had something very special before and I'm positive she'll melt eventually."

Kid grinned at his words. Time really flew and it was incredible that the boy he had met all those years ago was now a young man and was actually chasing girls. Kid could still make out some of the naiveté and innocence of the child Charlie had been, especially as he tried to appear tougher and older than his young years. "It's incredible to see you again, Little General," Kid continued. "I wish I could offer you a job at my ranch, but I've just started working on it."

"You have a ranch!" Charlie exclaimed excitedly, happy for his captain. He remembered those conversations in which Captain Carmichael talked endlessly about his love to horses and his plans to build a ranch when the war finished.

"Yes, and I got married too," Kid said proudly.

"Congratulations, sir!" Charlie replied, shaking hands with him energetically.

Kid beamed happily. "One moment. Let me introduce you to my wife. She's in the store," Kid suggested and not giving Charlie the chance to accept or refuse his idea, Kid grabbed him by the arm and steered him towards the place. "You have to come home one day and have dinner with us," Kid carried on as he stepped into the store, He paused briefly and scanned the store until he located Lou. "There she is," he said, pointing at the group of ladies hanging around the tables with the rolls of fabrics on display.

Lou's back was turned and when Kid got near her, he patted her on the shoulder as he said, "Lou, there's somebody I want you to meet."

On hearing her husband's voice, Lou smiled at the same time as she turned around, but her smile froze instantly when she realized who was next to Kid. "Lou, this is Charlie Giles," Kid said, failing to notice the strange expression in his wife and the young man. "I've never talked to you about him. He was the drummer boy in my regiment, our youngest soldier, huh, Little General?"

Louise listened to Kid in shock as the words registered n her mind. The drummer boy. That was what she used to call Charlie when she had woven her web around him, and very vaguely she remembered those first conversations with him. His time in the war, his captain… his beloved captain was none other than Kid. This made no sense. Kid and Charlie knew each other, Lou kept relating in his mind in horror as she felt the color tint her face and her body covered in goose bumps.

"Lou?" Kid called, noticing her very strange expression.

"I… I need to go," she simply said and automatically steeling her hold on Alice, she dashed past the two men towards the door.

"Lou! Lou!" Kid called repeatedly not understanding what was going on, but Louise never stopped to his summons, fleeing from the store as if Lucifer was after her. Kid turned his confused eyes to Charlie. "I don't understand what happened to her," he said and it was in that moment that as he noticed Charlie's likewise strange expression that the truth revealed itself in the most devastating way. Charlie. His Charlie was the man, the man that disturbed his peace and dreams, the man that threatened his happiness, the man whose guts he hated because the two most important women in his life were connected to him. This was too weird to be true, but it was… he knew it was. Kid stared at Charlie with big, scared eyes as if he was seeing him for the first time in his life and then the young man opened his mouth and spoke up.

"Captain, it seems your wife and I won't need that introduction after all," Charlie simply said, wishing that the earth opened up and swallowed him at this very moment.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

_"What are you doing with all those letters, Little General?" he asked when he saw the_ _nine-year-old appear, awkwardly carrying stacks of envelopes in his hands and dropping them on the little table next to the Captain's tent._

_"I'm helping Corporal Montgomery collect the men's mail to take to town, sir," Charlie explained. "From the amount of letters the men must miss their wives or girlfriends, huh, Captain?"_

_"Yes, I imagine so," Kid replied as he stood before the small mirror he had nailed to a tree and started to pass the sharp razor over his stubble carefully._

_"What about you, Captain? Do you have a letter to hand over?"_

_"No, not me," Kid replied without stopping his swift motions with the razor._

_"Don't you have a girl waiting for you at home?"_

_"I'm afraid not," Kid replied as he wiped the remainder of soap from his face when he was done with the shaving. When the boy gave him a strange look, he continued, "I used to have a girl. We were engaged to get married, but she backed out in the end."_

_"Why?"_

_"I guess she was afraid to love me," Kid replied seriously._

_"Girls are strange indeed!" the boy exclaimed exaggeratedly, which made the captain chuckle. "But now you can get yourself another girl when the war finishes."_

_Kid ruffled Charlie's dark hair affectionately. "Yes, you might be right, but I will never be able to replace Lou. She was… is one kind of a woman. She was the one for me."_

_"Captain, you're a fool, a total fool. Don't you know that your lady is mine and we have a child together?"_

_"What?"_

With a startle Kid jumped up from the armchair where he had fallen asleep. He was sweating and trembling from the so vivid nightmare that had mingled with an old memory. He started to pace up and down in front of his fireplace. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening, he kept repeating mentally over and over again. He was living the worst nightmare ever. Lou and Charlie. Lou and Charlie. His stomach churned just thinking of what he had learned today. The idea that his wife and Charlie had been together in the same way he and Lou had been was too odd… too revolting. His legs felt weak and he had to stop and collapse into the armchair as a sob overcame him and burying his face in his hands, he let himself cry as if he was a little child.

* * *

Louise drove the wagon towards her house that afternoon after finishing her daily work at Rachel's guest house. After what had happened today, she thought she wasn't in the mood to talk to Rachel as she had planned, so she had decided to go home directly. Unlike other days in which she could hardly wait to go back home, today she dreaded coming back and facing Kid after the revelation they all had at the store. When Lou had found herself in front of her husband and her ex-lover in the most ridiculous and absurd scene, she had thought she would go crazy. She couldn't face the situation, she just couldn't, and had run away like a mad woman.

Without even waiting for Kid or his reaction, she had dashed to the old way station and started work, hoping to find some distraction which helped her to ameliorate the suffocation and pressure she was under. Naturally it hadn't worked since she couldn't stop thinking about Kid or replaying the scene in her mind: Charlie's silly expression looking at her as if he had seen a ghost, Kid blissfully ignorant talking about his drummer boy and her panicking. Lou imagined that Kid must have guessed the truth by now, and she had expected him to come to find her in the guest house for an explanation, but her guess had been wrong and he hadn't shown up. Lou didn't know how he had taken all this. She told herself that she shouldn't worry, that there shouldn't be any difference. Kid knew how Alice had been conceived and there was no reason why Charlie should mean a difference to what he already knew about her. Deep down, though, Lou was aware that all this changed things. Charlie wasn't a stranger any more, a man easy to forget and ignore, but a specific person who Kid knew very well and apparently was very fond of.

Louise left the wagon inside the stables and as she looked around, she told herself that something was not right. The stalls hadn't been mucked out and the horses were restless because apparently they hadn't been let outside today. If Katy wasn't in her stall, Lou would have thought Kid wasn't at home, but this meant that he was in and there was something wrong.

Fearing what she might find at home, Lou slowly walked to the house with a morose expression. As she opened the front door, silence welcomed her. She shouldn't be surprised because there was nobody home when she came back from town. Kid usually was busy with the horses or working somewhere else, so everything was usually this quiet when she daily returned. Yet, today's silence felt different, colder, more frightening. "Hello?" she called weakly, but she got no answer.

Louise walked into the little extra bedroom they had on the ground floor and lay a sleeping Alice in the crib. She then headed to the living room and as she had guessed, Kid was there, sitting in his armchair and looking at the fireplace with a glum expression. Louise stopped and stood at the door, watching him. Kid must have noticed her eyes boring on him because after a couple of minutes he looked up and met her gaze. "Hi," she greeted him shyly.

Kid rose to his feet and turned to her, his arms folded over his chest and his eyes clearly showing that he was upset. Louise took a few steps closer. His silence unnerved her and she couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Kid, why don't you do us a favor and say what you have to say? Don't stand there like a silly mummy!"

Her words boosted his already swollen irritation, not understanding why she was annoyed to begin with. He had been the one who had felt like a fool at the store. "Lou, how could you? How could you?" Kid finally exclaimed, the words stumbling out of his mouth clumsily. "You and Charlie! This is so much worse and way more disgusting than when I heard about you and Henderson!"

His offensive comment hurt her deeply and she hated it when he brought up people and facts that they were supposed to have left behind. "Why? I already told you all I did in prison… the tricks I had to use to get what I needed from those men and why I had to do that! Don't sound so surprised and… disgusted because you already knew. If you chose not to hear what I was telling you, that was your fault, not mine!"

"He was just a kid when he fell in your claws!" Kid cried angrily. "Just a young boy! I'm very fond of Charlie. He's like a little brother to me, and now… now I learn that you seduced him and Alice is his daughter!"

"For goodness' sake, Kid!" Lou exclaimed loudly, shutting the door to prevent their cries from waking up Alice in the next room. "You sound as if I forced myself into him! He was young but he was as willing as I was, probably more. I didn't do it for pleasure!"

"A young boy has no will when a woman offers herself to him!" Kid counterattacked in the same angered tone. "He was a sixteen-year-old boy, Lou! Sixteen! How would you react if I had taken a young girl to my bed? How, Lou? You would think I was a dirty pervert!"

Lou paused. She knew that he had a point and she was the first one who was ashamed of her own acts. She couldn't defend what was indefensible, but she needed to make him understand. "Kid," she continued in a softer tone, "I tried to explain what I had to do in that prison since the very beginning. I never pretended to show myself as a better woman than I really am. I'm the same person you've claimed to love all these months. I'm as corrupted and as dirty as when you married me. I'm the same person. Nothing's changed since yesterday."

Kid looked at her with a dead serious expression. "It's different."

"Why?" she asked in a desperate voice. She felt she was very close to the abyss and with each steel-cold word he uttered, she was nearer the edge and would fall at any moment, losing everything she had fought so hard to get.

"I don't know if I can cope with this, Lou," Kid answered. "This is too big, too odd, too awkward. How can I accept that the boy who's like a brother to me got entangled with my wife and even fathered my little girl? This is too much… I don't know if I can do it."

Louise gulped painfully as she could read his clear intentions behind his words. "Do… do you mean you don't want me as your wife anymore?" she asked the dreaded question in a husky voice as she tried to choke back her tears.

"I… I don't know," he replied, feeling his throat go dry with emotion. He would have sworn anytime anywhere that he'd rather become a cripple or get himself killed than lose Lou. Yet, he was now considering throwing their marriage overboard because he just couldn't face this situation; it was beyond his strength and emotional power. He couldn't be happy like this and he knew his unhappiness would end up affecting Lou and the children. He understood that he couldn't recriminate Lou because whatever she did with other men had happened when she was a free woman and he wasn't around. Kid couldn't say that the idea of her sleeping with all those men left him indifferent. He had always fought to ignore his feelings about it, and he had learned to accept that past because he chose to ignore it. But he couldn't ignore Charlie, especially when Alice was the living evidence of his existence.

At his words Lou's eyes finally filled with tears, realizing that her worst fear was becoming a reality. "Maybe," she started, forcing the words out of her mouth in any way she could, "while you make up your mind I should leave you alone. I… I'll ask Rachel if the children and I can stay at her guest house. It would be too rash to go tonight and I need to think of what I'm gonna explain to Joseph."

"Lou, no… this is your home and the children's," Kid replied. "If someone has to leave, that's me."

"Please, Kid, don't," she retorted, her bitterness mingling with growing irritation. Her insides were in turmoil and one second she wanted to burst out crying, one second she wanted to bite his head off. "I feel too horrible already to realize that no matter how fast I run and how hard I try, I will always be a dirty whore, even for my husband. I won't deny it's not true, but I don't want to feel I'm also a vulture, snatching what you worked so hard to get."

Kid wanted to protest and tell her she was wrong, but Lou didn't give him the chance as she quickly dashed out of the room before her tears overflowed. Shooting into the kitchen, she slammed the door closed and once on her own a sob burst from her lips. Her hands came to cover her face and as she wailed desperately, her legs felt weak and she fell on her knees heavily. Her sobs soared as the minutes went by; she cried for him, for the children, for all her efforts gone to waste, for her deep love, for her dreams, for her happiness, and especially for her loneliness because right now she was back to the beginning… alone, unloved and feeling she actually deserved what was happening.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

Pale and haggard, Louise sank down at the kitchen table after serving dinner to her son. Joseph stared at his mother curiously. She looked sad and tired, and kept rubbing her head while she helped Alice to eat her food. "Ma, where's daddy?" the boy asked finally.

Lou cleared her throat uncomfortably. "He's resting. He was tired and went to bed," she explained as she struggled to give Alice her food. The toddler kept turning her face away, refusing to eat. Since their disagreement, Kid had locked himself up in the guestroom and hadn't reappeared since then.

"So early?" Joseph asked in surprise.

Lou simply nodded, but didn't try to say anything else. She didn't know how she was able to hold herself up and talk when her soul was dying. If it weren't for her children, she knew she wouldn't have reached this far and would have fallen down half-way. Now when she thought she had some happiness and could aspire to what everybody had, life gave her another blow, and she found herself back in the dumps, deprived of what she loved. And it hurt… it hurt more than anything. She had been raped, beaten to a pulp, incarcerated, abused, forced to lower herself to hell, threatened, but none… none of this hurt so much as the knowledge that she was going to lose her husband forever. Yeah, she knew that the moment she stepped out of this house, everything between Kid and her would be over and dead. They'd still see each other because of the children, but her dreams about a normal family were devastated.

It was incredible how things could change so drastically. Last night they had made love and this very morning she had confessed her most intimate feelings to him. It was as if somebody had heard her and hadn't wasted time to stomp on her soul again. Was this another punishment? Hadn't she paid enough for her sins? How much more did she have to suffer?

Louise wiped Alice's mouth with her bib and untied it from behind her neck. "What do you fancy for dessert, Joseph?" she asked as she noticed that her son had finished his food.

"I want an apple."

Louise nodded. She rose to her feet, left Alice's bowl in the sink and started heating some milk on the stove. "Here's your apple, Joseph," she said as she sat back at the table.

"Thanks, Ma!" The boy took a bite at the apple and as he munched, he watched his mother curiously. "Aren't you gonna have some dinner, Mama?"

"I'm not hungry tonight, honey," Lou sighed tiredly, feeling a terrible urge to cry as she thought that Joseph had to go through another change in his short life, and this time it would be much worse. He would be very upset when he learned that he would have to live away from Kid because he adored his father. Lou hadn't still mustered enough courage to tell him that they were leaving tomorrow. She had only told Rachel when she had come and dropped Joseph from school. Rachel had clearly been shocked by the news and even though Lou knew her friend had meant well, she had stoically endured her soothing words of comfort. Lou hated that, and from now on she'd have to bear the pity and even the scorn on everybody's faces among other things. Lou wished she could dig a big hole and hide from the world. She just didn't want to breathe, laugh, move or just live anymore. She didn't want to, but she knew she had no say in it because she needed to carry on for her children, only for them.

"Joseph," Lou called after a moment's hesitation. She had to tell her son about their new situation and couldn't put off the matter any longer.

"Yes, Ma?"

Louise breathed in deeply and pulled up the chair closer to the child. "Honey, there's something I need to tell you. We are going to make a few changes around here from tomorrow."

"What changes?" the boy asked with evident curiosity.

"Tomorrow we're moving back closer to town and staying at Aunt Rachel's guesthouse for a while."

Joseph frowned in confusion. "To Aunt Rachel's? All of us?"

"Uh… no. Only you, me and Alice?"

"And what about Pa?" the boy asked again, his face showing clearly that he wasn't happy about the whole thing.

"He's staying here, honey."

"Why, Ma?" Joseph asked and after a brief pause, he dared to ask, "You and Pa had a fight?"

Lou stretched her mouth in an odd expression. Joseph was a very clever boy who wouldn't be convinced by a simple explanation as he used to when he was younger. "Honey, sometimes grown-ups have disagreements and well, Pa and I had a little one."

"And Pa wants us to go?" the boy questioned, his lower lip quivering and his blue eyes shining brightly.

"Oh no, honey!" Lou exclaimed, taking his little hand in hers. "Pa loves us more than anything and he will never stop loving you… ever. But sometimes things for us parents are complicated… things that you wouldn't understand, my love. This is your home and Pa would never send you away, but…"

"Then I don't want to go!" Joseph exclaimed loudly, cutting his mother off and unleashing his hand from her hold.

"Honey, that's not possible. You have to come with me. Maybe it'll be just for a little while. You know you like it there and you can play with Celeste and your cousin Matt more often."

"I want to stay with my father!" the boy insisted, hitting the table with his fist.

Louise's patience was quite thin tonight under the present circumstances. She stopped her son's intention of hitting the table once again, by grabbing his hand and she said, "Listen to me, young man. You'll do as you're told and this is the end of the discussion, understood?"

Joseph jumped to his feet angrily. "No! I won't go!" he retorted. "I won't go anywhere with you. I will stay here with Pa. I'm tired of moving around so much! This is my home and here is where I want to live! I won't leave my father!" Tears of anger spilled from his eyes as he talked so passionately.

"Joseph!" Lou scolded him as she rose from her seat. The boy then turned on his heel and before she could react, he had dashed out of the place up the stairs. Lou kept calling him, but she knew it was useless. Joseph was as stubborn as she was, and she couldn't manage anything from him until he calmed down. Louise stood in the middle of the kitchen after her son's outburst, feeling totally rotten and miserable. Alice stared at her mother with a strange expression when Lou started crying silently. "Oh sweet Alice, our men don't love your mama very much right now," she said almost to herself. She looked around the kitchen, a cold room where just yesterday laughter had filled the place as they had dinner. So different today and foreseeing that this would be her normal panorama from now on, the tears soared as she sank back down on the chair, defeated, broken and totally desolated.

* * *

The night wore on slowly, filling the sky with stars and a dented moon. From the window Kid had witnessed the changes in the day, how the sun had moved over the sky to finally sink on the horizon until it disappeared, almost in the same way his own heart had collapsed today. This was the worst and saddest day in his life. He still couldn't believe this was happening; he didn't want to lose Lou. She was everything to him and he couldn't imagine living without her. All this was killing him and locked up in this room, he had felt tempted more than once to run to her and ask her to forget everything. But then he remembered Charlie and what he had learned about his young friend and he knew that he couldn't carry on as if his bonding to them didn't matter.

What was going to happen now? Would this be the end? Kid wanted to believe that there could be a way to sort out this matter in the end and they could still be a family, but he knew that time wouldn't change the way he felt about this situation. Would they then end up in a divorce? They had only been married for five months, during four of which he had been away, so that left just one real month of marriage. This was a bigger disaster than his marriage to Irene. Yet, the end of his story with his first wife hadn't hurt as much as he was doing now, which worsened ten thousand times more as he thought of his children.

"God, Lou, why didn't you marry me when we were supposed to?" he exclaimed in the loneliness of the bedroom. His frustration and sadness was giving way to irritation. It probably was unfair of him to blame her for her decisions in the past, but he knew that they would have been saved from many headaches if they had got married ten years ago. He wouldn't have gone to fight, they would have stayed in Rock Creek and would possibly be living a happy existence. Lou wouldn't have had to struggle to raise Joseph on her own, she wouldn't have met Travers and wouldn't have gone to prison. And of course Charlie wouldn't exist for either of them now. That was the way things should have turned out. That was what he wanted, no ghosts from her past threatening their present.

The thought stopped short as out of the blue the image of Alice appeared before him as clearly as a spring day sky. His little girl. His beautiful baby. Alice wouldn't exist either if things had been different, and the sole idea made him pain. It didn't feel right to think about life without Alice. How could he wish for something that would have meant Alice wouldn't be part of this world? Alice was his life and he couldn't wish she wasn't around. Sadly, he realized that if he and Lou separated, that was what was going to happen. His children would be living with their mother and he would be a mere satellite in their lives. How could he be satisfied with this? He had missed eight years in his son's childhood and now he'd have to miss the rest in both of them.

Kid's eyes scanned the image below the window. The almost full moon lit the earth underneath and from where he stood, he could have a nice view of his place. He and Lou had been so excited when they had moved here, and that happiness had only lasted a few weeks. The place still needed too much work, but with time it would bloom like a flower in the spring. Kid still didn't think it was right that Lou and the children had to leave. It wasn't fair. Lou might not have paid a cent for this place, but this house was as much his as it was hers.

His eyes shifted and moved to his porch. Its roof was gone since he had removed its boards a few days ago and was going to replace them for new ones. Kid hadn't got to finish the job and he could see the whole porch clearly from his position. Movement down there caught his attention then. The front door opened and he saw Lou step onto the porch and sit down on one of its steps. Kid could see her clearly and how her shoulders were shaking, which showed that she was crying. His body and face pressed against the window pane as he strained to have a better view of her. He hated to see her crying and he was tempted to break the glass and jump out of the window to her. He wanted to wrap his arms around his soft body and hug her until she calmed down. Whatever had happened between them, he couldn't deny he loved her, and he knew he would love her until the very last day of his existence.

Unable to endure her image any longer, he moved out of the window and flopped down on the bed. His eyes directed to the ceiling as he told himself that he was a complete fool. His relationship with Lou had gone through many stages and even though too many complications and problems had stood on their way, he had never let anything make him give up on her. He had never stopped loving her for one second. Maybe others would think he was stupid to stay loyal to a woman like Lou and he sometimes wondered why he loved her when he had many reasons not to. She had lied to him, taken him for a fool, stolen her son from him for eight years and broken his heart into pieces. And then she had led a life that would shock the most liberal-thinking people of their times.

Then why was he still in love with her? Why did he melt whenever he saw her? Why couldn't he avoid a smile from showing on his lips when she smiled at him? Why did his body tremble if she casually brushed by him? And why did he feel he touched heaven if she kissed him? He shouldn't get so affected by her because he had many reasons to turn his back and forget her, but he just couldn't for one reason: she was his only and unique Lou, beautiful, sweet, fun, charming, brave, spunky and the woman of his dreams. Who did he want to fool? There was nobody like her and his heart had been captured by this incredible woman from the very first day. A little voice in his mind kept whispering that he was making a mistake. He should try to forget and continue living his life with Lou like he had been doing until now, but… he couldn't, he just couldn't do it. This matter with Charlie had been the last straw and however much he loved Lou, he was hurting too much, and for once he just couldn't ignore his pain and look the other way, not even for her.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

"Nooooooooo!"

Kid woke up with a startle. Another nightmare and more horrible than the last one. He hadn't intended to fall asleep or at least he didn't think he would fall asleep with everything roaming in his mind, but as he noticed the pitch-black darkness surrounding him, he guessed he must have been sleeping for four or five hours. It must be about two or three in the morning. His body was trembling and he felt nauseous from the spooky dream and he rose from the bed to get himself a glass of water. He filled the glass from the pitcher and after downing it, he walked to the window to draw the curtains. Before doing so, he casually threw a look outside, and stopped his motions when he saw Lou sitting on the porch steps, much in the same way as she had been a few hours ago. The night was cold and that blouse she was wearing wouldn't provide her much protection against the chilly atmosphere. So without giving it a second thought, Kid opened the wardrobe and grabbed a blanket.

When Kid stepped onto the porch, Lou didn't even stir even though he had consciously made his presence known so as not to startle her. He sat down next to her on the steps while he wrapped the blanket around her body. "Lou, what are you doing here?" he asked, flinching painfully as he noticed her swollen, blood-shot eyes and her red nose. She wasn't crying now, but it was clear she had been weeping till recently. "You should be sleeping."

"I… I can't," she replied awkwardly, somehow glad and relieved that he was talking to her after all. "I needed to think."

Kid knew that he should now go back inside. He didn't want to talk but he couldn't help uttering his question, "Think about what?"

"I was thinking about my mother," she said, which gained her a confused expression from Kid. "Now that I'm a mother myself, I can understand better the pains and sacrifices she had to go through. She made sure my siblings and I had a happy existence even though we had to live without a father and we couldn't stay in a place for too long in case he found us. She always led a very honest life; she worked hard, she never got into trouble and she managed to create a normal home for us."

"I'm sure she was an excellent woman."

"I'm nothing like her," Lou stated in a serious tone. "If I think of Alice doing what I've got to do over the years, I just can't… it's so… so horrible. It would kill me to know that my girl has become a woman like me." Lou shivered and despite the blanket, she wrapped her arms around her body. "Wherever she is, my mother must be ashamed of me. I remember our conversations when I was a little girl. I used to tell her what I wanted to become when I grew up, and I've turned out to be a rotten crop. I let my mother down. I failed to keep my siblings with me, was a mother out of wedlock, murdered a man, went to jail and became a whore. Some list to boast about," she said sarcastically. "My poor mother. She didn't deserve a daughter like me… nobody deserves a daughter like me. But well, at least Theresa would have made her proud."

"Lou, all mothers love their children… no matter what they've done or what they're like," Kid replied.

"It's not the same with husbands, is it?"

Kid stared at her in silence, hating himself for not stopping the conversation in time. He had no answer for her and felt unable to think of one. "I better go back to bed. Please don't stay here too long. You need your rest too." Without another word he rose to his feet and walked back into the house.

Louise watched him disappear inside with deep sorrow. How could he do this to her? He just couldn't walk away and refuse to talk. It wasn't fair. She deserved at least to be heard. They couldn't act like a couple of strangers after all they had shared in the last year. A strange force started bubbling within her and scrambling to her feet, she dashed into the house. She startled him when she grabbed him by the arm and forced him towards the kitchen. They were going to talk whether he wanted it or not, and she didn't want their voices to wake up the children. Kid stared at her in confusion as he let himself be pushed to the kitchen. Once there, Lou loosened her hold and exclaimed, "So that's it, Kid? Not a word? Nothing? You can't even talk to me after all we've shared? Why do you always close me out? We have a problem and you reach your conclusions without talking to me."

"Lou, I just can't have this conversation again right now."

"Again?" she echoed in mocked surprise. "A thousand times if need be! This is important, Kid!"

"I know, but…"

"Kid, we can't do this!" she continued passionately, cutting him off. "You can't ask me to unwalk the road I just did. You helped me to believe in myself again and I've worked so, so hard… you don't know how much! I wake up every morning telling myself I deserve to be here, in this world when all the signs tell me otherwise, and if I look at myself in the mirror, I do my best to ignore the demon I actually see on my face. You taught me to leave the past behind, to look in the future instead, but apparently my efforts were a waste of time after all. It seems I was right all along and I'm nothing but a worthless, dirty harpy!"

"Lou, I never said that!"

"You didn't have to. I know that's what you think… you despise me because I took advantage of your little friend, and maybe I did. But what about me? I thought you loved me but you don't give a damn to hear my part in the story and what all that did to me," she exclaimed as her fists grabbed the front of his shirt.

"Lou, please…"

"You have to believe me!" Lou continued, not giving him the chance to get a word in edgeways. She was too emotional and needed to get all this off her chest. "Things are so different in that hole… so different. I hate the person I became there, the person who entrapped Charlie. I hate her, but she won't leave me. And now I'm going to lose you because of her!"

"Lou…" Kid tried once again. She was too upset and he hated seeing her like that, but Lou seemed not to hear his words or his attempts to soothe her.

"I… I… I know it's kind of… sordid to think that Alice is part of Charlie," Louise hiccoughed as the tears rolled down her face. "Somebody who is so dear to you. And yes, I used him… used him to escape those brutes, the women, the filth, and the risk of vermin and disease for a while. I couldn't consider anybody else's feelings but my own safety in that prison back then. I had to survive for my son and I did. Maybe if I hadn't gone so far as trading my body, I wouldn't have escaped from there, Alice wouldn't be here, you wouldn't know about Joseph and we wouldn't be having this conversation because I would be dead!" Kid listened to her and a shiver coursed through his body as she uttered the last words. "Kid, I never lied to you about Alice… you've always known she didn't come from air or the Holy Spirit. Would you prefer she was the result of rape? Would that make you feel better?"

"Of course not, but…"

"Kid, I want to fight for us!" Lou continued excitedly, her hands squeezing his shirt in her hands more tightly. "I have never been so sure of anything before and I'm done with crying and wallowing in self-pity." She paused, realizing that she was actually crying and she furiously dried the tears with the back of her sleeve. "I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore. This is my life, with my miseries and shames, but I'm sure not everything can be that bad in me. There must be something good because you fell in love with me for some reason. I love you, Kid, and I know you love me, but I won't force you to stay in this marriage if you don't want to. But… why can't we fight together? Why can't we…?" The words died in her lips as the sobs overcame her and she couldn't utter a single more sound. Her hands grabbing his shirt, she leaned her face against his chest as she cried bitterly.

Kid sighed painfully. "Lou, you're too tired," he said, feeling stupid and cruel at the same time. She had opened her heart to him and all he could say was that she was tired, but right now that was as far as he could go. Louise continued crying and he felt her nod against his chest. Kid then wrapped his arms around her body and scooped her up in his hold. She didn't protest and simply kept weeping and sniffing as he carried her to the bedroom.

"Please, Lou, stop crying," he cooed to her as he gently lay her down and covered her with the quilt.

"No. Please, let me cry. I need to cry, I need to cry."

Kid nodded even though she couldn't see his face since hers was buried in the pillow. "Good night," he muttered and as he was about to leave, she almost jumped from the bed and grabbed him by the arm.

"Please don't leave me. Stay with me tonight. I don't want to be alone. Please."

Despite everything, Kid found himself agreeing to her request and lying down next to her on the bed. Lou's arms quickly clasped around his torso tightly and as he remained awake while she kept crying until defeated, both of them fell asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Kid was drinking his first morning coffee when he heard steps behind him. He turned round and saw Lou at the kitchen door, watching him with big eyes. "Hi," she whispered awkwardly.

"Hi," he replied as his eyes took on her figure. This morning she looked different, more innocent and younger. Unlike usually, she had let her hair hang loose and her bare feet showing under her cream dress made her appear like a lost girl. "Would you like a cup of coffee, Lou?"

"Yes, please," she said, taking a few steps closer. They stood next to the sink in awkward silence as they drank their coffee. "I'll be on my way when I wake the children up and get them ready. I'll just pack a few things and I might come for the rest later or tomorrow," she said once she had emptied her cup. Kid nodded morosely and Louise sighed. "Isn't there a chance for us, Kid? Not a single one?"

"Lou, maybe this time apart will do us good and we could figure out how to deal with this."

"I was without you for four months already," Lou stated firmly. "I don't need to figure out anything because I know what I want. I want to keep my family together."

"Maybe it's me who needs that time," Kid replied, finding increasingly difficult to explain his feelings. "Maybe it was my fault but I was living in self-deceit. I need to come to terms with our situation. Maybe in the future, I…"

"No!" Lou exclaimed, cutting him off. "You've made up your mind. You've judged and condemned me and this is the end."

"Lou, you're wrong. All I think about is you and I'm trying to understand how to cope with all this matter. I didn't expect any of this and I really pray to God I can have the strength to overcome my fears and insecurities. Do you really think I don't want to be with you and my children?"

Lou didn't reply. She just turned on her heel and walked away before she started crying once again. She couldn't understand him. All his self told her that he really wanted her. Last night he had bothered to bring her a blanket against the outside cold and later he had hugged and comforted her when she had cried in bed. Yet, he still wanted to blow their marriage to smithereens, and all because of Charlie. Why couldn't he understand that Charlie was nothing to them? Lou wasn't sure what upset him so much as to question himself if he really wanted to stay in their marriage. Maybe he blamed her exclusively for having laid with a man much younger than her or maybe he felt ashamed that Charlie and everybody else learned that he had married a fallen and immoral woman. Whatever the reason, Lou knew that she was doomed and the fairy tale that she thought she was living had ended up with prince turning the princess back into a disgusting, ulcerous toad.

About an hour later Lou had the children ready to go. Joseph had woken up in the same mood as the night before and refused to talk to her as if she was the only one to blame for this new situation. He'd come around eventually, Lou told herself, but she couldn't help but feel deeply hurt by her son's attitude.

Kid stepped into their hall and directed his eyes to Lou. "I've hitched up the buggy for you," he said awkwardly, but didn't see her nod as he shifted his eyes to his son. Joseph stood in a corner, his arms folded tightly over his chest and his head hanging low. Kid sighed, realizing that his children were suffering already. He walked up to him and placing his index finger under his chin, he titled his face to him. "Hey, Joseph, buddy! Aren't you gonna tell me anything this morning?"

"I don't want to go," the boy mumbled unhappily.

"Son, you know you have to be with your mother."

"But I want to be with you too, Pa," Joseph complained, his eyes glazed with unshed tears.

"And we will be together," Kid exclaimed more enthusiastically than he actually felt. "I'll be seeing you every day and if Ma wants, you can stay here with me at the weekend, and then we can continue building that tree house we started."

"But it won't be the same."

Kid sighed once again. "I know, Joe," he breathed. "And I want you to know that I love you all very much. Never forget that."

"Ma as well?"

Kid shot a quick look in Lou's direction and their eyes met briefly before he turned his attention back to his son. "Of course I love your mother."

"Then why do we have to leave?" the boy exclaimed loudly. "You say that when people love each other, they need to stick together, and we are a family."

With each demand and comment, Kid felt worse and worse and found it extremely hard to answer his son. "Of course we are a family and that's not gonna change. But Joseph, sometimes things happen… things we cannot control."

"Things that are more important?" the boy asked innocently in a sad tone.

At his question Kid stared at the boy and before he could say anything else, Lou cut in. "Joseph, please, leave your father alone. We should get going." The boy didn't protest anymore. Kid took the bag Lou had packed and followed her outside with an entranced expression. He placed the bag in the compartment below the buggy seat and while Joseph climbed onto the carriage, Kid approached Louise. He caressed Alice's soft head and the girl gave him a smile, a dimpled smile that he now recognized as an unmistakable trace of Charlie's face. "You're gonna be good, aren't you, sweet pea?" The girl let out a contented squeal and Kid smiled ruefully. "Of course you are. You're the best and prettiest girl in the world." He felt a lump of emotion in his throat and as he turned to Lou, his eyes filled with tears.

"We say goodbye again," Lou said in a serious tone.

"Yes."

"But this time is different," she added, breathing in deeply to control her own tears that threatened to spill. "Kid, despite everything I've been very happy with you and I need to thank you from bringing me back to life. These months have been wonderful and I'll never forget them." Her free hand hooked around his neck as she hugged him.

"Oh Lou," he exclaimed bitterly, pressing his mouth against her hair.

Louise pulled away quickly. She couldn't endure this anymore and needed to go. She ran to the buggy and placed Alice on her lap as she sat down. She dared to look at Kid and realized he was tearful. Lou had seen him cry a few times and whenever he was this upset, she couldn't help but feel moved by his tears. This time she told herself she wouldn't cry. She had promised herself that tears were over for her and she had cried enough for a whole lifetime last night. "Goodbye, Kid. Please take care of yourself," she said and without waiting for his answer, she flapped the reins over the horse's back and set the buggy in motion.

Kid stood in the middle of the yard, bitterly watching her carriage drive away. There alone in the yard he felt his heart break in a million pieces and the pain was so powerfully strong that he could actually feel it all over his body. His family was going, leaving him because he had wanted it that way. And why? Joseph's words kept repeating in his mind and in that moment he had a sudden revelation. This was a mistake; this was all wrong. They couldn't leave, they couldn't. "Lou! Lou!" he started calling loudly as he ran after them like a madman before it was too late. "Lou, wait!"

Louise heard his desperate calls and turned his heard to see Kid chasing the carriage and gesturing her to stop. Louise yanked the reins and halted the buggy. Breathlessly Kid reached them and at Louise's questioning look, he blurted out, "Please, Lou, don't go!"

"Wh… what?" she exclaimed in obvious surprise.

"This is a mistake. Please don't leave me. Don't go. Please. We shouldn't have gone this far."

Louise glanced at him with a serious expression and when she shifted her eyes to her son, the boy was smiling with clear excitement. "Joseph, hold your sister while your father and I have a private conversation," Lou said as she secured the buggy brake and sat Alice next to Joseph, instructing him how to keep his hold on the girl.

"Kid, what is the matter with you?" she exclaimed after leaving the carriage and stopping at a safe distance from the buggy, which allowed to keep an eye on the children. "First, you want one thing, and now you want the opposite. I'm tired of these games. My heart can't take it."

"Lou, I know I'm a fool," he replied. "Joseph is right. There's nothing more important than my family… you and the children, nothing at all. We're a family. We can't just give up. Please Lou, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"Kid, this ain't a question of forgiveness. You just can't keep changing your mind about what you want. It confuses me and it confuses Joseph. Look at his happy face now," Lou said and as Kid threw a look at his son, he realized she was right. "He's a child and we can't keep doing this to him. How do you think he'll feel if I now get back on the wagon and keep driving?"

Kid looked visibly ashamed by his inconsistent behavior. "Yes, you're right."

"I begged you to hear me out last night, but you refused to understand me, Kid. Why didn't you decide you didn't want to lose me then?"

"I never wanted to lose you. I now realize that Charlie's matter was just the last drop I could swallow, and while I was worried about you, I never really got over what you had to go through all these years. And now when I saw you drive away, I knew I couldn't let you go… I can't lose you."

"Kid, this isn't something we should deal with in a hurry… just because you feel differently now. But what about in five minutes… in an hour… in a day… next year? I know you love us, but you must consider Charlie, your young friend? He's not a ghost and he's not going to disappear into thin air. He's around and whether we want it or not, he's the one who fathered Alice. This isn't going to change even if we pretend that it didn't happen. We need to live with that truth for all our lives and I don't want all that thrown to my face every day. God knows I'd love nothing better than being with you and keeping our family together, but I don't want it at any price. I want us to be a normal, happy family with problems and joys, and have our children grown up in a nice environment. I don't want them to be raised in a home in which recriminations and fights are the norm. I'd rather turn round and leave now with my dear memories of you than have an incomplete life."

Kid dared to take her hands in his. "I want that too, Lou. I don't know what I was thinking when I started all this. I was insecure and jealous... I don't know. I can't say I'm not bothered about Charlie anymore, but we can figure out how to deal with all this together. I trust we can overcome anything if we stick together. Let's try, Lou. We deserve another chance. Please, Lou."

Louise gazed at him in hesitation. She was scared. She didn't want to be charmed into a life that might not be for her after all and then fall down again. This hurt too much, but at the same time he loved this man even more. "Oh Kid!" she exhaled as her arms hooked around his shoulders and her face buried in his chest. Kid smiled and placed a kiss on top of her head. Louise looked up with teary eyes and as their eyes met, they knew no words were necessary. Their lips automatically searched for each other and they joined in a heart-felt kiss. The sound of a whoop and clapping made them pull away after a little while and they smiled when they saw Joseph cheering happily and next to him Alice was imitating her brother, uttering a continuous ah sound. Lou and Kid shared another smile and hand in hand, they walked back to the children. "Seems nobody is going anywhere today," Lou announced with a big smile and after sharing a look with her husband, they kissed again.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

Their ragged, shallow breaths mingled together in the silence of the room as moans of pleasure and endearments left their lips. A final grunt resounded in the bedroom and Lou collapsed on top of her husband, pleased and satisfied. Her mouth found his once again and as they kissed fervently, Kid rolled over and lay her down on the bed next to him. Wanting to feel him inside her for as long as possible, Lou clasped her legs around his waist tightly as they continued kissing. Breathless, they pulled away slightly and Lou brushed her index finger over his face as their eyes stared passionately at each other. "I love you, Kid."

He smiled, caressing the soft skin of her hips joined to his. "I love you too."

"Kid," she called after a while. He looked at her questioningly and she added, "I've been thinking that I would like to give you another child."

Kid was taken aback by her words, and a fit of nervous cough overcame him. "What… what aren't you telling me?" he managed to ask when he managed to control his cough.

Louise chuckled at the expression on his face. "No, I'm not pregnant. I'm not saying we should have a child now, I know, we can't afford another mouth. But I want us to make a baby in the future and be together for him or her from the very first moment."

Kid nodded. He knew what she meant. They had two children, both born under very peculiar circumstances. Kid had missed his son's actual birth and eight years in his life, and even though Alice was his daughter in all senses, she didn't really come from him. Kid had to admit that he had been bothered by all this, but he had learned to value the present and how happy their children made him. For once he also wanted to live fatherhood fully and experience all those moments he didn't have with Joseph and Alice. He wanted to share Lou's joy, when they learned a baby was on its way. He wanted to witness how her middle grew bigger and bigger with each passing day, week and month. He wanted to feel the baby's first fluttering movements in her belly. And he wanted to be there for Lou when she felt tired, nauseous or a bit under the weather. He wanted all that. "Yes, honey, one day we'll have a third child or maybe a fourth and even a fifth."

"Hey, hey, hold your horses," Lou exclaimed among giggles. "Remember it's my body that will have to bear all those pregnancies."

Kid smiled and kept quiet as his hand absently brushed up and down her naked back. After a few minutes of silence, Lou asked, "What are you thinking about?"

He gazed into her eyes with a serious expression. "I… I was thinking about Charlie."

"Oh God," she exhaled unhappily as he uttered the dreaded name. She finally disengaged herself from his hold and sat up, her hand feeling the mattress for her nightgown, which she found under the pillow. As she threw the garment over her body, she added, "What about him?"

Kid pushed his body up and leaned against the headboard next to her. "I was thinking that maybe I should go and see him. After our awkward encounter a few days ago, I think I owe him an explanation."

"Kid, he doesn't need an explanation," Louise replied. "I think one needn't be a genius to imagine why you got so upset."

"Yeah, I know, but I want to talk to him anyway."

"I don't understand why."

"Lou, we need to face this and pretending Charlie doesn't exist won't help us. You said so yourself," Kid insisted.

"And what do you want to say to him?"

"I dunno," he admitted sheepishly. "I'll have to figure it out when I see him."

"As you wish," Lou muttered forlornly. She knew that Kid was right, but the idea of seeing or hearing from Charlie again repulsed her. She had been about to lose her husband because of his interference. Naturally, if she was fair, she couldn't say that Charlie had purposefully damaged her marriage. The circumstances had plotted against her and nobody was to blame. But she knew that if Charlie had left Rock Creek as she had asked him many times, they wouldn't have to go through all this. Lou knew that the problem wasn't over yet and she and Kid would have to deal with it together. Maybe he was right and the best way to cope with their special situation was to face it, but she wished she could send Charlie as far from her as possible.

* * *

The young man dismounted his horse and shuffled towards the house. As he looked around the place, Charlie told himself that he liked what he was seeing. It was a nice property Captain Carmichael had here. He imagined that the captain must have worked really hard to get such a piece of land, which didn't surprise Charlie at all. Captain Carmichael was an honest and hard-working man who believed that everything could be achieved by the sweat of his brow. So if someone deserved a good life, the Captain did.

Charlie stood before the door hesitantly. He had wanted to apologize to the captain after their encounter, but he had let a few days go before he plucked up the courage to come bothering him. In these days Charlie had learned where his captain lived and how he and his now wife went back a long way. Apparently, Captain Carmichael had worked for the Pony Express in this very town ten years ago and he and Louise had been sweethearts back then. Charlie remembered a conversation he had with the captain in which he had told him about a girl and he guessed that the girl was Louise McCloud.

Charlie felt like a fool for not making the connection between his captain and McCloud before. She had told him several times that she was a Carmichael now that she was married, but how could he imagine that McCloud's husband and his captain was one and the same? How could he think that Captain Carmichael was here in the west instead of Virginia? He had no idea that the captain had a son or that he had moved here. The last time he had seen him was six years ago before the captain was made a prisoner. How could he know anything else about him?

That morning Charlie had woken up with the intention to talk to Captain Carmichael. He had taken a bath, donned his less tatty clothes and gone to the barber's for a shave and a haircut. And now as he stood before the door, he felt afraid. He wasn't sure what he had come here to say, but he knew he couldn't back out. He had to be a man and act like one, and show that he had grown up. Removing his hat, Charlie automatically lifted his hand to pass his fingers through his hair, a gesture that he favored whenever he was nervous. But his hair was too short now and all he managed to do was to brush his hand against his scalp while his left leg tapped the wooden floor underneath. His hand finally balled up into a fist and unsteadily he managed to knock on the door.

A few seconds later the door opened and Kid appeared, looking at him with a flabbergasted expression. "Afternoon, sir," Charlie greeted with a sheepish smile.

"Charlie," Kid replied with a serious countenance.

They stayed in awkward silence for a minute and at Kid's wondering expression the younger man felt compelled to speak up. "I was wondering if I could talk to you."

Kid nodded. "Will you come in?"

Charlie followed Kid inside and as soon as he stepped into the parlor, his eyes automatically got drawn to the baby, who was sitting on a blanket on the floor surrounded by a few toys. Kid noticed where the young man's gaze fell and he felt uncomfortable. "Lou's gone to town and I'm looking after Alice in the meantime."

Charlie nodded like an automaton, embarrassed to be caught staring at the baby, and to avoid further awkwardness he directed his attention back to Kid. "Captain Carmichael, I… I came to apologize."

"Apologize?" Kid echoed questioningly.

"Yes… I'm really sorry about what happened the other day, about you know, your wife. I… I didn't know she was your missus, honestly."

"She wasn't my missus back then when you two… bonded," Kid said seriously, feeling a disagreeable tug in his stomach as he referred to his wife's past liaison with Charlie.

"Yes… but I wasn't talking about that time… I was talking about lately."

Kid's forehead creased in confusion. "What are you saying, boy?"

"I'm really sorry, but I made passes at her when you were away. I wanted to … you know what."

Kid started to feel nauseous and stared at him crestfallen. What was he saying? What hadn't Lou told him? "Wh… what?" he managed to ask, his eyes as big as saucers and his hands in fists tense at his sides.

"But she said no! She said no!" Charlie exclaimed urgently when he realized that his big mouth could cause more trouble than good. "I kept bugging her even though she refused all the time. It's the truth. Your wife is faithful to you, Captain. And I swear I won't try anything else with her! I wouldn't have if I had known she was your wife."

"Charlie, no matter if I'm her husband or not, you shouldn't chase married women. You run the risk that a jealous husband will shoot you dead."

"I know and I'm ashamed of myself."

Kid sighed. "It seems that by some whim of destiny we're joined together, Charlie. We have little Alice in common."

"Sir, I don't intend to take your place."

"You have your own place, don't you think?" Kid remarked, tilting his face to the baby meaningfully.

"I… I don't know," the younger man stammered. "It puzzles me to think about her… it's kind of strange."

"Would you like to keep seeing her?" Kid asked with no little difficulty.

"I am curious, actually, but I don't want to be any inconvenience to you," Charlie replied sincerely.

"It won't be any inconvenience. Lou and I are fine with all this," Kid replied painfully. "Would you like to spend a little time with her now?"

"Uh…" Charlie answered awkwardly, not sure what reaction was expected from him. "I… I guess."

"Come on," Kid urged him despite himself.

Self-consciously Charlie walked closer and the girl stared at him for a few seconds, and then automatically stretched her arms to the man hovering over her. "She wants you to scoop her up," Kid added.

"Oh I see," Charlie replied and after casting a look at his captain, he clumsily took the girl in his arms.

"Da! Da!" Alice exclaimed in a loud voice, bouncing in his arms nervously.

"She wants her duck," Kid said again and coming closer he gave the girl the toy, which she grabbed at once. It hurt like hell to see Alice in Charlie's arms but he had to get used to the image. This is the way things should be, but the knowledge didn't diminish the pain he felt. Taking a few steps from Charlie, he tried to find a distraction and started to look at the books in his bookcase.

The front door opened after a few minutes. "I'm back!" Lou announced as she stepped inside and threw her reticule on the sideboard carelessly near the door. And before Kid could react, she walked to him and kissed him full on his mouth. Kid gently disengaged himself from his hold, feeling self-conscious since Charlie could see them. "Did you miss me?" she asked, not noticing his shyness. Kid didn't respond to her flirty question and when movement on the other side of the room caught her attention, she noticed Charlie. "What's he doing here?" she asked unkindly, pointing her finger at the younger man, not happy when she saw that Alice was in his arms.

"How are you, Mrs. Carmichael?"

"Oh, so I'm Mrs. Carmichael now," Lou exclaimed sarcastically. "Since when do I deserve such respect? I didn't see any before, but I guess being married to your beloved captain changes my status."

"Lou, please. There's no need for that," Kid tried to appease her.

Louise looked at her husband with a serious expression. "Can we talk in private, please?"

They stepped out of the house onto the porch from where they could still have a clear view of Charlie and Alice through one of the windows. "Kid, what is he doing here?"

"He came to talk. And I really think he has a right to see Alice if he wants to."

"Kid!"

"Whether we want it or not, he's her father and I don't wish for anybody to go through the same as I did… having your child grow up without you."

"Kid…" Louise exhaled, feeling as if she had been slapped hard on her face.

"Lou, I'm not reproaching you anything. You know I'm over that and I really don't hold a grudge. I'm happy, you make me happy," he said, his hand cupping her face and his thumb caressing her soft skin.

"Then what's that face for?" Louise still questioned.

Kid dropped his hand from her face and lowered his eyes to the floor. "I… I'm jealous… I'm jealous of him."

At his words Lou didn't know whether to cry or laugh. "Kid, I told you already. I was never interested in him in the way you think. And I'm definitely not interested in him now."

"I don't mean that!" Kid exclaimed. "He's Alice's father, something I wish I could be with all my heart."

"But Kid, you are!" Lou enthused. "Charlie… he… well… he created her, but Alice is yours. Being a father is more than just a moment of excessive contact," she continued, blushing furiously at having to explain to her husband what she had done with another man. "Who was by my side when she was born? Who cared that she had enough clothes or clean diapers when we were marooned in that town Alice's birth took place? Who makes her laugh? Who's the first to stay up when she has a bad tummy or she's teething? Who, Kid? Nobody but you."

"Lou, I don't know. I have all kinds of crazy ideas. Maybe I'm not making sense, but I'm scared. I'm scared that when she grows up she will hate me because I'm the reason she's not with her real father."

"She's with her real father, Kid! You!" Lou exclaimed, hating to hear him sound so glum and defeated. "I know that and so does Alice. And even if you weren't in our lives, do you think Charlie would be in Alice's the way you're implying?"

"This is so difficult, Lou."

"I know, Kid. Do you actually think I'm fine with all this? I feel a strong pressure here every time I see him," Lou explained, pressing her hand against her chest. "He brings me back to times I'm fighting to forget. This is like a test trying my strength, and I tell myself I can be stronger than all that because we're together."

Kid smiled at her passionate speech and drew her against him, hugging her. She was right. They needed to stick together and be stronger than this situation. A long road awaited them, and Kid knew that his fears wouldn't disappear. There was another person fighting for Alice's affection and not any person. It was Charlie, somebody who he loved and happened to be his little girl's father. Maybe if that person wasn't Charlie, if it was somebody else, it would be easier for him to cope with all this mess. He wouldn't feel so bad if he got angry or wished Alice's father vanished off the face of the earth. All these opposed feelings baffled him and left him defeated, and as fear coursed all over his body, he held onto Lou tightly, hoping she didn't feel him tremble with fear and apprehension.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

Louise knocked at the door before opening it and letting herself in. "Hello! Anybody home?" she called as she advanced towards the parlor.

"Louise!" a voice promptly greeted her enthusiastically.

_Christine_, Lou thought in disappointment. She had come in the hope of talking to Rachel in private. In the last few days she had come to the conclusion that her friend was in a worse mood that she had initially thought, and she was sure that the reason behind her glumness was Christine. Lou would have liked to talk to Rachel before, but with her own problems with Kid, she hadn't had the time or the chance.

"And who's the most beautiful girl in Rock Creek?" Christine exclaimed as she reached out and took Alice from Lou's arms.

Louise sat down on the sofa while Christine took a seat across from her. "Isn't Rachel around?"

"She's putting her laundry away in her bedroom," Christine replied with a smile as she kept her attention focused on the fidgeting toddler on her lap.

Louise looked at her with curiosity. "You seem to be in very high spirits today," she remarked breezily.

Christine lifted her eyes to Louise and smiled. "I am," she stated self-assuredly. "Moving here has been the best decision I've ever made. I already feel much better."

"I'm glad," Lou said sincerely. "We're happy to have you here with us. Kid was very worried about you… we all were, but it's good to see you looking so well."

"You know something, Louise? I think I made a terrible mistake marrying Malcolm. I guess he loved me his own way, but I don't think it was the kind of love you and your husband share."

"Christine, every couple is different," Lou replied. "Kid and I ain't the best example. We've had big problems too."

"Yes, but you stayed together to solve those problems."

"We're still learning," Lou replied in a small voice. "It's not easy."

"But you're such an inspiration," Christine insisted. "What happened between me and Malcolm was a real eye-opener. I was blinded by other things and I failed to value what I had before my very nose. If I'm not too late now, I think I can start mending my past mistakes."

Lou frowned, wondering if her words referred to Paul indirectly. "What do you mean by that, Chris?"

The answer never came since steps resounded in the staircase and Rachel appeared. "Lou, what a nice surprise!" she greeted Louise warmly. "What brings you to my humble home at this time of the day?"

"I came to see you," Lou replied. "It's been a while since we last had one of our conversations… you know, with all the hustle I've had at home."

"Let me make some tea then," Rachel offered, but before she scurried away into the kitchen, Christine spoke up.

"Don't bother to make any for me, Rachel. Paul is picking me up in a few minutes to take me to see Mrs. Rogers about that job."

Rachel stiffened as she heard Christine mention Paul. "All right then," she said stiffly and headed for the kitchen.

It hadn't gone unnoticed by Lou the way Rachel had reacted to Christine's words and she was now positive about the source of the problem. Lou didn't know how things between Paul and Christine were. Kid had told her that he had seen them together in town a few times, but Lou imagined that Paul was simply helping Christine in the hard times she was going through. It would be too crazy for Christine to resume her old romance with Paul when not even a month had gone by since she had left her husband. Technically, Christine was still a married woman, and Lou couldn't think that Paul would get involved with her in the present circumstances. Yet, Lou also knew that Paul had been very much in love with her, and Christine was the kind of woman that couldn't live an independent life without a man by her side, regardless whether it was a family member like Kid had been for many years or a man sharing her bed.

"Louise," Christine whispered as she scooted closer on the sofa. When she was sure she had Lou's complete attention, she said, "I think something's not right with Rachel. She's been acting kind of strange lately."

Lou threw a quick glimpse at the kitchen door to see if it was safe to talk. It was shut and their voices wouldn't reach Rachel. "Yes, I know," Louise simply said.

"You've noticed too?" Christine asked in a surprised tone and Lou nodded. "What do you think is the matter with her?" the blonde woman asked again.

"I… I don't know," Louise lied. "Have you talked to her about it, Chris?"

"Yes, I asked her but she says she's fine," Christine replied in a soft voice. "Maybe you should have a word with her, Louise. You've been friends with her much longer than I have and she might feel more comfortable sharing whatever worries her with you."

Louise nodded again. "That's what I'm here for."

Rachel came back to the parlor a few minutes later bringing the tea, and a plate of gingerbread cookies she had baked the day before. As she was serving the hot brew for Lou and herself, they heard the sound of a wagon stopping outside. "That must be Paul," Christine announced as she rose and went to the window. "Yeah, that's him," she added when she had a look outside. She passed Alice to her mother and said, "I have to leave you now."

Christine walked to the mirror and stood there, checking her blonde hair was in a perfect condition. Meanwhile, from her sitting position on the sofa, Rachel watched her attentively. Christine was truly a beautiful woman. She had a nice build, gorgeous green eyes and perfectly smooth cream skin. She was clearly the type of woman men usually fancied. In a way, Rachel thought that Christine had a certain resemblance to her as they both shared some common features and their personalities were kind of similar. This likeness made her wonder if Paul had found a substitute for Christine in her during these months. Naturally, she couldn't replace the original in all senses, and in comparison Rachel felt she was at the losing end. Christine was younger, her beauty was more stunning and she had something in her that enchanted anybody who met her.

"Ladies, wish me luck," Christine said as she walked to the door. "I hope Mrs. Rogers likes me and lets me work for her."

Lou and Rachel bid the woman goodbye and when the sound of the door closing stopped echoing in the silent room, the women turned their attention to their tea without saying a word. It was Rachel who, after a few minutes, broke the silence that had settled in the room after Christine had gone. "So, Lou, tell me. How are things between you and Kid?"

"Well… we're surviving," Louise replied in a casual manner.

"Does Charlie still visit you?" Rachel asked again.

"Oh God yes," Lou answered in a bitter tone. "I still can't understand why. He spends almost all the time playing with Joseph as if he were just a little boy. I sometimes think my son is the reason he drops by instead of his own daughter. Kid's being very understanding but I'm not so much. He unnerves me."

"That's understandable," Rachel said.

"But please let's not talk about me and … Charlie," Lou added, swerving the direction of the conversation drastically. "What about you, Rachel?"

"Me?" the blonde woman echoed innocently.

"Rachel, I'm not a fool. I know there's something troubling you and I'm your friend. Is it Paul?" Rachel stared at Louise for a few seconds, debating with herself whether she could express what tortured her soul lately, and she finally nodded.

"Louise, I don't like the way I'm feeling lately. I've always had a very free relationship with men. I never had problems in finding the right company when I felt in the mood. I know I haven't acted well and broke some hearts… even consciously. Sometimes using men made me feel powerful but now…"

"Now what?"

"The wheel has turned and I'm the one down. I'm suffering the same treatment I inflicted on others like poor Percy Winslow," Rachel explained in a bitter tone.

"Rachel, do you mean you…"

"Yes, I'm in love with Paul," the blonde woman stated in a desperate tone before Lou completed her question. "I love him, but he's in love with somebody else!"

"Have you talked to him?"

Rachel shook her head. "There's no need. I know. He hasn't approached me in two weeks… since Christine got here."

"But haven't you asked him why? You deserve an explanation."

"Louise, we never had a commitment to each other. From the beginning we agreed that whenever one of us wanted to end it, we wouldn't force an awkward moment and that's what's happening. Christine is free now and he's always been in love with her."

"I know that," Lou replied. "But I still think you should talk to him. Maybe you're jumping to the wrong conclusions. Do you really believe he and Christine are together? You should know. She lives in your house and I think she's still struggling with the failure in her marriage."

"Maybe they're not together in that sense, but they will be. I'm sure he has hopes that something will eventually lead her to him. So that's why he's stopped seeing me. He thinks that it wouldn't look very promising to Christine's eyes if he's doing it with me when he plans to woo her," Rachel said, not caring about sounding rude and coarse. She was too hurt and she knew she could talk to Lou about anything in any terms because she wouldn't judge her or feel shocked. "I didn't know this could hurt me so much."

"It does when it's true love," Lou replied knowingly and stretching her arm to Rachel, she squeezed her hand. "I still think you should talk to him."

Rachel gave her a wry smile. "I'll think about it then."

* * *

Paul drove the wagon back to the way station with a very smiling Christine sitting next to him. As he had guessed, Mrs. Rogers had been very pleased with Christine and hadn't hesitated to give her the job. "I'm so glad everything turned out to be as I expected. It was time I struck luck for a change."

"I don't know if I would call that luck," Paul joked. "Just wait until you meet the Rogers' children and give me your opinion then. Those children are a handful."

"My Matt is sometimes difficult too and when he gets together with his cousin and Buck's daughter, they're terrible," Christine replied with a smile. "I don't mind hard work and I love children. Hopefully, with this pay I will be able to get myself a place of my own to live. Rachel's been awfully kind to me, but I don't want to outstay my welcome." At Rachel's name being mentioned Paul turned serious, a change that Christine didn't notice, and she continued, "Paul, I need to thank you for being such a good friend all these weeks."

"Don't mention it," he replied breezily.

"Oh yes. I need to say it," Christine insisted and in a daring motion, she brushed her hand over the length of his arm in a soft caress. Paul stared at her in stunned silence, not expecting her actions at all. Christine batted her eyelids flirtingly and with a big smile she leaned over and whispered in his ear in a husky voice, "You know, I'm so sorry I let you escape. But there's a saying. Better late than never."

Paul stopped the wagon and shifted on the seat to her. Christine stared at him with big eyes and Paul couldn't avoid feeling flushed and bothered. She was so beautiful that any logical thoughts disappeared from his mind, and he couldn't look back. He knew her traits by heart from all the times he had beheld her: when she slept by his side, when she laughed at his silly jokes, when she listened to his words, when she was happy, when she sad, when she was angry. She was always beautiful no matter what, simply breathtaking.

Christine smiled enticingly as Paul stared at her. She knew what was on his mind right now, but he wouldn't take the first step, so if something was going to happen, she'd have to take the matter in her hands. So she leaned over closer and touched his lips with hers softly. Her mouth moved over his still one expertly, silently asking for access to his realm, and once over the surprise, Paul reacted, opening his lips to meet her demanding kiss. But suddenly, as he kissed her, something snapped inside him. This felt different from what he remembered; he didn't feel the thrill and the excitement he used to when they were together. All this seemed empty of all meaning and strangely in the fog of his mind, the image of Rachel popped up, which managed to make his sleepy heart beat faster as his lips continued kissing another woman. Realizing that this was wrong, Paul clasped his hands around Christine's forearms and gently pulled away. Christine stared at him with a confusion expression and Paul said, "I'm sorry, Chris, but I can't do this."

"If you're worried about me being married, you shouldn't. I'm as good as a single woman, I signed the divorce papers this morning," Christine explained as her fingers played with the buttons of his shirt.

"Christine, is this your way to get even with your husband?"

The woman lifted her eyes to him. "Of course not!" she exclaimed quickly, but on noticing his fixed, no-nonsense eyes, she softened the tone. "Well, maybe there's a little of that, but Paul, I've also realized that we're the best together and I think I love you."

Paul shook his head, hating what he was going to do. Even though Christine had hurt him in the past, he didn't like to cause a similar heartache to her. "This can't happen, Chris, because I don't feel the same anymore," Paul said, and the moment the words were out of his mouth, he felt a massive sensation of liberation in his soul. "And … there's somebody else."

"Who?" she asked in clear disbelief.

"Rachel," he whispered sheepishly.

"Oh…" Christine let out clumsily as the truth dawned on her. Rachel had been acting weirdly around her and now she could understand the reason of her mood.

"In any case, our story is over too. I think she got bored already," Paul continued. "We kind of agreed to simply enjoy each other's company, but you know me. I'm a hopeless weakling and once again I've lost my silly heart to her even though she doesn't care about me."

"Rachel is a good woman," Christine admitted even though her pride felt hurt. "Paul, I think you're wrong about her. I can't believe she's not so involved in that relationship as you are. Her behavior makes me think otherwise."

"She hasn't talked to me in weeks. We… we used to meet every night in my rooms, but she hasn't shown up once lately," Paul explained awkwardly. "And I've noticed that she never lets herself to stay alone with me. She's clearly avoiding me."

"That doesn't mean anything," Christine insisted. "I'm a woman and I understand these things better than you, Paul. And sometimes we women can be a bit complicated."

"Only a bit?" Paul joked, his mouth twitching into a crooked grin.

"Paul, if you love her, go after her. Don't give up."

"I don't know, Chris. I don't want to make a fool of myself once again. I also have my pride."

"Oh please, don't let what happened between us chicken you out. Rachel can't be as stupid as I was. Tell me. What do you want from her?"

"I want to be her only man, wake up next to her every morning and grow old next to her," he stated, another surge of relief coursing over his body. Other than just a few words with Kid, he hadn't told anybody about Rachel and much less what his real feelings were. Talking about this to Christine made him feel much better.

"You mean you want to marry her?" Christine asked, obviously surprised by Paul's strong feelings, and she had to admit to herself that she was hurt and jealous. Paul nodded to her question and telling herself not to be bothered by this, Christine smiled brightly. "Paul, let's work as a team and let me help you. Please. This is an important moment in a woman's life and I won't let you blow it. You're going to propose to Rachel at the right moment and it will be a proposal she will never forget. Just trust me."


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Kid looked at his wife sideways and they shared a smile as he drove the wagon through the streets of Cottonwood. The town was a frenetic blur of activity and hundreds of people were seen coming and going. The cattle fair attracted many outsiders and the town showed its best togs to welcome its annual visitors.

"Where does Uncle Jeremiah live?" Joseph asked as he stood behind his parents on the wagon truck, his hands hugging his mother from behind.

"He has a farm on the outskirts," Kid explained. "We'll check in at the hotel first and then we'll go there."

Kid welcomed the break from his daily routine and the chance of spending an enjoyable weekend with his family. The fair was just an excuse to have some time off with Lou and the children, especially after the hard times they had gone through. And he knew Lou was very excited about seeing her brother and sister again after so many years. It would be a nice break for her. Kid was glad she could patch up the wounds with her siblings; it was something that had always stung Lou and since they started this journey, she hadn't stopped smiling for a single moment at the prospect of seeing Jeremiah and Theresa.

After getting themselves a hotel room and washing off the dust of the road, the family drove to Jeremiah's farm. As they pulled in the property, Lou looked around in obvious pride. It was a magnificent farm; the fields were all plowed and probably sowed, ready for the grain to grow on them. Lou could see the love and hard work that her brother had put in his property and before seeing him, she could guess that he had grown into a good young man. "He's done good, hasn't he?" Louise remarked as Kid helped her off the wagon.

"Yes, I know he loves this farm and the land," Kid replied.

Louise smiled as all the family sauntered towards the house. "I'm really proud of my little brother."

As they stood before the house, Louise felt that her heart was going to rip her skin from the force it was beating from apprehension. She knew there was nothing to be afraid, but she couldn't help but feel nervous. The mere notion of seeing her brother and sister made her tremble from head to toe. Kid knocked at the immaculately white door and Lou's heart skipped a beat when she made out some movement inside the place through the door glass lattices.

"Kid!" Jeremiah exclaimed and threw his arms around his friend, hugging him, as he appeared at the door. Lou stood aside at a discreet second position, a frank smile showing at her lips on witnessing the warm encounter between her husband and her brother. At Jeremiah's cheerful voice, two women came to the door. One of them was Teresa and Lou guessed the other one, a pretty, red-head, was Jeremiah's wife. From where she stood, Louise watched them. She was pleasantly surprised by the changes time had left in her siblings. When she had last seen them, they were just a couple of children, and now those children had become adults. Jeremiah was a slender, tall man with attractive features, shrewd eyes, curly hair and a distinct tan, surely from being in the sun for long hours while working on the fields. Theresa was a lovely young girl. Her beautiful long blonde hair hung loose down her shoulders, evidence of her condition as a single woman, and her tall voluptuous build, in comparison to Lou's petite figure, made the two sisters look as different as day and night.

After the greetings to Kid were over, Lou decided to make her presence known. "Hello, Jeremiah," she said, trying not to show the emotion in her voice.

The young man and the two women stared at Louise and for a brief moment they seemed clueless about who was talking to them. When recognition finally dawned on Jeremiah, his face scrunched into a displeased expression. "What are you doing here?"

Before Lou could answer, Kid stepped in. "You knew we were all coming… me and your sister, my wife."

"I'll be damned!" Jeremiah exclaimed spitefully. "Didn't you get the message, Kid? I don't want anything to do with this lady here, and I didn't think you were so stupid as to bring her here. You knew what I think about her, and my lack of reply to your last letter should have given you some clues."

"First, watch your mouth in front of the children," Kid stated firmly, his index finger pointing at the young man. Jeremiah threw a look at Joseph, who was staring at his uncle with awe and surprise at the same time. "And secondly, you told Buck you were happy about me and Lou."

"I was being sarcastic, for goodness' sake! If Buck doesn't know what sarcasm is, that's his problem, not mine!" Jeremiah said unkindly.

Louise tried to look unaffected by his display of callousness, and spying her sister next to him, she asked, "And what do you have to say, Tessie?"

To Lou's bitter disappointment, her sister spun around and got back inside the house, followed by the other lady while Jeremiah said, "You're welcome to stay, Kid, but as far as I'm concerned, she's not to set foot in my house."

With that said, Jeremiah turned on his heel and disappeared into his home, not giving either Kid or Lou a chance to say anything else. Kid shook his head morosely and as he shifted his attention to Lou, he could see that she was upset even though she was trying to pull a strong face for Joseph. "Lou, come on, let's go," he said, passing an arm around his son's shoulders and starting to walk towards where they had left their carriage.

"No!" Lou replied, stopping him. "You stay and I'll take the children to the hotel. There's no reason you cannot get reacquainted with your… friends."

"Lou, if you ain't welcome, neither am I."

"Please, Kid, you have to do this for me," Louise insisted. "If we leave now, everything between me and my siblings will be lost. Maybe you can talk to Jeremiah and soothe things a bit."

"Lou, you know how stubborn your brother is. He's been like this for years and I've been a fool bringing you here. I should have made sure that things were okay before facing you to a disappointment. I know Jeremiah, and none of what I might tell him will make him budge."

"Please, Kid," she insisted with begging eyes. "Please."

"All right. As you wish," he finally relented and stroking her cheek with his hand, he said, "Be careful while driving to the hotel, okay?"

Louise nodded. Kid addressed Joseph in a similar way and caressed Alice's head, and then reluctantly he walked into the house. "Come on, honey," Lou urged her son. "Let's go."

Joseph followed his mother towards the carriage. "I don't like Uncle Jeremiah," he scowled unhappily. "He wasn't very nice."

"He is angry, that's all, Joseph."

"Why is he angry?" the boy asked.

"He's angry with me," Lou explained. "I promised to do something a long time ago and I failed to do so."

"Keeping promises is very important, Ma," Joseph remarked, nodding his head at the same time as if he were giving a lecture, which made Lou smile despite everything.

"Wait!"

The shout made Lou stop and looking back, he saw Jeremiah's red-headed wife running towards her. When the woman saw that Louise had halted, she paused and covered the last few yards at a slower pace. Lou looked at her questioningly and the woman said, "I'm afraid we haven't been introduced properly. My name's Ruth and I'm sorry about Jeremiah. He shouldn't…"

"No," Lou replied, shaking her head. "I deserve it. I can't say I'm surprised about this reception. I know what my brother is like."

"I think we waste too much time and effort holding grudges," Ruth said with a sigh. "Life is too short and beautiful to add more complications than it already has."

Louise stared at the young woman before her in silent admiration. "Ruth, I can see why my brother married you."

The younger woman smiled. "Are these your children?" she asked as she gazed at Joseph and Alice with a dreamy expression. Louise nodded and Ruth added, "I… we can't have children."

"Oh I… I'm sorry," Louise replied awkwardly, not sure what to say to her newly-found sister-in-law.

Ruth shrugged her shoulders in resignation. "So far your children are the only ones who carry some of my husband's blood in their veins, and the only chance for me to see his features in a child."

Louise smiled sympathetically and dared to squeeze Ruth's hand with her free one. Rising her eyes over her sister-in-law's head, Lou saw Jeremiah standing on the porch, his eyes directed towards them and his arms folded in a clear impatient pose, an image that reminded Lou of the guards in prison as they kept watch over the prisoners who were lucky enough to receive visits. "I think I have to go. My time's up."

"I'll talk to him, Louise," Ruth replied. "I want to believe that one day we will all sit around the same table as a happy family."

"God bless you," Lou said as she finally settled on the wagon and urged the horse forward. The encounter with her siblings hadn't been as she had hoped it would be, but she couldn't say she was totally surprised. She knew Jeremiah's reaction to her presence was justified and feared that the rift she had caused over the years was irreversible. She might have lost her brother and sister forever and there was nobody to blame but her. The guilt tortured her and her poor mother's words resounded in her mind overwhelmingly, and without even being aware, the tears trickled down her face.

* * *

"I can't believe you let her entangle you after all that happened," Jeremiah remarked out of the blue. So far they had been talking about Kid's ranch and the reasons why he had to leave Virginia. Even though Lou's name had naturally been mentioned in Kid's account, Jeremiah hadn't said anything about her until now.

At the younger man's words Kid stopped the motion of his hand in mid-air as he was about to feed himself another spoonful of his soup. Kid dropped the spoon onto the plate, wiped his mouth with his napkin and sent an irritated look at his brother-in-law. "You know, Jeremiah, things change… people change," he simply said.

"I don't think so," Jeremiah replied with a lopsided grin. "I warn you, Kid. When she gets bored, she'll leave you high and dry, and won't think twice about it."

"Jeremiah!" Ruth scolded him in total shock.

"You're unfair to your sister," Kid said, trying to keep as calm as possible.

"No, I'm not," the young man continued stubbornly. "I used to be as naïve as you. She always came with her promises and I believed her… wanted to believe her. Tell me Kid, how many times did she keep those promises she made to me and my sister?" Kid averted his eyes and Jeremiah carried on, "Yes, that's right. None. She does everything for her own benefit and never thinks of what her actions might mean to others." He paused briefly and then continued in the same scornful tone, "I think she takes after our father, a selfish slug who didn't give a damn about his family."

Kid's eyes widened in horror at the younger man's remark. "How can you say that?" he exclaimed, internally relieved that Lou wasn't there to hear the atrocity Jeremiah had just uttered. "Your father was a cold-hearted killer. How can you say that Lou is anything like him? I grant you she's made mistakes and I know she bitterly regrets leaving you. Lou had to struggle very hard all these years, and I know she really wanted you in her life, but other matters came in her way. She got pregnant with our son and from then on things got worse and worse. She could tell you if you just heard her out."

"Maybe Kid's right," Theresa piped up after being silent during the whole conversation. "We could talk to her and…"

"No!" Jeremiah exclaimed irritated. "I don't want to waste my time listening to her poor excuses and lies. I'm sorry but no." Kid sighed, shaking his head in frustration at the young's man's stubbornness. He had hoped he could give Lou at least a little hope when he returned to her, but it was clear that Jeremiah wasn't ready to budge. "Please, Kid, let's not talk about her. Let's talk about something else. I'm really happy to see you despite everything."

Kid smiled wryly. "Not talk about Lou? I'm afraid I can't do that. She's my wife and the mother of my children."

Jeremiah didn't like Kid's rebuke. His elder sister's unexpected appearance was nothing but an inconvenience. She was interfering in his relationship with Kid. He couldn't say that he and Kid were really close. The distance and life's problems didn't make it easy to keep a steady friendship but they hadn't lost contact over the years. They wrote to each other a couple of letters a year, especially around Christmas. The last letter Kid had written to him was the one which told him about his marriage to his sister, and Jeremiah hadn't bothered to answer. He had been very upset about the news, and in a way it hurt even more to see that it hadn't been Louise who had written to him as she should have done years ago. That was another reason to resent her. Jeremiah was very annoyed and his mind was set to resort to anything to put Louise down as a personal revenge of his even though she wasn't present.

"In your case I'd make sure those kids are mine, my friend. You know what her word is worth as well as I do and I wouldn't be surprised if she pulled a little tale for you to buy about those children."

"Jeremiah!" Ruth exclaimed in outrage. "What's gotten into you today? How can you talk about your sister like that?"

Kid tried to contain his anger and in an almost herculean effort he managed to change a calmer demeanor than he really felt. "Whether I'm those children's pa or not, that's my business. But one thing is sure. Those children are your nephew and niece, and I'm very sorry that they got that cold reception from the only blood relatives they have," Kid said, sweeping his eyes between Jeremiah and Theresa. For once the younger man was speechless and his sister looked visibly embarrassed. Kid rose to his feet as he said, "I'm taking off now. I don't think it's right for me to be here without my family. Thanks for dinner, Ruth. It was delicious."

Jeremiah's wife smiled her thanks even though she didn't deserve the compliment since Kid had just tasted her very ordinary soup. She saw him leave with a heavy heart. She understood that her husband resented her sister; she had heard Jeremiah's plaintive words about his sister over the years and nobody could blame him for feeling hurt. Yet, Ruth had to concede that Louise had taken the first step, offering her siblings another opportunity to patch up their differences. Being an orphan and without any other relations, Ruth greatly valued what family meant, and it was such a shame that Jeremiah or Theresa wouldn't jump at the chance to restart things with their eldest sister. Jeremiah had even refused to hear her explanation or apologies; he had turned her flat down and Ruth feared that there wasn't much more she could do.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

Fully dressed, Lou was lying on the bed and lifted her head when she heard the doorknob being turned. As she laid eyes on Kid, she lifted her body halfway and pressed a finger against her mouth. Kid smiled as he noticed that the children were sleeping, Alice in a small crib they had brought along and Joseph in a cot the hotel staff had set in the room. Before taking another step forward, he removed his boots and then tiptoed towards his wife. He sat down on the bed next to her and gave her a light kiss on her lips. "They were tired, huh?" he said, talking in hushed tones.

"Totally done," Louise replied. "The journey wore the poor dears out." She paused and unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "How did it go, Kid?" At his silence she could tell what he wasn't talking about. "Was it that bad?"

"Lou, you know how your brother is."

"Yes," she replied, her voice tinged with obvious melancholy. "I'm not really surprised, just sad. I know he has a right to be this angry. I imagine I would be so in his case." She sighed for the umpteenth time and added, "Didn't Theresa say anything?"

"Well, she seemed more open to talk to you, but I know she lets Jeremiah make the decisions for her," Kid replied. Louise nodded, stretching her lips in a rueful expression. Kid watched her in silence. Her hair was in disarray after lying on the bed and the light of the only lamp lit in the room fell on her pale face, making her appear in a strange, dreamy halo. "Have I told you how lovely you look tonight?" Kid whispered and despite everything and her low mood, she found herself smiling like a smitten schoolgirl. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear, "I would make love to you right now if we were alone." Louise then hooked her arms around his neck and met his lips in a long, heated kiss. When they pulled away after their intense moment, Kid caressed her face with the back of his hand as he said, "I'm so proud of you."

"Proud? Why?"

"I know this matter with your brother and sister is hurting you, but instead of crumbling down like other times, you're proving to me you're stronger."

Lou made a rueful face. "I don't think I'm that strong. I've learned to see things from another perspective," she disagreed and after a very brief pause, she asked, "Kid, do you really need to go to the cattle fair?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm not in the mood for staying here all weekend," Louise replied in a tiny voice. "It doesn't make sense any longer."

Kid kept thoughtful for a minute. "Let's do something. I'll go talk to the fella Buck told me about first thing in the morning and we can be on our way home around noon. How about that?"

"Thank you," Louise smiled her thanks and planted another kiss on his lips.

In the middle of their conversation, a small guttural sound was heard in the bedroom. In a flash Kid scrambled to his feet and had a look at the crib. Alice lay awake there, staring at Kid with big eyes and lifting her short arms to him. She uttered another sound, this time, of contentment when he scooped her up in his arms. "What are you doing awake, beautiful? You don't wanna wake up your brother, do you?" Kid said as he sat down back on the bed with the baby cradled in his arms.

"She was missing her daddy," Lou remarked with a big smile as she stroked her daughter's soft hair.

Kid glanced at his wife with a serious expression. Since the episode with Charlie, Lou kept calling him Daddy whenever the occasion came up. Kid knew that it was her way of assuring him that nothing had changed and that they were the same family as before. Yet, something had really changed. They couldn't forget that Charlie existed as Lou sometimes wanted to. It wouldn't be fair for anybody. Charlie was Alice's father and Kid felt more and more awkward, not sure what his place was in her life anymore.

"What's that face for, Kid?" Lou asked, almost hearing the wheels in his mind slowly turning.

"I was thinking."

Lou sighed wearily. Those words coming from her husband always meant trouble. Whenever he uttered them, they always ended up with complications. She almost didn't dare to ask him, but her curiosity had a stronger pull than her present apprehension. "Thinking about what?"

Kid gazed into her eyes intently and said, "Have you thought what we are going to tell the children about Charlie?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lou, you once told me you didn't want to confuse them. We need to agree what we are going to say when they start asking questions, especially Joseph."

"Kid, we don't need to say anything," Lou replied, lowering her voice even more. "I already told you. You're my children's daddy and Charlie is just a family friend."

"Lou, that's a lie… at least, the part about Alice," Kid insisted. "Charlie might want to be acknowledged as her father."

"I don't care what he wants!" Lou exclaimed as softly as possible. "I think we are far too generous by letting him visit us at home. You can see he isn't that interested in her. He hardly looks her way and all he does is play with Joseph or talk to you."

"Lou, I think he feels intimidated by us," Kid replied, well aware that Charlie was actually in a very awkward position. It was complicated to want to exercise his rights as a father when it clearly clashed with the interests of a person Charlie was so fond of. Besides, whenever he came visiting, Lou watched him with a very unkind expression, especially if he came close to Alice. Kid understood Charlie didn't have it easy under the current circumstances. "In any case, Lou," Kid continued. "What about Alice? Don't you intend to tell her someday the truth about where she comes from?"

"Do you really think I could tell her that?" Louise asked with an expression of horror as she looked down at her sweet daughter who had fallen asleep in Kid's arms. "How could I?"

"But Lou, she might want to know. What if one day she gets to know the truth from other sources, a truth her own mother hid from her?"

Imagining the moment ten… twenty years from now in which her young daughter would confront her and yank the truth out of her, Lou felt sick. How could she tell Alice about jail and the loose woman her mother had been? Her sweet child would hate her for sure. "How can I ever do that to her, Kid? How can I tell her about the horrible way she was conceived? How can I? I want you to be her only father, only you, only you."

As Lou was getting too upset, Kid left the baby back in her crib and rushed to hug and comfort his wife. "Lou, please, you can't get this worked up."

"I don't want to think about this," she hiccoughed.

Kid pulled away, their faces merely a few inches apart. "Lou, we don't need to reach a decision now, but this ain't something we can't ignore."

"I know," she whispered in a tone laden with sadness and frustration, and not intending to speak another word, she leaned against him and let him shush her fears away.

* * *

As they had planned the night before, Kid had woken up very early and had gone in search of the horse trader Buck had told him about. He was back at the hotel before the children had woken up and when Lou finally got them ready for the day, the whole family had their breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Joseph wasn't happy about the change of plans. He had been forward to spending the weekend away from home as if he was living some kind of adventure, and then he would tell the children at school about it. Yet, he had accepted the idea of leaving Cottonwood more willingly when his father had told him that they would take their sweet time to go back to Rock Creek and they could even spend a night in the open under the stars.

Sitting up in the middle of the big bed, Alice squealed and laughed as her brother made faces at her and sang in a game that the boy also enjoyed. In the meantime, Kid and Lou were packing their things, so that they could be ready to set off. Kid looked down at the two stuffed carpet bags, his saddle bags and another pile of clothes that hadn't been packed yet, and chuckled. "One would think that we've been away for a whole month, seeing how much we have here."

Louise laughed. "When you travel with children, you always have to carry extra baggage. Get used to it, Daddy. The days in which you just rode with a couple of bean tins and a change of clothes are over." There was then a knock at the door. "I'll get it," Lou offered and as she swung the door open, her face turned into an expression of obvious surprise when she saw the person opposite her. "Theresa?"

At her exclamation Kid came to the door and also saw that indeed his sister-in-law was standing there, a bag hanging from her hands and looking visibly uncomfortable. "May I have a word with you… you two?" the girl asked, her eyes travelling from Lou to Kid.

"Please come in," Kid said as he stepped aside. Theresa walked inside and Lou closed the door behind her.

Theresa left her bag on the carpeted floor and took her time to speak up. "I… I came to ask you a favor."

"A favor?" Lou echoed.

"Can I go live with you in Rock Creek?" Theresa blurted out to Lou's and Kid's surprise. "Kid, yesterday when you were talking about your ranch yesterday, it seemed… it seemed nice and… Please take me with you. I won't be a problem, honestly. I'll pull my weight and find a job there."

"But Theresa, you have your life here. What is there in Rock Creek for you? And what does your brother say about all this?" Kid asked.

At the mention of Jeremiah, Theresa made a disagreeable face and said, "I don't care what he thinks. He's nothing but a pushy tyrant, and I'm tired of being at his beck and call."

"What?" Lou exclaimed, exchanging a surprised look with her husband.

"She treats me as if I still were twelve. He controls the money I am allowed to spend, never lets me go out unchaperoned and has scared away all my suitors. If it was up to him, I would die an old maid!"

"Tessie, if those suitors were so easily scared away, none were worthy," Kid replied. "Your brother did you a favor."

"But that's not the point, Kid!" Theresa continued. "I'm eighteen and I want to make my own decisions. I don't want to spend all my life protected under my brother's wing." She paused to catch her breath for a few seconds. "We had a fight when I told him what I intended to do. He said you'd turn me down like dirty water because that is the way you act," Theresa added, looking at Lou with a challenging pose.

Lou stared at her sister with a serious expression. It hurt her to see that Theresa hadn't said a kind word to her, or anything that implied that she was also interested in closing the gap that had been opened for two long. She had come to her with demands because she needed a place to live away from Jeremiah. Naturally Lou knew that she couldn't expect undying love from her sister when she was the first one who hadn't shown her siblings she cared over the years. Yet, it hurt all the same. She longed for a few words, a smile, a sign, anything. "I… I don't know. I don't want to get in the middle between you and Jeremiah. I'm already in big trouble with him."

"But things can't get much worse than what they already are," Theresa insisted. "And I'm your sister too. That counts for something, doesn't it?"

"Of course it does."

"So here's your chance to make it up to me for all these years," Theresa continued stubbornly.

"You are really good at getting what you want, aren't you?" Lou remarked with a lopsided grin.

"Of course she is. She's a McCloud girl. What did you expect?" Kid added teasingly and almost simultaneously both sisters turned to him and stuck their tongues out at him in mock offense. "You see? Almost identical."

Their reactions and Kid's words made the two women giggle. The three adults laughed together and soon Joseph and Alice joined them even though they had no idea what the mirth was about. When they sobered, Theresa couldn't contain her keen curiosity any longer. "So what is going to be? Can I go with you?"

Louise looked at her husband and said, "Well, I guess we can make room for you."

No sooner had Lou uttered the words than Theresa lunged against her and hugged her. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" Theresa exclaimed. Louise smiled, and clasped her arms around her sister's back. This wasn't the kind of encounter she had hoped for. But so far she'd take what Theresa was ready to give her. Maybe her moving in with them would help to rebuild their relationship. What Lou regretted was that by helping Theresa she was opposing and challenging her brother, which would mean another inch separating them even further, but right now she couldn't do anything else. Life was giving her more than she had bargained for, and who knew what other blessings she might find in the future?


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

Kid stopped the wagon in his property and looked behind him. Theresa was sitting on the wooden platform with Alice on her lap and Joseph by her side, but the boy couldn't keep still for too long. So as soon as the carriage came to a halt, he jumped off despite his parents' calls for attention. Once on safe ground he shot off towards the house and when he noticed the person hidden in the shadows of the porch, a cry of joy flew over the yard. "Charlie!"

Kid couldn't help but stiffen to see his young friend there. Despite all his efforts, he was unable to shed the jealousy that Charlie inspired in him. Not only was he Alice's real father, but he now also hogged Joseph's attention whenever he came visiting. "God, can't he leave us in peace for one single minute?" Lou voiced her feelings in a more open way than her husband.

Kid didn't reply and simply walked to the back of the wagon to pick up their luggage. Theresa had already alighted and held Alice in her arms. Lou made an attempt to relieve her sister from her daughter, but Theresa said, "Please, Louise let me carry my niece. We're getting on so well, aren't we, pretty Alice?"

The toddler let out a purr of contentment and hoisted her little arms over her head, clapping her hands in that position. Theresa smiled as she followed her sister and brother-in-law towards the house. "I think I'm gonna enjoy being with you and my niece and nephew."

"We're also happy to have you here," Lou replied, patting her sister on her shoulder. "I'm sorry things didn't work out with Jeremiah."

"Because he's a stubborn idiot!" Theresa exclaimed. On the way to Rock Creek the two sisters had the chance to talk and Lou had explained in a very vague manner the reasons that had kept her away for so long. Louise knew that she had no excuse because she should have written to her siblings long ago and told them about her situation. She remembered that shortly after Joseph was born, she had intended to go and see them, but she had backed out eventually. It made her feel ashamed to think she should stand before her siblings… with her child born out of wedlock and having to tell them that she couldn't fulfill her promise. Theresa had listened to everything Lou had said, and even though she was still a bit sore at her sister, she had accepted her excuses and apologies. "Jeremiah is always difficult," Theresa continued. "I hope he comes around."

"Don't you think you're going to miss being there? That's been your home for years," Kid added.

"Yes, I guess. I know I'm going to miss Ruth. She's a dear, but Jeremiah… he's unbearable at times," Theresa moaned, and lifting her eyes ahead of her, she noticed the young man on the porch. "Who's that man talking to Joseph?"

"That's Charlie," Kid replied in a low voice and without even thinking about it twice, he blurted out. "He's Alice's birth father."

"Kid!" Lou exclaimed in a loud, scolding tone.

"What?" he asked with a clueless expression.

His indiscreet comment had angered her and his ignorant air made her irritation soar. "Why don't you go up to the church bell tower and shout from the top that your wife is nothing but a dirty slut?" Lou cried angrily and before anybody could react, she shot off towards the house, her face flamed with annoyance and shame.

"Lou!" Kid called but she never stopped and disappeared into the house without bothering to look at Charlie. Kid shifted his eyes back to Theresa, who had an expression of utter shock on her face. "Please, don't heed Lou, Tessie. She's very sensitive with this matter."

"So what my brother said about the children is true," Theresa let out in a stupefied tone.

"No!" Kid exclaimed. "Joseph is mine and Alice… well, she's my sweet girl even though we don't share any blood. Things are kind of complicated. Please don't judge your sister without knowing all the facts. She hasn't had it easy."

"But a man and a woman can't lie together unless they're joined in holy matrimony," Theresa said, repeating the teachings she had got from the nuns at the orphanage over the years. She wasn't stupid and knew that her nephew had been conceived years before her sister had married Kid. She had been concerned about this fact, but since Kid and Lou were now married, she had guessed that didn't matter. But she didn't know Alice was also a bastard like everybody called children born out of wedlock. Theresa was still very naïve in her ideas on the relationship between men and women. Because of the hard grip her brother had on her, she had never really experienced what being romantically involved with a man meant.

Kid smirked at the girl's words. "Tessie, sometimes things are not so straightforward. I also used to think that the world was either white or black, but years had taught me that life is full of shades."

Theresa didn't say anything else, and kept thoughtful as they continued towards the house in silence. "Hi, Charlie," Kid greeted the young man as affably as he felt capable of.

"Did you have a nice trip, sir?" Charlie asked, eyeing the young stranger lady next to the captain with curiosity.

"Uh… yeah, it was good," Kid replied awkwardly. He still felt unable to act in a natural way around Charlie, and sometimes he thought he could never be able to. Even though he was certain about what was right to do, the actual realization of the actions wasn't so easy. His soul was still invaded by anger and bitterness and even though nobody was to blame for this situation, he couldn't help the feelings from creeping into his heart. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go and check on Lou."

Charlie nodded as Kid walked past him. Theresa put the toddler on the floor and Alice instantly started waddling towards where she had seen Kid go. "Hey, Alice…. Alice… where are you going?" Joseph exclaimed and ran after his wandering sister into the house.

Theresa smiled at the children. She had a nice view from them from her position and she loved to see them together. It was so sweet to see how Joseph cared for his sister… his half-sister, Theresa thought, unable to get rid of the concerning thoughts that Kid's revelation had sparked in her mind. Theresa's smile froze instantly as she looked up and found Charlie gazing at her. The young man grinned and tipping his head in a courteous way, he asked, "May I ask who you are, Ma'am?"

Theresa didn't like the man's disposition, especially being aware of the man's identity, and sent him a glacial look. "Nobody of interest to you."

Charlie chuckled despite Theresa's words. "I must say you're very rude, Miss."

"And who asked you for your opinion?" Theresa replied in the same tone.

"Excuse me, Miss, but I don't think I deserve this treatment," Charlie remarked pointedly.

"For some reason my sister doesn't like you, and I happen to follow her instincts," Theresa replied, folding her arms over her chest.

"Oh, I see, your sister," Charlie exclaimed, for once binging his lip to keep quiet about his own opinion, and prevent an ungentlemanlike comment from coming out of his mouth. There was a time Louise McCloud had really liked him, or at least she had pretended she liked him. Her acts had made him believe she was actually interested him, but she had simply deceived him like a fool. The day he had discovered he was just one of many Charlie had hurt overwhelmingly, and being the second disappointment in his love life he had started to take women and romance in a more practical way.

"So you're a McCloud then. And what's your first name?"

Theresa looked into his dark eyes with determination, irritated by his continuous curious questions. "That doesn't matter," she stated, and lifting her chin proudly, she walked into the house, intending to check on the children before she lost the little patience she had with that impertinent young man.

Charlie stood on the porch, chuckling. She couldn't deny she was a blood relative of Louise McCloud. They were both very alike in personality. And as she kept grinning from ear to ear, a single word left his lips, "Women."

* * *

Inside the house, Kid had reached the top floor and stood under the threshold of his bedroom door. Lou was sting on the bed, her back to him and by the way her shoulders slumped, he knew she was very upset. Kid knocked at the open door with his knuckles and as she shifted her body towards him, he inched inside. "Lou, I'm sorry. I thought you had told Theresa about Charlie. I didn't mean to embarrass or shame you."

Louise shook her head ruefully. "Sorry I overreacted. I know you're right, and Theresa had to know about Charlie sooner or later."

Kid walked closer, sat on the bed facing her and took her hands in his. "Lou, I know it's been a hard weekend for you. We all got a great disappointment when we hoped Jeremiah would receive you with open arms. Well, at least you have Theresa with you and a chance to unbend your crooked relationship."

"Kid, it's not that!" Lou exclaimed loudly, but soothed her tone, feeling her reaction was exaggerated. "Well, maybe there's something of that too, but that's not my main concern right now."

"Then what is it?"

"Him," Lou replied, and without mentioning the name of the person in question, Kid knew for sure who he was referring to. "I tell myself I can control the situation, but whenever I see him in our house or with our girl, I feel as if the flames of hell were consuming me inside."

Kid sighed, understanding her perfectly since he experienced something similar to what she was describing. The only difference was the way they coped with the situation. Kid fought his feelings by himself while Lou tended to have a more explosive reaction when she couldn't hold back anymore. "Lou, what else can we do? We can't just tell him to go and never come back."

"Why not?"

"Honey, you know why not," Kid explained patiently. "We are morally compelled to let him see Alice. How would you feel if somebody didn't let you be near your children? Remember what happened when Dorothy Culpepper tried to steal Joseph?"

"I know," Lou reluctantly admitted. "I just thought it wouldn't be so difficult."

"It is difficult," Kid replied as he drew her towards him and pressed his lips against her forehead. "But I trust it will be fine. We'll eventually come to terms with this situation, but things take time."

Lou sighed. "I hope you're right," she mumbled as she leaned against his chest, breathing in deeply and praying for the comfort his presence always provided


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

The first rays of the morning sun crept up on the horizon timidly, little by little liberating the world from the night's shadows. The spectacle that the light and darkness performed in their fight to surpass each other was a real blessing for the onlooker, a marvel, God's gift to man to be enjoyed every day. Lou stood on the porch with her eyes directed to the horizon where the outline of her sister's slender figure stood out against the rising sun.

After a few minutes, Louise left her position and slowly walked towards Theresa. "You woke up awfully early this morning," she said as she reached her sister and passed an arm around her shoulders. "Do you miss your home and your bed?"

Theresa smiled and shook her head. "I love to admire the dawning sun whenever I can," she explained. "It's beautiful here."

"Yes, it is," Lou agreed, shifting her eyes back to the horizon and breathing in the crisp morning air. Both sisters remained in silence as they continued watching the world being hugged by the life-giving wrap of the sun's rays. After a while Lou turned to Theresa again and said, "I'm sorry I wasn't in my best mood yesterday. I can show you around the ranch today."

"I took the liberty of having a look by myself. It's a nice place you and Kid have here," Theresa remarked, gesturing with her hands at the vast land around her.

"Yeah, Kid's turning the property into a wonderful home for me and the children, and one day it will really bloom. I wish I could do more to help him, but it's a full time job to look after the children, especially a toddler that can't keep still for a second." Louise paused briefly and her expression shadowed as she added, "I'm so sorry, Tessie." Theresa stared at her sister intently as Lou continued, "I'm sorry for leaving you and Jeremiah all these years."

"I know," Theresa mumbled. "You already told me so."

"But I need to say it again and make you understand."

"Why didn't you at least write to us, Louise?" Theresa asked.

"I have no excuse, I know. I was so ashamed of myself for letting you down that I couldn't face you, not even in a letter," Lou muttered with downcast eyes. "Tessie, you can't imagine what a mess my life's been until now… until I met Kid again."

"Will you tell me about it?"

Louise looked up and caressing the girl's pale face, she said, "You're too young and naïve to hear my stories, honey."

"I really want to know, Louise. Honestly," Theresa insisted.

Lou stared at her sister in silence and seeing the intent expression in her eyes, she finally relented and began telling her about the last ten years of her life, especially since the moment everything had fallen apart and she had become a different person. She started with the event that had marked her life forever, leaving Kid and then followed the difficult moments she had suffered, about Travers, the horrible years in jail and her shame about everything she had been forced to do there. Finally, she finished with what had happened since she had re-met Kid, which had meant the beginning of her road to become a whole person again. When she concluded her tale, Lou couldn't even look at her sister in the eye. She was too ashamed, and couldn't meet her gaze, fearing she might find the repulsion and shame she still felt whenever she thought of her past life. That was why she was utterly surprised when Theresa suddenly wrapped her arms around her, hugging her. "Oh Louise, I'm so sorry."

"I made so many mistakes," Lou muttered as she embraced her sister as well.

Theresa pulled off gently and looking into Lou's liquid eyes, she added, "But things turned out for the best in the end. You and Kid look so good together."

"We are happy," Lou admitted. "But the past can't be forgotten so easily."

"You mean that young man… Charlie?" Theresa asked tentatively, and Lou simply looked back at her in silent admission. "Is he such a big problem?"

"Tessie, I just want to live a peaceful life with my husband and children, without having an annoying fly bothering us!" Lou exclaimed loudly. "But I guess this is the price I have to pay for my mistakes. I know it's not his fault, but I can't help feeling like this!"

Theresa smiled sympathetically and squeezed her hand. She didn't know what she could tell her sister about her present problem so she simply said, "I'm very happy to be here with you, honestly."

Louise smiled and without uttering a single more word, the two sisters joined in a hug as the sun shone above them, welcoming a brand new day to the world.

* * *

Rachel walked briskly along the covered walkway, directing her steps to the general store. She had left the schoolchildren under the supervision of Mrs. Matthews, a lady who usually gave her a hand around the schoolhouse. She needed to drop by Tompkins since there was an order that she had to pick up and Rachel wanted to have those books with her before school broke for the day. Working as a teacher was something that Rachel enjoyed greatly and those hours she spent in the school were the only time when her worries vanished from her mind. The children always made her laugh and even on those days on which they were more difficult than usual, she never regretted her profession. In any case, her issues with Paul disappeared from her head whenever she was busy with her students, a relaxing time she was really grateful for.

Even though Rachel had intended to talk to Paul after her conversation with Lou, she still hadn't mustered the courage to do so. Lately she had even decided to give up on the idea completely since Paul's liaison with Christine had become more evident. They spent more and more time together, and whenever Rachel was closer, she had noticed that the pair lowered their voices as if they were telling each other lovers' secrets. Besides, Rachel was positive that Christine now knew what had happened between her and Paul in the last months. Christine looked at her with a strange twinkle in her eyes and a goofy smile, which clearly showed that she knew. Rachel often had to control and remind herself that Christine was her friend, or otherwise, she'd gladly have punched that silly grin off her face.

Rachel was about to get into the general store, but stopped dead in her tracks. From one of the windows she spied the inside of the mercantile and saw Paul and Christine standing before one of Tompkins' stand. They were smiling at each other, but that wasn't what drew Rachel's attention so much. It was the ring, the shiny ring that he was holding before her eyes. Christine grinned and nodded, obviously pleased by what she was seeing.

"They're getting married," Rachel breathed in shock as she retraced her steps and stumbled to leave the general store behind. She just couldn't face them and needed time and space to come to terms with the now confirmed truth of the two of them together and marrying. They surely would announce the news soon and Rachel needed to be ready to disguise her expression when the bomb fell. Her tiny hope that they weren't together had flown all of a sudden, and she'd have to get over it. Their getting married would be shocking for everybody since they had been quite secretive about their romance. Rachel imagined that they wouldn't get married so soon; it would be improper for a divorced woman to marry another man so soon. Naturally, she and Paul might have decided to have a long engagement to get reacquainted before they could tie the knot.

"He didn't even have the decency to tell me anything. I thought we were friends," she grumbled angrily as she continued walking along. So furious was she that she didn't see Lou until she almost bumped into the petite woman.

"Rachel, hey!"

The teacher forced a smile onto her lips "Louise," she greeted her as calmly as possible and tried to entertain her mind away from the scene she had witnessed. "You know, it's strange to see you so alone," she added, seeing that Lou didn't have her daughter with her as usual.

Lou chortled. "I left Alice with my sister."

"Oh yes, Kid told me about Theresa when I saw him this morning," Rachel replied. "I gather things went well in Cottonwood."

Lou shook her head. "Not with Jeremiah."

"I'm sorry, honey."

Louise sighed. "Well, that's the way things are," she muttered morosely. The two women remained silent for a beat and then Lou said, "Are you heading for the schoolhouse, Rachel? I was going to pick up Joseph now. He was complaining of a bad tooth this morning and I want to take him to the doctor."

Rachel nodded. As the two ladies turned to resume their walking, Rachel noticed that Percy Winslow, her old flame, was standing at the end of the walkway. His image reminded Rachel painfully of Paul and what she had witnessed at Tompkins'. Percy had suffered in his bones what she was now going through with Paul. Poor Percy had been ready to accept whatever she was ready to give him, and she had despised his good heart and intentions. Now she was tasting her own medicine, but unlike Percy, she wouldn't stay idle and she'd do something about it.

Rachel purposefully stopped before Percy and smiled brightly. "Hello, Percy."

"Hi, Rachel," the man replied in a serious tone.

"It's been a while since I last saw you. And you know something, Percy? I missed you."

Both Percy and Lou looked visibly surprised on hearing her words. "You said you didn't want to see me anymore," the man reminded her.

Rachel laughed exaggeratedly. "Oh you shouldn't take a woman's words so literally. We women tend to speak more than we mean."

Percy's mouth twitched into a little smile. "So you mean I can see you again?"

Before Rachel had the chance to talk, Lou decided to take matters in her own hands before things went too far and her friend did something she might regret later. "Of course, Mr. Winslow. Mrs. Dunne and I are taking a collection for the church charity committee. We expect to visit you and your mother in the following days to apply to your good heart."

The contented expression of his face vanished at once and he said, "Oh I see… yeah, of course, you're welcome to come over whenever you want. Mother is always ready to help the less fortunate."

"Great. But if you'll excuse us now, we're in a bit of a hurry, aren't we, Rachel?"

"Uh…yes," Rachel let out awkwardly.

"Good day, Mr. Winslow," Lou concluded the conversation, and hooking her arm around Rachel's, she steered her away from the place. When they were at a safe distance from the man, Lou turned to Rachel and didn't beat about the bush. "What the hell was that, Rachel?"

The blonde woman turned her hurt-filled eyes to her. "I just saw Paul and Christine together, and… and what we thought is true, Louise. They're a couple and apparently, oozing happiness."

"I'm sorry," Lou muttered. "Did you talk to him then?"

"No, and thank God I didn't!" Rachel exclaimed. "Or I would have made a fool of myself."

"I'm sorry about Paul, but what was that flirty game with Winslow?" Lou insisted.

"Louise, I can't give him the satisfaction of thinking he's the only man in Rock Creek. I won't cry for him and well… Percy is a good man and maybe I shouldn't have left him."

"But you don't love him," Lou said pointedly. "Turning to another man out of spite is not the solution, but rather another problem to add."

"Lou, it's easy for you to talk when you have Kid."

"But it wasn't easy to get where we are now, you know that. Please, Rachel, learn from my experience. One mistake leads to others, and sometimes with disastrous consequences. I almost lost Kid because of my actions in the past and their consequences in our present. I thought what I did had no importance back then, but I was wrong."

"I know you're right. It's just that suddenly I feel too old and lonely," Rachel replied in a morose voice.

"You're not old, Rachel, and you're not alone," Louise assured her, patting her arm encouragingly. "You have us, we're family and whenever you feel lonely, just let me know. I'll drop the children on you for a while. Believe me, nobody can feel lonely with my Joseph."

Rachel chuckled at Lou's words. When she sobered, she scrunched up her face in a frown and asked, "Louise, when did you go and become such a sensible talker? I used to be the one to give you advice on your love life and it wasn't that long ago."

Louise giggled. "I had good teachers," she simply said and both women didn't exchange any more words as they continued in silence arm in arm towards the schoolhouse.

* * *

"Coming!" Theresa called as she balanced her niece on her hip. Exhaling, she rushed to the door from the kitchen. This morning she had volunteered to look after Alice and cook lunch while Louise went to town, but she hadn't thought it would be so exhausting. At her till-a-few-days-ago home she was used to cooking and doing the housework, but no chore was as tiring as looking after the bundle of energy that she had discovered her niece was.

"Let's see who's calling, Alice," she said, and the toddler let out a long string in her particular language. When Theresa opened the door, her face drastically changed into a sour expression. "Oh it's you."

"Good morning, Miss McCloud," Charlie greeted her, uncovering his head courteously. "I'm here to see my daughter."

"Neither my sister nor her husband are here, and I have no authority to let you into their house or see their child."

"I just saw Captain Carmichael in the barn and told me I could."

"Well, if he says so," Theresa replied stiffly and stepped aside to let Charlie in. Tired of carrying the fidgeting girl, the young woman stooped and left Alice on the floor. Once her little feet came into contact with the wooden floor, the toddler let out a contented cry and started roaming around the room while clapping her little hands. "More slowly, sugar bear, more slowly. You don't want to fall," Theresa said.

"Isn't my girl clever?" Charlie remarked with a big smile. "Look how fast she can already walk!" Theresa sent him a cold look and the man asked, "What on earth do you have against me, Miss Put-On-Airs? We met just yesterday and I don't think you have enough information to have an opinion about me."

"I know too much already," Theresa retorted. "But I don't know what your intentions are, Mister, and I don't want anybody to hurt my sister or come between her and her husband. They love each other and they deserve to have a good life."

"I have no intention of harming them," Charlie shot back. "I just want to see my little girl. I have nobody else in this world, no parents or relatives. And I think I have the same right to be part of her life as your sister does. How would you think she'd feel if she wasn't allowed to be with little Alice?"

At his words Theresa lowered her eyes, realizing she had judged the man before her too harshly and without considering the whole picture. "Yes, you're right," she admitted in a tiny voice.

Charlie smiled sweetly and he was about to say something else when a strange whiff reached his nostrils. "What's that smell?"

Theresa sniffed and suddenly to her horror she realized what was happening. "Oh my God! The stew!" she exclaimed as she quickly dashed towards the kitchen to try to save something for today's lunch.

Charlie was then left alone in the parlor and looking around he noticed that Alice was diligently walking towards the fireplace. "Hey, Apple Pie, where do you think you're going?" he said as he lifted the girl from the floor, and sitting down on the sofa, he placed the toddler on his lap. "You are a very clever girl, Alice. Yeah, very, very, very clever. Can you also say something? Can you say daddy? Come on, beautiful, be a dear and say it. Daddy… daddy."

"What the hell are you doing?" Lou's voice boomed in the room, cutting him off. Charlie looked up and saw her just a few feet from where he sat, her eyes radiating furious sparks and her hands resting on her hips. The intensity of her stare was enough to intimidate Charlie and he rose to his feet self-consciously.

"I…" he started, but couldn't finish the thought. Louise came to stand before him in a couple of long strides and took Alice from his arms.

"What the hell do you think you are doing with my daughter?" Louise barked angrily, which made Alice burst out crying. Louise caressed her head, trying to calm her and spying Theresa at the kitchen door she said, "Tessie, please take Alice."

"What's wrong, Louise?" Theresa asked, as she took the crying toddler from her mother. From the kitchen she had heard her sister's angry voice and had come out to see what had happened.

Louise ignored her sister's questions and turned her attention back to Charlie. "Listen to me, drummer boy," she said, pointing a finger at the young man in a menacing gesture. "I thought we had this clear. My husband… only my husband is Alice's father, nobody else. I don't want you to interfere and confuse my daughter. Don't get any phony ideas into her head because I won't consent. Do you hear me, drummer boy?"

Even though Louise had always overwhelmed Charlie, making him shy and unsure, this time something changed. Her attitude had touched a nerve and something snapped inside him, which filled him with sheer fury. "Phony ideas like hell! I'm her father whether you like it or not and I have my rights! I'm tired of being taken for a fool! I'm not stupid and I'm not gonna let you play with me like you did in jail. I'm not going to drag myself before you or beg you for something that is mine by right."

Lou was taken aback by Charlie's angry speech. She had never seen this side of him before, but she wouldn't let herself be impressed by his words. She was beyond angry after catching him teaching Alice to call him daddy. She was already putting up with too much by accepting to have him around and this had been the last straw. "You're delusional!" she retorted unkindly. "Alice is not yours legally, and the law will never be on your side. You can't force me to accept a situation I don't want to. No judge will hear you out. You can't even prove you're her father for sure."

Charlie snorted. "Maybe not, but I can resort to other ways. I can make your life a living hell! I can tell many interesting stories about you to the decent folks in Rock Creek. Believe me. If I want to, I won't stop till the last citizen in this town knows what kind of woman you are. And no threats from your dear friends will stop me. I'd hate to do it because of Captain Carmichael. He doesn't deserve it, but if you make things difficult for me, I'll make sure you don't have an easy life either."

Lou stared at him with frightened eyes and Charlie simply turned on his heel and stormed out. Louise couldn't react, she couldn't speak and all she managed was to sweep her desperate eyes around the room until they fell on Theresa, who had been listening to the heated exchange in shocked silence. No words were necessary, none could express the anguish Louise was feeling. The world seemed to spin around her and she found herself falling into the darkest abyss.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

Christine looked at the clock hanging over the fireplace in Rachel's living room for the umpteenth time that evening. Still five minutes to the hour. After dinner, like every day Matt had gone to bed and the ladies had settled in the parlor. While Rachel set to make some repairs to a pile of clothes for her customers in the guest house, Christine knitted a little blanket for Jenny's baby girl. The women talked little. Actually, Christine was the only one who had opened her mouth all night as she explained her daily routine at the Rogers'. Rachel had responded to her account with monosyllables or by nodding her head, and at some point Christine had run out of topics to talk about and both ladies had lapsed into lengthy, uncomfortable silence. Rachel seemed more subdued than usual tonight, and Christine wondered why. It was understandable that Rachel felt insecure and jealous around her if it was true she had real feelings for Paul. Hopefully things would change from tonight. Christine just hoped that her hunch was right and she wasn't making a mistake, or otherwise, poor Paul would be up for another bitter disappointment.

Christine looked at the clock again. It was time. She put her knitting down and rose to her feet. "Rachel, I'll turn in now. I'm very tired."

Rachel plastered a smile on her lips and looked up briefly without stopping her motions with the needle. "Sweet dreams then." As Rachel heard Christine's steps finally reach the top floor, she tossed the garment in her hands into the basket furiously. She was so angry with herself. Things couldn't go on like this and she needed to get a grip of herself. Christine was her friend and she needed to see beyond her own matters. She couldn't continue with this attitude. It was too obvious. She needed to forget about Paul and be big enough to feel happy for him and Christine. How had she reached this stupid state of mind? It had to finish and quick.

A knock at the door interrupted her torturing thoughts. Wiping her wet eyes, she rose to her feet and ambled towards the front door.

"Paul?" she exclaimed in surprise when she found herself face to face with the man. A spring storm had broken and the rain fell steadily outside. His hat and jacket trickled down the water onto Rachel's porch as the rain had caught him by surprise.

"May I come in, Rachel?" he asked in a serious voice. Rachel stepped aside in silent permission and when Paul walked inside, she closed the door, wondering what Paul might want at this late time in the evening.

While Rachel stood in the middle of the room, waiting expectantly, he took his time removing his hat and coat and leaving them on the pegs by the door. He was a nervous wreck. The ring that Christine had helped him to choose was stuck safely in his pants pocket and even though he had reached as far as knocking at the door and stepping into the house, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to gather the courage to ask her the question. Maybe this was too rushed. What if he scared her away with his unexpected proposal? What if she laughed at his silliness? He didn't even know if Rachel felt the same for him and asking her to marry him was definitely crazy. But… wasn't love always crazy?

"Is something the matter, Paul?" Rachel asked, cutting off his mental ramblings.

He looked at her, thinking how lovely she looked tonight. Her blonde hair was pinned up in a bun, a few runaway wisps framing her pale face. The dull lighting in the room made her figure appear in a game of lights and shadows, and her beauty seemed to have boosted for the occasion. "I… I was wondering if I could have a word with you," he finally said.

Even though Rachel was more than surprised by Paul's sudden appearance tonight, her face didn't show any emotion and she simply said, "Please take a seat." As they sat across from each other on the sofas, Rachel was bold enough to ask about his intentions. "What do you want to talk to me about?"

Paul hesitated and after a brief pause he decided that he'd better get straight to the point. It made no sense to delay the matter longer than necessary. "Rachel, I came to talk about… to talk about us."

At his words Rachel stiffened. "Oh," she let out awkwardly.

"There's something very important I need to tell you."

"Please don't!" Rachel said suddenly, lifting her hand to him in a clear gesture. "Don't bother yourself. I know quite well what you want to say."

"You know?" Paul asked in obvious surprise.

"Of course I know!" Rachel exclaimed. "Who do you take me for? A fool? I have eyes, Paul, and I wasn't born yesterday."

"So this means…?"

"This means that we should stick to what we agreed on," Rachel stated firmly. "We should be spared of a situation which might make us uncomfortable. It wouldn't be fair, don't you think?"

Paul nodded morosely, understanding she was refusing him and his love, and at the same time thanking her for her consideration. "Yes, you're right," he muttered.

"I really wish you a full love life, Paul," Rachel replied, trying with all her mental strength to stop the emotion from showing in her shining eyes. "You're a good man, and I'm happy for the moments we shared. I hope we can keep being friends despite everything."

Paul nodded for the second time. There was nothing he could say. He had fallen again, and he wasn't sure what wound hurt most, his failure with Christine or with Rachel. At least, Rachel had been honest with him from the first and this was just an announced end to their story. He couldn't feel angry with her because Rachel hadn't done anything wrong. He had been the first one to set the terms of their strange association, and Rachel had respected them, unlike him.

"I guess there's nothing else for me to say," he said and rose to his feet. Neither spoke as he retrieved his hat and coat from the hangers and walked to the door. Rachel stood in the middle of the parlor, telling herself that she should say something and congratulate him, but she felt unable to do so. The few words that she had been able to utter had been too painful, and mentioning Christine and Paul in the same sentence was something that she still didn't have the strength for. So in silence she simply watched the door close and Paul slip out of her life forever.

Rachel stood there motionless, her chest throbbing painfully as if somebody had beaten her to a pulp. She had no energy and the tears pushed their way out strongly but she choked them back with stubborn determination. She wouldn't cry, she swore to herself. The reverberation of the door closing hadn't quite gone when she heard quick steps coming down the staircase, and as she looked up, she saw Christine's head appear. "Rachel, what happened? Where's Paul?" Christine asked, rushing to her friend once she checked Rachel was on her own.

"He's gone," Rachel answered in a plain voice. Naturally Christine had to know that Paul had come to reveal their secrets to her. Rachel tried not to show her annoyance, and did her best to show her indifference. "If you wanted something from him, you might still catch up with him. He can't have run too far."

"But what did you say?" Christine insisted, dreading her friend's answer. Paul's absence clearly showed that things hadn't gone as she had expected.

Christine's question clearly infuriated Rachel and all her intentions to keep calm and cool were gone as she exclaimed in a rage, "What the hell do you think I said? You want me to spell it out for you, Christine? I'm happy, ecstatic, blissful, joyful, delighted for the two of you, all right? Is that enough for you or should I write a speech?"

Christine was taken aback by Rachel's unexpected outburst. "What are you talking about? For the two of us? What kind of idea do you have in your mind? There's nothing between me and Paul."

"Yeah, right," Rachel replied sarcastically.

"Yes, Rachel, nothing. Why else would he come to propose to you?"

"What?" Rachel let out clumsily, her eyes as big as saucers. Christine's set expression told her without a doubt that she was telling the truth, that she had jumped to the wrong conclusions, and Rachel felt like the biggest fool on the surface of the earth. Without another word, she ran to the door and darted out, hoping it was not too late. "Paul! Paul!" she called desperately as she jumped into the rainy night. The darkness and the water streaming down her face and sneaking into her eyes made it difficult to spot anybody in the ample yard, and she continued calling his name over and over again.

"Paul!" she cried as she stopped and stood still in the silence of the night.

"What is it?" a voice resounded behind her and she turned round, pleased to find Paul under the shelter of her house eaves.

"Paul…" Rachel exhaled as she inched towards him. When she finally stood before the man, she smiled while asking, "What did you want to tell me before?"

Her question came out as a surprise, which reflected on Paul's stunned expression. "What is this, Rachel? We already said all there was to say."

"No, I got it all wrong. I thought you wanted to talk to me about you and Christine."

"Me and Christine?" Paul echoed in astonishment. "What on earth gave you that idea?"

"You and Christine seemed quite chummy lately, and you haven't touched me since she came here."

"Because you stopped talking to me! I thought you had got bored," Paul explained. "Christine encouraged me to talk to you and make sure what there was or wasn't between us."

Despite everything, Rachel burst out laughing. "Oh God, we're so stupid! We've behaved like a couple of teenagers!"

Paul smiled and taking a step closer, he took her hands in his. The rain kept falling, but neither seemed to care. "Rachel, I… I love you," Paul finally said, and the blonde woman's eyes filled with tears of emotions. "I just can't keep quiet about it any longer."

"I love you too," Rachel managed to utter.

Paul brought his wet hand to stroke her wet face. "Experience over the years has taught me that life is too short and frail to dilly-dally," he continued, trying to steady his voice, which sounded shivery and husky from the nerves and the emotion he was feeling. "Rachel, will you… will you marry me?"

Rachel was too moved to articulate a single sound. The tears rolled down her cheeks and all she managed was to nod her answer. Paul let out a whoop of joy and brought her against him, kissing her hair, her forehead, her face and then finally meeting her lips in an intense, heart-felt moment of passion. "Oh Rachel, you've made me the happiest man on earth."

Rachel smiled brightly through her tears when suddenly a voice resounded in the stillness of the night. "Hey, you two turtledoves! Come back inside before you catch your deaths! Or do you want to have your wedding in bed and run a raging fever?"

Rachel and Paul shared a smile when they saw Christine standing under the safe canopy of the porch, her arms folded over her chest, her pose resembling that of a mother scolding her very naughty small children. "We're coming, Chris," Paul said, and taking Rachel's hand, he started to steer her towards the house at a brisk pace. "I'd better give you the ring I bought for you in the house," Paul whispered, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "It wouldn't surprise me if Christine wanted to spank our backsides if we don't heed her!"

Rachel laughed as she followed her fiancé. Her fiancé, she repeated mentally. It sounded so incredible and strange, but not in a bad way. It was the most wonderful thing that had happened to her in a long time. Maybe marrying Paul was madness; they hadn't had the chance to know each other too well, but she didn't care. All that mattered was that she loved him, and she had the clear feeling that their marriage would work. She was positive, she was happy and above all, she was in love.

* * *

The previous night's rain had cleared the air for the sun to shine beautifully in the sky that morning. It was a warm day and not even a light breeze was blowing. There were beads of sweat on his forehead as he lifted his fist to knock at the door, but he stopped and dropped his hand as Charlie wondered what he was doing here. He wasn't sure if he'd come to the ranch to apologize or prove that he was serious about his intentions. He was very hurt by Louise's attitude; the way she treated him was uncalled for. He had never done her wrong as he remembered some other guards in jail had. He had simply followed her lead, letting her do with him whatever she wanted. In that time he had thought the world about her and his heart had been prisoner of this captivating woman. And then she had betrayed and despised him.

No, Louise didn't deserve his comprehension or leniency. He was entitled to demand his rights with their daughter and her nasty attitude pushed Charlie even further than he intended. Yet, things weren't so simple after all. By going against Louise, he would hurt Captain Carmichael, and that notion was what made Charlie reconsider his actions. He couldn't bring himself to harm the captain consciously, because if anything, Charlie was grateful for everything that Captain Carmichael had done for him during the war years. Even now Captain Carmichael treated him with civil affability when he had every right to hate him or at least dislike him, because after all he had slept with his wife, something that most men wouldn't accept. How could he carry out his threats to Louise when he knew what that would mean for his beloved captain? Hopefully, Louise would reconsider her attitude and he wouldn't have to do anything. But one thing was sure; nobody would take Charlie Giles for a fool anymore. He was the girl's father and he would make sure his rights were respected.

Charlie lifted his hand once again to knock at the Carmichaels' front door, but he stopped mid-air when voices from the open window reached his notice loud and clear.

"Come on, Lou. Get up from the sofa. You can't let this drag you to the bottom," Kid's voice was saying.

"I feel so miserable that I have no energy today," replied a very tiny voice that Charlie identified as Louise's.

"Honey, I'm sure Charlie won't do anything he told you about. I'll talk to him. I'm sure he didn't mean that. Things have been good so far and don't need to change."

"But he wants more and more," Lou bawled. "He wants Alice to call him daddy, and who knows what else."

"Lou, that's logical. He's her father."

"How can you be so cool about that, Kid?" Louise asked in a broken voice. "Doesn't it bother you?"

"Of course it does!" Kid exclaimed in an impatient tone. "It burns me inside. It breaks my soul, but what do you expect me to do? Throw a tantrum about something I cannot do anything about? The reality is that Charlie's Alice's father, not me, even though my heart tells me otherwise. Lou, we need to make this as easy as possible for the children… and also for us. We don't do ourselves any favors if we start a war with Charlie."

"Oh Kid! I just want a normal family, just you, me and the children. Why can't I have that? I've suffered too much already. Do I deserve to suffer all my life because of my past mistakes?"

"Of course not, honey," Kid added. "Everything will be fine, I promise. I don't plan to let anything make you unhappy. Things will work out, you'll see." There was a pause and as no word came from Lou, Kid continued, "Come on, Lou. Humor me and get up. Let's have a hot drink and one of your cookies in the kitchen."

Charlie then heard their steps moving and their voices becoming just murmurs until he couldn't hear anything else but silence. He stood on the porch uncertain, wondering whether to knock at the door or turn on his heel and leave.

"She's been crying all night," a feminine voice resounded behind him and as he turned round, he saw Theresa standing there. "I could hear her from my bedroom."

"That's not my fault," Charlie replied, trying to appear indifferent. "I have nothing against her. I just want to do what is right."

"Tell me something, Charlie. Why do you keep coming here?"

"To see my daughter," the young man replied in a tone that clearly implied that he was stating the obvious.

"Yes, but what for?"

"What for?" Charlie echoed in surprise. "She's my daughter… that's the reason."

"But what's the real reason? Please, Charlie, be sincere with yourself."

"I… I was curious about her, but now… I don't know. I like her," Charlie replied awkwardly. "And… and fathers are supposed to be with their children."

"Yes, that's true," Theresa conceded. "I know you have every right to be with Alice. All I want is for you to make sure your reasons justify making my sister and her husband miserable. You know this isn't easy for them and if you have some affection for them, I'd consider if my interest in Alice is genuine or just selfishness."

Charlie stared at Theresa in silence for a beat. "I have to go now," he finally said and without further ado he jumped onto his horse and rode out of the property as Theresa's words rolled in his mind over and over again.


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

A smile shone on her face as she admired her reflection in the vanity mirror. Today was the day. She was getting married and would become Mrs. Vaughn. Only a week had passed since Paul's strange proposal, but they had decided they didn't want to have a lengthy engagement. As Paul said, life was too short to waste time in conventions, so they had set the date for their wedding as soon as possible. The ceremony would be performed by Teaspoon and Kid had offered that they could get married and have a little reception on his ranch. So last night Rachel had stayed at her friends' property. Christine and Jennifer had arrived early the following day and all the ladies had been cooking the food for the reception, cleaning and giving the last touch to the house to make the wedding a memorable event in Rachel's life.

Everything was ready and the four women had finally locked themselves with Rachel in Lou's master bedroom to help the bride with her dress and hairdo. Being a widow and not a maid, Rachel hadn't thought it appropriate to be in white for her second wedding, so she had chosen simple attire, an embroidered cream blouse and a light blue skirt. Her hair was hung loose, embellished by tiny flowers scattered into her blonde curls. There was nothing elaborate in her appearance and Rachel told herself that she liked the woman smiling at her in the mirror. Above her head she caught sight of Lou, who was still struggling to subdue one of Rachel's rebellious curls into shape. Rachel noticed the hunted expression on her face; actually Louise had been quite glum since coming from Cottonwood. Rachel knew what the reason behind her low mood was, and she should have spoken to Lou before, but with the hassle of the wedding she had been unable to do so.

"Louise?" Rachel called and when Lou looked up to meet her eyes in the mirror, the bride added, "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong? Of course not!" Louise exclaimed, squeezing Rachel's shoulder affectionately. "I'm so happy for you and it's going to be a beautiful wedding."

"I'm not talking about that, Lou," Rachel added. "I'm just worried about you."

"I'm fine," Louise continued.

"Is it Charlie?" Jenny dared to step in, sharing a look with Christine and Theresa.

Lou sighed wearily and finally nodded. "Are things that bad with him?" Christine asked.

"Actually no. He's dropped by a couple of times after our argument but he hasn't shown up lately," Lou explained.

"He's gone to Fort Laramie for a few days," Theresa blurted out and that the ladies' strange stares, she blushed and added, "I simply heard it in town."

Louise sighed once again. "Who knows what he's up to?"

"Lou, do you still believe he might try to harm you and Kid?" Rachel asked. "Paul says he adored your husband when they were all part of the same regiment. He says Charlie has a good heart and wouldn't do anything against Kid. I think he threatened you in the heat of the moment but I imagine he didn't mean any of that."

"I think Rachel's right," Theresa added and the two other women nodded in agreement.

"But that's not what really bugs me," Lou said. "I'm afraid that he wants to gain more and more ground with my girl."

"Lou, you can't think anybody can steal Alice's affection from you," Rachel replied. "You're her mother and nobody can take your place."

"It's not that, Rachel," Louise continued. "I'm not worried about me, but… about Kid. I'm jealous for his sake, jealous of the fondness my daughter might have for a man other than my husband. I know it sounds strange, but it's how I feel," she added when she noticed the women's odd looks. "It's so unfair! Charlie comes here, intending to act as a father… or playing to be one, because that's all he does. He gets all smiles, games and laughter. But it's Kid who knows what struggling to look after our baby means. He misses hours of sleep when Alice is poorly, teething or simply doesn't want to sleep. He works so, so hard to make sure she has food to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over her head. He's the first one to go to her when she cries, the first one to check she's well tucked up every night, the first one to make her laugh, and he never gets tired of playing the same silly games with her over and over again. How can I smile and act as if it didn't bother me that our fleeting visitor tries to teach my daughter to call him daddy when he doesn't deserve it? It's not fair! Nobody but Kid deserves that name and I don't want Alice to love anybody but my husband as her daddy."

"Lou, honey," Rachel said, rising to her feet and passing an arm around her friend's shoulders, "we can't dictate who others should love. Gosh, we can't even decide who we can love."

"Yes, I know," Lou replied morosely, resting her head on Rachel's arm. She sighed and breathing in deeply, she added, "But well, let's not talk about me. Enough is enough and we have to get you married, Rachel Dunne."

The ladies smiled at Lou's words, which were followed by a flurry of activity as they quickly got ready to leave the room. Rachel took the bouquet of daisies and lilies that Jenny handed her and Theresa opened the door, leading the way towards the living room as she cried, "Here comes the bride!" The actual wedding would take place in Lou's ample parlor whereas they would have the subsequent celebration in the yard. Chairs had been arranged in rows in the living from for the family to sit on during the ceremony and Teaspoon stood waiting next to Paul in front of the fireplace.

Louise followed her sister and friends down the stairs while Rachel came behind her. As they reached the ground floor, the girls scurried to take their seats. Buck stood at the foot of the staircase, waiting for Rachel, since he was the one who would give the bride away. Rachel took Buck's outstretched arm and as they started to walk down the makeshift aisle, Louise approached to sit next to her husband. Her smile froze when she suddenly spotted Charlie and Joseph sitting side by side across from Kid. Louise took her seat by her husband, who held Alice in his lap, and absently tied the girl's loose-hanging bow on her pretty bonnet.

"He showed up and Paul told him he was welcome to stay," Kid said as he rightly guessed what hid his wife's weird expression.

"Just great," Lou muttered sarcastically. "Make Rachel's wedding a memorable day for Louise Carmichael."

"Lou please."

"I just can't stand this," Louise continued, plastering a fake smile on her lips as her eyes focused on Teaspoon as he made his usual opening speech to the wedding.

"I've been thinking that we could reach an agreement with him, set a schedule for him to see Alice." Louise sent him an annoyed sideways look and Kid added, "I told you already, honey, we need to make this as easy as possible."

Louise didn't reply to his comment and kept her attention on the wedding taking place in her home. The couple pledged their vows of love to each other and after exchanging the rings, Teaspoon pronounced them husband and wife, granting them permission to kiss. As the newlyweds joined in the kiss, Lou reminisced about her own wedding. Unlike the current one, hers had been very spontaneous and lonely, lacking the warmth that she could feel here as friends and family shared the couple's happiness on their day. Yet, Lou reflected, her wedding had been one of a kind. There had been no frills or special arrangements, just the two of them, bare of anything, which in a way showed what really mattered for the two of them.

After the wedding and the normal congratulations, a table was set in the yard for the reception. Everybody pitched in to bring the plates and pots with food that the ladies had prepared. Louise remained alone in the kitchen as she prepared something for Alice to eat. She carried the plate with soft food for her baby and as she crossed the threshold of her front door, she smiled on seeing her husband, his back to her, standing on the porch as he stared intently at something. When Lou came closer, Alice's cries of contentment reached her ears and it was then that she realized what Kid was looking at so attentively with which such a serious expression. Charlie was sitting on the bench, his back against the celebrating table and Alice sitting on his knees. He was making faces at the girl at times and then moving his legs, thus making Alice bounce on his lap. Her laughter and shrieks of delight left no doubt that she was having the time of her life.

Louise left the plate she was carrying on a little table on the porch and came behind her husband. She wrapped her arms around his torso, startling Kid, who hadn't noticed her presence till now. "Are you all right?" she asked as she brushed her face against his clean-shaven cheek.

"Yes," Kid replied, placing his hands over hers clasped on his chest. He turned his head to look at her eyes and added, "I was thinking that I hope Paul will be as happy as I've been since I married you."

Lou knew he was lying, but didn't say anything against it. Instead, she smiled and stretched her neck to meet his lips in a short but intense kiss. "Shall we join the celebration?" she asked and he nodded with a smile.

After picking up the plate for Alice, Lou followed her husband but before taking her seat, she stopped in front of Charlie. "Do you mind?" she said in a curt tone. "My daughter needs to eat." A sarcastic comment almost poured from her lips, but she managed to control herself. She knew Kid was right, and they had to make an effort and get on well with Charlie for everybody's welfare.

Charlie silently rose to pass the girl to her mother. Alice protested and started crying as Lou took her away from Charlie and his games. In her upset mood it was a real feat for Lou to feed Alice her food. She kept shifting her face away or swatting her mother's hand whenever she tried to get a spoonful of food into her mouth. "I think she wants to keep playing with Charlie," Joseph said as he ate from the plate his father had just served for him.

Kid and Lou shared a knowing, intense look, and Louise said, "Well, honey, you already know that eating times can't be missed. Your sister is very small, but that applies to her too, and she needs to learn things little by little."

"Yeah, but Ma, Charlie is so much fun," Joseph exclaimed. "He's like a big brother to me and Alice."

At the comment Lou looked mortified as she directed her gaze to her husband. Kid didn't meet her eyes. He seemed to be avoiding her on purpose and had turned to talk to Buck as apparently the conversation between his wife and son made him too uncomfortable.

Louise sighed and continued struggling to feed Alice. At some point the girl calmed down and welcomed her mother's feedings eagerly. She even snatched the spoon from Lou's grasp and stubbornly tried to eat by herself for a while, which resulted in her having stains all over her bib, a sleeve and the front of her dress and getting her chin and upper lip all covered in vegetable purée. After finishing, Lou excused herself from the table and went back to the house to change Alice's diaper and her stained dress.

When she returned about twenty minutes later, the newlyweds were cutting the wedding cake and handing it out to their guests. Louise had just eaten a few bites she had managed to grasp while battling to feed Alice, so she was eager to fill her almost empty stomach with the mouth-watering cake. She sank back on the place she had vacated before and tried to place Alice on her lap, but the girl protested and wouldn't let her. "What is it? Do you want to walk, Alice?" Lou asked and the girl nodded with a wide smile.

Louise put Alice down on the ground and the girl quickly wandered off. She rounded the big table and spotting her brother, Celeste and Matt playing, she briskly headed towards them. "Hey, Alice… Alice, come here!" Lou called, starting to get up from her seat with the intention to go after her, but stopped when Kid talked to her.

"Lou, relax," he said from across her. "I can watch her from here. It's natural she wants to be with the other children."

Louise didn't protest and just called Joseph, reminding him to be careful with his sister. As she ate her cake, Louise didn't avert her eyes from the children, especially her youngest. Lou had to smile as she watched her tiny daughter trying to imitate the older children in their games. Kid was right; she had to relax and not get so worked up, but it was something she couldn't help. She had been so close to losing her children in the past year that her attitude was somehow exaggerated as far as their safety and welfare were concerned. She was aware that she shouldn't become an obsessed mother, stifling and possessive, and leave her children the breathing space they needed. It was not easy but she was trying her best to loosen up.

It was a beautiful sight to see them together, Lou thought as she kept watching them. The children were growing up so quickly and it was a shame that these precious moments were so fleeting and brief. She wanted to imprint the image before her eyes for all the eternity… only the memories would remain with her forever. Her smile faltered as she noticed that for some reason Charlie had left the table and was eating his cake near where the children were playing.

Louise still didn't understand how he had the nerve to stay when he knew she was uncomfortable with him around. Charlie was making a show of himself and at the same time of Lou and Kid. Of course Charlie had nothing to lose, but Lou had felt on her own flesh what a bad reputation meant, and she didn't want to suffer the same and wouldn't allow her family to go though the same. Louise knew that her friends kept sending looks at her and Kid, presumably curious about their reactions to Charlie. She had even heard some ladies, acquaintances of Rachel's, ask about Charlie's identity. If things continued like this, Charlie wouldn't need to open his big mouth to taint her and Kid's reputation, just his unwelcome presence would be enough to make people question who he was.

"Alice!" Lou called loudly as she saw her daughter run after her brother. Yet, the warning came too late, and the girl tripped and fell heavily on the ground. Her body remained still for a second, lying on the dusty ground, apparently as she was bewildered to react straightaway. Then a piercing cry boomed out of her little body and she scrambled to her feet as quickly as she had fallen down. Weeping and wailing loudly, Alice ran towards where the adults were, her little hands flapping in front of her.

"Apple Pie!" Charlie called as he came closer to her, but the girl ignored him completely and kept running towards just one person, only one person and she raised her hands to him while she kept sobbing and weeping.

Kid bent over and scooped the girl up in her arms. "Beautiful, what happened? Did you take a tumble?" he asked as he checked that she hadn't got any bruises or injuries. There was a hole on the woolen stockings covering her right knee, but even though the flesh was red, there was no blood and her little palms were smeared with dust and some small rock fragments. "It's nothing, sweetheart. Nothing happened," Kid soothed her as he placed kisses on both her palms, which were surely sore from the impact against the ground.

"Kid…" Lou called as she came next to him and caressed her daughter's head.

"She's fine. It's more the scare than anything."

Louise wiped Alice's sore little hands with a wet rag and when she tried to take her from Kid, the girl still refused, wailing and hiccoughing. "Da!"

"Oh gosh, where is that dang silly toy now?" Lou grumbled irritated, thinking that she'd have to go back to the house to look for it.

"It's here, Ma!" Joseph said meekly, handing his mother the stuffed duck. He was worried that Alice had fallen and hurt herself because of him. "Is Alice fine?"

"Yes, honey," Lou replied, stroking his head, and when she tried to give the girl her toy, Alice tossed it away and repeated while looking at Kid in the eyes. "Da!"

Lou sighed, and stooped to pick the toy up again. This was Alice's favorite game now, dropping things and when somebody gave them back to her, she threw them back again, a very tiring entertainment for the person chosen to be her 'picker'. "Take your duck, honey, and don't drop it again!"

Despite her words, once again Alice pushed the toy off Lou's hand and to both Lou's and Kid's astonishment, she rested her head on Kid's shoulder and brushed her hand against his arm while she said in a soft tone, "Da…"

Realizing that her daughter wasn't asking for her duck, Lou's eyes fell with tears as she exchanged a gaze with Kid, who looked as moved as she was. He was hugging Alice as he hummed a song to her. He stretched his free arm to his wife, which she took in a silent gesture that spoke volumes. Suddenly, all her problems and worries disappeared with just one word, a wise, incomplete word from her baby. It was as if the weight of the whole world had been lifted from her shoulders and she could now breathe for real. And as Lou looked around, she noticed all her friends smiling, almost echoing her own feelings.

Then her eyes fell on Charlie, who was watching them, and Louise felt a guilty tug in her heart. This proved to her that she had nothing to fear, and that Charlie wasn't a threat to her family stability, and even though it was what her heart told her was right, strange feelings of guilt crept in her.

The young man came closer to them and asked, "Is she all right? By her cries one would think she was bleeding to death."

"She's okay. Just one of the many falls she will have to suffer," she said.

"She's an amazing little thing," Charlie continued, feeling a bit awkward. This was the first words he was talking to Louise after their heated argument, and after witnessing the tender moment between the toddler and Captain Carmichael, he was feeling kind of strange. "So small and she already knows where her affections lie and who her family is."

Kid and Lou shared an uncomfortable look, not sure what to say. "Yes, she's very clever," Kid finally said, caressing the girl's soft head.

"I… I was wondering if I could have a word with you, Captain, and your Missus. That was why I came here today."

"Sure," Kid replied and passed Alice to Theresa before he and Lou walked away from the group of people to find a spot where they could have some privacy. They stopped near the corral and for a while they stood in awkward silence until Charlie spoke up. "I wanted to tell you I'm leaving Rock Creek."

Kid and Lou shared a surprised look. "Leaving?" Louise echoed questioningly.

"I got myself a job in Fort Laramie," Charlie elaborated. "It's time I got settled and did an honest job. The sheriff in Fort Laramie needed deputies and I got the job."

"So you're leaving for good?" Kid asked.

"I guess. I might come to visit you… and Alice occasionally," Charlie replied, looking at Louise purposefully. "I hope you won't mind her receiving a visit from Uncle Charlie from time to time."

"Of course not," Lou said, feeling very little in comparison to the generosity Charlie was showing now.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Charlie continued. "I wasn't really serious about all that stuff. I would never harm you or your family."

"I also got carried away," Lou admitted. "We both acted wrong."

Charlie nodded. They lapsed into silence until the younger man spoke up again. "Well.., I guess it's time for me to leave."

"Won't you stay for a final toast and say goodbye to the children?" Kid asked.

Charlie shook his head. "I hate goodbyes. Better this way," he said as he walked to his horse, followed by Kid and Lou. "Please take care of yourselves and the small ones," he added from atop of his horse.

"And you look after yourself," Louise replied, and in a bold gesture she dared to reach for his hand and give it a squeeze.

Charlie smiled sheepishly, and feeling awkward at her touch in front of Captain Carmichael, he freed his hand from her hold. "Goodbye then."

"Ride safe, Little General," Kid said and lifted his hand in a gesture that echoed his times in the Pony Express. Charlie spurred his horse and rode away across the green prairie. Kid and Louise stood there, hand in hand, her head on his shoulder, staring at the horizon as rider and horse galloped away. The outline gradually became smaller and smaller and then they couldn't see him anymore, and Charlie was gone… out of their lives, out of their problems.


	45. Chapter 45

**Epilogue**

Theresa drove the wagon into the ranch as a smile shone on her radiant face. If her hunch was right, they'd be getting the best news today. It was high time. Ten months had passed since she had moved to Rock Creek with her sister, the best decision she had ever made, and in those months life had followed its course, leaving changes as it progressed.

After almost a lifetime as a lawman, Teaspoon had hung up his guns, to his family's surprise. Everybody had thought that Teaspoon would wear his badge until the day he died, but no, he had enough and now he spent his continuous free time visiting his family, especially the four children who were like the grandchildren he would never have. After Teaspoon had quit, Buck had taken the position, which hadn't sat well with Jenny initially, but little by little the woman was accepting her husband's new profession. Actually, something had changed since Buck had taken up marshalling, and the people of Rock Creek treated him and his family with the respect deserved by the man who defended their interests.

Rachel and Paul were enjoying their marriage as intensely as the first day. They were even considering adding a new member to their family. After their wedding, Christine had moved to town, where she had rented some rooms. She was still working for the Rogers' and also got a job with the seamstress. She was enjoying a peaceful existence with her son, and even though many suitors called at her door, she was happy just by herself. And the most talked-about event in the last months was that Louise was expecting her third child.

As the young woman drove along the path leading to the house, she could also see the changes that the place had gone through in the last ten months. There were now horses grazing in the corral, the stables had been extended and the fields in the southern side were blooming with the crops that would be harvested at the beginning of autumn. The business was starting to pick up; buyers were growing, but as Kid said, they still had a long road ahead.

Theresa lifted her hand and waved in greeting as she spotted her sister sitting on the swing. Kid was in front of the house, playing with the children. Alice was clasped on his back, playing piggyback, a favorite game between father and daughter, while Joseph was kneeling on the ground, playing with his marbles like usual.

"Hello, Aunt Theresa," Joseph said, a greeting with was immediately echoed by Alice's soft voice, who repeated everything everybody said in her own way.

"Hello, hello, my dears. And that includes you too, Kid," Theresa said, sharing a teasing smile with her brother-in-law as she walked towards the porch without stopping. She headed to her sister and sat down on the swing next to her. "How are you?" she asked as she brought her hand to stroke Lou's five-month grown middle.

"Good, we're good," Louise replied with a sweet smile. Ever since she had learned and let others know that she was pregnant, everybody was fussing over her in a way that she wasn't used to. Her previous pregnancies had been so different; she had been alone and there was nobody by her side who cared what was or wasn't going on with the child in her womb. And now she had the whole family watching and worrying about her as if she were a china vase that could crack at any moment. Sometimes Lou felt it was too much, but she knew that everybody meant well and she was learning to let her husband and the others look after her as it should have been the first two times too.

"I have a letter for you," Theresa announced and after a purposeful pause, she added, "It's from Jeremiah."

"Wh… what?" Lou exhaled in surprise. Theresa simply placed the letter in her sister's lap and Lou took it with trembling fingers and started reading it eagerly. When she finished, her face was of bewilderment. "He… he says he wants to see me next week."

Theresa smiled in satisfaction. "I know. We talked when I went to see him and Ruth last month." The strain between the two younger McCloud siblings had soothed thanks to Ruth's mediation. Theresa had travelled to Cottonwood and she had straightened things out with her brother. She wouldn't move back with him because she was too happy living in Rock Creek. It was thanks to Ruth as well that they had melted Jeremiah's ice heart a little about Lou and now they would receive him and Ruth the following week.

"I… I can't believe it," Lou muttered and on lifting her eyes she found Kid standing before her with a big smile. "Did you know about this?"

"Theresa told me but I wanted your brother to be the one to tell you and give you a surprise," Kid replied.

"But don't expect too much, Louise," Theresa said. "He's still difficult and pigheaded."

"But it's a first step," Kid added.

"Yes," Louise smiled as she leaned back on the swing, her arms crossed and her feet moving to and fro as she rocked. She sent a sideways look at her sister and noticed a white envelope showing out of her skirt pocket. "Did you get another letter from your secret admirer?"

"Uh… yeah," Theresa replied awkwardly as she self-consciously hid the second letter she had picked up from the post office this afternoon.

"I imagine he's not so secret for you," Louise commented pointedly, miffed that her sister wouldn't talk to her about her suitor. When Theresa didn't try to speak, she added, "Tessie, you should tell him to come and introduce himself to us."

"Lou…"

"I told you, Louise," Tessie said. "He moved out of town."

"And what kind of relationship do you expect to have with somebody who is miles away?" Louise asked, a question that didn't leave doubts about her opinion.

"We… we see each other when we can," Theresa explained awkwardly without giving too many details. She wasn't going to explain that she hadn't spent seven days in Cottonwood with her brother, but four, and she had been in Fort Laramie the other three.

"Theresa, I don't like you seeing a fella we don't know the first thing about. You're too young and who knows…"

"I have to go now," Theresa announced, cutting her sister off, and without giving the chance to say anything else, she scurried into the house.

Kid then sat down next to his wife and automatically his hand came to rest on her middle. "Lou, why don't you leave her alone? I'm sure she'll tell us when she thinks it suitable."

"I just don't want her to get harmed," Louise replied. "You know men often take advantage of young, naïve girls."

"She's not a fool, Lou. She'll be fine."

They lapsed into silence as they watched their children playing a few feet from them. Alice was sitting on the ground, playing with an old wheel-less toy train machine that had belonged to Joseph and her brother continued with his marbles. "What are you thinking about, Lou?" Kid asked after a while.

Louise leaned her head against his shoulder and said, "I was thinking about old times. I used to be kind of reckless about my own safety, and now I worry about everything and everybody. I've changed so much and so much has happened since those times I was a carefree, young rider."

"Yes, too much, but we're still together."

"Yes…" Lou breathed in a sad whisper. She still hurt when she thought of how much they had missed from each other because of her own selfishness.

"And we will have a long life together," he added, almost guessing her thoughts. His promise didn't have much weight since he couldn't assure what the future would hold for the two of them, but he was sure that even though the darkest clouds came over them, they could fight them together. "And I hope our children and friends also enjoy the same destiny as I did when I found you again."

Louise lifted her head to look into his blue eyes. "Can I tell you something Alistair Carmichael?" she asked, and at Kid's questioning look, she added, "Thank you for saving my life."

"What?" he let out, not understanding what she meant.

"I was dead and buried when our paths crossed again almost two years ago," she said. "I sometimes wonder where I would be if you weren't in my life, and what I see is nothing good."

"Sh!" Kid shushed her, placing a finger on her lips. "Lou, this is our present and our reality. Nothing else matters. Let's look ahead to our future and that of our children, nothing else."

"Yes, you're right."

"I know I am. I always am," Kid added teasingly.

"Hey!"

"Be quiet, Mrs. Carmichael. I keep telling you. You talk too much and we're going to miss the sunset."

"The sun won't set for a few hours yet," Lou replied with a little smile, pretty sure where he was heading.

"Really? Then we won't miss it even if we get a bit distracted, huh?" Kid asked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"I guess not," Louise murmured, her teeth biting her lower lip in eagerness. Kid grinned happily and as soon as she uttered those three words, his mouth captured hers, putting all his heart in a kiss that turned his insides as much as the first one they had shared so many years ago. The sun would set and rise, the stars would shine in the sky, the seasons would come and go, and there was another thing he was completely sure; he would love this woman until the day he died and no life was left in his mortal body.

**The End**


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